Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?

[Anonymous]

I mostly text my children. I even texted about a recent family death. Much easier to send out one group text to all four than to make four separate calls.

[Anonymous]

I call one more often and the other one calls me more often. The one that calls, calls nearly everyday. I have no chance to be the one that calls.

[Anonymous]

I do call my adult children. I call all 4 of them on Sundays, unless we happened to chat at a different time during the week.

[Anonymous]

My mom never calls me. She said I didn't act excited enough when she called (she's a huge narcissist) so she doesn't call me and I don't call her. I'll text if needed.

[Anonymous]

I only call if it's something urgent or haven't heard from them in few days. They call once a week or sometimes twice.

We do text almost every other day, even if to say hello or share something. One is few hours away so visits once a month. Others are flight away so 2-3 times a year. We visit each once a year but don't stay with them, just near them.

The reason we let them initiate contact is to avoid overbearing clinginess we experienced from my DH's parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom never calls me. She said I didn't act excited enough when she called (she's a huge narcissist) so she doesn't call me and I don't call her. I'll text if needed.

Though from the tone of your post, she seems right.

[Anonymous]

I talk to my adult daughter everyday, she calls me when she gets off work late at night. She knows I stay up late and she knows I always want to talk to her, sometimes the calls are short sometimes long. I also call her if I want or need to at other times.

I talk to my son about once a week, sometimes I call him and sometimes he calls me. I also text with both my kids often, sometimes it's a group text between the three of us.

I don't know how often they talk to their dad (we are divorced) but I do know that sometimes all four of us have a group text chat or a group video chat.

I wonder why it is that many people here think it's okay to say their parents or inlaws are narcissists or annoying or dysfunctional or whatever but it doesn't occur to them that maybe their parents find them to be annoying or difficult to talk to and that's why they don't call often or at all. That stuff goes both ways, even if they are your parents and supposed to love you unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

My kids hate phone calls. They really talk to no one on a phone if they can help it.
Texts and yes, memes,are shared. I call about 1x a month.

[Anonymous]

I think sane parents don't want to overwhelm their kids so they let kids choose when to contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were older and refused to call us because "it's the duty of the child to call the parent." I also think, pre smart phones, they were being cheap and didn't want to pay for "long distance calls" but the behavior continued after that wasn't an issue. And, yes, my family is white American. My grandmother was exactly the same way.

My parents are the same way. My mom will usually text if she hasn't heard from me in a few weeks, but my dad will never call me and when asked says the exact same thing "it's the duty of the child to call the parent."

[Anonymous]

After listening to people complain about parents or in-laws who call often, its only prudent to not go that route.

[Anonymous]

I can think of one time that my mother called me to chat, and I told her how nice it was to hear from her and how I love getting calls out of the blue and . . . nope. It was just that once, and otherwise she doesn't want to bother me.

Her mother never called her, either. Mom always called Grams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom never calls me. She said I didn't act excited enough when she called (she's a huge narcissist) so she doesn't call me and I don't call her. I'll text if needed.

Though from the tone of your post, she seems right.

I suppose I wasn't super excited to be talked AT for 2 hours straight while trying to wrangle a toddler. I could seriously put the phone down for 5 minutes and come back and she was still rambling on. Never asked about me. Never asked if it was an ok time to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids hate phone calls. They really talk to no one on a phone if they can help it.
Texts and yes, memes,are shared. I call about 1x a month.

This. I wish DD liked to talk on the phone. We text a few times a week, but that’s it.

[Anonymous]

My adoptive parents were like this. My aunt too. I think it's generational. They NEVER call/ed me, but when I call them, all I hear about is how worried they were or they wanted to tell me something, etc., etc. I'm old enough that my parents died before texting became a thing and my Aunt is 90 and basically blind. So, I get the not texting. But it drove me nuts that these people never called me. They all give the "we don't want to bother you" excuse. Maybe it's because back when they were young and telephones had just been invented people were expected to take all calls the moment the phone rang? Dunno.

In any case, my first mother is about 15-20 years younger than my adoptive parents/aunt. She calls. Not a ton, but at least a couple times a month. I call her about the same amount. No guilt or lecturing. It's so much more pleasant.