How common is "failure to launch?"

[Anonymous]

I see this discussed a lot on here. Is there like one in every family, or is it only a disfavored few in society? Does it happen more to men than women these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see this discussed a lot on here. Is there like one in every family, or is it only a disfavored few in society? Does it happen more to men than women these days?

Beats me. You should ask a sociologist.

[Anonymous]

Sigh, ignore the above poster.

I have one in my family, nearing 50 and still lives with our elderly parents. There are just two of us and I’m married with kids. Seems more common with males but I’ve definitely seen it with women. Very difficult to deal with.

[Anonymous]

It’s about 1/20 IME. These kids either have a subtle special need or an emotional dependency or were neglected or abused in childhood in some way leading to either overprotection or lack of self worth. Also a lot of undiagnosed ADHD and overall mismatch between lack of ambition and societal expectation. It’s okay when you’re younger but really awful by middle age. Sometimes it’s just an unattractive woman who never married and eventually it’s too late and just spinsterhood. At that point it might make sense to save money.

[Anonymous]

Three in my family in separate branches, all males in their 30s and 40s.
The similarities are striking.

- One with ASD and mild intellectual disability; dad tragically passed and is codependent with mom, who he lives with. Holds occasional menial jobs. Youngest sibling in sibling group by 10 yrs.
- One with mild ASD but serious addiction issue; college grad; only child with likely adoption trauma; codependent on mom, who pays for his housing. Works part-time.
- One born into wealth and has never worked; only child; college grad; likely alcohol issue; codependent with both parents.

[Anonymous]

Usually "failure to launch" is just a rude term for someone who has intellectual, congitive, nueorcognitive and/or psychological struggles and either the parents went into deniaql and did not get adequate treatment or the parents did care, got help, but it was not enough.

Also, what is interesting is among the uber wealthy often it isn't referred to as "failure to launch" because the person lives off family wealth. I know several trust fund babies who label themselves as entrepreneurs or investors. Nobody bats an eyelash. If they are marries as long as they pay their pills-great. If the person is single, nobody seems to side-eye because the person doesn't live with parents. The person doesn't live with parents because there is lots of money to play with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh, ignore the above poster.

I have one in my family, nearing 50 and still lives with our elderly parents. There are just two of us and I’m married with kids. Seems more common with males but I’ve definitely seen it with women. Very difficult to deal with.

Does your sibling handle parental emergencies and provide emotional support to them. if so, is this really failure to launch? Do you know how much you would pay for that?

Did the person have psychological or cognitive issues? Are you saying someone with a disability is a failure?

[Anonymous]

A lot of kids are getting to college only to be completely exhausted. They have been pushed so hard from an early age to excel. College (or their first "real job") is built up to the point that it is supposed to be everything. These kids go to college (or into the workplace) and are underwhelmed. Is this all there is? I worked so hard all those years for this? everyone always told me this would be the best thing ever. I feel betrayed, and disappointed that I fell for all that growing up. It's a sham.

That is what they are thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually "failure to launch" is just a rude term for someone who has intellectual, congitive, nueorcognitive and/or psychological struggles and either the parents went into deniaql and did not get adequate treatment or the parents did care, got help, but it was not enough.

Also, what is interesting is among the uber wealthy often it isn't referred to as "failure to launch" because the person lives off family wealth. I know several trust fund babies who label themselves as entrepreneurs or investors. Nobody bats an eyelash. If they are marries as long as they pay their pills-great. If the person is single, nobody seems to side-eye because the person doesn't live with parents. The person doesn't live with parents because there is lots of money to play with.

I still consider it failure to launch, even if wealthy. Boss's daughter never held down a real job and flits around Europe in her 30s, totally on the parent's dime. I guess it's fine since they have the money to support it but I still don't consider her a fully "launched" adult.

[Anonymous]

I immigrated from a culture where most people live in multi-generational families. In our society, no one fails to launch. People may not be earning a living but those who are at home are taking care of the home, family and social obligations.

My brother lost his job 5 yrs ago. He is 60 now. His wife is the breadwinner. He does projects at home. House repair, additions, medical care, veggi garden, selling of property, consolidating investments. He is busy as hell and will rake in big amounts of money with selling his property (he used to buy land for cheap at one point in life).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of kids are getting to college only to be completely exhausted. They have been pushed so hard from an early age to excel. College (or their first "real job") is built up to the point that it is supposed to be everything. These kids go to college (or into the workplace) and are underwhelmed. Is this all there is? I worked so hard all those years for this? everyone always told me this would be the best thing ever. I feel betrayed, and disappointed that I fell for all that growing up. It's a sham.

That is what they are thinking.

You have to really set expectations properly for your kids. Work is boring, stressful and underwhelming. But they need to know what they get from working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I immigrated from a culture where most people live in multi-generational families. In our society, no one fails to launch. People may not be earning a living but those who are at home are taking care of the home, family and social obligations.

My brother lost his job 5 yrs ago. He is 60 now. His wife is the breadwinner. He does projects at home. House repair, additions, medical care, veggi garden, selling of property, consolidating investments. He is busy as hell and will rake in big amounts of money with selling his property (he used to buy land for cheap at one point in life).

A 55 YO, by definition, is not a failure to launch. We're talking about people in their late teens - 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I immigrated from a culture where most people live in multi-generational families. In our society, no one fails to launch. People may not be earning a living but those who are at home are taking care of the home, family and social obligations.

My brother lost his job 5 yrs ago. He is 60 now. His wife is the breadwinner. He does projects at home. House repair, additions, medical care, veggi garden, selling of property, consolidating investments. He is busy as hell and will rake in big amounts of money with selling his property (he used to buy land for cheap at one point in life).

Thank you. The entire concept of failure to launch is based on an American standard that every generation should live in their own separate home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I immigrated from a culture where most people live in multi-generational families. In our society, no one fails to launch. People may not be earning a living but those who are at home are taking care of the home, family and social obligations.

My brother lost his job 5 yrs ago. He is 60 now. His wife is the breadwinner. He does projects at home. House repair, additions, medical care, veggi garden, selling of property, consolidating investments. He is busy as hell and will rake in big amounts of money with selling his property (he used to buy land for cheap at one point in life).

A 55 YO, by definition, is not a failure to launch. We're talking about people in their late teens - 20s.

Are "we"? A 55YO who still lives with their parents and can't hold down a full-time job despite having no clear psychological or cognitive impairments is very much a failure to launch.

A married 55YO who makes themselves useful is various ways is not a failure to launch.

I am in my 50s and a lot of my friends have sibling who we think of as having failed to launch. My BIL, for example, lived with my ILs until they died and just got his first full-time salaried position despite having a master's degree.

[Anonymous]

Everyone in my family launched, and I have a big family. But some moved out at 16, and some (me) at 23. Some moved back home after college for a few years before moving out permanently. Some moved out and became doctors, but their mommy called them every morning to wake them up until they got married and their wives took over that duty.

At what age do you consider someone failure to launch? Some said I was a failure because I lived at home until 23. Some say it's after 30 or 35....