HATE OUR BIG 3 too late to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here thanks to all. I really appreciate the non-snarky realistic comments. You guys are right very complicated to leave right now. I realize being "stuck" in private is a very privileged first world problem. But it's a huge amount of money for our family and I hurts more when you are disillusioned with the school.

I know we need to stay because leaving would be super disruptive especially for our rising senior. We got ourselves into this to some extent by choosing this school. One day I will share the details in the hope of providing transparency for parents who think Big 3 is Nirvana, which it most certainly is not.

I recognize the capitalized use of “nirvana” in previous posts. Of course you can move; many people do, and without so much handwringing.
But if you are who I think you are, this is about your own feelings of inadequacy and like the school is not doing enough for your $$$. That’s not how that works here.
If you move your kid to a public you’ll improve your admission chances, according to dcum. So go for it, but be honest why. I doubt there’s a school that would satisfy Mrs. Bucket here.
Half your post wasn’t even asking any question just smearing the Big3 and without telling why. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Was it the GPA what done it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea you’ve made this about you when it shouldn’t be. School is about your kids, not you. That seems to be a thing with the private school crowd. Many think it’s like the whole family joined a country club or something. You know, “we” got in, etc.

If your kid is happy, your kid stays where he is, and you, yourself, avoid having anything to do with the school as much as possible. End of story.

No OP is upset about how the school treated a kid or her kid. OP did not talk about socializing with other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without details, it's hard to picture a problem big enough that you would consider leaving that isn't impacting the happiness/wellbeing of your child.

You should do whatever's in your child's best interest. And by high school, your child's opinion counts for a lot.

Exactly. The children decide. Unless it’s a financial issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a junior and a sophomore - why can't you say that? If your younger one is happy at the school what is the problem? I think you just have to deal with it.

Children's experiences with the same school can be quite different.

A little confused at this too. OP, please believe that there are plenty of unhappy parents at Big 3's. At this point I would try to ride it out. You've spent and are going to spend a ton of money and it's easy to fantasize about being punitive and going scorched earth but doing so would probably only hurt your kids.

DH and I are sending our oldest to PreK at a Big 3 and I'm already regretting it. It's a huge pile of money and I keep telling myself I'm going to see how this year goes and reevaluate (we have two younger kids to consider too). The parents who we know attending the school range from insufferable and snobby to just ridiculously wealthy and out of touch (playdate this weekend reveled that ridiculously wealthy parents had to scramble to get their $$ out of First Republic after taking on a $5M loan to to side-by-side deals...how relatable! They were shocked that we only had one nanny... husband commenting that we couldn't stop up because we were overextended with childcare costs was met with silence...so many of these families live in a bubble).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a junior and a sophomore - why can't you say that? If your younger one is happy at the school what is the problem? I think you just have to deal with it.

Children's experiences with the same school can be quite different.

A little confused at this too. OP, please believe that there are plenty of unhappy parents at Big 3's. At this point I would try to ride it out. You've spent and are going to spend a ton of money and it's easy to fantasize about being punitive and going scorched earth but doing so would probably only hurt your kids.

DH and I are sending our oldest to PreK at a Big 3 and I'm already regretting it. It's a huge pile of money and I keep telling myself I'm going to see how this year goes and reevaluate (we have two younger kids to consider too). The parents who we know attending the school range from insufferable and snobby to just ridiculously wealthy and out of touch (playdate this weekend reveled that ridiculously wealthy parents had to scramble to get their $$ out of First Republic after taking on a $5M loan to to side-by-side deals...how relatable! They were shocked that we only had one nanny... husband commenting that we couldn't stop up because we were overextended with childcare costs was met with silence...so many of these families live in a bubble).

I meant "staff up" not stop up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea you’ve made this about you when it shouldn’t be. School is about your kids, not you. That seems to be a thing with the private school crowd. Many think it’s like the whole family joined a country club or something. You know, “we” got in, etc.

If your kid is happy, your kid stays where he is, and you, yourself, avoid having anything to do with the school as much as possible. End of story.

No OP is upset about how the school treated a kid or her kid. OP did not talk about socializing with other parents.

She said she was upset about how the school "handled something" with one kid. And the kids are apparently not upset about it. The headline is "hate OUR Big 3," which suggests that she's a bit enmeshed as the PP described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea you’ve made this about you when it shouldn’t be. School is about your kids, not you. That seems to be a thing with the private school crowd. Many think it’s like the whole family joined a country club or something. You know, “we” got in, etc.

If your kid is happy, your kid stays where he is, and you, yourself, avoid having anything to do with the school as much as possible. End of story.

No OP is upset about how the school treated a kid or her kid. OP did not talk about socializing with other parents.

No she said what *she* is struggling with their “investment”.
I’m guessing some combo of lower GPA and less impressive college list was advised by the school and combined with the general inability to be a lid to every pot and treat the admin and teachers like “employees” or “school-wallahs”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a junior and a sophomore - why can't you say that? If your younger one is happy at the school what is the problem? I think you just have to deal with it.

Children's experiences with the same school can be quite different.

A little confused at this too. OP, please believe that there are plenty of unhappy parents at Big 3's. At this point I would try to ride it out. You've spent and are going to spend a ton of money and it's easy to fantasize about being punitive and going scorched earth but doing so would probably only hurt your kids.

DH and I are sending our oldest to PreK at a Big 3 and I'm already regretting it. It's a huge pile of money and I keep telling myself I'm going to see how this year goes and reevaluate (we have two younger kids to consider too). The parents who we know attending the school range from insufferable and snobby to just ridiculously wealthy and out of touch (playdate this weekend reveled that ridiculously wealthy parents had to scramble to get their $$ out of First Republic after taking on a $5M loan to to side-by-side deals...how relatable! They were shocked that we only had one nanny... husband commenting that we couldn't stop up because we were overextended with childcare costs was met with silence...so many of these families live in a bubble).

Perceived slights hurt the shoulder with the chip on it the most

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here thanks to all. I really appreciate the non-snarky realistic comments. You guys are right very complicated to leave right now. I realize being "stuck" in private is a very privileged first world problem. But it's a huge amount of money for our family and I hurts more when you are disillusioned with the school.

I know we need to stay because leaving would be super disruptive especially for our rising senior. We got ourselves into this to some extent by choosing this school. One day I will share the details in the hope of providing transparency for parents who think Big 3 is Nirvana, which it most certainly is not.

I recognize the capitalized use of “nirvana” in previous posts. Of course you can move; many people do, and without so much handwringing.
But if you are who I think you are, this is about your own feelings of inadequacy and like the school is not doing enough for your $$$. That’s not how that works here.
If you move your kid to a public you’ll improve your admission chances, according to dcum. So go for it, but be honest why. I doubt there’s a school that would satisfy Mrs. Bucket here.
Half your post wasn’t even asking any question just smearing the Big3 and without telling why. Gross.

Oh please- she didn't even name the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is making you so unhappy? I think you can speak broadly without identifying yourself and maybe some people can help. It seems impractical to leave at this point, so maybe there are steps you could take to help you feel better about the school. We have had kids at two of these schools and they can be frustrating, but sometimes its about finding the right person at the school to vent your concerns.

It’s probably a lower GPA and a different college list than they thought.

I can’t imagine a situation in which I’d sit such a big family decision on the internet. So I think she’ll never tell because nothing happened

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here thanks to all. I really appreciate the non-snarky realistic comments. You guys are right very complicated to leave right now. I realize being "stuck" in private is a very privileged first world problem. But it's a huge amount of money for our family and I hurts more when you are disillusioned with the school.

I know we need to stay because leaving would be super disruptive especially for our rising senior. We got ourselves into this to some extent by choosing this school. One day I will share the details in the hope of providing transparency for parents who think Big 3 is Nirvana, which it most certainly is not.

I recognize the capitalized use of “nirvana” in previous posts. Of course you can move; many people do, and without so much handwringing.
But if you are who I think you are, this is about your own feelings of inadequacy and like the school is not doing enough for your $$$. That’s not how that works here.
If you move your kid to a public you’ll improve your admission chances, according to dcum. So go for it, but be honest why. I doubt there’s a school that would satisfy Mrs. Bucket here.
Half your post wasn’t even asking any question just smearing the Big3 and without telling why. Gross.

Oh please- she didn't even name the school.

It doesn’t matter. There’s one poster who keeps whining about a school and uses capitalized Nirvana. It’s odd and iPhone doesn’t do that. It’s a Big3 parent so it all tracks, it’s not like I’m in the CIA or anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea you’ve made this about you when it shouldn’t be. School is about your kids, not you. That seems to be a thing with the private school crowd. Many think it’s like the whole family joined a country club or something. You know, “we” got in, etc.

If your kid is happy, your kid stays where he is, and you, yourself, avoid having anything to do with the school as much as possible. End of story.

I'm not sure that's the case - sounds like school didn't handle something well with older child. So that would be about the child, not the OP. Seems like it's too late to leave for older one who had a bad experience and the younger seems to be happy but parent doesn't trust/like the school. I get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea you’ve made this about you when it shouldn’t be. School is about your kids, not you. That seems to be a thing with the private school crowd. Many think it’s like the whole family joined a country club or something. You know, “we” got in, etc.

If your kid is happy, your kid stays where he is, and you, yourself, avoid having anything to do with the school as much as possible. End of story.

No OP is upset about how the school treated a kid or her kid. OP did not talk about socializing with other parents.

Are you talking about yourself in the third person? So now it’s not even about your kid but a kid? If you actually have any parents to socialize with why didn’t you ask them and kept this off the internet?

Predictions:
She won’t leave
The “slight” is a normal thing usually done in the course of academic and college counseling work; she can’t say what it is because it’s trite or absurd
She’s airing this not for a help in making the decision but to smear the school

[Anonymous]

I'm team OP. These schools can and do behave badly. We have seen it happen ourselves and many incidents have been in the news later. The culture is one of cover up and I can definitely imagine something happening with her older child that would make a family angry enough to leave and to try to crowd source opinions about what to do.

Because these places are so secretive she probably does not want to speak with other parents at the school.