SAHM's, What do you do all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the "I do all that and work full-time too" posters: well, I would too if I had a job outside of the home. Of course you can get it all done when you need to. I have posted this before in similar threads, but I prefer having time to making time. I have plenty of time and I like that... no stress about getting out the door in the morning, no stress about getting errands done, only fun family stuff at night and on weekends, no challenges when my husband has to travel for work, no guilt when I leave the kids on Saturday to go do something strictly for me, plenty of opportunity to travel to visit our family across the country for long periods of time, etc.

If you stay home when kids are in school, you have to figure out how to stay productive and challenged and busy and fulfilled without paid work -- that's easy for me. If you work outside the home, you have to figure out how to make it to school-day activities, arrange for sick-day childcare, balance job demands with family needs, balance family time with "me" time -- that would be harder for me. Could I do the latter? Of course. Do I prefer the former? Yeah, so I feel lucky that's what I get to do.

True, but it's a lot easier to balance it when DH is helping 50/50. If your husband works, he has to figure this out to, or at least mine does. I don't have to figure out all the stuff you listed. I think SAHMs, at least on this thread, sometimes think of working of having to do everything they do plus work. And I'm sure some working moms have to do that. But some of us have husbands with flexibility and/or just know they need to pitch in equally. I don't make it to every school event but if I'm not there DH is and vice versa (sometimes we are even there together!).

I don't get this debate - I work, I love it, and I don't find life overly hectic. (well, most of the time, sometimes it obviously is). And yes, I even squeeze in exercise. I do have to work which makes the guilt factor go away, but my income is nice and takes care of more than just the essentials. It's nice to add to the college funds and savings every month. I certainly could fill my time as a SAHM and I cetainly don't begrudge those that are SAHMs. Both "choices" or circumstances have pros and cons as these debates always show.

Oh, I forgot -- add that one to the lists of "ways that WOHM are superior to SAHMs" -- their husbands must be better! Husbands of SAHM are all cavemen who don't help with anything except the bank account.

I think that is a gross generalization. Signed, full-time work-at-home mom with a DH that is independent consultant and leaves before breakfast and gets home 8pm.

I envy SAHM's 'time'. I do feel a tremendous pull in all directions. I WAH and believe moms should be around as much as possible...which has me working every minute they aren't around...3.5 hours of preschool..during younger ones nap...during a weekend nap, etc... I host playdates 3-4 afternoons per week, I do drop-off and preschool pick-up, I squeeze in an early morning workout...I now even clean since nanny's rates went up drastically and we cut-out cleaning lady this summer.

I have SAHM friends that try to do a 'girl's night' every couple of Fridays and, ,frankly, I would like to just veg on the couch and stare at the wall in silence.

We could afford for me to take some time off..but I have such workplace flexibility I don't want to 'mommy-track' myself and lose it all...and my job pays A LOT more than just covering childcare.

[Anonymous]

I was being facetious with the cavemen comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was being facetious with the cavemen comment.

I haven't had my coffee yet...sorry.

[Anonymous]

"Adequate Parent," you are awesome! You know, there has not been one post of yours on any thread that I haven't thought was well-thought-out and well-written, and kind. I keep meaning to express appreciation, and I finally am! Kudos, thanks, and please keep the posts coming.

[Anonymous]

I disagree- I do not think the term "farmed out" was exactly a nice choice of words

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was being facetious with the cavemen comment.

I certainly didn't mean my husband was superior. But many in this thread did list what they do all day, and certainly many are doing stuff so their husband doesn't have to come home from work and do them. Isn't that the point, to show the OP that there is plenty to do? For us, I don't have the luxury of time all day to do that stuff so if it gets done it's because we outsource it (housekeeping, etc.) or for kid-related stuff, cooking, etc., we share it (DH does most of the cooking for us actually but other stuff we share). That was my only point. I'm not saying husbands of SAHMs don't do anything but work but I assume, at least from the SAHMs I know - and I was one for a few years - that the point of staying home is in part to lighten the household load.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be funny, but if your kids are in school, what do you do all day? I've been on vacation all of this week, and LOVING it. Wishing I didn't have to go back. But, now that it's the end of the week, I'm wondering what would I be doing if this was my way of life? I feel like I'd run out of money & things to do.

Just curious....

I make lunches, take kids to school, go to grocery store, unpack groceries, check my e-mail, go on this godforsaken shit, clean/do laundry/fold laundry/put away laundry, work out when I am not hugely pregnant, do bills, keep the family schedule chugging, pick up one kid early form their school, feed them lunch, play, pick up other kid, go to ballet/soccer/chorus/swimming, scooter on the sidewalk, do sidewalk chalk, go to park, make dinner, bathe kids, read to kids, kiss kids, drag my ass to bed.

I have help twice a week. I mostly run errands or do volunteer work, but sometimes I have lunch with my hubby or get my nails done.

I am a lucky woman, very happy, and have no desire to work. Desire for more money to pay for private schools? Yes. Work? No. I love seeing my kids and having a chill schedule. I love not running around (too much) like a crazy person. I recognize that this is a luxury and I appreciate it every day.

I also recognize that some women are happier working for lots of different reasons. Kudos to them. The trick is to find the best way for your whole family to live (according to your values) and make it work. And be ready for it to change. Easy right? I wish....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work-from-home part-time, project plan, conference calls (again part-time), hit the gym, clean my house, do laundry, call my mother, schedule play dates, wrap birthday presents, garden, paint my nails, take a shower, write emails, prep for house guests, make dinner, make lunches for next day, interview sitters, get car serviced, draw plans for house renovation, read a book, various errands, oh yeah, and masturbate in the bathroom.

Does that help?

Hmmm...I do all this AND work full-time.

Not possible. You are working. You're not taking care of your children. So not possible to "do all this" as you say. I am doing "all this" AND taking care of my children full time.

It is possible. You're not taking care of your kids either, if they are in school all day. And, other than 2 or 3 things on your list, nothing involves "taking care of your kids".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree- I do not think the term "farmed out" was exactly a nice choice of words

I also thought it was a pretty negative view of working. Not every job, even in DC (gasp) requires working more or even 40 hours a week. Check out the flexible schedule thread. While I see AP's point, and I'm glad she was able to get out of the rat race and not work in a traditional way if that's what she wanted, not everyone wants that. I'm one who went back when my kids started school. It was time. It was nice to stay home, but I was almost 40 and it was long stretch of time ahead to be out of the workforce.

It is hectic some days, but life is not always about taking the easy way out. And I am NOT saying that SAHMs are taking the easy way out, by any stretch. But you can have a job and not be an overworked, fat, over-consuming American. You can be a WM and be happy and fulfilled, just as you can stay home and do the same. Not sure why I'm even posting though - as we clearly can't convince each other and everything gets overgeneralized anyway. Seriously, look around you - you will find happy and unhappy people in every circumstance. Life is what you make of it and if you are or are not happy, it's probably not as simple as staying home or working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Working moms, do you love your job more than your kids?[/quote

This is the attitude of SOME ignorant SAHM's. The implication that working moms much rather be working than with their kids. Some moms are the sole providers, or some of their incomes may be necessary to keep the home afloat. I doubt very seriously that you'd find one working mom who wouldn't cut back on their hours, if financially possible.

So, consider yourself very lucky, if you can stay home waiting for a paycheck, & free to do what you want until it's time to pick up the kids at 3 o'clock. Because everything you say you have to do during the day, still has to be done by working moms w/less time.

[Anonymous]

Adequate Parent, you were just responding to me and I certainly wasn't offended, just saying that work is not all negative. I know that you didn't mean that, but your post was sort of giving the negative aspects of work (the tired, overworked American). That was my only point. I just feel like the work on DCUM always gets painted as the stereotypical 80 hour DC work week, and that is only true for some.

[Anonymous]

There once was a generation of elite women - with more choices for them than any that came before them. Because generations of women had fought hard, they had more options: law firms and the hospitals and businesses were more willing to let them go part time; technology had made telecommuting easier; and they were more likely to get parental leave. The choices didn't extend to all women in their country and it wasn't perfect even for them but it was a lot of choice. Some decided it wasn't for them. They wanted the time with their children. They didn't need the paycheck and the cost on their families was too much. Others felt that the cost of living to standards they wanted didn't really give them a choice to opt-out.

Their world wasn't perfect. Not all the employers were as flexible. And no choice was perfect. The ones who worked full time no doubt felt a twinge here or there as they left a crying baby at daycare, the ones who stayed home sometimes had a moment where they wondered whether they had too many degrees to be doing this full time and some worried they wouldn't ever be able to get back in and the ones who worked part-time had an annoying moment here or there were a less competent full-time colleague was promoted.

There was still work to be done to improve their circumstances --making it easier to come back into the work force after an extended leave, more flexible employment options. But instead of fighting for the next step, this group of women spent their energy fighting each other. They fought over who did more, whether it was wrong to leave your kids if you could afford to stay home, whether it was wrong to have a schedule to allow you to go to the gym four times a week. They forgot that what their sisters had fought for was to give them each their own choice, however imperfect it may be. And they were so busy fighting each other that they forgot to fight - as their sisters before them had done -for even better choices for their daughters.

[Anonymous]

I am feeling AdequateParent, and while she is funny and slightly tongue-in-cheek on some issues, she is speaking the truth on working and living in this city: I do NOT see a helluva lotta balance around here.

There may be some moms on here who are self-assured enough/secure enough/content enough to have sought out and established balance, but I would argue that MOST of us see and know those PARENTS (mom and dad equally guilty) who are addicted to the crazy. The work hours in this city are bananas. And people think it is normal. And they are not working to survive...I am not even sure they know WHY they are working, they just ARE.

People can tell me that this is their passion/choice/need, but all I see is a rat-in-a-wheel, and not a whole lotta contentment.

And no one is really going to come on to this thread and say "yeah, my life is out of whack and my priorities are fucked and I got this all wrong somewhere in my mid-twenties and do not know how to correct the path b/c that would require CHANGE and SELF-KNOWLEDGE and that would probably threaten my marriage and career ladder or laziness and I love my nanny/daycare/never leaving the house or park life, so meh"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can see that you're not trying to be offensive, but it really does sound pretty belittelling. I'm a SAHM to a two year old and a 8 months old, so I'm not the one you are talking about, but I have to stand up for the other SAHM out there. No one asks a working mom what she does all day when she very well could be staring at a computer screen or sitting in a cubicle in a not very intellectually stimulating job. It's not fair to assume that a SAHM whose kids are in school has nothing to do but entertain herself. Sure, there are a few of those, but the majority of people lead very busy, fulfilling lives taking care of their families, households and communities.

It only sounds belittling because you are on the defensive. OP only asked WHAT you do--she was curious. It's not a point of argument.

[Anonymous]

Of course it's belittling. Any person with good sense can come up with a long list of possible ways that a person could spend their day outside of an office. As my grandmother would say, only boring people get bored.