Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?

[Anonymous]

Adult here, my mom nor my husbands parent's never call us. We feel alone. We don't have children ourselves. We do both come from sick alcoholic families is this it? We are good "kids" are always there to HELP. They only call when they need something and never just to say HI or ask how we are doing. WHY? Parents who don't call why?

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this. She says it's because "she doesn't know when we're busy" but she's much, much less likely to pick up because she just can't sit still and is constantly jumping in the car for errands. It does hurt my feelings a little but people can only give what they have to give, and I think worrying about connecting with us is not high on my mom's radar right now, compared to older relatives with health issues.

[Anonymous]

Please stop thinking that just because your messed up parents do or don't do something, it means all parents do that. I am not an alcoholic and call my kids once a week. But I am not busy dealing with an addiction.

[Anonymous]

I have young adult kids. We connect with each other every few days. We all initiate. When I was a young adult, I fully expected my mom to always initiate and she called me every week. (My dad died when I was in HS). When I got older I realized how i sucked never initiating. Fortunately my kids are not like me.

[Anonymous]

My parents were older and refused to call us because "it's the duty of the child to call the parent." I also think, pre smart phones, they were being cheap and didn't want to pay for "long distance calls" but the behavior continued after that wasn't an issue. And, yes, my family is white American. My grandmother was exactly the same way.

[Anonymous]

And, they were also not alcoholics. They just had a very traditional authoritarian style of parenting.

[Anonymous]

I talk to my mom a lot. She will call me if she does not hear from me. We all are on WhatsApp so we are in touch with family.

[Anonymous]

My DIL is a very jealous person and a know it all. I avoid her. She talks baby talk. Adults don't go potty.

We're lucky. They live in another state so I don't see them.

My husband texts with her and our son so that is as good as it gets. I do share very limited emails with our son. She reads every single one. He's not allowed to have an email account she doesn't have access to. Their marriage not mine. I really dislike drama and she thrives on it. Waste of time. This is the second domineering wife our son has had.
I don't hear from them for months at a time until they need money then it's all lovey dovey. FAKE. I need to cut ties with them. Both are very disrespectful.
I keep in touch with my younger sister instead. She's like my child. We are 11 years apart. Our parents died long ago. I feel more connected to her.

[Anonymous]

ha ha this is us. we don't call our kids. first one is living with his GF so we don't want to intrude in anyway. he calls once a week or so and we still talk. middle one is still here. youngest one calls at least two times a day so no need for us to call.

[Anonymous]

I talk (both text and phone calls) to both my young adult sons frequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talk (both text and phone calls) to both my young adult sons frequently.

do you call or do they call?

[Anonymous]

My dad calls and texts frequently. He is very sweet. When I call or text my mom she’s like “oh I was so worried, you haven’t called me in a while?” It’s not like I’ve been ignoring her calls or anything, lol.

My MIL very firmly believes that it’s the responsibility of the children to stay in touch and make phone calls. She’s a bit odd in a lot of ways but she’s great and her opinion on this is more amusing than annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adult here, my mom nor my husbands parent's never call us. We feel alone. We don't have children ourselves. We do both come from sick alcoholic families is this it? We are good "kids" are always there to HELP. They only call when they need something and never just to say HI or ask how we are doing. WHY? Parents who don't call why?

This is it. You know what to expect. Don't expect something that they can't give. It is disappointing but, expecation can be more.

I understand so not critizing.

[Anonymous]

In my circle usually the opposite is true. Parents are clingy and young adult kids don't call as often as their parents would like. That was the case for me. I've instituted a weekly phone call on Sunday morning so they can look forward to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this. She says it's because "she doesn't know when we're busy" but she's much, much less likely to pick up because she just can't sit still and is constantly jumping in the car for errands. It does hurt my feelings a little but people can only give what they have to give, and I think worrying about connecting with us is not high on my mom's radar right now, compared to older relatives with health issues.

This is my mom. When I was a SAHM she would call to chat but once I went back to work FT, she didn't want to "bother" me, even though I told her it was totally fine.