HATE OUR BIG 3 too late to leave?

[Anonymous]

I'm really struggling- for a variety of reasons (too identifying to get into but having to do with school culture/how they have handled things with one child) I have come to really dislike our Big 3. We have a rising senior and another High schooler (older than 9th). I feel like its way too late to pull the plug, obviously for our senior. We have spent so much of our savings on this investment and I feel trapped. Obviously we want to do what is best for our kid and pulling a rising senior is not in the cards. Would you pull the younger kid? They are pretty happy and want to stay.

I feel disengaged and even hostile to the school (sorry I really am not being coy- but the details are too revealing). I just pay up and shut up, right?

[Anonymous]

If your kid is happy, I think you suck it up and keep him there. It should be about him, not you.

[Anonymous]

It always comes down to whether you have a better option elsewhere, OP. You can hate this school til kingdom come, but if you have no good alternative...

[Anonymous]

Without details, it's hard to picture a problem big enough that you would consider leaving that isn't impacting the happiness/wellbeing of your child.

You should do whatever's in your child's best interest. And by high school, your child's opinion counts for a lot.

[Anonymous]

You don't transfer a happy HS kid. Yes, you suck it up and pay tuition. And, you can fisengage from the administration. No more annual gift, no more attending gala - participate in teacher appreciation only

[Anonymous]

Seems pretty disruptive to move. If you have a rising senior and an "older than 9th" other child (that must be sophomore). then even for the younger you would be moving them to a new school Junior year where they would be knee deep in the difficulties that Junior year brings, but in a totally new academic environment learning the ropes. That doesn't seem like a good situation. Unless that child is very unhappy at current school or not succeeding.

[Anonymous]

I'm 9:39 above - didn't read that younger is happy. If so you need to ride it out and just live with the fact that you hate the school. I hate our Big 3 also, so I feel your pain. My kid is happy with their choice but I don't think they feel much love for it either.

[Anonymous]

OP Here thanks to all. I really appreciate the non-snarky realistic comments. You guys are right very complicated to leave right now. I realize being "stuck" in private is a very privileged first world problem. But it's a huge amount of money for our family and I hurts more when you are disillusioned with the school.

I know we need to stay because leaving would be super disruptive especially for our rising senior. We got ourselves into this to some extent by choosing this school. One day I will share the details in the hope of providing transparency for parents who think Big 3 is Nirvana, which it most certainly is not.

[Anonymous]

You have a junior and a sophomore - why can't you say that? If your younger one is happy at the school what is the problem? I think you just have to deal with it.

Children's experiences with the same school can be quite different.

[Anonymous]

Yea you’ve made this about you when it shouldn’t be. School is about your kids, not you. That seems to be a thing with the private school crowd. Many think it’s like the whole family joined a country club or something. You know, “we” got in, etc.

If your kid is happy, your kid stays where he is, and you, yourself, avoid having anything to do with the school as much as possible. End of story.

[Anonymous]

What is making you so unhappy? I think you can speak broadly without identifying yourself and maybe some people can help. It seems impractical to leave at this point, so maybe there are steps you could take to help you feel better about the school. We have had kids at two of these schools and they can be frustrating, but sometimes its about finding the right person at the school to vent your concerns.

[Anonymous]

Well I can see OP's point of view. DC's friend experienced really unfair treatment at one of these schools because they are not white and are not connected. It almost made us pull out the school and if DC were younger we might have.

For me it would depend on how happy younger DC is. You said "pretty happy." Would your child be okay in public or another school too? If it's a child who makes friends easily and is easy going I would consider moving. If you have a child who is more anxious or attached to certain friends I'd suck it up and stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here thanks to all. I really appreciate the non-snarky realistic comments. You guys are right very complicated to leave right now. I realize being "stuck" in private is a very privileged first world problem. But it's a huge amount of money for our family and I hurts more when you are disillusioned with the school.

It's a huge amount of money for nearly all families. Those who can pay tuition x2 without any deliberation are ... very few. Just as you said, being able to do this is a privilege and involves some trade-offs.

If this was not doable financially or one of your kids was unhappy, struggling, disengaged, etc., then of course consider alternatives. But you can afford it, your kids are doing well, and you'll be done in 2.5 years anyway. You'd just be trading the general dislike of spending the money on this school for the much more real frustration of your kid unwillingly transferring and starting over as a HS junior. I wouldn't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea you’ve made this about you when it shouldn’t be. School is about your kids, not you. That seems to be a thing with the private school crowd. Many think it’s like the whole family joined a country club or something. You know, “we” got in, etc.

If your kid is happy, your kid stays where he is, and you, yourself, avoid having anything to do with the school as much as possible. End of story.

Yep. It does kind of give the game away. It doesn't really matter if you don't like the school. If your kids are happy and thriving, and you can afford it, leaving at a very disruptive time because YOU don't like the school seems foolish and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Two happy kids in a Big 3? I can't think of any reason to pull them unless it's a financial hardship. If it's an issue with the administration, it would have to be life-threatening.