Are we insane? Need perspective, please! Full time nanny and full time preschool?

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t personally imagine taking care of 2 newborns and 3 year old. When I had my second and my first was 3, being on duty to take care of both myself felt so tiring. And I’m their mom! Maybe your nanny is amazing but it’s going to be a lot of work and your older kid is probably going to feel pretty neglected, unless hes really good at entertaining himself:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness! Since you guys are both working and you can afford it, I say go for it! Your children will all need a ton of attention and it is great to have it if you can. Pay well and the nanny will love you and stay.

OP here - go for which? The FT nanny and school?

[Anonymous]

OP again with follow up question to several posts that mention the toddler not getting enough attention from the nanny with newborn twins. As someone unfamiliar with preschool, given the child : teacher ratio, which would be roughly 5:1, wouldn't he be getting even LESS attention there? Not trolling daycare structure, genuinely trying to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again with follow up question to several posts that mention the toddler not getting enough attention from the nanny with newborn twins. As someone unfamiliar with preschool, given the child : teacher ratio, which would be roughly 5:1, wouldn't he be getting even LESS attention there? Not trolling daycare structure, genuinely trying to understand.

The level of care that twin newborns require is very different than multiple other 3 year olds. I think the difference is that it would be very hard to do 3 year old appropriate activities while also caring for newborn twins. Though many have done it! But him having a little time out of the house, to do things geared towards his age group might be nice for him. I think you said half day options aren’t available which would be ideal but yeah 5 3 year olds doing a craft together is very different than two infants who need to be fed, burped, diapered, put down for nap, held while crying, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again with follow up question to several posts that mention the toddler not getting enough attention from the nanny with newborn twins. As someone unfamiliar with preschool, given the child : teacher ratio, which would be roughly 5:1, wouldn't he be getting even LESS attention there? Not trolling daycare structure, genuinely trying to understand.

The level of care that twin newborns require is very different than multiple other 3 year olds. I think the difference is that it would be very hard to do 3 year old appropriate activities while also caring for newborn twins. Though many have done it! But him having a little time out of the house, to do things geared towards his age group might be nice for him. I think you said half day options aren’t available which would be ideal but yeah 5 3 year olds doing a craft together is very different than two infants who need to be fed, burped, diapered, put down for nap, held while crying, etc.

That being said I’m not one of the ones advocating for ft preschool. I think being at home can often be great for kids when you can swing it and if your nanny feels good about it then I’m not sure being in group care out of the house is worth it unless it’s part time

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM with a toddler and then twins. Somehow I managed to survive. If your nanny is okay with it, I would find a preschool program that is half day. Ideally they would offer some sort of optional lunch program. When my kids were in half day preschool they usually had a playdate or some sort of class after preschool at least twice a week. I assume your nanny drives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness! Since you guys are both working and you can afford it, I say go for it! Your children will all need a ton of attention and it is great to have it if you can. Pay well and the nanny will love you and stay.

OP here - go for which? The FT nanny and school?

I responded back in January--I had an under 3 y toddler when twins were born. Yes, do nanny and preschool. I was SAHM so we did au pairs, which worked out great. But 1/2 day preschool for the toddler and if I was doing it now, 5 days per week. He loved it, and then didn't have to be on the twins schedule except for dinnertime. This large young family is not easy in the first few years. What helped me was an nanny early on (by when twins were 9 weeks, maybe--and they were born at 37 weeks) who helped get the twins on a very serious 4 hour schedule (I had not been on such a schedule with the singleton). And part of the schedule we stayed on for years: dinner around 5, then baths, bedtime rituals and reading and bedtime by 7pm. Yes, really, it worked for along time (except in the summers for one kid who couldn't settle till darkness fell............)


Mine are all over 18 now--so ask me questions if you want!

[Anonymous]

I'd do half day preschool. The babies should take a good long nap in the afternoon to give preschooler and nanny time to do some fun stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again with follow up question to several posts that mention the toddler not getting enough attention from the nanny with newborn twins. As someone unfamiliar with preschool, given the child : teacher ratio, which would be roughly 5:1, wouldn't he be getting even LESS attention there? Not trolling daycare structure, genuinely trying to understand.

This is just based on my personal experience with my 3 year old, but he doesn't really need much one on one attention at daycare. He doesn't really need a teacher to sit down with him and do activities with him. He can do a lot of stuff on his own and the real benefit is having all his friends around. I've seen pictures/videos from their class and they sit at cute little tables together and do arts and crafts, build Magnatiles, use the play kitchen, etc. Or they're outside and running around together. They have circle time where they all sit around and the teacher gives them "lessons" or reads to them or does yoga with them or whatever. I feel like there are SO many intangible benefits to having this time of structured time with other kids. They also help teach your kid to be independent. I've picked him up before and he'll go and use the bathroom, wash his hands, throw his plate away, etc. all on his own and I'm like woah.

I've had playdates with my kid (and with 1-2 other kids) and it's sort of the same thing. They don't need parents to hold their hands and play with them. They find ways to play together and they love it. Daycare is just a larger version of that. I think having 10ish kids in a class with 2 teachers would be perfect.

Maybe some 3 years really thrive with a nanny who is there all day with them, but I just think that newborns (when they're not sleeping) are going to require a lot of attention, even if it's just holding them (which can impede the caretaker's ability to fully engage with them).

Just my 2 cents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again with follow up question to several posts that mention the toddler not getting enough attention from the nanny with newborn twins. As someone unfamiliar with preschool, given the child : teacher ratio, which would be roughly 5:1, wouldn't he be getting even LESS attention there? Not trolling daycare structure, genuinely trying to understand.

This is just based on my personal experience with my 3 year old, but he doesn't really need much one on one attention at daycare. He doesn't really need a teacher to sit down with him and do activities with him. He can do a lot of stuff on his own and the real benefit is having all his friends around. I've seen pictures/videos from their class and they sit at cute little tables together and do arts and crafts, build Magnatiles, use the play kitchen, etc. Or they're outside and running around together. They have circle time where they all sit around and the teacher gives them "lessons" or reads to them or does yoga with them or whatever. I feel like there are SO many intangible benefits to having this time of structured time with other kids. They also help teach your kid to be independent. I've picked him up before and he'll go and use the bathroom, wash his hands, throw his plate away, etc. all on his own and I'm like woah.

I've had playdates with my kid (and with 1-2 other kids) and it's sort of the same thing. They don't need parents to hold their hands and play with them. They find ways to play together and they love it. Daycare is just a larger version of that. I think having 10ish kids in a class with 2 teachers would be perfect.

Maybe some 3 years really thrive with a nanny who is there all day with them, but I just think that newborns (when they're not sleeping) are going to require a lot of attention, even if it's just holding them (which can impede the caretaker's ability to fully engage with them).

Just my 2 cents

For additional context...I'll just mention that my kid is and always has been fairly social and bursting with energy so this has been what worked for us. I can't speak for other kids who are not like that and who might benefit from more time at home. Even when I was on maternity leave for my 2nd kid, I still kept him in daycare until late afternoon because i believe that that's where he would be happiest.

[Anonymous]

You could have your Nanny pick up the 3yo after lunch 2 days a week if you wanted to. As long as you don’t interrupt the daycare nap they should be ok with this. If the daycare makes the kids nap thru age 5 depending on your kids birthday, this would work then too if your kid is ready to drop the nap.

[Anonymous]

My kids have been social so I’ve seen huge benefits to preschool. Hugely kid dependent, but I would not want to keep my 3yo home full time with twin babies. If full time daycare is the best option I would do that and keep days shorter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been social so I’ve seen huge benefits to preschool. Hugely kid dependent, but I would not want to keep my 3yo home full time with twin babies. If full time daycare is the best option I would do that and keep days shorter.

+1 the daycare should let you pick your kid up earlier if you want. It makes their jobs easier anyways.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thanks to everyone for the helpful input. For people advocating for PT programs - do you think it's more about the duration of the days or # of days a week? It seems as if our only option would be a FT place M-F where the core day is 9 am to about 4:30 pm but could pick up earlier around 330 (they say they prefer if stay for nap to adjust better). There *might* be a two days a wee 9-noon option - so big difference in terms of time. Not sure which would be easier for nanny to coordinate pickup and dropoff - noon seems kind of awkward?

[Anonymous]

I would definitely do the FT preschool for the older if you can.

My older child started FT preschool at 3.5/4 which is when my younger child was born. My younger child was in a nannyshare with a child that is the exact same age (which is similar to your twins' situation). It's worked out very well.