Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna

[Anonymous]

OP, did you do any research before moving? Your post makes it seems as if you've just been plopped in an unfamiliar wealthy place. Did you look at this board? Searched FB group? Visited the neighborhood? Looked at schools’ stats? You’re obviously wealthy if you moved for a bigger house to Vienna out of all places, and that makes you sound like a limousine liberal, tbh.

[Anonymous]

Why would you move to the suburbs and expect people to put up with your mouth and politics? People move to the burbs to be left alone. Not have some crazy lady yelling at them because they used the wrong pronouns or whatever.

[Anonymous]

It's not difficult to understand where OP is coming from. I don't think it's a political issue at all. It's tough when your kids aren't involved in extracurriculars and travel sports and busy all weekends if most of the kids in the neighborhood have their lives revolve around it.

[Anonymous]

“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.

I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.

The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.

The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…

And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.

Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?

I don't think I would fit in with that vibe either, OP. I think basically any DMV neighborhood would be better for you, but it sounds like you would like Takoma Park MD or Silver Spring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

I'm not OP, but I don't think it's about politics. It's about a more traditional, small-c conservative community that revolves around the nuclear family and sports and school politics. They probably mostly vote the same, but those are not OP's people - she is a single mom and an opinionated social justice activist.

OP, Takoma Park seems like the obvious choice for you.

[Anonymous]

Is moving something you'd consider or are your kids settled?

If yes, then see prior posts because I'm not super familiar with the area.

If no, then I think you probably just need to make a few connections with like-minded folks. Are there any social justice advocacy groups working in your neighborhood? Advocacy going on at the schools? A local church/synogogue doing the work? I've found folks through those avenues where I live and it's been a life saver. But yes, part of that was realizing we were in the wrong pre-school and finding a better fit. At that age, you can just switch. When your kids are older, you may need to find your groove by staying put and finding groups to join.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move to a district with a GS school rating of 6 or below. I am not kidding. It's like "uptight lawyer" spray. They can't send their sweet babes to a school with The Poors, even though they are liberal in name too. Because to them, education is Very Important and Johnny is Very Intelligent.

OP here. I had this line of thinking as well, and thought that the Madison pyramid wouldn't be so bad (GS 6). But I was wrong.

Yeah. I live in Vienna, but one street off of the town line so we are zoned to Marshall. And I like Marshall for my kids - I think it's a very good fit for them. But Vienna is VERY into Madison being its high school. And people in Vienna are very into being from Vienna, and knowing people from Vienna, and just the whole ... thing. I don't dislike it, but I never really got into it.

I have to say that no one has been rude or questioning to me about my kids' activities, etc. So maybe you just need to meet some different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

+1

“Why doesn’t everyone think like me and align with my views only!?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

+1

“Why doesn’t everyone think like me and align with my views only!?”

I’ve noticed several people putting words into OP’s mouth that aren’t even close to accurate summaries or paraphrases of anything she actually said.

It makes me glad we moved out of Vienna. It’s got a very “Pleasantville” vibe but if you express any criticisms of the place they will turn on you on a dime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like to rock the boat but also want everyone to like me.

What a narcissit.

I find people who characterize or conceive of themselves as too honest for other people to handle are often just idiot loudmouths.

Not sure what place would be a good fit for a personality like that.

I don't think OP expects everyone to like her. I think she probably wants some people to like her and not to rush to exclude her because she can be outspoken and opinionated at times.

That sort of stuff can just be the kiss of death in Vienna. It sounds like you either have no idea how quickly Vienna parents can ostracize someone who doesn't fit the mold or are one of those folks.

OP here. Yes, you get it. I don't want everyone to like me. I just want a couple good friends, which is really hard to do with the herd-like mentality and intensely conformist nature of my area.

Why do you keep insulting a large group of people you don't know? "herd-like mentality" and "intensely conformist" is just your ationalizing your dislike of people who aren't like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

+1

“Why doesn’t everyone think like me and align with my views only!?”

I’ve noticed several people putting words into OP’s mouth that aren’t even close to accurate summaries or paraphrases of anything she actually said.

It makes me glad we moved out of Vienna. It’s got a very “Pleasantville” vibe but if you express any criticisms of the place they will turn on you on a dime.

“The conservatism of the area is unsettling.” “The tightly-wound parents bother me.”

Try again, loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like to rock the boat but also want everyone to like me.

What a narcissit.

I find people who characterize or conceive of themselves as too honest for other people to handle are often just idiot loudmouths.

Not sure what place would be a good fit for a personality like that.

I don't think OP expects everyone to like her. I think she probably wants some people to like her and not to rush to exclude her because she can be outspoken and opinionated at times.

That sort of stuff can just be the kiss of death in Vienna. It sounds like you either have no idea how quickly Vienna parents can ostracize someone who doesn't fit the mold or are one of those folks.

OP here. Yes, you get it. I don't want everyone to like me. I just want a couple good friends, which is really hard to do with the herd-like mentality and intensely conformist nature of my area.

OP, you’re not even trying. You’ve already written these people off and they can tell, even without you preaching at them or rolling your eyes about travel sports.

— Takoma Park resident

Meh I don’t know why people pile on OP, I totally get what she says. Vienna is not for her. I would have told her to come to takoma park and be widely opinionated and curse if she wants to but now with the other takoma park resident chiming in i am not so sure 😅

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - if they are talking to you about AAP and travel sports, they actually think they are looking out for you. I don't want my kids in AAP or travel sports, but if they didn't like you at all, they would be ignoring you completely -- not filling you in on how things work.

NP and decades long 22181 resident. The hyper focus on AAP and travel sports are always the subject of conversation because of the obsession parents have with both and they’ll likely tell you honestly that they moved to Vienna for one or the other. The unfair assumption all tend to make is that you too are most certainly just as interested. The talk (starts in kindergarten) at the bus stop, neighborhood gatherings and every school function is non stop chat about classes, prep (to get into AAP), activities, teachers. I didn’t want to talk on and on about my DC and wondered if these parents had any interests beyond their DC. Kept meeting more and more boring parents who were ultra competitive.

I didn’t fit it at all for the longest time. Took until one DC was in HS to find a group of like minded mom friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - if they are talking to you about AAP and travel sports, they actually think they are looking out for you. I don't want my kids in AAP or travel sports, but if they didn't like you at all, they would be ignoring you completely -- not filling you in on how things work.

NP and decades long 22181 resident. The hyper focus on AAP and travel sports are always the subject of conversation because of the obsession parents have with both and they’ll likely tell you honestly that they moved to Vienna for one or the other. The unfair assumption all tend to make is that you too are most certainly just as interested. The talk (starts in kindergarten) at the bus stop, neighborhood gatherings and every school function is non stop chat about classes, prep (to get into AAP), activities, teachers. I didn’t want to talk on and on about my DC and wondered if these parents had any interests beyond their DC. Kept meeting more and more boring parents who were ultra competitive.

I didn’t fit it at all for the longest time. Took until one DC was in HS to find a group of like minded mom friends.

OP here. HOW??? Thanks so much.