How common is "failure to launch?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread overlooks all the people who only “launched” because of massive parental support: no educational debt, funded apartment in the city after college, job connections through family & friends from private, weddings paid for, downpayments gifted, college funds & private tuition filled by parents and no need to worry about saving for retirement.

I don't know anyone so rich they don't have to worry about saving for retirement

I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the ones I know are men, some elderly now. They all likely had undiagnosed mental or emotional issues. They all never had steady female relationships, even though some were attractive. They just couldn't hold down a job, a relationship and also most had drinking or drug problems. Each one had at least one relative that would help them out or allow them to live with them. Otherwise, they may have been homeless or in jail.

+1. Mostly men but I do know a few women with mental illness that fall into the category. The “crazy aunt” living in the extra room still exists today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think American norms that everyone has to have a paying job (ie, “launch”) is unhealthy. Who then has time to cook, take care of family, house, etc. which is we rely on plastic disposable packages, processed foods, outsource childcare, too many unruly students who are poor at reading and math.

I agree that there is a level of misogyny in the US that doesn't value women work (childcare, cooking, cleaning, etc.) unless there is a paycheck attached to the work. So if a person is a chef for a paying job it's valued but cooking healthy meals for family is not valued - stay at home parents are viewed as worthless and lazy. It's really rooted in misogyny and bad for children who lack good home cooking and care.

+1

Before the two income craze, the need to rely on take out, processed foods wasn’t so high. Especially when you have to take care of kids on top of the two careers. It’s possible to juggle everything I suppose— I guess that’s why Americans are world renowned for their lack of obesity and their happiness?

And no sahms do not cause failure to launch offspring, what an absurd post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think American norms that everyone has to have a paying job (ie, “launch”) is unhealthy. Who then has time to cook, take care of family, house, etc. which is we rely on plastic disposable packages, processed foods, outsource childcare, too many unruly students who are poor at reading and math.

I think most of us would agree that the ability to be self-supporting is a key element of having launched, and most of us can make ourselves dinner after working a full day.

No, I absolutely do not have energy to make dinner (and everything that goes along with it - grocery shopping, washing pots and pans, etc.) after working a full day. I live with my parents because of this, but I make $200K. Did I fail to launch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread overlooks all the people who only “launched” because of massive parental support: no educational debt, funded apartment in the city after college, job connections through family & friends from private, weddings paid for, downpayments gifted, college funds & private tuition filled by parents and no need to worry about saving for retirement.

No, it's not. Your jealousy has nothing to do with failure to launch. FTL are people who just don't do anything but live in their parents' basement despite having the capacity, or one would think, to figure out how to live on their own and get on with life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think American norms that everyone has to have a paying job (ie, “launch”) is unhealthy. Who then has time to cook, take care of family, house, etc. which is we rely on plastic disposable packages, processed foods, outsource childcare, too many unruly students who are poor at reading and math.

I agree that there is a level of misogyny in the US that doesn't value women work (childcare, cooking, cleaning, etc.) unless there is a paycheck attached to the work. So if a person is a chef for a paying job it's valued but cooking healthy meals for family is not valued - stay at home parents are viewed as worthless and lazy. It's really rooted in misogyny and bad for children who lack good home cooking and care.

Not sure what you're saying has to do with FTL? No one is accusing homemakers of failing to launch. Of the few FTL incidents I know, the mothers all have jobs, and accomplished ones at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread overlooks all the people who only “launched” because of massive parental support: no educational debt, funded apartment in the city after college, job connections through family & friends from private, weddings paid for, downpayments gifted, college funds & private tuition filled by parents and no need to worry about saving for retirement.

I know plenty of rich thirty and forty somethings who do nothing but smoke weed with trust fund money in a house owned by their family. I'd say they're FTL. They're just not suffering financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think American norms that everyone has to have a paying job (ie, “launch”) is unhealthy. Who then has time to cook, take care of family, house, etc. which is we rely on plastic disposable packages, processed foods, outsource childcare, too many unruly students who are poor at reading and math.

I think most of us would agree that the ability to be self-supporting is a key element of having launched, and most of us can make ourselves dinner after working a full day.

No, I absolutely do not have energy to make dinner (and everything that goes along with it - grocery shopping, washing pots and pans, etc.) after working a full day. I live with my parents because of this, but I make $200K. Did I fail to launch?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread overlooks all the people who only “launched” because of massive parental support: no educational debt, funded apartment in the city after college, job connections through family & friends from private, weddings paid for, downpayments gifted, college funds & private tuition filled by parents and no need to worry about saving for retirement.

I know plenty of rich thirty and forty somethings who do nothing but smoke weed with trust fund money in a house owned by their family. I'd say they're FTL. They're just not suffering financially.

I'm sure you do. Because there's so many rich people all over the place smoking weed all day

[Anonymous]

I would say it is common enough that it's a real thing to worry about. I've seen it play out for both my step-BIL and various children of my parents friends. In these cases the kids don't live w their parents, but only because their parents bankroll them. it's sad to watch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think American norms that everyone has to have a paying job (ie, “launch”) is unhealthy. Who then has time to cook, take care of family, house, etc. which is we rely on plastic disposable packages, processed foods, outsource childcare, too many unruly students who are poor at reading and math.

I think most of us would agree that the ability to be self-supporting is a key element of having launched, and most of us can make ourselves dinner after working a full day.

No, I absolutely do not have energy to make dinner (and everything that goes along with it - grocery shopping, washing pots and pans, etc.) after working a full day. I live with my parents because of this, but I make $200K. Did I fail to launch?

Yes. It's one thing if you are doing it for a short period of time but if living with your parents is your solution to not being able to manage adulting, that is failure to launch

[Anonymous]

I work with dozens of these people (something about the career I'm in.) They are in their thirties, have good jobs, do not date and live with their parents. Generally the parents are immigrants (either Eastern Europe or Mexico.) In fact I am the only 30 something in my workplace who is married with children.
They all act like they're living the dream because they don't pay a mortgage or rent, have food waiting for them at home and lots of disposable income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work with dozens of these people (something about the career I'm in.) They are in their thirties, have good jobs, do not date and live with their parents. Generally the parents are immigrants (either Eastern Europe or Mexico.) In fact I am the only 30 something in my workplace who is married with children.
They all act like they're living the dream because they don't pay a mortgage or rent, have food waiting for them at home and lots of disposable income.

OMG is this a troll? That sounds like an amazing life. Completely not failure to launch, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread overlooks all the people who only “launched” because of massive parental support: no educational debt, funded apartment in the city after college, job connections through family & friends from private, weddings paid for, downpayments gifted, college funds & private tuition filled by parents and no need to worry about saving for retirement.

What? I had no choice but to launch! I WISH I could have lived at home paying no rent while commuting to a high paying job in the city. But I wouldn’t have launched if I had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the ones I know are men, some elderly now. They all likely had undiagnosed mental or emotional issues. They all never had steady female relationships, even though some were attractive. They just couldn't hold down a job, a relationship and also most had drinking or drug problems. Each one had at least one relative that would help them out or allow them to live with them. Otherwise, they may have been homeless or in jail.

I bet if they had sisters, their parents were much less tolerant around their daughters' "issues". You sweep that floor and wash those dishes, b.tch, whether you feel like it or not.