Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Since you shared that you are "pretty vocal about social injustice" and that you "curse a lot" and that you like to "rock the boat", I think that you should not be calling others "tightly-wound" without including yourself.

Fair enough — I was mostly referring to how tightly wound the people around me seem about their kids’ academic and athletic performance. I am the complete opposite and am very laid back about that. I am not laid back about social injustice, hence why I feel out of place.

If you are so laid-back about academics, why did you specifically move to a strong school pyramid? Why didn't your strong sense of social justice lead you to Baileys Crossroads, down the street, instead?

Not OP, but you sound more than a little defensive here.

I will say OP might like the Lake Barcroft area near Bailey's Crossroads. There are quite a few people there who walk the walk and talk the talk (they send their kids to majority-minority, low GS schools, confident that their kids have enough advantages in life to do fine). And many are very involved in other social justice causes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like to rock the boat but also want everyone to like me.

What a narcissit.

I find people who characterize or conceive of themselves as too honest for other people to handle are often just idiot loudmouths.

Not sure what place would be a good fit for a personality like that.

I don't think OP expects everyone to like her. I think she probably wants some people to like her and not to rush to exclude her because she can be outspoken and opinionated at times.

That sort of stuff can just be the kiss of death in Vienna. It sounds like you either have no idea how quickly Vienna parents can ostracize someone who doesn't fit the mold or are one of those folks.

Yeah, maybe you're right. I don't live in Vienna. I just think that people who are proud of rocking the boat are often too self absorbed to see why that legitimately bothers other people. That's not going to be popular anywhere, putting aside any issues specific to Vienna.

[Anonymous]

I would think you could find a friend or two through a hobby, kids activities or school. Hang out at Cafe Amouri or talk to people at Whole Foods? You make yourself sound pretty unpleasant. It’s hard for singles to make friends in the suburbs without a common interest. What are you doing to make friends? You’re not going to have people knocking on your door with cookies if you stay at home alone all the time, this is true for everyone right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think you could find a friend or two through a hobby, kids activities or school. Hang out at Cafe Amouri or talk to people at Whole Foods? You make yourself sound pretty unpleasant. It’s hard for singles to make friends in the suburbs without a common interest. What are you doing to make friends? You’re not going to have people knocking on your door with cookies if you stay at home alone all the time, this is true for everyone right now.

OP here, this is a good point. I moved to Vienna from Petworth, and I frequently think about going back. I might when the kids hit middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Since you shared that you are "pretty vocal about social injustice" and that you "curse a lot" and that you like to "rock the boat", I think that you should not be calling others "tightly-wound" without including yourself.

Fair enough — I was mostly referring to how tightly wound the people around me seem about their kids’ academic and athletic performance. I am the complete opposite and am very laid back about that. I am not laid back about social injustice, hence why I feel out of place.

If you are so laid-back about academics, why did you specifically move to a strong school pyramid? Why didn't your strong sense of social justice lead you to Baileys Crossroads, down the street, instead?

Not OP, but you sound more than a little defensive here.

I will say OP might like the Lake Barcroft area near Bailey's Crossroads. There are quite a few people there who walk the walk and talk the talk (they send their kids to majority-minority, low GS schools, confident that their kids have enough advantages in life to do fine). And many are very involved in other social justice causes.

OP here, thank you for the suggestion. Will check it out.

[Anonymous]

I would tell you to move to Hyattsville, but you sound like kind of a pill and I'm not sure I want you to know about Hyattsville.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Since you shared that you are "pretty vocal about social injustice" and that you "curse a lot" and that you like to "rock the boat", I think that you should not be calling others "tightly-wound" without including yourself.

Fair enough — I was mostly referring to how tightly wound the people around me seem about their kids’ academic and athletic performance. I am the complete opposite and am very laid back about that. I am not laid back about social injustice, hence why I feel out of place.

If you are so laid-back about academics, why did you specifically move to a strong school pyramid? Why didn't your strong sense of social justice lead you to Baileys Crossroads, down the street, instead?

Not OP, but you sound more than a little defensive here.

I will say OP might like the Lake Barcroft area near Bailey's Crossroads. There are quite a few people there who walk the walk and talk the talk (they send their kids to majority-minority, low GS schools, confident that their kids have enough advantages in life to do fine). And many are very involved in other social justice causes.

OP here, thank you for the suggestion. Will check it out.

Thank you, OP, for not reacting to some of the DCUM nastiness that was tossed at you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move to a district with a GS school rating of 6 or below. I am not kidding. It's like "uptight lawyer" spray. They can't send their sweet babes to a school with The Poors, even though they are liberal in name too. Because to them, education is Very Important and Johnny is Very Intelligent.

OP here. I had this line of thinking as well, and thought that the Madison pyramid wouldn't be so bad (GS 6). But I was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell you to move to Hyattsville, but you sound like kind of a pill and I'm not sure I want you to know about Hyattsville.

OP here. I cannot move to Hyattsville/Mt Rainier (or Prince George's County at all) because I have to be within a certain distance from my ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.

I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.

The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.

The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…

And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.

Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?

A lot of people in this area have political beliefs that you wouldn't know about. I know a ton of people on both ends of the spectrum including social justice types that keep a low profile because of their work or their spouse's work. Come on. Think about where we live.

Just because people don't shout it from the rooftops doesn't make them what you're assuming they are.

Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think you could find a friend or two through a hobby, kids activities or school. Hang out at Cafe Amouri or talk to people at Whole Foods? You make yourself sound pretty unpleasant. It’s hard for singles to make friends in the suburbs without a common interest. What are you doing to make friends? You’re not going to have people knocking on your door with cookies if you stay at home alone all the time, this is true for everyone right now.

OP here, this is a good point. I moved to Vienna from Petworth, and I frequently think about going back. I might when the kids hit middle school.

Do people in Petworth automatically like you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like to rock the boat but also want everyone to like me.

What a narcissit.

I find people who characterize or conceive of themselves as too honest for other people to handle are often just idiot loudmouths.

Not sure what place would be a good fit for a personality like that.

I don't think OP expects everyone to like her. I think she probably wants some people to like her and not to rush to exclude her because she can be outspoken and opinionated at times.

That sort of stuff can just be the kiss of death in Vienna. It sounds like you either have no idea how quickly Vienna parents can ostracize someone who doesn't fit the mold or are one of those folks.

OP here. Yes, you get it. I don't want everyone to like me. I just want a couple good friends, which is really hard to do with the herd-like mentality and intensely conformist nature of my area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think you could find a friend or two through a hobby, kids activities or school. Hang out at Cafe Amouri or talk to people at Whole Foods? You make yourself sound pretty unpleasant. It’s hard for singles to make friends in the suburbs without a common interest. What are you doing to make friends? You’re not going to have people knocking on your door with cookies if you stay at home alone all the time, this is true for everyone right now.

OP here, this is a good point. I moved to Vienna from Petworth, and I frequently think about going back. I might when the kids hit middle school.

Do people in Petworth automatically like you?

Well, for one, I didn't feel automatically ostracized in Petworth for being a single mom and for not being up to date on travel sports and AAP admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like to rock the boat but also want everyone to like me.

What a narcissit.

I find people who characterize or conceive of themselves as too honest for other people to handle are often just idiot loudmouths.

Not sure what place would be a good fit for a personality like that.

I don't think OP expects everyone to like her. I think she probably wants some people to like her and not to rush to exclude her because she can be outspoken and opinionated at times.

That sort of stuff can just be the kiss of death in Vienna. It sounds like you either have no idea how quickly Vienna parents can ostracize someone who doesn't fit the mold or are one of those folks.

OP here. Yes, you get it. I don't want everyone to like me. I just want a couple good friends, which is really hard to do with the herd-like mentality and intensely conformist nature of my area.

OP, you’re not even trying. You’ve already written these people off and they can tell, even without you preaching at them or rolling your eyes about travel sports.

— Takoma Park resident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Since you shared that you are "pretty vocal about social injustice" and that you "curse a lot" and that you like to "rock the boat", I think that you should not be calling others "tightly-wound" without including yourself.

Fair enough — I was mostly referring to how tightly wound the people around me seem about their kids’ academic and athletic performance. I am the complete opposite and am very laid back about that. I am not laid back about social injustice, hence why I feel out of place.

If you are so laid-back about academics, why did you specifically move to a strong school pyramid? Why didn't your strong sense of social justice lead you to Baileys Crossroads, down the street, instead?

Not OP, but you sound more than a little defensive here.

I will say OP might like the Lake Barcroft area near Bailey's Crossroads. There are quite a few people there who walk the walk and talk the talk (they send their kids to majority-minority, low GS schools, confident that their kids have enough advantages in life to do fine). And many are very involved in other social justice causes.

Not me, I live in Centreville. Its very diverse. But to specifically move to Vienna and pay a premium for schools without the poors, and then say you are "laid back" about it.....nope.