How common is "failure to launch?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think American norms that everyone has to have a paying job (ie, “launch”) is unhealthy. Who then has time to cook, take care of family, house, etc. which is we rely on plastic disposable packages, processed foods, outsource childcare, too many unruly students who are poor at reading and math.

I think most of us would agree that the ability to be self-supporting is a key element of having launched, and most of us can make ourselves dinner after working a full day.

No, I absolutely do not have energy to make dinner (and everything that goes along with it - grocery shopping, washing pots and pans, etc.) after working a full day. I live with my parents because of this, but I make $200K. Did I fail to launch?

Yes, you did. Please never ever get married and have children - if you are a man, you can't imagine what you might have to do after working a full day when you have kids. If you are a woman, you'll be working 24/7, there will be no "after working".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think American norms that everyone has to have a paying job (ie, “launch”) is unhealthy. Who then has time to cook, take care of family, house, etc. which is we rely on plastic disposable packages, processed foods, outsource childcare, too many unruly students who are poor at reading and math.

I think most of us would agree that the ability to be self-supporting is a key element of having launched, and most of us can make ourselves dinner after working a full day.

No, I absolutely do not have energy to make dinner (and everything that goes along with it - grocery shopping, washing pots and pans, etc.) after working a full day. I live with my parents because of this, but I make $200K. Did I fail to launch?

Yes, you did. Please never ever get married and have children - if you are a man, you can't imagine what you might have to do after working a full day when you have kids. If you are a woman, you'll be working 24/7, there will be no "after working".

Yes. Adulthood means you can handle a full-time job and caring for the basic needs of one adult and their living space! You, as the younger person in your household, should be helping your parents, not leaning on them for basic things.

If you really, really can't make yourself dinner and clean up, how are you ever going to have a family? You might think you can marry a woman who wants to SAHM, but she's not going to be very interested in a man who is soooo tired after work that he *can't even make dinner for one person*, let alone be a present father, handle parenting tasks, drive the kids to evening activities, handle medical stuff as it comes up. $200K won't even begin to cover the costs of a family and the amount of household help you would need if you're really that tired in the evening.

It sounds like you need to see a doctor about your fatigue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work with dozens of these people (something about the career I'm in.) They are in their thirties, have good jobs, do not date and live with their parents. Generally the parents are immigrants (either Eastern Europe or Mexico.) In fact I am the only 30 something in my workplace who is married with children.
They all act like they're living the dream because they don't pay a mortgage or rent, have food waiting for them at home and lots of disposable income.

I am the $200K poster from above living with parents. I absolutely feel like it’s living the dream. Do you know how easy it is to get ahead when you can save $130K a year (as one person, not a household)? And still have fresh home-cooked food and no stress every day?

Of course, the dating relationships are completely nonexistent. I hope to semi-retire early, buy a house/condo for cash, and then focus on that part of life. But I have thought about this a lot, and I have no idea whatsoever how people work at six-figure jobs, maintain a house and do all chores, and raise a family at the same time. That seems like a superhuman task, and the dissatisfaction that is discussed so much in the relationship forum underscores that it’s not realistic for a lot of people.

There should be greater acceptance of the different energy levels that exist within humans, and not being able to “do it all” at once should not mean that one has failed to launch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with dozens of these people (something about the career I'm in.) They are in their thirties, have good jobs, do not date and live with their parents. Generally the parents are immigrants (either Eastern Europe or Mexico.) In fact I am the only 30 something in my workplace who is married with children.
They all act like they're living the dream because they don't pay a mortgage or rent, have food waiting for them at home and lots of disposable income.

I am the $200K poster from above living with parents. I absolutely feel like it’s living the dream. Do you know how easy it is to get ahead when you can save $130K a year (as one person, not a household)? And still have fresh home-cooked food and no stress every day?

Of course, the dating relationships are completely nonexistent. I hope to semi-retire early, buy a house/condo for cash, and then focus on that part of life. But I have thought about this a lot, and I have no idea whatsoever how people work at six-figure jobs, maintain a house and do all chores, and raise a family at the same time. That seems like a superhuman task, and the dissatisfaction that is discussed so much in the relationship forum underscores that it’s not realistic for a lot of people.

There should be greater acceptance of the different energy levels that exist within humans, and not being able to “do it all” at once should not mean that one has failed to launch.

But you're not even close to "doing it all".

It sounds like you need to see a doctor about your fatigue, or you are an adult with special needs or chronic illness. It might be executive functioning, it might be ADHD, it might be depression, it might be ASD, it might be any number of things. But you have not launched. It's a mystery what you mean by "focus on that part of life"-- is owning a condo such a responsibility that it takes all of your focus?

[Anonymous]

Look, the essence of launching is being responsible for yourself. If you still live with your parents but you are helpful to them by doing chores, contributing financially, and caregiving as they age, that's fine. Because you are not making your needs someone else's responsibility. Rather, it's mutual cooperation.

But if your goal in life is to avoid responsibility because you don't like it, avoid chores because they're soooo haaaaard, and basically slack off in every way other than at work, then yes you have failed to launch. Some day your mommy won't be able to cook and clean and provide you a comfortable home where you never have to be responsible for it. What then?

[Anonymous]

Living alone in a studio apartment is not that much work. If you can't manage to cook, buy frozen food or get Sweet Green for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of kids are getting to college only to be completely exhausted. They have been pushed so hard from an early age to excel. College (or their first "real job") is built up to the point that it is supposed to be everything. These kids go to college (or into the workplace) and are underwhelmed. Is this all there is? I worked so hard all those years for this? everyone always told me this would be the best thing ever. I feel betrayed, and disappointed that I fell for all that growing up. It's a sham.

That is what they are thinking.

You have to really set expectations properly for your kids. Work is boring, stressful and underwhelming. But they need to know what they get from working.

Wow! You must live a depressing life. Why not find a job that is fun, engaging and not overwhelming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with dozens of these people (something about the career I'm in.) They are in their thirties, have good jobs, do not date and live with their parents. Generally the parents are immigrants (either Eastern Europe or Mexico.) In fact I am the only 30 something in my workplace who is married with children.
They all act like they're living the dream because they don't pay a mortgage or rent, have food waiting for them at home and lots of disposable income.

I am the $200K poster from above living with parents. I absolutely feel like it’s living the dream. Do you know how easy it is to get ahead when you can save $130K a year (as one person, not a household)? And still have fresh home-cooked food and no stress every day?

Of course, the dating relationships are completely nonexistent. I hope to semi-retire early, buy a house/condo for cash, and then focus on that part of life. But I have thought about this a lot, and I have no idea whatsoever how people work at six-figure jobs, maintain a house and do all chores, and raise a family at the same time. That seems like a superhuman task, and the dissatisfaction that is discussed so much in the relationship forum underscores that it’s not realistic for a lot of people.

There should be greater acceptance of the different energy levels that exist within humans, and not being able to “do it all” at once should not mean that one has failed to launch.

Getting ahead of whom? You have no regular sex just for the sake of buying a condo at some point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread overlooks all the people who only “launched” because of massive parental support: no educational debt, funded apartment in the city after college, job connections through family & friends from private, weddings paid for, downpayments gifted, college funds & private tuition filled by parents and no need to worry about saving for retirement.

I know plenty of rich thirty and forty somethings who do nothing but smoke weed with trust fund money in a house owned by their family. I'd say they're FTL. They're just not suffering financially.

I'm sure you do. Because there's so many rich people all over the place smoking weed all day

Yes, there are. Why is it so hard for you to believe that someone who doesn’t need to work does what they want all day? You think non rich people wouldn’t sit around all day if they could?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with dozens of these people (something about the career I'm in.) They are in their thirties, have good jobs, do not date and live with their parents. Generally the parents are immigrants (either Eastern Europe or Mexico.) In fact I am the only 30 something in my workplace who is married with children.
They all act like they're living the dream because they don't pay a mortgage or rent, have food waiting for them at home and lots of disposable income.

I am the $200K poster from above living with parents. I absolutely feel like it’s living the dream. Do you know how easy it is to get ahead when you can save $130K a year (as one person, not a household)? And still have fresh home-cooked food and no stress every day?

Of course, the dating relationships are completely nonexistent. I hope to semi-retire early, buy a house/condo for cash, and then focus on that part of life. But I have thought about this a lot, and I have no idea whatsoever how people work at six-figure jobs, maintain a house and do all chores, and raise a family at the same time. That seems like a superhuman task, and the dissatisfaction that is discussed so much in the relationship forum underscores that it’s not realistic for a lot of people.

There should be greater acceptance of the different energy levels that exist within humans, and not being able to “do it all” at once should not mean that one has failed to launch.

Getting ahead of whom? You have no regular sex just for the sake of buying a condo at some point?

not everyone has a libido that requires regular sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with dozens of these people (something about the career I'm in.) They are in their thirties, have good jobs, do not date and live with their parents. Generally the parents are immigrants (either Eastern Europe or Mexico.) In fact I am the only 30 something in my workplace who is married with children.
They all act like they're living the dream because they don't pay a mortgage or rent, have food waiting for them at home and lots of disposable income.

I am the $200K poster from above living with parents. I absolutely feel like it’s living the dream. Do you know how easy it is to get ahead when you can save $130K a year (as one person, not a household)? And still have fresh home-cooked food and no stress every day?

Of course, the dating relationships are completely nonexistent. I hope to semi-retire early, buy a house/condo for cash, and then focus on that part of life. But I have thought about this a lot, and I have no idea whatsoever how people work at six-figure jobs, maintain a house and do all chores, and raise a family at the same time. That seems like a superhuman task, and the dissatisfaction that is discussed so much in the relationship forum underscores that it’s not realistic for a lot of people.

There should be greater acceptance of the different energy levels that exist within humans, and not being able to “do it all” at once should not mean that one has failed to launch.

Getting ahead of whom? You have no regular sex just for the sake of buying a condo at some point?

not everyone has a libido that requires regular sex.

+1

I don’t think I’ve had sex since maybe 2018? I don’t miss it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with dozens of these people (something about the career I'm in.) They are in their thirties, have good jobs, do not date and live with their parents. Generally the parents are immigrants (either Eastern Europe or Mexico.) In fact I am the only 30 something in my workplace who is married with children.
They all act like they're living the dream because they don't pay a mortgage or rent, have food waiting for them at home and lots of disposable income.

I am the $200K poster from above living with parents. I absolutely feel like it’s living the dream. Do you know how easy it is to get ahead when you can save $130K a year (as one person, not a household)? And still have fresh home-cooked food and no stress every day?

Of course, the dating relationships are completely nonexistent. I hope to semi-retire early, buy a house/condo for cash, and then focus on that part of life. But I have thought about this a lot, and I have no idea whatsoever how people work at six-figure jobs, maintain a house and do all chores, and raise a family at the same time. That seems like a superhuman task, and the dissatisfaction that is discussed so much in the relationship forum underscores that it’s not realistic for a lot of people.

There should be greater acceptance of the different energy levels that exist within humans, and not being able to “do it all” at once should not mean that one has failed to launch.

Getting ahead of whom? You have no regular sex just for the sake of buying a condo at some point?

Avoiding things is not being "ahead". And a life focused on saving money above all is not much of a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I immigrated from a culture where most people live in multi-generational families. In our society, no one fails to launch. People may not be earning a living but those who are at home are taking care of the home, family and social obligations.

My brother lost his job 5 yrs ago. He is 60 now. His wife is the breadwinner. He does projects at home. House repair, additions, medical care, veggi garden, selling of property, consolidating investments. He is busy as hell and will rake in big amounts of money with selling his property (he used to buy land for cheap at one point in life).

Thank you. The entire concept of failure to launch is based on an American standard that every generation should live in their own separate home.

Exactly. No drama or lazy freeloaders in the tight knit villages and old country. No way Jose!

Well, in my grandfather's old country it was either work or starve. Nobody else could afford to pay your way and no Gov't handouts. Yes, that brought a lot of anxiety but no one could afford to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with dozens of these people (something about the career I'm in.) They are in their thirties, have good jobs, do not date and live with their parents. Generally the parents are immigrants (either Eastern Europe or Mexico.) In fact I am the only 30 something in my workplace who is married with children.
They all act like they're living the dream because they don't pay a mortgage or rent, have food waiting for them at home and lots of disposable income.

I am the $200K poster from above living with parents. I absolutely feel like it’s living the dream. Do you know how easy it is to get ahead when you can save $130K a year (as one person, not a household)? And still have fresh home-cooked food and no stress every day?

Of course, the dating relationships are completely nonexistent. I hope to semi-retire early, buy a house/condo for cash, and then focus on that part of life. But I have thought about this a lot, and I have no idea whatsoever how people work at six-figure jobs, maintain a house and do all chores, and raise a family at the same time. That seems like a superhuman task, and the dissatisfaction that is discussed so much in the relationship forum underscores that it’s not realistic for a lot of people.

There should be greater acceptance of the different energy levels that exist within humans, and not being able to “do it all” at once should not mean that one has failed to launch.

Getting ahead of whom? You have no regular sex just for the sake of buying a condo at some point?

not everyone has a libido that requires regular sex.

+1

I don’t think I’ve had sex since maybe 2018? I don’t miss it at all.

You and the 200k man child are not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with dozens of these people (something about the career I'm in.) They are in their thirties, have good jobs, do not date and live with their parents. Generally the parents are immigrants (either Eastern Europe or Mexico.) In fact I am the only 30 something in my workplace who is married with children.
They all act like they're living the dream because they don't pay a mortgage or rent, have food waiting for them at home and lots of disposable income.

I am the $200K poster from above living with parents. I absolutely feel like it’s living the dream. Do you know how easy it is to get ahead when you can save $130K a year (as one person, not a household)? And still have fresh home-cooked food and no stress every day?

Of course, the dating relationships are completely nonexistent. I hope to semi-retire early, buy a house/condo for cash, and then focus on that part of life. But I have thought about this a lot, and I have no idea whatsoever how people work at six-figure jobs, maintain a house and do all chores, and raise a family at the same time. That seems like a superhuman task, and the dissatisfaction that is discussed so much in the relationship forum underscores that it’s not realistic for a lot of people.

There should be greater acceptance of the different energy levels that exist within humans, and not being able to “do it all” at once should not mean that one has failed to launch.

Getting ahead of whom? You have no regular sex just for the sake of buying a condo at some point?

not everyone has a libido that requires regular sex.

+1

I don’t think I’ve had sex since maybe 2018? I don’t miss it at all.

You and the 200k man child are not normal.

Normal doesn’t even mean anything. MYOB.