Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?

[Anonymous]

Once your parents hit a certain age, you dread the call because you expect to hear that one of them is in the hospital or dead.
L

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were older and refused to call us because "it's the duty of the child to call the parent." I also think, pre smart phones, they were being cheap and didn't want to pay for "long distance calls" but the behavior continued after that wasn't an issue. And, yes, my family is white American. My grandmother was exactly the same way.

DH's parents also refuse to call. It makes me crazy.

[Anonymous]

DD, 26, like a lot of Gen Z/Millennials, hates talking on the phone. I’d call her if she wanted. We text nearly daily and see each other about once a week. She only lives five miles away, so that helps.

[Anonymous]

My husbands parents never call him unless they need anything. In turn, my husband almost never calls our son to just say hi.

My parents always called me as a young adult. I regularly call my son.

I think you live what you grew up with generally unless you really make the effort to break old habits.

[Anonymous]

My mom and MIL call too often so I learned my lesson of being thoughtful and giving space.

[Anonymous]

I personally hate phone calls, FaceTime even more.

[Anonymous]

My mom used to insist on nightly calls. It was super annoying because it interrupted whatever we were doing and there was never any news so we always talked about her cat. I guess I miss the discussions about her cat, though.

For this reason, I'm really hesitant to insist my kids take my calls on a regular schedule.

Also, millennials and genX (my kids) sort of hate the phone, just like 10:29 does. Instead we text a lot, several times a week, and use the phone for urgent logistical stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally hate phone calls, FaceTime even more.

How old are you? Genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally hate phone calls, FaceTime even more.

How old are you? Genuinely curious.

53

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Adult here, my mom nor my husbands parent's never call us. We feel alone. We don't have children ourselves. We do both come from sick alcoholic families is this it? We are good "kids" are always there to HELP. They only call when they need something and never just to say HI or ask how we are doing. WHY? Parents who don't call why?[/quote]

My parents don't call because they know our schedule is always changing and they don't know when it would be best to call. They're right, tbh, so we just make it a point to call them. I guess why this works best is that we know they will almost always pick up whenever we call. If it were a case where they also have a busy schedule and we're always playing phone tag, it wouldn't work out as well.[/quote]

Because we were brought up to have the kids call US when they weren't busy! Wow. Trying to be considerate of your time and it's an all out "hey, let's go no contact" war. Ridiculous. Pick up the phone and call. Doesn't mean we don't love you, don't want to know how you are, don't want to see you and on and on and on. How long does it take? I called my parents, they picked up 99% of the time. Yes, they had a life and sometimes were busy, so what? Call back! Or they can call you back, no big deal. Why is everything a problem these days? I'm convinced a real problem in the face of people sincerely complaining about who calls who, would not even be recongnizable, let alone fixable to any of these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult here, my mom nor my husbands parent's never call us. We feel alone. We don't have children ourselves. We do both come from sick alcoholic families is this it? We are good "kids" are always there to HELP. They only call when they need something and never just to say HI or ask how we are doing. WHY? Parents who don't call why?

My parents don't call because they know our schedule is always changing and they don't know when it would be best to call. They're right, tbh, so we just make it a point to call them. I guess why this works best is that we know they will almost always pick up whenever we call. If it were a case where they also have a busy schedule and we're always playing phone tag, it wouldn't work out as well.

Because we were brought up to have the kids call US when they weren't busy! Wow. Trying to be considerate of your time and it's an all out "hey, let's go no contact" war. Ridiculous. Pick up the phone and call. Doesn't mean we don't love you, don't want to know how you are, don't want to see you and on and on and on. How long does it take? I called my parents, they picked up 99% of the time. Yes, they had a life and sometimes were busy, so what? Call back! Or they can call you back, no big deal. Why is everything a problem these days? I'm convinced a real problem in the face of people sincerely complaining about who calls who, would not even be recongnizable, let alone fixable to any of these people.

[Anonymous]

How often should a parent call their adult children? How often should adult children call their parents?

Once a week, once a month or just on holidays or if there is some update?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom and MIL call too often so I learned my lesson of being thoughtful and giving space.

This^.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talk to my adult daughter everyday, she calls me when she gets off work late at night. She knows I stay up late and she knows I always want to talk to her, sometimes the calls are short sometimes long. I also call her if I want or need to at other times.

I talk to my son about once a week, sometimes I call him and sometimes he calls me. I also text with both my kids often, sometimes it's a group text between the three of us.

I don't know how often they talk to their dad (we are divorced) but I do know that sometimes all four of us have a group text chat or a group video chat.

I wonder why it is that many people here think it's okay to say their parents or inlaws are narcissists or annoying or dysfunctional or whatever but it doesn't occur to them that maybe their parents find them to be annoying or difficult to talk to and that's why they don't call often or at all. That stuff goes both ways, even if they are your parents and supposed to love you unconditionally.

This. If I am being honest, my parents don't like me and I don't like them. We keep disappointing each other. I can't change them. They can't change me. So we don't talk. My dh's family is very involved and we have many older individuals around us who are appreciated as examples of awesome older adults for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Parents who call often, are labeled as suffocating and annoying.