What does this behavior sound like??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter, 11, seemed to be normal until early 2020. Puberty and extreme family illness and lockdown hit all at the same time. Since then she has been increasingly what seems to be just plain some sort of mental illness. Lying about everything, stealing candy and food (from home) and hiding it in drawers and cushions, eating and leaving food everywhere on the floor and her bed, denial of her period and refusal to wear pads or bra, lashing out violently at parents and sibling, increasing apathy to schoolwork. Sucked into social media world, doing duck lip selfies and screenshotting rap people with vulgar subject matters, long nails, matted hair, and generally apathetic and antisocial behavior at home and to a lesser degree at school. This morning ( we are now very late as she is still in the shower, which she doesn't even do correctly or normally), I found that she had taken a pair of her wet pants from the washer and put them on her pile of clothes to wear to school. What does this sound like? Early onset schizophrenia? She is almost 12. She has become a different person completely since 2019. Entirely different personality. Seems like a criminal in the making with the lying, stealing, and general lack of empathy or self worth. She has a neuropsych in the fall scheduled, on the waitlist for earlier. The wet pants are just a tiny, PG rated example. Before that this morning she aggresively attacked and hit her brother (who is on spectrum) when he tried to get a pencil from the room she was in. What is this? I definitely feel that this is beyond my control to help her. We tried therapy, she would just lie to the therapist (we could hear through the wall), and the therapist refused to see parents in sessions so we had to cancel. She constantly tells me to shut up, gives me the finger behind my back, etc etc etc. The lying is constant. The lack of empathy is growing by the day. She has no remorse. She also has OCD behaviors since 2020. Only certain plates and cups she will use, has to touch them a certain number of times, anytime she touches me she has to wave away the contamination of me with her hands, etc etc. We have not yet had covid FWIW. I think she needs medication, but what type? Her father is in denial.

It's good she has a neuropsych scheduled, but has she just been to her pediatrician? A neurologist? A psychiatrist? Before putting her on meds I would want to rule out anything physical/neurological.

Also, it's likely the therapist didn't want to meet with you because 1) it's unethical for the same practitioner to do family therapy and individual therapy with the same patient at the same time and 2) she probably felt that meeting with you early in her relationship with your daughter might affect the rapport they were building. Therapists know that kids lie. If /when you do try therapy for her again try to get some information upfront about what the process will be like on your end so you know what to expect. It is reasonable to expect some time with the therapist, though maybe not for a few sessions.

[Anonymous]

Between the 2 of them at least 1 of my kids has been in talk therapy for around 15 years. One has autism and the other has anxiety. I have always met with/emailed with/had phone calls/etc with their therapists. In fact, I am putting together a session with DD's therapist and the 2 parents to discuss a recent health diagnosis that is making the anxiety worse. We discuss strategies for the parents with someone who knows exactly what's going on with our kid. I do think it's odd that the therapist wouldn't want to touch base with you, especially when just starting out with your daughter. I agree to find another therapist.

I also agree to get a full medical workup. This could have some neurological causes. I would include looking at her hormones and thyroid -- anything that might make puberty more complicated for her. If she's feeling unsettled by something medical, maybe that is causing some of the unsettled behaviors. I also agree that medication could be the right direction, but you're right not to medicate until you figure out what's going on so you can get the right medication. Do make sure that she's sleeping as well as possible, even if that means using Melatonin. Also, that she's eating regularly -- if she had stomach problems that could cause avoidance of eating and then plunging blood sugar which could cause the behaviors as well.

I'm sorry some PP's have been hard on you. This is beyond typical parenting and it's really hard. Good luck.