I regret having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just like a lot of life having kids is truly a crapshoot. I have teenagers and can’t relate at all to the sentiment of regret. My kids are the best part of my life and I am thankful for them every day. Do I feel frustrated with them sometimes? Sure I do. But they are the best thing to happen to me.

Are you satisfied with your life overall? I wonder how m7ch that matters. If you are generally happy with your life (job, spouse, house, education, friends) is it easier to enjoy your kids, however they are. Whereas if 2-3 or more of those things are missing or worse, are kids just the weight of everything, like someone having a first class seat tp watching you fail.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd ask Jeff to have this moved to the SN forum. I think that is driving a lot of your feelings. I have a SN child myself, also got diagnosis while pregnant with #2. It is very difficult.

You need to get yourself help from a therapist experienced with these issues and possibly medication. Your stresses are unique enough that I think the general parenting forum may not offer helpful input.

Where is your spouse in all of this? Do you have any extended family support or respite care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just like a lot of life having kids is truly a crapshoot. I have teenagers and can’t relate at all to the sentiment of regret. My kids are the best part of my life and I am thankful for them every day. Do I feel frustrated with them sometimes? Sure I do. But they are the best thing to happen to me.

Are you satisfied with your life overall? I wonder how m7ch that matters. If you are generally happy with your life (job, spouse, house, education, friends) is it easier to enjoy your kids, however they are. Whereas if 2-3 or more of those things are missing or worse, are kids just the weight of everything, like someone having a first class seat tp watching you fail.

I disagree with this. Kids can cause upset in a life that was fine before kids. Kids can derail careers, cause friction in marriages, money , and shift friendships. It’s great if your kids didn’t change any of that in your life but that is not always the case. That’s great for you but don’t be insensitive to how kids impact the lives of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just like a lot of life having kids is truly a crapshoot. I have teenagers and can’t relate at all to the sentiment of regret. My kids are the best part of my life and I am thankful for them every day. Do I feel frustrated with them sometimes? Sure I do. But they are the best thing to happen to me.

Are you satisfied with your life overall? I wonder how m7ch that matters. If you are generally happy with your life (job, spouse, house, education, friends) is it easier to enjoy your kids, however they are. Whereas if 2-3 or more of those things are missing or worse, are kids just the weight of everything, like someone having a first class seat tp watching you fail.

I disagree with this. Kids can cause upset in a life that was fine before kids. Kids can derail careers, cause friction in marriages, money , and shift friendships. It’s great if your kids didn’t change any of that in your life but that is not always the case. That’s great for you but don’t be insensitive to how kids impact the lives of others.

You disagree with me posing questions I've wondered about in trying to understand people who say kids are the best thing that happened to them? How do you disagree with a question... How is inquiring insensitive? That poster is happy with their kids to the point they are the best part of their life. How is my total lack of that great for me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I ask how it took until after number two was born (when the first one would have already been seven) for you to come to this realisation? Was it the stress of going from one to two kids?

This question is so dumb. Sometimes problems don't arise until teens. Sometimes problems arise when your kids are in their 20s.

The toddler years can be okay but when grow up and personalities begin to come out you begin to reflect on if youre happy you had them

To op, regret parenthood is real and should be disgusted.

PArenthood, especially motherhood more of than not is a thankless tiring job.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 typically developing kids and hopefully it will stay this way. Kids are 9, 7 and 4. My kids add a lot of stress to my life for sure. We are very tight financially because we chose private school, i value my alone time and with 3 kids I have very little of that.

I don’t think I have ever regretted having them, but sometimes I fantasize about running away from everyone to teach diving at a diving school in some tropical island. The thought of only having to take care of myself and living in a tropical paradise in a bikini or wetsuit all day, swimming in the water is super appealing to me.

DH knows about it and laughs. He says I would never be happy because teaching diving to a bunch of tourists would have no purpose to me.
He is right. My kids give purpose to my life. I know people find purpose in other ways, but my kids are mine. They are not everything and I enjoy my husband and my job, but without my crazy, loud, spoiled, screaming kids, I would feel utterly empty.

I think I felt this way even before having them so it’s not because I love them.
I realized that having a special need child is something I can’t relate to and perhaps I would feel differently in that case.

[Anonymous]

Having kids is a sacrifice.
I'm enjoying life before having a kid. Plus capitalism does not help too much to families, some politicians are against giving food stamps and they want us to have kids, kids to go hungry. They just care the kid from the womb, not after is born

[Anonymous]

I do dislike one child of mine. It's normal. They both have same help and equal things. But I secretly hate one of them. Can't wait for the one to leave

[Anonymous]

I really relate to much of this. Even with warnings and everything people say, it’s hard to truly understand how nonstop and endless it can seem without actually living it.

My best friend is leaning toward yes to kids but there’s been a long process to get there. Her husband is difficult, they both have mild mental health issues, and I think she is grossly underestimating how much harder this will all be with an actual child. Reading some of the comments here seems like seeing into her future in 5-10 years. But, what do I know. Life is uncertain. Feel like there’s only so much I can describe. Not my decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really relate to much of this. Even with warnings and everything people say, it’s hard to truly understand how nonstop and endless it can seem without actually living it.

My best friend is leaning toward yes to kids but there’s been a long process to get there. Her husband is difficult, they both have mild mental health issues, and I think she is grossly underestimating how much harder this will all be with an actual child. Reading some of the comments here seems like seeing into her future in 5-10 years. But, what do I know. Life is uncertain. Feel like there’s only so much I can describe. Not my decision.

I love my child and don't regret having one but I regularly advise people not to have kids. If there's any doubt, it should be a NO. It's hard enough when you're 100% into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see now how naive I was about what parenthood is like, and my reasons for wanting kids were short-sighted, stupid, and selfish.

And now I’m paying for it. I will never be free.

No need to feel sorry for my kids. They have a good life, and I block out these feelings during the day. It’s only at night when everyone is asleep and the house is quiet and still enough for these feelings to creep up that I’m overcome with sorrow.

That is all.

Provocative statements. And an interesting conversation starter. However, I don’t believe that you are a parent. You created this story for whatever reason and it has created an interesting conversation..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do dislike one child of mine. It's normal. They both have same help and equal things. But I secretly hate one of them. Can't wait for the one to leave

it’s not secret. They know. Unfortunately

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really relate to much of this. Even with warnings and everything people say, it’s hard to truly understand how nonstop and endless it can seem without actually living it.

My best friend is leaning toward yes to kids but there’s been a long process to get there. Her husband is difficult, they both have mild mental health issues, and I think she is grossly underestimating how much harder this will all be with an actual child. Reading some of the comments here seems like seeing into her future in 5-10 years. But, what do I know. Life is uncertain. Feel like there’s only so much I can describe. Not my decision.

She should really stop with one child. I cannot understate how much easier it is to balance those types of issues with one child, once you get past the preschool years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do dislike one child of mine. It's normal. They both have same help and equal things. But I secretly hate one of them. Can't wait for the one to leave

“Hate”? Come on! You are lying or you are a troll… you don’t hate your child. You might find him/her difficult and dislike parts of his/her personality, but you can’t possibly hate a child. And I say this as someone who is quickly admits that I have a child (out of 3) that I like the best.

[Anonymous]

I have major anxiety and stopped at one. I sometimes think I should not have a kid because my anxiety is so bad. I manage, but knew myself well enough to hard stop.

It has gotten better since he is older but the sleepless nights of sitting with anxiety filled thoughts has traumatized me. Never want to feel this again with another kid. Some people need to stop while ahead or do other things to fulfill them besides kids. I miss just worrying about myself. It’s exhausting caring for kids. I would never recommend kids to anyone, but I am happy for those who truly want and have the capacity to care for them. I’m glad people are talking more and normalizing choosing not to have kids. Just know your limits.