Taking adult child’s boyfriend on vacation - sleeping arrangement???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 rooms. One for parents, One for siblings, One for the adult couple.

This is the ONLY answer.

This is the bare minimum.

We’d absolutely get 4 rooms because HS/College siblings of opposite sex don’t want to share a hotel room either (unless it’s a 2 BR). Do you people not require any kind of privacy?

[Anonymous]

When I was a kid, my family of 5 shared a hotel room and it was also fine for us. It meant that my parents had extra money to take us out out to eat to do extra fun stuff so we were happy to share. If you grow up with it, the arrangement seems pretty normal. And now, as a family of 4, my spouse, kids and I do the same thing.

For OP’s situation, I think asking your daughter is also a good idea. And either way, you sound like a fun, easy going group and I hope you have a great vacation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you for all the good advice. I guess there really isn’t a cut and dry answer. To clarify a few things…

The other kids are college girl and HS boy.

Saying it might not set a good example was poorly worded. I guess I meant that it could make them uncomfortable, especially her little brother. Her sister couldn’t care less.

The boyfriend is extremely outgoing and will happily just roll with whatever setup we decide on. He has spent lots of time with us and our other kids adore him.

We are inviting him because we genuinely think it would be fun to have him there. It was our idea, not theirs.

Our family vacations have always been all 5 of us crammed in a hotel room. Our kids prefer that to vacation rentals because it’s just easier. So having 4 in a room is going to feel spacious to my other kids. Lol.

I had not thought of putting all four “kids” together. I am leaning towards just asking dd what she would be comfortable with.

Your family of five, with two college-age kids and another teen, usually shares one single hotel room? Do you put two kids in a bed and one on the floor? They’re practically all adults. Something seems off to me here.

Op here. Now that they are older, we make sure to get a pull-out sofa. The girls share a bed and ds sleeps on the pull-out. Our “vacations” tend to be very active/exhausting, so we spend very little time in the room. We have done vacations, such as ski trios, where tou need rest days and more time in our accommodations. We get VRBOs for those trips.

[Anonymous]

I'd totally do kids in one room, you and DH in the other. These are college kids. At that age I was renting hotel rooms and crashing on the floor with 8+ people! If you are paying for the trip, you get a nice room. Your kids already are ahead if they are used to staying 5 to a room and now are down to 4 with no parents. It sounds like they all are flexible travelers who will make it work and having a "kids" room could be fun for them. Ideally you'd get a suite though with a couch or room for an air mattress in case brother/sister or brother/boyfriend don't want to share a bed. I'd leave it to them to work out the exact sleeping arrangements.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t afford enough hotel rooms to make people feel comfortable on the vacation, you can’t afford the “vacation.” Three rooms or don’t go. Just no. YOU are the crazy ILs everyone complains about, and you’re not even ILs yet!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford enough hotel rooms to make people feel comfortable on the vacation, you can’t afford the “vacation.” Three rooms or don’t go. Just no. YOU are the crazy ILs everyone complains about, and you’re not even ILs yet!!!

This is ridiculous. I've car camped for beach vacations and those are some of my best childhood memories. You don't have to be rich to enjoy a vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford enough hotel rooms to make people feel comfortable on the vacation, you can’t afford the “vacation.” Three rooms or don’t go. Just no. YOU are the crazy ILs everyone complains about, and you’re not even ILs yet!!!

This is ridiculous. I've car camped for beach vacations and those are some of my best childhood memories. You don't have to be rich to enjoy a vacation

If it’s family only and the point and premise are “car camp on the beach,” fine. If the point and premise is “girlfriend’s family is ‘treating’ me to ‘vacation’” then you have to have enough hotel rooms for people. Or change your freaking plans to camping or whatever. A teenage girl in the same room as her older sister and boyfriend?! You people are absolutely bonkers.

[Anonymous]

"kids room" is 100% better than splitting by gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford enough hotel rooms to make people feel comfortable on the vacation, you can’t afford the “vacation.” Three rooms or don’t go. Just no. YOU are the crazy ILs everyone complains about, and you’re not even ILs yet!!!

Bullsh*t. My family vacations were one hotel room for a family of 5.

[Anonymous]

Can people stop suggesting 3 rooms now? OP said they're used to piling 5 into a room. 3 rooms ain't happening here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re adults. Let them sleep together. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to sleep in a room with my MIL and SIL, so I’d likely decline any trip that has that stipulation. He may feel the same.

No, boys and girls rooms until marriage. You want to promote this behavior in front of the siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re adults. Let them sleep together. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to sleep in a room with my MIL and SIL, so I’d likely decline any trip that has that stipulation. He may feel the same.

No, boys and girls rooms until marriage. You want to promote this behavior in front of the siblings?

Ooh what “behavior”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no world in which I'd do this trip with two hotel rooms.

You're either creating a guys/girls situation, which will be incredibly awkward for your daughter and her boyfriend - he, especially, should have the opportunity to have a bit of privacy in the midst of your family.

Or you're putting your kid/her boyfriend in their own room while you and your other kids share a room and somehow giving their relationship primacy over that of you/your spouse.

Exactly. I'd either a) not bring the boyfriend on this trip because of this issue b) get 3 rooms or c) get a house.

My now in-laws did me dirty on a trip one time. I was 25, so had lived on my own for a bit. And then insisted I share a bed with my my boyfriend's sister AND her toddler instead of letting me sleep on the pull out couch with my boyfriend. It was so awkward for me and I was pretty upset about it. I went along with it at the time, because no one discussed it AHEAD of time. There was a room with bunk beds I thought we would take, but my inlaws claimed that because they didn't want the pull out. Ok but then we need another room here!! When I was 21 I probably would have cared a LOT less though, I will say that.

So you are already ahead of the curve that you are thinking about this now, and not on arrival. Kudos for that! But also as people become adults they want privacy, so keep that in mind. 21 is still young but they are getting there fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can people stop suggesting 3 rooms now? OP said they're used to piling 5 into a room. 3 rooms ain't happening here.

Then the boyfriend tagging along just shouldn’t be happening. It’s just weird and inappropriate to make your two teenage kids share a room with your adult daughter and her boyfriend (regardless of whether they claim to be okay with it) and also wildly unfair to expect your two teenage kids to bunk with their parents for a vacation so that adult daughter and boyfriend(who presumably aren’t contributing to the vacation cost) can have their own room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can people stop suggesting 3 rooms now? OP said they're used to piling 5 into a room. 3 rooms ain't happening here.

Then the boyfriend tagging along just shouldn’t be happening. It’s just weird and inappropriate to make your two teenage kids share a room with your adult daughter and her boyfriend (regardless of whether they claim to be okay with it) and also wildly unfair to expect your two teenage kids to bunk with their parents for a vacation so that adult daughter and boyfriend(who presumably aren’t contributing to the vacation cost) can have their own room.

It's 3 college kids and a HS kid so I really don't think it's that weird. When I was in college I piled into many a hotel room with 6+ people, some I knew better than others.