Are we insane? Need perspective, please! Full time nanny and full time preschool?

[Anonymous]

Career nanny here again. OP if you post an email I am happy to arrange a chance to talk this out with you. I have the afternoon free and I have a soft spot for twin moms since that has been most of my career!

[Anonymous]

The nanny will be very busy with the twins. She will not have any time for a toddler-preschooler. Make a nanny responsible for twins, and you take care of a toddler for full-day childcare.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Twins are term and healthy (thankfully). Parental leave will only extend to about 4 - 4.5 months. Toddler is accustomed to spending at least 2-3 half days a week at activities like playground, library, kid's museum but with nanny - he has pretty structured and social days with her now. Nanny has experience with nanny share (2 babies).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back again.Not sure if anyone still looking at this. But really needing reassurance and advice on best option for toddler.

Hoping for insights from PP who identified as twin moms and said FT preschool for toddler + nanny for twins.
Z see
Having a lot of hesitancy, sadness, and guilt about sending toddler to FT school. Nanny insists she could manage all 3 at home and would be sad to have toddler go. I trust her, but it is so hard to imagine how that would work and toddler would be happy - how he'd keep his schedule with library mornings, playgrounds, etc. Nanny is incredible but has no direct experience with this situation.

Have thoroughly looked at all half-day and coop programs around us. None within a reasonable distance offer the quality of the FT one or allow parents to opt out of the coop portion - so it seems all or none.

Why don’t you send him to FT Preschool and see how he likes it? I have a 3 year old and infant and can’t imagine keeping him at home with them (and this is 1 and not 2 babies…) if he stayed home I would feel like he’s missing out on so much…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FT preschool (i assume you mean 9-5 daycare) us asking a lot of your 3 yr old. That will be a super long day and a hard transition from what he's used to. Throw in TWO new (and needy)baby siblings and it will be miserable.

Is the coop preschool shorter? Like 9-12 MWF- type? Have you asked about parent commitment? Not all coop are the same so just bc you both work FT doesn't mean you still can't be part of the classroom experience.

Agree.
"FT preschool" = daycare.
Preschool only lasts a few hours a day, preferably in the morning when the kids are fresh and ready to absorb the experience. By afternoon, they are worn out. It's a lot to put on a little kid.

OMG, not this AGAIN. I don't know why stay at home moms are so offended by the concept of full day preschool. It's a thing, it's not what you have for your kid, but it's preschool. Get over it. Get a life and stop worrying about stuff like this. You're so annoying!

I know right? These posts are so triggering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back again.Not sure if anyone still looking at this. But really needing reassurance and advice on best option for toddler.

Hoping for insights from PP who identified as twin moms and said FT preschool for toddler + nanny for twins.

Having a lot of hesitancy, sadness, and guilt about sending toddler to FT school. Nanny insists she could manage all 3 at home and would be sad to have toddler go. I trust her, but it is so hard to imagine how that would work and toddler would be happy - how he'd keep his schedule with library mornings, playgrounds, etc. Nanny is incredible but has no direct experience with this situation.

Have thoroughly looked at all half-day and coop programs around us. None within a reasonable distance offer the quality of the FT one or allow parents to opt out of the coop portion - so it seems all or none.

Why are you feeling guilty? Your nanny will have her hands full when the twins arrive. Your son will probably enjoy a quality program better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't toddler stay home with nanny until more school age appropriate like 3 or 4?

I agree. People are way underestimating the sickness factor. I know so many people who threw in the towel with daycare/preschool because of all the viruses and the kids are fine. They do well in school. 3 year olds can pick up the preschool academic skills at home if that's a concern. Three sick kids is hell and more work for the nanny than if the older child is contained at home and not getting all the bugs in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FT preschool (i assume you mean 9-5 daycare) us asking a lot of your 3 yr old. That will be a super long day and a hard transition from what he's used to. Throw in TWO new (and needy)baby siblings and it will be miserable.

Is the coop preschool shorter? Like 9-12 MWF- type? Have you asked about parent commitment? Not all coop are the same so just bc you both work FT doesn't mean you still can't be part of the classroom experience.

Agree.
"FT preschool" = daycare.
Preschool only lasts a few hours a day, preferably in the morning when the kids are fresh and ready to absorb the experience. By afternoon, they are worn out. It's a lot to put on a little kid.

OMG, not this AGAIN. I don't know why stay at home moms are so offended by the concept of full day preschool. It's a thing, it's not what you have for your kid, but it's preschool. Get over it. Get a life and stop worrying about stuff like this. You're so annoying!

I don't get SAHP vibes from the "no" posts. I get BTDT vibes. FT daycare might be a great fit or it might create new problems. Everything depends on the temperament of the child and the quality of the program. Regardless, if OP sends older child to FT daycare or preschool, everyone in the house is going to be constantly sick all the time. Nobody ever thinks about that when they switch from nanny/SAHP to a center.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FT preschool (i assume you mean 9-5 daycare) us asking a lot of your 3 yr old. That will be a super long day and a hard transition from what he's used to. Throw in TWO new (and needy)baby siblings and it will be miserable.

Is the coop preschool shorter? Like 9-12 MWF- type? Have you asked about parent commitment? Not all coop are the same so just bc you both work FT doesn't mean you still can't be part of the classroom experience.

Agree.
"FT preschool" = daycare.
Preschool only lasts a few hours a day, preferably in the morning when the kids are fresh and ready to absorb the experience. By afternoon, they are worn out. It's a lot to put on a little kid.

OMG, not this AGAIN. I don't know why stay at home moms are so offended by the concept of full day preschool. It's a thing, it's not what you have for your kid, but it's preschool. Get over it. Get a life and stop worrying about stuff like this. You're so annoying!

I don't get SAHP vibes from the "no" posts. I get BTDT vibes. FT daycare might be a great fit or it might create new problems. Everything depends on the temperament of the child and the quality of the program. Regardless, if OP sends older child to FT daycare or preschool, everyone in the house is going to be constantly sick all the time. Nobody ever thinks about that when they switch from nanny/SAHP to a center.

I believe the reaction was to labeling a full time daycare arrangement as preschool. I’m not sure it’s SAHPs taking offense though. I think it might be daycare parents. Or maybe both. But I think unfortunately “daycare” can be a bit stigmatized and where “preschool” is neutral to positive, which results in this silly argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FT preschool (i assume you mean 9-5 daycare) us asking a lot of your 3 yr old. That will be a super long day and a hard transition from what he's used to. Throw in TWO new (and needy)baby siblings and it will be miserable.

Is the coop preschool shorter? Like 9-12 MWF- type? Have you asked about parent commitment? Not all coop are the same so just bc you both work FT doesn't mean you still can't be part of the classroom experience.

Agree.
"FT preschool" = daycare.
Preschool only lasts a few hours a day, preferably in the morning when the kids are fresh and ready to absorb the experience. By afternoon, they are worn out. It's a lot to put on a little kid.

OMG, not this AGAIN. I don't know why stay at home moms are so offended by the concept of full day preschool. It's a thing, it's not what you have for your kid, but it's preschool. Get over it. Get a life and stop worrying about stuff like this. You're so annoying!

I don't get SAHP vibes from the "no" posts. I get BTDT vibes. FT daycare might be a great fit or it might create new problems. Everything depends on the temperament of the child and the quality of the program. Regardless, if OP sends older child to FT daycare or preschool, everyone in the house is going to be constantly sick all the time. Nobody ever thinks about that when they switch from nanny/SAHP to a center.

I believe the reaction was to labeling a full time daycare arrangement as preschool. I’m not sure it’s SAHPs taking offense though. I think it might be daycare parents. Or maybe both. But I think unfortunately “daycare” can be a bit stigmatized and where “preschool” is neutral to positive, which results in this silly argument.

I think the negative reaction was actually for the suggestion that it’s terrible to send kids this age to preschool (or daycare, whatever you want to call it) for a whole day (vs half day or not at all).

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness! Since you guys are both working and you can afford it, I say go for it! Your children will all need a ton of attention and it is great to have it if you can. Pay well and the nanny will love you and stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FT preschool (i assume you mean 9-5 daycare) us asking a lot of your 3 yr old. That will be a super long day and a hard transition from what he's used to. Throw in TWO new (and needy)baby siblings and it will be miserable.

Is the coop preschool shorter? Like 9-12 MWF- type? Have you asked about parent commitment? Not all coop are the same so just bc you both work FT doesn't mean you still can't be part of the classroom experience.

Agree.
"FT preschool" = daycare.
Preschool only lasts a few hours a day, preferably in the morning when the kids are fresh and ready to absorb the experience. By afternoon, they are worn out. It's a lot to put on a little kid.

OMG, not this AGAIN. I don't know why stay at home moms are so offended by the concept of full day preschool. It's a thing, it's not what you have for your kid, but it's preschool. Get over it. Get a life and stop worrying about stuff like this. You're so annoying!

The only offense here is conflating daycare with preschool. They are two very different things. An actual preschool teacher would be the first to let you know there is a huge difference. Even public elementary school is 6 hours, not 8-9 hours.
So if we can be honest about the expectations, we can be more aware and accepting of the experience for the child. Meaning, the kid is wiped out at the end of the long "school" day at the daycare.

[Anonymous]

Our oldest is 18 months older than twins. We had nanny and oldest would do a church preschool in the morning 3 days/week starting at 3 yo. I think it’s crazy to pay for full time nanny and full time preschool…it sounds like it’s a stretch for you all. I was home with all the kids 2 days/week and packed them in the car to go to preschool. It was stressful sometimes but a nanny should be able to handle it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FT preschool (i assume you mean 9-5 daycare) us asking a lot of your 3 yr old. That will be a super long day and a hard transition from what he's used to. Throw in TWO new (and needy)baby siblings and it will be miserable.

Is the coop preschool shorter? Like 9-12 MWF- type? Have you asked about parent commitment? Not all coop are the same so just bc you both work FT doesn't mean you still can't be part of the classroom experience.

Agree.
"FT preschool" = daycare.
Preschool only lasts a few hours a day, preferably in the morning when the kids are fresh and ready to absorb the experience. By afternoon, they are worn out. It's a lot to put on a little kid.

OMG, not this AGAIN. I don't know why stay at home moms are so offended by the concept of full day preschool. It's a thing, it's not what you have for your kid, but it's preschool. Get over it. Get a life and stop worrying about stuff like this. You're so annoying!

The only offense here is conflating daycare with preschool. They are two very different things. An actual preschool teacher would be the first to let you know there is a huge difference. Even public elementary school is 6 hours, not 8-9 hours.
So if we can be honest about the expectations, we can be more aware and accepting of the experience for the child. Meaning, the kid is wiped out at the end of the long "school" day at the daycare.

Uhh I don’t agree with this at all. I’m new to the area and looked for a “preschool” for my 4 year old. Pretty much all the options were just classes for 4 year olds in a “daycare” (I.e. a child care center for kids up to 5). With maybe one exception I didn’t find any private elementary schools with a “preschool” tacked on. Also you can just send your kid to daycare/preschool from 9-3 or whatever part time programs they have. Or you can send them for the full time or extended care. The amount of time they spend there doesn’t determine whether it’s “preschool” or “daycare”. That’s a pretty dumb thought honestly.

What do you mean the kid is wiped out? Most programs are play based. It’s not like they’re taking “classes” all day long. Even when I pick my kid up at 5 I’ll take him to the playground when the weathers nice and he’ll keep playing with other kids from his class. He loves it.

Public elementary school is 6 hours but aren’t there aftercare options too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FT preschool (i assume you mean 9-5 daycare) us asking a lot of your 3 yr old. That will be a super long day and a hard transition from what he's used to. Throw in TWO new (and needy)baby siblings and it will be miserable.

Is the coop preschool shorter? Like 9-12 MWF- type? Have you asked about parent commitment? Not all coop are the same so just bc you both work FT doesn't mean you still can't be part of the classroom experience.

Agree.
"FT preschool" = daycare.
Preschool only lasts a few hours a day, preferably in the morning when the kids are fresh and ready to absorb the experience. By afternoon, they are worn out. It's a lot to put on a little kid.

OMG, not this AGAIN. I don't know why stay at home moms are so offended by the concept of full day preschool. It's a thing, it's not what you have for your kid, but it's preschool. Get over it. Get a life and stop worrying about stuff like this. You're so annoying!

The only offense here is conflating daycare with preschool. They are two very different things. An actual preschool teacher would be the first to let you know there is a huge difference. Even public elementary school is 6 hours, not 8-9 hours.
So if we can be honest about the expectations, we can be more aware and accepting of the experience for the child. Meaning, the kid is wiped out at the end of the long "school" day at the daycare.

Uhh I don’t agree with this at all. I’m new to the area and looked for a “preschool” for my 4 year old. Pretty much all the options were just classes for 4 year olds in a “daycare” (I.e. a child care center for kids up to 5). With maybe one exception I didn’t find any private elementary schools with a “preschool” tacked on. Also you can just send your kid to daycare/preschool from 9-3 or whatever part time programs they have. Or you can send them for the full time or extended care. The amount of time they spend there doesn’t determine whether it’s “preschool” or “daycare”. That’s a pretty dumb thought honestly.

What do you mean the kid is wiped out? Most programs are play based. It’s not like they’re taking “classes” all day long. Even when I pick my kid up at 5 I’ll take him to the playground when the weathers nice and he’ll keep playing with other kids from his class. He loves it.

Public elementary school is 6 hours but aren’t there aftercare options too?

+1 most are not wiped out, they are happily playing outside at pickup (and ready to play more at home or outside)

Nanny and partial day preschool is great but I wouldn't foist a 3yo on nanny with newborn twins. Even if she is great, the older kid will be bored or ignored. They would have more fun with their peers.