What does this behavior sound like??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another perspective on therapy... I would put her back into therapy. I would tell the therapist the exact lies that she's telling and see if that can be addressed in therapy. There are going to be a lot of boring, no progress sessions. But the child should know that her BS is being called out. No one believes the lies. She should not discontinue therapy until/unless she starts being real.

I would tell her that she doesn't have to talk to you, but she has to talk to someone. She doesn't have to like that therapist... but she has to continue with someone.

I'm sorry but it sounds like your child is in crisis and is lashing out in destructive ways.

OP already randomly cancelled therapy because she refused to let her child have privacy (listening through the walls, demanding to be in sessions). OP is the problem here. Child likely has autism or OCD, but in the family dynamic, is the “identified patient.”

You are assuming OP's family is dysfunctional. We don't know if it is or isn't. But at age 10-11 therapy - including for Autism or OCD - should include the parents. OP was right to cancel with this therapist as it was counterproductive.

I seriously doubt OP’s account is correct that the therapist “refused”
family therapy. We have had many therapists and they are always willing to speak to the parents privately. And OP apparently has made no attempt in the intervening time to find a new therapist even though she sees signs of OCD.

[Anonymous]

op here, I am calling her pediatrician to get suggestions....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another perspective on therapy... I would put her back into therapy. I would tell the therapist the exact lies that she's telling and see if that can be addressed in therapy. There are going to be a lot of boring, no progress sessions. But the child should know that her BS is being called out. No one believes the lies. She should not discontinue therapy until/unless she starts being real.

I would tell her that she doesn't have to talk to you, but she has to talk to someone. She doesn't have to like that therapist... but she has to continue with someone.

I'm sorry but it sounds like your child is in crisis and is lashing out in destructive ways.

OP already randomly cancelled therapy because she refused to let her child have privacy (listening through the walls, demanding to be in sessions). OP is the problem here. Child likely has autism or OCD, but in the family dynamic, is the “identified patient.”

You are assuming OP's family is dysfunctional. We don't know if it is or isn't. But at age 10-11 therapy - including for Autism or OCD - should include the parents. OP was right to cancel with this therapist as it was counterproductive.

I seriously doubt OP’s account is correct that the therapist “refused”
family therapy. We have had many therapists and they are always willing to speak to the parents privately. And OP apparently has made no attempt in the intervening time to find a new therapist even though she sees signs of OCD.

OP here , I am on hold. the therapist REFUSED to have parents in the sessions, twice. Flat out refused. What makes you think I have made no attempt to find a new therapist????? Please stop assuming.

[Anonymous]

NAMI is the National Association for Mental Illness. There are local chapters with many zoom and some in person meetings for families and patients both. Google will get you there fast.

I’d say your child is a much more complex case that will be out of the expertise of most therapists. If you can look to a nearby medical training center like Georgetown Med, or the Inova/Merrifield center. Good luck and hope you get some relief for yourself and your daughter soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another perspective on therapy... I would put her back into therapy. I would tell the therapist the exact lies that she's telling and see if that can be addressed in therapy. There are going to be a lot of boring, no progress sessions. But the child should know that her BS is being called out. No one believes the lies. She should not discontinue therapy until/unless she starts being real.

I would tell her that she doesn't have to talk to you, but she has to talk to someone. She doesn't have to like that therapist... but she has to continue with someone.

I'm sorry but it sounds like your child is in crisis and is lashing out in destructive ways.

OP already randomly cancelled therapy because she refused to let her child have privacy (listening through the walls, demanding to be in sessions). OP is the problem here. Child likely has autism or OCD, but in the family dynamic, is the “identified patient.”

You are assuming OP's family is dysfunctional. We don't know if it is or isn't. But at age 10-11 therapy - including for Autism or OCD - should include the parents. OP was right to cancel with this therapist as it was counterproductive.

I seriously doubt OP’s account is correct that the therapist “refused”
family therapy. We have had many therapists and they are always willing to speak to the parents privately. And OP apparently has made no attempt in the intervening time to find a new therapist even though she sees signs of OCD.

OP here , I am on hold. the therapist REFUSED to have parents in the sessions, twice. Flat out refused. What makes you think I have made no attempt to find a new therapist????? Please stop assuming.

She refused because she wanted to have private sessions with your daughter, which is completely appropriate at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another perspective on therapy... I would put her back into therapy. I would tell the therapist the exact lies that she's telling and see if that can be addressed in therapy. There are going to be a lot of boring, no progress sessions. But the child should know that her BS is being called out. No one believes the lies. She should not discontinue therapy until/unless she starts being real.

I would tell her that she doesn't have to talk to you, but she has to talk to someone. She doesn't have to like that therapist... but she has to continue with someone.

I'm sorry but it sounds like your child is in crisis and is lashing out in destructive ways.

OP already randomly cancelled therapy because she refused to let her child have privacy (listening through the walls, demanding to be in sessions). OP is the problem here. Child likely has autism or OCD, but in the family dynamic, is the “identified patient.”

You are assuming OP's family is dysfunctional. We don't know if it is or isn't. But at age 10-11 therapy - including for Autism or OCD - should include the parents. OP was right to cancel with this therapist as it was counterproductive.

I seriously doubt OP’s account is correct that the therapist “refused”
family therapy. We have had many therapists and they are always willing to speak to the parents privately. And OP apparently has made no attempt in the intervening time to find a new therapist even though she sees signs of OCD.

OP here , I am on hold. the therapist REFUSED to have parents in the sessions, twice. Flat out refused. What makes you think I have made no attempt to find a new therapist????? Please stop assuming.

She refused because she wanted to have private sessions with your daughter, which is completely appropriate at that age.

(And now we are in 2023 three years later and you are just now looking for therapists? It’s actually not that hard to access a private practice.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another perspective on therapy... I would put her back into therapy. I would tell the therapist the exact lies that she's telling and see if that can be addressed in therapy. There are going to be a lot of boring, no progress sessions. But the child should know that her BS is being called out. No one believes the lies. She should not discontinue therapy until/unless she starts being real.

I would tell her that she doesn't have to talk to you, but she has to talk to someone. She doesn't have to like that therapist... but she has to continue with someone.

I'm sorry but it sounds like your child is in crisis and is lashing out in destructive ways.

OP already randomly cancelled therapy because she refused to let her child have privacy (listening through the walls, demanding to be in sessions). OP is the problem here. Child likely has autism or OCD, but in the family dynamic, is the “identified patient.”

You are assuming OP's family is dysfunctional. We don't know if it is or isn't. But at age 10-11 therapy - including for Autism or OCD - should include the parents. OP was right to cancel with this therapist as it was counterproductive.

I seriously doubt OP’s account is correct that the therapist “refused”
family therapy. We have had many therapists and they are always willing to speak to the parents privately. And OP apparently has made no attempt in the intervening time to find a new therapist even though she sees signs of OCD.

OP here , I am on hold. the therapist REFUSED to have parents in the sessions, twice. Flat out refused. What makes you think I have made no attempt to find a new therapist????? Please stop assuming.

She refused because she wanted to have private sessions with your daughter, which is completely appropriate at that age.

(And now we are in 2023 three years later and you are just now looking for therapists? It’s actually not that hard to access a private practice.)

Incorrect. Please stop assuming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wtf OP how about some empathy??

you listed multiple possible reasons: school closures, pubertyX OCD, autism. Your daughter is not a “criminal”
or “schizophrenic.”

the person who needs therapy is you. please seek out a reputable parenting therapist.

Honestly, it sounds like she could just be badly influenced by bad agents in social media.

Do screen detox or no social media, just screens for homework or talking/FaceTiming w friends z real live friends not avatars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wtf OP how about some empathy??

you listed multiple possible reasons: school closures, pubertyX OCD, autism. Your daughter is not a “criminal”
or “schizophrenic.”

the person who needs therapy is you. please seek out a reputable parenting therapist.

Honestly, it sounds like she could just be badly influenced by bad agents in social media.

Do screen detox or no social media, just screens for homework or talking/FaceTiming w friends z real live friends not avatars

OP here yes I agree , this is a huge part of the problem. Huge. I don’t know how to disengage her from the phone and social media. I feel like what she’s been exposed to can’t be undone. I don’t want her to be without a phone when she’s by herself, and she keeps finding ways to re-install things like TicToc and snapchat etc. Even when we put parental stops on it she finds workarounds. I feel like she’s better when she’s removed from the screens. It’s a huge addiction and I don’t know how to keep her from it as she gets older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wtf OP how about some empathy??

you listed multiple possible reasons: school closures, pubertyX OCD, autism. Your daughter is not a “criminal”
or “schizophrenic.”

the person who needs therapy is you. please seek out a reputable parenting therapist.

Honestly, it sounds like she could just be badly influenced by bad agents in social media.

Do screen detox or no social media, just screens for homework or talking/FaceTiming w friends z real live friends not avatars

OP here yes I agree , this is a huge part of the problem. Huge. I don’t know how to disengage her from the phone and social media. I feel like what she’s been exposed to can’t be undone. I don’t want her to be without a phone when she’s by herself, and she keeps finding ways to re-install things like TicToc and snapchat etc. Even when we put parental stops on it she finds workarounds. I feel like she’s better when she’s removed from the screens. It’s a huge addiction and I don’t know how to keep her from it as she gets older.

I should add she’s on Roblox a lot. And since Covid lockdown it was her only social meetup with her friends. We had pretty severe restrictions because of the family member’s illness.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. She sounds like she is having symptoms of mental illness, and while something else medical might also be going on, she obviously is in need of immediate help. I don’t know where you live, but if you can get her to Shepherd Pratt, I would do so. You should also talk to the social worker and psychologist at her school and ask them to help hook you up with services. Your county likely has someone who can help access mental health services in tandem with the school helping you navigate this.

The therapist you mentioned sounds like a dingbat. She should have been doing parent coaching with you. Kids do lie in therapy, but it’s part of the process, however, you should have had time with the therapist yourself.

- teacher of students with emotional disabilities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. She sounds like she is having symptoms of mental illness, and while something else medical might also be going on, she obviously is in need of immediate help. I don’t know where you live, but if you can get her to Shepherd Pratt, I would do so. You should also talk to the social worker and psychologist at her school and ask them to help hook you up with services. Your county likely has someone who can help access mental health services in tandem with the school helping you navigate this.

The therapist you mentioned sounds like a dingbat. She should have been doing parent coaching with you. Kids do lie in therapy, but it’s part of the process, however, you should have had time with the therapist yourself.

- teacher of students with emotional disabilities

Thanks for this reply. Does it sound like I should be aiming for another therapist , or go directly to a psychiatrist? I don't know what Sheperd Pratt is but I will look it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. She sounds like she is having symptoms of mental illness, and while something else medical might also be going on, she obviously is in need of immediate help. I don’t know where you live, but if you can get her to Shepherd Pratt, I would do so. You should also talk to the social worker and psychologist at her school and ask them to help hook you up with services. Your county likely has someone who can help access mental health services in tandem with the school helping you navigate this.

The therapist you mentioned sounds like a dingbat. She should have been doing parent coaching with you. Kids do lie in therapy, but it’s part of the process, however, you should have had time with the therapist yourself.

- teacher of students with emotional disabilities

Thanks for this reply. Does it sound like I should be aiming for another therapist , or go directly to a psychiatrist? I don't know what Sheperd Pratt is but I will look it up.

I’d go to a major mental health center because this case is more difficult than normal, and it could get bad fast. Shepherd Pratt is the leading psychiatric hospital and other services in the area. Expensive. Please pitch a call to your insurance first about what’s covered. After you’re done at a solid center, you should be getting advice on what kinds of therapy would be effective for you and your daughter. So mental health urgent care visit and quick work up first, therapist second.

[Anonymous]

Regarding the phone, can you take her cell phone away and get a land line? Or go and buy the "dumbest" cell phone you can fine. I think removing social media on a long term basis would be very beneficial for her mental health.

You also really need to prioritize therapy. The therapist should have a session regularly where they talk to just the parents and then the majority of the sessions are just with your daughter. Therapists also know better than to believe everything that comes out of the mouth of a teenager, so you should really not worry about setting the record straight regarding the lies. In finding another therapist, don't feel constrained to looking for a psychologist -- many really good therapists are LCSWs (licensed clinical social worker) and they can be much easier to find. Also don't be afraid to change therapists if you feel like it's really not a good fit.

You can and should look for a psychiatrist at the same time you're looking for a therapist. The psychiatrist will spend some time talking to your daughter in each appointment to assess how she's doing, but their main focus is finding the right medication strategy.

While having a full neuropsych and diagnosis going into meeting with a therapist or psychiatrist can be helpful, it's not absolutely necessary and shouldn't hold you back from aggressively pursuing effective treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is in complete crisis OP. I’m not saying your behavior caused this, you point to a lot of significant stressors in 2020 that probably sent her down this path.

But your behavior going forward and your skill at finding a therapist for her, that includes skill training for you, are critical for turning this situation around before your daughter is lost entirely.

It is not easy to have a child in this situation plus another one with ASD. I feel for you.

But please keep in mind that you daughter is sick and needs you. It is not that she is bad.

Me again to say ideally you find a DBT trained therapist. Call literally every qualified therapist in a 20 mile radius and plead. Also call your pediatrician and ask for advice.

What's DBT?

Me again. You can Google DBT.

I’ve been worrying about your daughter for the last hour I’ve been in a meeting. I think the Shepherd Pratt suggestions are probably a good way to go. I know this is hard, but please don’t under react, or try and diagnose this yourself. You need good, professional help.