I don't think I can be friends with moms who drive huge SUVs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care about the SUV’s specifically but yes these types of people are why I don’t really have good friends. I can’t relate to them at all - we are friendly acquaintances and that’s it.

I feel the same about the ski trips out west, home remodels, country clubs, private schools, etc. It’s just never ending for many of these families and I feel like an alien visiting a foreign land I don’t understand. And I’ve been here 15 years.

This, I don't get any of it. It's a values system I wasn't raised with and don't understand.

The thing in the OP I most relate to is that feeling when you notice that a bunch of the people around you all have the exact same thing, like there was a memo that went out. It reminds me of this one woman on my neighborhood listserv who sometimes posts things like, "Ok y'all, what shoes are we all buying for the littles now? Are Natives still in or have people found something better?" It is always extremely jarring to me because she's not asking for a recommendation, she wants to know what "everyone" is doing so that she can do it too. This is such a strange way to go through life, it would not occur to me. When I see her posts, I always click on them so I can read them and the responses, it's like being Jane Goodall or something. Fascinating, but something I observe from a distance.

PP and yes this exactly. It’s a whole mindset, not just the SUV. I feel like such an imposter and so out of place. I think “my people” are probably somewhere in rural New England but I hate the cold and winter so no idea where I will go when my kids finish HS. Thank goodness my DH gets it and gets me. If not I would be totally lost.

Meh, I feel like the shoe example sounds like something I would say to my friends. Not bc I want to be the same, but bc I know they have probably done some research to figure out what the best shoes are for kids and I want to reap the benefits of that

Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently moved to the suburbs, and they are everywhere. Some of the kids are in travel lacrosse and soccer and they are in FIRST grade. They all have the same exact huge white SUV. It was hilarious the other day because a few of them ran into each other at the grocery store and were talking obnoxiously about their vacations while standing in line at Aldi. Anyway, once I got to the parking lot, they were all talking and loading their groceries. They all have the exact type of car a HUGE white SUV. My first car in high school was a Prius. Dh wants an SUV but I am adamant about having a sedan. We have two kids, and it's fine. Do these people not care about global warming? We had an earthquake a week ago, killing thousands of people. Driving these huge cars is such a waste and global warming contributes to more earthquakes. I went from living in an apartment to this. It's such a big change.

It sounds to me like this is a “you” problem.

Eavesdropping and getting upset about kids talking about their vacations at a supermarket is not normal behavior. I hope that you understand this.

I wasn't upset, nor was I eavesdropping. We were all in line and they were loud and I used my eyes in the parking lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you moved into the neighborhood only to look down your nose at all of the people who live there?

Yeah, your life is going to be so much fun.

It is entirely possible to live in the suburbs and reduce the amount of resources you are using. It is a perfectly reasonable and desirable thing for a family to try to acheive,

Somehow you'd still find a way to feel superior to them, I BET. You're just an unpleasant person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care about the SUV’s specifically but yes these types of people are why I don’t really have good friends. I can’t relate to them at all - we are friendly acquaintances and that’s it.

I feel the same about the ski trips out west, home remodels, country clubs, private schools, etc. It’s just never ending for many of these families and I feel like an alien visiting a foreign land I don’t understand. And I’ve been here 15 years.

This is so odd. We lived in DC for 8 years, now the rural South. Our kids are in private school (they were open during covid) and we frequently travel because we want them to know there's a life outside of our small town. I think you're judging people for the wrong reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do a lot of things for the environment, but we also need to carpool. Our Subaru Outback won’t suffice much longer for the reason that we have 2 kids. We can’t car pool except to bring 1 more kid. There are not a ton of 1 kid families and those families don’t always have space in their cars for our two.

If you want to fit 3-5 kids + sports gear, you will need an SUV or minivan.

So in Europe and the rest of the world why are they able to do this without the need for a HUGE suv?

Because I have claustrophobia. I fly first class, too. SorryNotSorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice is to stop being so judgmental. Your kids will pick up that attitude and you’re going to start to wonder fast why they have no friends.

Second, here are a few tips. 1) “travel” sports only means that coaches are getting paid, instead of parent volunteers for “rec” sports. People getting paid for their expert knowledge and labor is a good thing. 2) people live in the suburbs for many reasons and an obvious one is the need for more space. Usually people need more space because they have more than one kid.

They often have 2 kids and live as it they have half a dozen.

Do you vacation using your vehicle or by plane? Most people I know who have big vehicles use them a lot for vacations, eg Outer Banks, Deep Creek/Wisp, etc. Most people I know with smaller vehicles fly everywhere for holidays. Which do you think is better and worse for climate change?

The OP is doing nothing more than class posturing. She thinks suburban lifestyles are gauche and that she’s superior, even as she has endeavored to live a suburban lifestyle herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do a lot of things for the environment, but we also need to carpool. Our Subaru Outback won’t suffice much longer for the reason that we have 2 kids. We can’t car pool except to bring 1 more kid. There are not a ton of 1 kid families and those families don’t always have space in their cars for our two.

If you want to fit 3-5 kids + sports gear, you will need an SUV or minivan.

So in Europe and the rest of the world why are they able to do this without the need for a HUGE suv?

I live in Germany. I’ve also lived in Luxembourg, Belgium, and France in the last decade. Guess what.. they’re all driving SUVs and the market for American branded trucks and vans is HUGE.

That is interesting because we are considering a move to Germany (military civilian) and I joined some groups to get info. The most frequent response is don't take a huge SUV or truck because you won't be able to park, it will be hard to maneuver, etc. Smaller mid-size will survive but isn't ideal (subaru or atlas) but a Tahoe is out of the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently moved to the suburbs, and they are everywhere. Some of the kids are in travel lacrosse and soccer and they are in FIRST grade. They all have the same exact huge white SUV. It was hilarious the other day because a few of them ran into each other at the grocery store and were talking obnoxiously about their vacations while standing in line at Aldi. Anyway, once I got to the parking lot, they were all talking and loading their groceries. They all have the exact type of car a HUGE white SUV. My first car in high school was a Prius. Dh wants an SUV but I am adamant about having a sedan. We have two kids, and it's fine. Do these people not care about global warming? We had an earthquake a week ago, killing thousands of people. Driving these huge cars is such a waste and global warming contributes to more earthquakes. I went from living in an apartment to this. It's such a big change.

It sounds to me like this is a “you” problem.

Eavesdropping and getting upset about kids talking about their vacations at a supermarket is not normal behavior. I hope that you understand this.

I wasn't upset, nor was I eavesdropping. We were all in line and they were loud and I used my eyes in the parking lot.

TIs a never ending competition to consume the most. They are likely raising up some more good little consumers. No one is born thinking they should drive a gigantic SUV. Learned behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do a lot of things for the environment, but we also need to carpool. Our Subaru Outback won’t suffice much longer for the reason that we have 2 kids. We can’t car pool except to bring 1 more kid. There are not a ton of 1 kid families and those families don’t always have space in their cars for our two.

If you want to fit 3-5 kids + sports gear, you will need an SUV or minivan.

So in Europe and the rest of the world why are they able to do this without the need for a HUGE suv?

They dont do travel sports the same way. Cars are really really expensive. Public transport and trains is more developed and they all just have less stuff.

[Anonymous]

Hi famous troll. One of your lesser works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the same people ramming "climate change" down our throats start walking the walk I'll consider changing my behavior but until then I'll keep driving my large white SUV. One trip in a private jet has a larger carbon footprint than a year of my driving. Get off your high horse would be my advice.

Do you think OP is flying around on a private jet?

[Anonymous]

I drive an SUV because it's safer and I couldn't care less about what some neighborhood busybody thought about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you went from living in an apartment to a suburban house (that takes up yard space and more resources than your old apartment) and you’re upset that people aren’t conforming to you and your standards?

Who do you think you are, exactly?

Eco-Karen

HAHAHAHA love it! Eco-Karen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care about the SUV’s specifically but yes these types of people are why I don’t really have good friends. I can’t relate to them at all - we are friendly acquaintances and that’s it.

I feel the same about the ski trips out west, home remodels, country clubs, private schools, etc. It’s just never ending for many of these families and I feel like an alien visiting a foreign land I don’t understand. And I’ve been here 15 years.

This, I don't get any of it. It's a values system I wasn't raised with and don't understand.

The thing in the OP I most relate to is that feeling when you notice that a bunch of the people around you all have the exact same thing, like there was a memo that went out. It reminds me of this one woman on my neighborhood listserv who sometimes posts things like, "Ok y'all, what shoes are we all buying for the littles now? Are Natives still in or have people found something better?" It is always extremely jarring to me because she's not asking for a recommendation, she wants to know what "everyone" is doing so that she can do it too. This is such a strange way to go through life, it would not occur to me. When I see her posts, I always click on them so I can read them and the responses, it's like being Jane Goodall or something. Fascinating, but something I observe from a distance.

PP and yes this exactly. It’s a whole mindset, not just the SUV. I feel like such an imposter and so out of place. I think “my people” are probably somewhere in rural New England but I hate the cold and winter so no idea where I will go when my kids finish HS. Thank goodness my DH gets it and gets me. If not I would be totally lost.

Meh, I feel like the shoe example sounds like something I would say to my friends. Not bc I want to be the same, but bc I know they have probably done some research to figure out what the best shoes are for kids and I want to reap the benefits of that

Nah, that's still "wanting to be the same" but just subconscious. You are outsourcing your decision making to other people because you assume they know better, or because you don't want to put in the effort yourself. You might tell yourself, "this isn't about my kids having the same shoes, or us driving the same car, or going on the same vacations as everyone we know -- it's just smart outsourcing." But the thing you are outsourcing is not "research" it's "thinking". And people outsource thinking so they don't have to think for themselves.

Plus there is safety in doing what others do because then if you make a mistake, it's the same mistake everyone made. If it turns out that SUVs are hella dangerous and destroying the environment, oh well, everyone I know did the same shitty thing so no one can get mad at me, personally. If it turns out those rubber shoes are made by enslaved children in Asia, oh well, at least I'm not the only one. And so on. You are hiding in the safety of numbers, which is the exact same thing all these other people are doing.

It's groupthink. You're a sheep. Maybe you are fine with it, but it's what you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the same people ramming "climate change" down our throats start walking the walk I'll consider changing my behavior but until then I'll keep driving my large white SUV. One trip in a private jet has a larger carbon footprint than a year of my driving. Get off your high horse would be my advice.

I think the point is that most people who are cramming it down- regular people, not celebs- don't do any of that. I cant believe your rationalization is private jet LOL