Unfair finances with parents and siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You posted about this last year . So you decided to ignore all the advice in your last thread and do the same thing this year.
Shall I go ahead and pencil you in for your 2023 vent?

What was the advice last year? (Not OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to your dad alone and be honest with him that this set up hurts your feelings and makes you feel "less than". he can either stop treating for younger kids, switch to a cheaper/free activity, or start paying for your family (also, where does he find restaurants that tolerate this kind of complicated check splitting? or is he asking you to venmo him for your share?). If he chooses to keep things as is, I would stop going if I were you.

I would too. This would bother me enough that I would need to step back. Make the family dinners something every six weeks if that’s what you need to do, but I would absolutely start putting some distance between me and this group.

[Anonymous]

I would be hurt by this, OP. I can’t imagine not being. We have a huge range of incomes in my family and my parents would never do something as in your face as paying just part of the bill. Honestly my IL would not either. I know they have helped out my SIL a lot more than us financially over the years which is fine (my DH and SIL have a great relationship and we are secure financially) but I think if they wanted to go to dinner and insisted on treating us differently that would feel weird. We never split checks, people take turns paying for things and people who are more comfortable grab the bigger checks and more frequently but everyone helps out in some regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you think it has to do with the whole/step status but it does not. It’s because you are married. Once you are married you are your own household and I will bet you $1M they feel that it would be an insult to your husbands to pay for you. You are launched. Younger sibs are not. That’s all this is about.

Why do people post without reading?

[Anonymous]

Parents should never play favorites. I find it strange how you differentiate with "full" and "half"sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot get past that you meet EVERY week for dinner. To mess with this group dynamic, I would start inviting your Dad to lunch/dinner or a coffee alone without the step mother. She is the problem.

I have a friend who was in a similar situation though step mother now dead. She would visit her dad/step mother and there would be NO photos of his kids, their families, etc. only hers. Friend first start sending some framed photos thinking it was a lazy dad issue and they were still NOT displayed. And this really hurt as it was one of those colleagues have an affair, divorce the first mom, etc scene. My friend couldn't help but experience a second round of pain - the affair/divorce, then erasing his side of the family. I just couldn't imagine someone would do that.

[Anonymous]

Honest question OP, since you mention dad is very wealthy, are you thinking about an inheritance? Unfortunately you might want to really consider that it’s not looking good that anything will come to you. It will likely all go to stepmom. If you are putting up with this mistreatment with an eye on money for you or your kids, let it go. You don’t need to actively cut off your dad, but limit your weekly dinners for your own sanity.