Are we insane? Need perspective, please! Full time nanny and full time preschool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks to everyone for the helpful input. For people advocating for PT programs - do you think it's more about the duration of the days or # of days a week? It seems as if our only option would be a FT place M-F where the core day is 9 am to about 4:30 pm but could pick up earlier around 330 (they say they prefer if stay for nap to adjust better). There *might* be a two days a wee 9-noon option - so big difference in terms of time. Not sure which would be easier for nanny to coordinate pickup and dropoff - noon seems kind of awkward?

I do think this is hard as long days in daycare at 3 aren't a number 1 choice.. but yeah I'm not sure getting the twins in the car for pick up at 12 is going to be that helpful, might be more hurtful than anything. This really is going to come down to your preference OP and what you can afford. I mentioned part time because in my ideal world my kids have more time at home rather than long full time days but I haven't always been able to pull it off and after 3 my kids have done well with a 9-4 schedule and enjoy being with their friends, so he would be fine. Logistically speaking the more full time program probably will work best if you can afford it. You could pick up at 4 pm or so.

Is there something in particular you are missing that you want feedback on? Everyone can provide their opinion but there is no right way to do this. There are many SAHM who have had twins and had both kids home. Many who have had twins and had their older in part time care. People do all sorts of scenarios and they all have pros and cons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks to everyone for the helpful input. For people advocating for PT programs - do you think it's more about the duration of the days or # of days a week? It seems as if our only option would be a FT place M-F where the core day is 9 am to about 4:30 pm but could pick up earlier around 330 (they say they prefer if stay for nap to adjust better). There *might* be a two days a wee 9-noon option - so big difference in terms of time. Not sure which would be easier for nanny to coordinate pickup and dropoff - noon seems kind of awkward?

I think the FT might be better, actually. You don't want to disrupt the twins' nap schedule at midday by dragging them into the car and then having the 3 year old around all afternoon while they are trying to nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks to everyone for the helpful input. For people advocating for PT programs - do you think it's more about the duration of the days or # of days a week? It seems as if our only option would be a FT place M-F where the core day is 9 am to about 4:30 pm but could pick up earlier around 330 (they say they prefer if stay for nap to adjust better). There *might* be a two days a wee 9-noon option - so big difference in terms of time. Not sure which would be easier for nanny to coordinate pickup and dropoff - noon seems kind of awkward?

I think noon is fine for a pickup time; it gets awkward when younger sibs transition to one nap.

It’s length of day. They thrive on the routine so I think 5 days is actually ideal for this age. My oldest was in a 3 day program for a while at age 3, but most of the class went 5 days, and she absolutely noticed when she missed things like special events that fell on her off days. But she (now 5) is wiped after a 9-1 preschool day. Obviously many kids do much longer and that’s fine but it can be an adjustment. I’m kind of nervous about kindergarten next year.

I think 9-3:30 will be long but it’s not unreasonable at all if that’s the timing that works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks to everyone for the helpful input. For people advocating for PT programs - do you think it's more about the duration of the days or # of days a week? It seems as if our only option would be a FT place M-F where the core day is 9 am to about 4:30 pm but could pick up earlier around 330 (they say they prefer if stay for nap to adjust better). There *might* be a two days a wee 9-noon option - so big difference in terms of time. Not sure which would be easier for nanny to coordinate pickup and dropoff - noon seems kind of awkward?

I do think this is hard as long days in daycare at 3 aren't a number 1 choice.. but yeah I'm not sure getting the twins in the car for pick up at 12 is going to be that helpful, might be more hurtful than anything. This really is going to come down to your preference OP and what you can afford. I mentioned part time because in my ideal world my kids have more time at home rather than long full time days but I haven't always been able to pull it off and after 3 my kids have done well with a 9-4 schedule and enjoy being with their friends, so he would be fine. Logistically speaking the more full time program probably will work best if you can afford it. You could pick up at 4 pm or so.

Is there something in particular you are missing that you want feedback on? Everyone can provide their opinion but there is no right way to do this. There are many SAHM who have had twins and had both kids home. Many who have had twins and had their older in part time care. People do all sorts of scenarios and they all have pros and cons.

Genuinely curious - why do you or others think that FT is too much for a 3 year old? I haven't gotten the sense that mine has had any adverse effects despite being there 7-8 hours a day, including a nap. Is he actually raging inside and I don't realize? Or are some kids having a breakdown if they're picked up "late"? Are people just saying this because of some assumption they're making about kids that age that isn't necessarily grounded in reality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks to everyone for the helpful input. For people advocating for PT programs - do you think it's more about the duration of the days or # of days a week? It seems as if our only option would be a FT place M-F where the core day is 9 am to about 4:30 pm but could pick up earlier around 330 (they say they prefer if stay for nap to adjust better). There *might* be a two days a wee 9-noon option - so big difference in terms of time. Not sure which would be easier for nanny to coordinate pickup and dropoff - noon seems kind of awkward?

I do think this is hard as long days in daycare at 3 aren't a number 1 choice.. but yeah I'm not sure getting the twins in the car for pick up at 12 is going to be that helpful, might be more hurtful than anything. This really is going to come down to your preference OP and what you can afford. I mentioned part time because in my ideal world my kids have more time at home rather than long full time days but I haven't always been able to pull it off and after 3 my kids have done well with a 9-4 schedule and enjoy being with their friends, so he would be fine. Logistically speaking the more full time program probably will work best if you can afford it. You could pick up at 4 pm or so.

Is there something in particular you are missing that you want feedback on? Everyone can provide their opinion but there is no right way to do this. There are many SAHM who have had twins and had both kids home. Many who have had twins and had their older in part time care. People do all sorts of scenarios and they all have pros and cons.

Genuinely curious - why do you or others think that FT is too much for a 3 year old? I haven't gotten the sense that mine has had any adverse effects despite being there 7-8 hours a day, including a nap. Is he actually raging inside and I don't realize? Or are some kids having a breakdown if they're picked up "late"? Are people just saying this because of some assumption they're making about kids that age that isn't necessarily grounded in reality?

OK first of all if it’s working for your kid, that is great. Lots of kids do full time daycare and are extremely well adjusted and happy. I also think that most kids can adapt to a full time daycare schedule eventually if need be. But I have seen my kid struggle with longer days when we tried that. She’s in half day right now and it’s great but it’s still very stimulating. I suspect 0 daycare to full time would be a lot at 3 years old, which is a tough age for emotional regulation, but I also think they can stick it out if they need/choose to and it will eventually work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks to everyone for the helpful input. For people advocating for PT programs - do you think it's more about the duration of the days or # of days a week? It seems as if our only option would be a FT place M-F where the core day is 9 am to about 4:30 pm but could pick up earlier around 330 (they say they prefer if stay for nap to adjust better). There *might* be a two days a wee 9-noon option - so big difference in terms of time. Not sure which would be easier for nanny to coordinate pickup and dropoff - noon seems kind of awkward?

I do think this is hard as long days in daycare at 3 aren't a number 1 choice.. but yeah I'm not sure getting the twins in the car for pick up at 12 is going to be that helpful, might be more hurtful than anything. This really is going to come down to your preference OP and what you can afford. I mentioned part time because in my ideal world my kids have more time at home rather than long full time days but I haven't always been able to pull it off and after 3 my kids have done well with a 9-4 schedule and enjoy being with their friends, so he would be fine. Logistically speaking the more full time program probably will work best if you can afford it. You could pick up at 4 pm or so.

Is there something in particular you are missing that you want feedback on? Everyone can provide their opinion but there is no right way to do this. There are many SAHM who have had twins and had both kids home. Many who have had twins and had their older in part time care. People do all sorts of scenarios and they all have pros and cons.

Genuinely curious - why do you or others think that FT is too much for a 3 year old? I haven't gotten the sense that mine has had any adverse effects despite being there 7-8 hours a day, including a nap. Is he actually raging inside and I don't realize? Or are some kids having a breakdown if they're picked up "late"? Are people just saying this because of some assumption they're making about kids that age that isn't necessarily grounded in reality?

OK first of all if it’s working for your kid, that is great. Lots of kids do full time daycare and are extremely well adjusted and happy. I also think that most kids can adapt to a full time daycare schedule eventually if need be. But I have seen my kid struggle with longer days when we tried that. She’s in half day right now and it’s great but it’s still very stimulating. I suspect 0 daycare to full time would be a lot at 3 years old, which is a tough age for emotional regulation, but I also think they can stick it out if they need/choose to and it will eventually work out.

Got it. Mine has been in daycare for over a year so he's used to it. Also, we have full time jobs, so I don't have the luxury of picking him up at 3pm every day anyways...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks to everyone for the helpful input. For people advocating for PT programs - do you think it's more about the duration of the days or # of days a week? It seems as if our only option would be a FT place M-F where the core day is 9 am to about 4:30 pm but could pick up earlier around 330 (they say they prefer if stay for nap to adjust better). There *might* be a two days a wee 9-noon option - so big difference in terms of time. Not sure which would be easier for nanny to coordinate pickup and dropoff - noon seems kind of awkward?

I do think this is hard as long days in daycare at 3 aren't a number 1 choice.. but yeah I'm not sure getting the twins in the car for pick up at 12 is going to be that helpful, might be more hurtful than anything. This really is going to come down to your preference OP and what you can afford. I mentioned part time because in my ideal world my kids have more time at home rather than long full time days but I haven't always been able to pull it off and after 3 my kids have done well with a 9-4 schedule and enjoy being with their friends, so he would be fine. Logistically speaking the more full time program probably will work best if you can afford it. You could pick up at 4 pm or so.

Is there something in particular you are missing that you want feedback on? Everyone can provide their opinion but there is no right way to do this. There are many SAHM who have had twins and had both kids home. Many who have had twins and had their older in part time care. People do all sorts of scenarios and they all have pros and cons.

Genuinely curious - why do you or others think that FT is too much for a 3 year old? I haven't gotten the sense that mine has had any adverse effects despite being there 7-8 hours a day, including a nap. Is he actually raging inside and I don't realize? Or are some kids having a breakdown if they're picked up "late"? Are people just saying this because of some assumption they're making about kids that age that isn't necessarily grounded in reality?

OP again. Realized there is a typo in original post. Oops. Toddler is almost 3. Would be closer to 3 than 2 but still 2 if starting care in the fall. I worry a lot about him feeling abandoned, stressed out by long days, having to nap and go through potty train in such a different and less intimate environment. I also worry about him getting bored and frustrated at home but hate that it seems options are so much all or none. Before we had the twins we had intended to keep him home until a little older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks to everyone for the helpful input. For people advocating for PT programs - do you think it's more about the duration of the days or # of days a week? It seems as if our only option would be a FT place M-F where the core day is 9 am to about 4:30 pm but could pick up earlier around 330 (they say they prefer if stay for nap to adjust better). There *might* be a two days a wee 9-noon option - so big difference in terms of time. Not sure which would be easier for nanny to coordinate pickup and dropoff - noon seems kind of awkward?

I do think this is hard as long days in daycare at 3 aren't a number 1 choice.. but yeah I'm not sure getting the twins in the car for pick up at 12 is going to be that helpful, might be more hurtful than anything. This really is going to come down to your preference OP and what you can afford. I mentioned part time because in my ideal world my kids have more time at home rather than long full time days but I haven't always been able to pull it off and after 3 my kids have done well with a 9-4 schedule and enjoy being with their friends, so he would be fine. Logistically speaking the more full time program probably will work best if you can afford it. You could pick up at 4 pm or so.

Is there something in particular you are missing that you want feedback on? Everyone can provide their opinion but there is no right way to do this. There are many SAHM who have had twins and had both kids home. Many who have had twins and had their older in part time care. People do all sorts of scenarios and they all have pros and cons.

Genuinely curious - why do you or others think that FT is too much for a 3 year old? I haven't gotten the sense that mine has had any adverse effects despite being there 7-8 hours a day, including a nap. Is he actually raging inside and I don't realize? Or are some kids having a breakdown if they're picked up "late"? Are people just saying this because of some assumption they're making about kids that age that isn't necessarily grounded in reality?

OP again. Realized there is a typo in original post. Oops. Toddler is almost 3. Would be closer to 3 than 2 but still 2 if starting care in the fall. I worry a lot about him feeling abandoned, stressed out by long days, having to nap and go through potty train in such a different and less intimate environment. I also worry about him getting bored and frustrated at home but hate that it seems options are so much all or none. Before we had the twins we had intended to keep him home until a little older.

The transition is going to be tough for sure. But you will have to transition him eventually, whether it's at 4 or 5. Maybe just start him off part time for a couple of weeks to get him used to it. Kids are super adaptable.

I would start potty training at home soon. That'll make it easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About to have 3 very young kids - have an almost 3 yr old and expecting twins any day now. As of now we have a nanny, who is committed and ready to stay with us (with a raise, obviously) once twins arrive.

Question is really - what is best plan for the toddler this fall? Once babies are less vulnerable to infection and older, we're thinking he needs to get out of the house and have more stimulation. It will also be harder for nanny to manage all 3 once babies are mobile and I'm back at work.

Issue: the most convenient preschools in terms of commute and our favorites are either coops or full day programs. Coops are cheap but not really sure what we get out of them since we both work full time. Next best option appears to be the full day program. So we'd be doing a full time nanny for babies and full time preschool for toddler? Assuming that is (barely? probably?) within our budget, is that just insane?

Any advice or takes appreciated!

I’d get a live in ASAP and yes full-time

Totally this.

[Anonymous]

I would give the nanny the chance to keep all 3 at home. What a pain to haul the twins back and forth everyday. Your 3 year old can be helpful and get to know his new siblings. The nanny could have your toddler nap when the baby naps.