HATE OUR BIG 3 too late to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really struggling- for a variety of reasons (too identifying to get into but having to do with school culture/how they have handled things with one child) I have come to really dislike our Big 3. We have a rising senior and another High schooler (older than 9th). I feel like its way too late to pull the plug, obviously for our senior. We have spent so much of our savings on this investment and I feel trapped. Obviously we want to do what is best for our kid and pulling a rising senior is not in the cards. Would you pull the younger kid? They are pretty happy and want to stay.

I feel disengaged and even hostile to the school (sorry I really am not being coy- but the details are too revealing). I just pay up and shut up, right?

No
You are the consumer this is a business decision you are buying an education.

You get one shot as a parent to do this right.

There are no handcuffs here. Make a change for the younger kid. The older one only if these issues will mess up college etc otherwise that one is settled but the younger one why in the world would you stay.

We moved back to MCPS by 10th grade. For us the math & science where mine excelled just wasn't there. My kids were fine and ended up at schools for them like MIT & CMU.

Oh come on, it’s very reductionist to call education a consumer purchase. Consumers also demand better service and to speak to the manager. I see it as a social contract in which yes there’s a certain product and expectation but the offering is complex (not just academic or athletic; the values, the peer group, the facilities, the things that make up life, the alumni, the boyfriend/girlfriend pool), and my expectations never include treating the admin as a mere service provider of teachers as employees. I think that’s where things go south for many parents.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, not DMV, but we are at the same point with our private, but also feel disillusioned and stuck. For us, it is a series of errors/judgment issues over many years (think: bungled curriculum changes, admissions policies and outplacement performance (not directly affecting us, to be clear), and treatment of one child in a discrete area). I agree with one of the above posters that these schools are not perfect and there is a culture of secrecy and denial about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP Here- sorry I sound "dramatic." I get it: it's annoying I vented and said I hate the school and won't give the juicy details. But isn't it the point? This is an anonymous place to vent?
Obviously if we felt happy and comfortable with the school and administration we would be talking about it with them.
1. Its not about college list
2. Its not about other parents or social drama
3. It is about a bigger issue with our child that any of you would be upset about.

That's it. I'm out, but I thank those of you who were helpful and who reminded me that yes it's about the kids and as long as they are ok we need to suck it up and pay for a few more years bc leaving may create bigger problems for our kid.

Good move, but why don’t you ask mod to remove the thread since you took a big stinking dump on my school in the headline with no evidence whatsoever?

You can tell which school from the headline? You’re psychic!

Several PPs can tell from the fact that she’s posted previously and has a peculiar way of writing and a weird iPhone self correct. Also there’s 1/3 chance isn’t there? So probably bang on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, not DMV, but we are at the same point with our private, but also feel disillusioned and stuck. For us, it is a series of errors/judgment issues over many years (think: bungled curriculum changes, admissions policies and outplacement performance (not directly affecting us, to be clear), and treatment of one child in a discrete area). I agree with one of the above posters that these schools are not perfect and there is a culture of secrecy and denial about that.

Boom! And that’s how you write a message if you want feedback

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP Here- sorry I sound "dramatic." I get it: it's annoying I vented and said I hate the school and won't give the juicy details. But isn't it the point? This is an anonymous place to vent?
Obviously if we felt happy and comfortable with the school and administration we would be talking about it with them.
1. Its not about college list
2. Its not about other parents or social drama
3. It is about a bigger issue with our child that any of you would be upset about.

That's it. I'm out, but I thank those of you who were helpful and who reminded me that yes it's about the kids and as long as they are ok we need to suck it up and pay for a few more years bc leaving may create bigger problems for our kid.

Good move, but why don’t you ask mod to remove the thread since you took a big stinking dump on my school in the headline with no evidence whatsoever?

You can tell which school from the headline? You’re psychic!

Several PPs can tell from the fact that she’s posted previously and has a peculiar way of writing and a weird iPhone self correct. Also there’s 1/3 chance isn’t there? So probably bang on

Then name it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I recognize the capitalized use of “nirvana” in previous posts. Of course you can move; many people do, and without so much handwringing.
But if you are who I think you are, this is about your own feelings of inadequacy and like the school is not doing enough for your $$$. That’s not how that works here.
If you move your kid to a public you’ll improve your admission chances, according to dcum. So go for it, but be honest why. I doubt there’s a school that would satisfy Mrs. Bucket here.
Half your post wasn’t even asking any question just smearing the Big3 and without telling why. Gross.

Um Op Here. I have no idea who you think I am and what you are talking about with Nirvana. Sorry for capitalizing nirvana I was typing on a phone.Its has ZERO to do with college admissions chances. The kid's college chances would be WORSE if they left in 12th- which is why I posted that we feel stuck. I'm not biting and getting specific which I know makes it difficult too give advice but it really would be identifying.

to the other PP I have a bunch of parent friends at the school. . We like the parents. It has nothing to do with that.

I don't know why people are convinced they know things they don't and are so hostile. I'm really asking other parents in the same situation if they would suck it up and stay. It costs a lot for our family and doesn't feel good to be making major financial investments in something we no longer believe in. If this was 6th grade, 8th grade - no brainer we would be out. But I am hearing loud and clear that short of it becoming intolerable for our child, which its not, we need to stay.

OP - I said earlier that I think you should stay because younger is happy and older will be senior. I also do not like our HS (and feel your pain) but I have always separated that from the financial cost. We decided to choose private as the right choice for our child's education. Part of that choice was whether we were willing to pay the price. Over time, I've seen families get themselves in a bad spot when they start trying to equate the cost of private with expectations to get something in return. Or questioning whether they are getting $50K/yr worth of "something". It is much healthier to decide whether private is what you want for your child and then live with it or change course if it doesn't work (which you are asking about). It should never be that you are paying with expectation of college outcomes or to have a school that jumps at every need. Very few people will get traction at a school saying "we deserve X because we pay so much". (I'm not accusing you of this...just saying it in general).

Let's be honest - no school is perfect and no school environment is perfect. The reason I don't like our school is that they don't do a great job at caring about the kids and they assume every parent is unreasonable. I don't see this changing so I generally don't engage on those fronts.

At this point it seems like leaving would create a lot of instability for your children and I personally would want to avoid that. You already made a decision to pay for private to finish out to 12th. I think you'll be happier if you let the financial part go as a decision already made.

I wish you luck and am sorry about the other people here dumping on you. (And I think it's hilarious that others are sure they know who you are - these people seem crazy to me)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP Here- sorry I sound "dramatic." I get it: it's annoying I vented and said I hate the school and won't give the juicy details. But isn't it the point? This is an anonymous place to vent?
Obviously if we felt happy and comfortable with the school and administration we would be talking about it with them.
1. Its not about college list
2. Its not about other parents or social drama
3. It is about a bigger issue with our child that any of you would be upset about.

That's it. I'm out, but I thank those of you who were helpful and who reminded me that yes it's about the kids and as long as they are ok we need to suck it up and pay for a few more years bc leaving may create bigger problems for our kid.

It’s not annoying that you won’t give the juicy details (which are probably not juicy at all). I think people care that you’re time-wasting and lashing out. It feels manipulative. I have something to tell you oh but I can’t tell you is a toxic person trait and attention seeking behavior. There are many ways to say it without identifying your child. None of my business but I suggest a professional therapist, it sounds like the family could use help (not being facetious).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP Here- sorry I sound "dramatic." I get it: it's annoying I vented and said I hate the school and won't give the juicy details. But isn't it the point? This is an anonymous place to vent?
Obviously if we felt happy and comfortable with the school and administration we would be talking about it with them.
1. Its not about college list
2. Its not about other parents or social drama
3. It is about a bigger issue with our child that any of you would be upset about.

That's it. I'm out, but I thank those of you who were helpful and who reminded me that yes it's about the kids and as long as they are ok we need to suck it up and pay for a few more years bc leaving may create bigger problems for our kid.

Good move, but why don’t you ask mod to remove the thread since you took a big stinking dump on my school in the headline with no evidence whatsoever?

You can tell which school from the headline? You’re psychic!

Several PPs can tell from the fact that she’s posted previously and has a peculiar way of writing and a weird iPhone self correct. Also there’s 1/3 chance isn’t there? So probably bang on

Then name it.

Not my style, I respect that the value proposition of this board is the anonymity. But I’m pretty sure I know. And so are the others. We are 33.3% correct in any event

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP Here- sorry I sound "dramatic." I get it: it's annoying I vented and said I hate the school and won't give the juicy details. But isn't it the point? This is an anonymous place to vent?
Obviously if we felt happy and comfortable with the school and administration we would be talking about it with them.
1. Its not about college list
2. Its not about other parents or social drama
3. It is about a bigger issue with our child that any of you would be upset about.

That's it. I'm out, but I thank those of you who were helpful and who reminded me that yes it's about the kids and as long as they are ok we need to suck it up and pay for a few more years bc leaving may create bigger problems for our kid.

Good move, but why don’t you ask mod to remove the thread since you took a big stinking dump on my school in the headline with no evidence whatsoever?

I'm not OP and they never listed the school or gave any identifying information. The rest of you are just speculating.

[Anonymous]

If the kids are comfortable, I would keep them there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP Here- sorry I sound "dramatic." I get it: it's annoying I vented and said I hate the school and won't give the juicy details. But isn't it the point? This is an anonymous place to vent?
Obviously if we felt happy and comfortable with the school and administration we would be talking about it with them.
1. Its not about college list
2. Its not about other parents or social drama
3. It is about a bigger issue with our child that any of you would be upset about.

That's it. I'm out, but I thank those of you who were helpful and who reminded me that yes it's about the kids and as long as they are ok we need to suck it up and pay for a few more years bc leaving may create bigger problems for our kid.

If it’s about the kid, how come they are not upset about the bigger issue? But you are and you are worried about creating even bigger issues by leaving. This is so weird.

She said younger kid is happy. She did NOT say older was happy - just that it was pretty unreasonable to move them at this point (unless public, they wouldn't be able to anyway given admissions cycles)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I recognize the capitalized use of “nirvana” in previous posts. Of course you can move; many people do, and without so much handwringing.
But if you are who I think you are, this is about your own feelings of inadequacy and like the school is not doing enough for your $$$. That’s not how that works here.
If you move your kid to a public you’ll improve your admission chances, according to dcum. So go for it, but be honest why. I doubt there’s a school that would satisfy Mrs. Bucket here.
Half your post wasn’t even asking any question just smearing the Big3 and without telling why. Gross.

Um Op Here. I have no idea who you think I am and what you are talking about with Nirvana. Sorry for capitalizing nirvana I was typing on a phone.Its has ZERO to do with college admissions chances. The kid's college chances would be WORSE if they left in 12th- which is why I posted that we feel stuck. I'm not biting and getting specific which I know makes it difficult too give advice but it really would be identifying.

to the other PP I have a bunch of parent friends at the school. . We like the parents. It has nothing to do with that.

I don't know why people are convinced they know things they don't and are so hostile. I'm really asking other parents in the same situation if they would suck it up and stay. It costs a lot for our family and doesn't feel good to be making major financial investments in something we no longer believe in. If this was 6th grade, 8th grade - no brainer we would be out. But I am hearing loud and clear that short of it becoming intolerable for our child, which its not, we need to stay.

OP - I said earlier that I think you should stay because younger is happy and older will be senior. I also do not like our HS (and feel your pain) but I have always separated that from the financial cost. We decided to choose private as the right choice for our child's education. Part of that choice was whether we were willing to pay the price. Over time, I've seen families get themselves in a bad spot when they start trying to equate the cost of private with expectations to get something in return. Or questioning whether they are getting $50K/yr worth of "something". It is much healthier to decide whether private is what you want for your child and then live with it or change course if it doesn't work (which you are asking about). It should never be that you are paying with expectation of college outcomes or to have a school that jumps at every need. Very few people will get traction at a school saying "we deserve X because we pay so much". (I'm not accusing you of this...just saying it in general).

Let's be honest - no school is perfect and no school environment is perfect. The reason I don't like our school is that they don't do a great job at caring about the kids and they assume every parent is unreasonable. I don't see this changing so I generally don't engage on those fronts.

At this point it seems like leaving would create a lot of instability for your children and I personally would want to avoid that. You already made a decision to pay for private to finish out to 12th. I think you'll be happier if you let the financial part go as a decision already made.

I wish you luck and am sorry about the other people here dumping on you. (And I think it's hilarious that others are sure they know who you are - these people seem crazy to me)

Odds are 1:3 they are right. It’s not quantitative physics here. Chances are it’s the particular Big 3 because two children are more likely than one child to be of different genders. Logic.

And also weird sentences. Could be wrong but only 2:3 odds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP Here- sorry I sound "dramatic." I get it: it's annoying I vented and said I hate the school and won't give the juicy details. But isn't it the point? This is an anonymous place to vent?
Obviously if we felt happy and comfortable with the school and administration we would be talking about it with them.
1. Its not about college list
2. Its not about other parents or social drama
3. It is about a bigger issue with our child that any of you would be upset about.

That's it. I'm out, but I thank those of you who were helpful and who reminded me that yes it's about the kids and as long as they are ok we need to suck it up and pay for a few more years bc leaving may create bigger problems for our kid.

Good move, but why don’t you ask mod to remove the thread since you took a big stinking dump on my school in the headline with no evidence whatsoever?

You can tell which school from the headline? You’re psychic!

Several PPs can tell from the fact that she’s posted previously and has a peculiar way of writing and a weird iPhone self correct. Also there’s 1/3 chance isn’t there? So probably bang on

Then name it.

Not my style, I respect that the value proposition of this board is the anonymity. But I’m pretty sure I know. And so are the others. We are 33.3% correct in any event

Yet you are bullying the OP by saying, “We know who you are and where your kids go to school!” So much for your belief in anonymity.

And you are 66.6% wrong in any event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP Here- sorry I sound "dramatic." I get it: it's annoying I vented and said I hate the school and won't give the juicy details. But isn't it the point? This is an anonymous place to vent?
Obviously if we felt happy and comfortable with the school and administration we would be talking about it with them.
1. Its not about college list
2. Its not about other parents or social drama
3. It is about a bigger issue with our child that any of you would be upset about.

That's it. I'm out, but I thank those of you who were helpful and who reminded me that yes it's about the kids and as long as they are ok we need to suck it up and pay for a few more years bc leaving may create bigger problems for our kid.

If it’s about the kid, how come they are not upset about the bigger issue? But you are and you are worried about creating even bigger issues by leaving. This is so weird.

She said younger kid is happy. She did NOT say older was happy - just that it was pretty unreasonable to move them at this point (unless public, they wouldn't be able to anyway given admissions cycles)

She didn’t say the older kid was unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP Here- sorry I sound "dramatic." I get it: it's annoying I vented and said I hate the school and won't give the juicy details. But isn't it the point? This is an anonymous place to vent?
Obviously if we felt happy and comfortable with the school and administration we would be talking about it with them.
1. Its not about college list
2. Its not about other parents or social drama
3. It is about a bigger issue with our child that any of you would be upset about.

That's it. I'm out, but I thank those of you who were helpful and who reminded me that yes it's about the kids and as long as they are ok we need to suck it up and pay for a few more years bc leaving may create bigger problems for our kid.

Good move, but why don’t you ask mod to remove the thread since you took a big stinking dump on my school in the headline with no evidence whatsoever?

You can tell which school from the headline? You’re psychic!

Several PPs can tell from the fact that she’s posted previously and has a peculiar way of writing and a weird iPhone self correct. Also there’s 1/3 chance isn’t there? So probably bang on

Then name it.

Not my style, I respect that the value proposition of this board is the anonymity. But I’m pretty sure I know. And so are the others. We are 33.3% correct in any event

Yet you are bullying the OP by saying, “We know who you are and where your kids go to school!” So much for your belief in anonymity.

And you are 66.6% wrong in any event.

Not bullying. Just stating the fact.