What does this behavior sound like??

[Anonymous]

I'm a PANDAS parent. I'm obviously not able to diagnose your DD or not, but based on the deep dive we had to do into that world, it doesn't sound remotely like PANDAS. Sudden onset, yes. But PANDAS kids aren't precocious, early teenager type behavior. They're typically immature, have socialization difficulties etc. I've never heard of a PANDAS kid acting like a troubled teenager at age 12. Just my two cents.

[Anonymous]

Therapy, yes--for her, for you, and family. But honestly, also, a nature focused sleepaway camp, ideally all girls, that doesn't allow cell phones..give her a break from the family and social media, give you a break from her, let someone else (counselor) work on the hygiene issues with some modeling from peers. Get a bunch of camp brochures and let her pick. This is not a punishment.

A lot of this could be covid isolation, puberty, family dynamics...hard to know what is going on or if it's mental illness (and if I had to guess, likely some anxiety). If it helps at all, I was a mess at that age and several years after. My parents weren't abusive or bad people but for several reasons, living with them stressed me out and made me miserable. Being an exchange student in high school and then leaving for college helped a ton. Your daughter is too young for these things but helping her find a place like camp or an activity where you all get time away from each other and she sees lots of different interpersonal dynamics might be good for all of you.

[Anonymous]

For all the people talking about Shepard Pratt, etc. I’m surprised. As someone who took her DD teen to Children’s ER for mental health, they aren’t bumping anyone up a mental health list or hospitalizing anyone who isn’t a danger to themselves or others. OP’s DD needs help but her situation in no way warrants emergency care. As someone with OCD, your DD needs to be medicated for her OCD immediately. SSRIs, like a higher dose of Prozac is in order. I think of OCD as kind of like an iceberg, there is so much anxiety underneath the behaviors. You know the compulsions are weird and so you try to hide them. The fact that she is doing so many different rituals means she is really out of control. This should be your first order of business. Talk to your pediatrician about medication. It can take up to 6 weeks to see the full impact. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the people talking about Shepard Pratt, etc. I’m surprised. As someone who took her DD teen to Children’s ER for mental health, they aren’t bumping anyone up a mental health list or hospitalizing anyone who isn’t a danger to themselves or others. OP’s DD needs help but her situation in no way warrants emergency care. As someone with OCD, your DD needs to be medicated for her OCD immediately. SSRIs, like a higher dose of Prozac is in order. I think of OCD as kind of like an iceberg, there is so much anxiety underneath the behaviors. You know the compulsions are weird and so you try to hide them. The fact that she is doing so many different rituals means she is really out of control. This should be your first order of business. Talk to your pediatrician about medication. It can take up to 6 weeks to see the full impact. Good luck.

Medicine might be necessary, but also read up.on TikTok tics... leaving social media plus therapy were what helped there. no matter what, getting her in to a good therapist or psychologist is critical. Agree that an er is not going to admit op's kid or connect her with services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the people talking about Shepard Pratt, etc. I’m surprised. As someone who took her DD teen to Children’s ER for mental health, they aren’t bumping anyone up a mental health list or hospitalizing anyone who isn’t a danger to themselves or others. OP’s DD needs help but her situation in no way warrants emergency care. As someone with OCD, your DD needs to be medicated for her OCD immediately. SSRIs, like a higher dose of Prozac is in order. I think of OCD as kind of like an iceberg, there is so much anxiety underneath the behaviors. You know the compulsions are weird and so you try to hide them. The fact that she is doing so many different rituals means she is really out of control. This should be your first order of business. Talk to your pediatrician about medication. It can take up to 6 weeks to see the full impact. Good luck.

Agree 100%. First stop is an OCD assessment. I think posters are reacting to OP’s extreme tone (“criminal!” “schizophrenic”!) rather than the facts of the behavior which all sound within the realm of non-crisis mental health issues. I mean, putting wet pants on dry clothes isn’t some kind of deranged behavior. It’s spacey and annoying, sure.

[Anonymous]

She needs her cell phone taken away immediately. I'm sure she'll lash out, but better to start the process now instead of in 1 or 2 or 3 years. She's too young for social media and it's dangerous (clearly). She needs to detox.

[Anonymous]

Sheppard Pratt will assess and provide recommendations for needed treatments. They have a walk-in Urgent Care for adolescents near BWI. They aren’t there just for inpatient admission. They will assess. This is somewhat urgent if she is hurting others and is appearing unstable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapy, yes--for her, for you, and family. But honestly, also, a nature focused sleepaway camp, ideally all girls, that doesn't allow cell phones..give her a break from the family and social media, give you a break from her, let someone else (counselor) work on the hygiene issues with some modeling from peers. Get a bunch of camp brochures and let her pick. This is not a punishment.

I can't see this ending well. While well-meaning, good kids, your regular teen camp counselor is NOT going to be equipped to deal with a struggling child like OP's DD and then there's the real possibility she would end up ostracized or bullied for her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all the people talking about Shepard Pratt, etc. I’m surprised. As someone who took her DD teen to Children’s ER for mental health, they aren’t bumping anyone up a mental health list or hospitalizing anyone who isn’t a danger to themselves or others. OP’s DD needs help but her situation in no way warrants emergency care. As someone with OCD, your DD needs to be medicated for her OCD immediately. SSRIs, like a higher dose of Prozac is in order. I think of OCD as kind of like an iceberg, there is so much anxiety underneath the behaviors. You know the compulsions are weird and so you try to hide them. The fact that she is doing so many different rituals means she is really out of control. This should be your first order of business. Talk to your pediatrician about medication. It can take up to 6 weeks to see the full impact. Good luck.

Agree 100%. First stop is an OCD assessment. I think posters are reacting to OP’s extreme tone (“criminal!” “schizophrenic”!) rather than the facts of the behavior which all sound within the realm of non-crisis mental health issues. I mean, putting wet pants on dry clothes isn’t some kind of deranged behavior. It’s spacey and annoying, sure.

+1 I have ocd too, and it can cause considerable depression along with the anxiety that causes it. I just read a book about teen girl psychology that said anxiety/depression in tweens/teens manifests primarily as irritability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy, yes--for her, for you, and family. But honestly, also, a nature focused sleepaway camp, ideally all girls, that doesn't allow cell phones..give her a break from the family and social media, give you a break from her, let someone else (counselor) work on the hygiene issues with some modeling from peers. Get a bunch of camp brochures and let her pick. This is not a punishment.

I can't see this ending well. While well-meaning, good kids, your regular teen camp counselor is NOT going to be equipped to deal with a struggling child like OP's DD and then there's the real possibility she would end up ostracized or bullied for her behavior.

OP here. Yes, I would love for my daughter to be able to do something like camp, but I don’t think it is a great idea at this stage. Also, it wasn’t the wet pants on a pile that was the problem , it was that her plan was to wear the sopping wet pants to school today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy, yes--for her, for you, and family. But honestly, also, a nature focused sleepaway camp, ideally all girls, that doesn't allow cell phones..give her a break from the family and social media, give you a break from her, let someone else (counselor) work on the hygiene issues with some modeling from peers. Get a bunch of camp brochures and let her pick. This is not a punishment.

I can't see this ending well. While well-meaning, good kids, your regular teen camp counselor is NOT going to be equipped to deal with a struggling child like OP's DD and then there's the real possibility she would end up ostracized or bullied for her behavior.

I am not sure how much op's kid would struggle away from school and family stresses. Hygiene is relaxed but regimented at camp (a set shower time, for example). Of course she should also get counseling and meds if needed. But I really think op needs a break and a reset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy, yes--for her, for you, and family. But honestly, also, a nature focused sleepaway camp, ideally all girls, that doesn't allow cell phones..give her a break from the family and social media, give you a break from her, let someone else (counselor) work on the hygiene issues with some modeling from peers. Get a bunch of camp brochures and let her pick. This is not a punishment.

I can't see this ending well. While well-meaning, good kids, your regular teen camp counselor is NOT going to be equipped to deal with a struggling child like OP's DD and then there's the real possibility she would end up ostracized or bullied for her behavior.

OP here. Yes, I would love for my daughter to be able to do something like camp, but I don’t think it is a great idea at this stage. Also, it wasn’t the wet pants on a pile that was the problem , it was that her plan was to wear the sopping wet pants to school today.

Read Ross Greene and figure out how to talk with her about what is going on and how to deal with it. If she's outgrown her other pants and these are the only ones that fit, or if she gets teased when wearing other clothes, I could see why she felt this was her best option though obviously it wasn't a good choice. behavior is communication. What was she trying to communicate? How can she communicate her needs more effectively and how can you better meet them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy, yes--for her, for you, and family. But honestly, also, a nature focused sleepaway camp, ideally all girls, that doesn't allow cell phones..give her a break from the family and social media, give you a break from her, let someone else (counselor) work on the hygiene issues with some modeling from peers. Get a bunch of camp brochures and let her pick. This is not a punishment.

I can't see this ending well. While well-meaning, good kids, your regular teen camp counselor is NOT going to be equipped to deal with a struggling child like OP's DD and then there's the real possibility she would end up ostracized or bullied for her behavior.

OP here. Yes, I would love for my daughter to be able to do something like camp, but I don’t think it is a great idea at this stage. Also, it wasn’t the wet pants on a pile that was the problem , it was that her plan was to wear the sopping wet pants to school today.

Read Ross Greene and figure out how to talk with her about what is going on and how to deal with it. If she's outgrown her other pants and these are the only ones that fit, or if she gets teased when wearing other clothes, I could see why she felt this was her best option though obviously it wasn't a good choice. behavior is communication. What was she trying to communicate? How can she communicate her needs more effectively and how can you better meet them?

Definitely has not outgrown other pants. There were at least 20 other pants options. She wore those pants yesterday. That’s why they were in the wash. In fact they are my old pants that she has taken over. Black gap bootcut yoga. Womens large. Too long for her legs. What was she trying to communicate?? I have no idea. What I am concerned about was the disordered thinking that she thought wearing wet pants straight from the washing machine was a normal thing to do and a good idea, and her only option. She ended up wearing a different pair that is a brand new pair that she requested and got for Christmas, one of several brand new ones. But only after I took away the wet ones. That seems like something a toddler would do, not a middle schooler.

[Anonymous]

I'm not an alarmist, I'm usually pretty much a wait and see person these days. But, my dear niece has a very, very, similar situation with the worst of the behaviors and issues starting with a combo of Covid, puberty, and her brother being diagnosed with a life altering medical condition. So know that you are not alone! And an even bigger but, you need to start calling every therapist in the phone book and getting on all the waitlists and having conference with her teachers and doctors and documenting everything.

I say this because my family are dear sweet people, but the teachers, counselors, principals and others for her and her brother are all mandated reporters. The violence towards her brother and lack of upkeep in her appearance could, and I emphasize could, lead to a CPS visit. Depending on any lies that are told, this could, maybe, become something you no longer have control over.

I'm so, so sorry this is happening to you, but I don't think you are totally grasping what could happen if all that you are telling us is true and not exaggerated.

[Anonymous]

PP, I realized I phrased that in a confusing way. For my niece, it did result in a CPS visit and it really made things even harder for her parents and her. Don't wait on this.