How does a woman know she’s attractive?

[Anonymous]

Welp this is confirming that I have not been attractive.
However, let me say this. I now, at 42, FEEL more attractive than I did when I was younger. I think I’ve started getting more attention now because I come off as more confident and secure.

I’ve been lucky to age well so my age adjusted attractiveness has increased.

[Anonymous]

This thread is very interesting and it’s gotten me thinking whether there are different types of ‘attractive to other women’ vs to ‘attractive to men.’ Many women throughout my life have told me I’m pretty - friends, extended family, older women, co-workers etc. Kids almost always like me right away and when I was younger kids would tell me I was pretty (I work in education so usually it would be a first day of school type thing). Men though have literally never said anything to me and I’ve never had anyone express anything I’d consider a reflection of them thinking I’m attractive. No free drinks when I was younger, no boys asking me out, no one offering to do me favors, nada. Most of the time I am invisible which is fine and definitely preferable to the alternative. I vividly remember telling a male friend that I liked him and his reaction was what I’d imagine if I looked like the Beast in Beauty and the Beast. He seemed disgusted and it was terribly humiliating. Anyway, I guess I assume most people who are attractive are fairly universally so, but maybe there are a few of us out there that are only good looking to one sex or the other??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In an overall, general sense, how does a woman know she’s attractive?

I was listening to a book analysis podcast which got me thinking. The hosts mentioned the supposed attractiveness of a main character from the view of the narrator, and then posed the point that, a woman can’t know for certain she’s generally/overall attractive just because her partner is attracted to her, because that’s subjective. She also can’t use her own perspective because she could be viewing herself narcissistically.

So how does a woman know she’s objectively attractive?

The number of times this topic comes up on DCUM is insane. I have been on many other forums and never in my life seen this topic come up so frequently.

Also, it’s extremely easy - if you are attractive, many, many people throughout your life will either tell you that or try to have a romantic relationship w you. It will happen frequently, and you can tell when you talk to people if you can command their attention bc you’re attractive. There’s no mistaking the kind of attention you get from others when you are attractive. Unless you’re a billionaire - in which case you may get the same kind of attention as an attractive person bc again people will be super interested in you.

^This, and now that I am a 50 yo - still fit, probably considered attractive "for my age", I'm still my age so I've become invisible to where most of that attention was coming from now. It's both disconcerting and freeing.

[Anonymous]

Noticeable male attention starting at puberty. People telling you starting at a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is very interesting and it’s gotten me thinking whether there are different types of ‘attractive to other women’ vs to ‘attractive to men.’ Many women throughout my life have told me I’m pretty - friends, extended family, older women, co-workers etc. Kids almost always like me right away and when I was younger kids would tell me I was pretty (I work in education so usually it would be a first day of school type thing). Men though have literally never said anything to me and I’ve never had anyone express anything I’d consider a reflection of them thinking I’m attractive. No free drinks when I was younger, no boys asking me out, no one offering to do me favors, nada. Most of the time I am invisible which is fine and definitely preferable to the alternative. I vividly remember telling a male friend that I liked him and his reaction was what I’d imagine if I looked like the Beast in Beauty and the Beast. He seemed disgusted and it was terribly humiliating. Anyway, I guess I assume most people who are attractive are fairly universally so, but maybe there are a few of us out there that are only good looking to one sex or the other??

There is a "look" that is pretty but plain because it is common. If you look unusual, an exotic (and therefor a less common type) pretty - that tends to garner more attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is very interesting and it’s gotten me thinking whether there are different types of ‘attractive to other women’ vs to ‘attractive to men.’ Many women throughout my life have told me I’m pretty - friends, extended family, older women, co-workers etc. Kids almost always like me right away and when I was younger kids would tell me I was pretty (I work in education so usually it would be a first day of school type thing). Men though have literally never said anything to me and I’ve never had anyone express anything I’d consider a reflection of them thinking I’m attractive. No free drinks when I was younger, no boys asking me out, no one offering to do me favors, nada. Most of the time I am invisible which is fine and definitely preferable to the alternative. I vividly remember telling a male friend that I liked him and his reaction was what I’d imagine if I looked like the Beast in Beauty and the Beast. He seemed disgusted and it was terribly humiliating. Anyway, I guess I assume most people who are attractive are fairly universally so, but maybe there are a few of us out there that are only good looking to one sex or the other??

There is a "look" that is pretty but plain because it is common. If you look unusual, an exotic (and therefor a less common type) pretty - that tends to garner more attention.

I actually think the opposite - women tend to react more to women who are pretty in an unusual or striking way - men react more to girl-next-door types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is very interesting and it’s gotten me thinking whether there are different types of ‘attractive to other women’ vs to ‘attractive to men.’ Many women throughout my life have told me I’m pretty - friends, extended family, older women, co-workers etc. Kids almost always like me right away and when I was younger kids would tell me I was pretty (I work in education so usually it would be a first day of school type thing). Men though have literally never said anything to me and I’ve never had anyone express anything I’d consider a reflection of them thinking I’m attractive. No free drinks when I was younger, no boys asking me out, no one offering to do me favors, nada. Most of the time I am invisible which is fine and definitely preferable to the alternative. I vividly remember telling a male friend that I liked him and his reaction was what I’d imagine if I looked like the Beast in Beauty and the Beast. He seemed disgusted and it was terribly humiliating. Anyway, I guess I assume most people who are attractive are fairly universally so, but maybe there are a few of us out there that are only good looking to one sex or the other??

At a wedding once, the wife of one of DH friends said I was “hot” and it was a bigger compliment to my self-esteem than any attention I’ve ever gotten from men.

[Anonymous]

I think I'm pretty attractive. Never had trouble getting male attention, sexually/objectively, even at times when I was a little underweight and a little thicker than I'd have liked.

People give me what I want but sometimes also underestimate me if they do not know me, professionally. Women are sometimes rude/intimidated. Men are a little hesitant (this is a thing: more attractive women aren't always paid attention because people assume you're taken or not interested, and they are usually right), the usual honks/whistles while taking a walk. Been took I look like a number of celebs, most of whom are attractive (there's one I'd rather not look like but oh well). Friends have genuinely complimented me in a way that I know they are not lying (like you wouldn't tell a dumb person they are very very smart in a birthday card or something).

I would want to not be attractive but it's not always a win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welp this is confirming that I have not been attractive.
However, let me say this. I now, at 42, FEEL more attractive than I did when I was younger. I think I’ve started getting more attention now because I come off as more confident and secure.

I’ve been lucky to age well so my age adjusted attractiveness has increased.

I am the same. I never got any attention when I was young and was a real plain Jane. Now I my late 30s I see men looking at me. I look pretty much the same but since I kept my nice figure and hair I look better than many women in my peer group.
I get a lot of compliments from women these days too.