Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I talk to my adult daughter everyday, she calls me when she gets off work late at night. She knows I stay up late and she knows I always want to talk to her, sometimes the calls are short sometimes long. I also call her if I want or need to at other times.

I talk to my son about once a week, sometimes I call him and sometimes he calls me. I also text with both my kids often, sometimes it's a group text between the three of us.

I don't know how often they talk to their dad (we are divorced) but I do know that sometimes all four of us have a group text chat or a group video chat.

I wonder why it is that many people here think it's okay to say their parents or inlaws are narcissists or annoying or dysfunctional or whatever but it doesn't occur to them that maybe their parents find them to be annoying or difficult to talk to and that's why they don't call often or at all. That stuff goes both ways, even if they are your parents and supposed to love you unconditionally.

This. If I am being honest, my parents don't like me and I don't like them. We keep disappointing each other. I can't change them. They can't change me. So we don't talk. My dh's family is very involved and we have many older individuals around us who are appreciated as examples of awesome older adults for the kids.

So you are not teaching them ways to have good relationships with difficult loved ones but to avoid uncomfortable discussions to improve things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DIL is a very jealous person and a know it all. I avoid her. She talks baby talk. Adults don't go potty.

We're lucky. They live in another state so I don't see them.

My husband texts with her and our son so that is as good as it gets. I do share very limited emails with our son. She reads every single one. He's not allowed to have an email account she doesn't have access to. Their marriage not mine. I really dislike drama and she thrives on it. Waste of time. This is the second domineering wife our son has had.
I don't hear from them for months at a time until they need money then it's all lovey dovey. FAKE. I need to cut ties with them. Both are very disrespectful.
I keep in touch with my younger sister instead. She's like my child. We are 11 years apart. Our parents died long ago. I feel more connected to her.

Gee . . . I wonder why he chooses DOMINEERING women?!?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call one more often and the other one calls me more often. The one that calls, calls nearly everyday. I have no chance to be the one that calls.

this is my experience too

[Anonymous]

We both come from loving families. Neither of our parents ever call us. I actually stopped once- I was going through a lot and just refused to call my parents. My dad called me after like 3 months and tried to do an intervention. My mom was so distraught over me not calling but she (retired) didn’t have time to pick up the phone.

It really bothers me. My grandparents were the same way. As my work got busier and my kids got busier, I just don’t get why I need another responsibility added to my plate. It would be so nice for someone to call me once in a while.

[Anonymous]

That's so sad, OP. I would feel very unloved.
I feel it's the role of parents to initiate calls. My parents call me, and I call my college kids. My MIL calls way less often, but she's older and not in good health, so I excuse her.

[Anonymous]

Do you call back?? We get tired of leaving messages we know you have heard/looked at. WTF it’s about time adult children think of someone else besides themselves. I’m tired of being ignored, forgotten about because you are busy. There is always & will forever be a spot in my home, at my table for my children/grandchilden. I am not going to grovel for them to join me. I do however know they will miss it when it’s gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DIL is a very jealous person and a know it all. I avoid her. She talks baby talk. Adults don't go potty.

We're lucky. They live in another state so I don't see them.

My husband texts with her and our son so that is as good as it gets. I do share very limited emails with our son. She reads every single one. He's not allowed to have an email account she doesn't have access to. Their marriage not mine. I really dislike drama and she thrives on it. Waste of time. This is the second domineering wife our son has had.
I don't hear from them for months at a time until they need money then it's all lovey dovey. FAKE. I need to cut ties with them. Both are very disrespectful.
I keep in touch with my younger sister instead. She's like my child. We are 11 years apart. Our parents died long ago. I feel more connected to her.

You sound like a horrible mother.

Found the dil

[Anonymous]

They are emotionally immature and possibly narcissistic. I am sorry. This sounds hard and I am also the good kid and often felt like nobody gives a fig. Luckily I have been extremely fortunate in my life, but they are weak people that cannot give you what you need. Parent yourself.

[Anonymous]

My mother died 2 years ago at 92. She had never called me . College, adulthood, senior. Always my call to her. In the end, not something to battle about.

[Anonymous]

My parents will first text to see if it’s a convenient time to call as they know we are very busy. My dad will cut off a call if he knows I’m in my car for safety reasons. I think it’s sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's so sad, OP. I would feel very unloved.
I feel it's the role of parents to initiate calls. My parents call me, and I call my college kids. My MIL calls way less often, but she's older and not in good health, so I excuse her.

We couldn't come from more different families/ beliefs. My parents taught us that when we turn 18 we are adults with all those adult responsibilities. I never had a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's so sad, OP. I would feel very unloved.
I feel it's the role of parents to initiate calls. My parents call me, and I call my college kids. My MIL calls way less often, but she's older and not in good health, so I excuse her.

We couldn't come from more different families/ beliefs. My parents taught us that when we turn 18 we are adults with all those adult responsibilities. I never had a problem with it.

NP. Well, then aren’t your parents also adults who should at least initiate 1/2 of the calls? Or did your parents teach you that it’s the adult kid’s job once they turn 18?

[Anonymous]

@My Mom didn’t want to “call too much” and inter fear with my independent life. So we settled on once a week on Sundays — unless I told her otherwise. She also sent newsy emails, which was quite sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids hate phone calls. They really talk to no one on a phone if they can help it.
Texts and yes, memes,are shared. I call about 1x a month.

This. I wish DD liked to talk on the phone. We text a few times a week, but that’s it.

DP. Yeah, many "youths" really don't like using the phone. We meet up maybe weekly for dinner, and we text and share memes every day or every other day. But long, drawn-out telephone calls are for older generations.

[Anonymous]

Parents are mostly in two groups, ones who call too often and at inconvenient times or ones who are too afraid to inconvenience the adult child or their partner, only a small percentage is able to find a good balance, usuall because their adult child and partner aren't too sensitive to parental involvement.