Squandered elite education

[Anonymous]

Op, which year did you graduate from college? Can’t tell if you’re a 1990s grad or a 2000s grad given that you mention childcare costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope and believe today there are more resources for kids in this situation. Wealthy kids have parents to guide them, but for everyone else, we need someone to “read us in.” With the internet, though, it’s easier to find that information.

This comment is so true.

If I knew what I knew now, I would have went away to college and majo

I had no idea of careers paths such as private equity, venture capital, computer science, ect.

One of the things people say it's never to late to radically change your life. The brutal truth is most times it is too late.

PE wasn’t really a thing pre 11.
You were just born too early 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you realize somewhere along your 30 year journey that you were on the wrong track or the less compensated one or less rewarding one (however you define that?) I cane from an immigrant family that while middle class knew nothing about corporate America internships networking etc. Because of that I had to learn along the way, and I was for sure slower on the uptake than my peers in college. Indeed, I was probably 5-10 years behind my so called peers in terms of progression. But I observed those around me, found mentors, made adjustments to my work style and my aspirations and I’m very happy with where I am at in my late 40s. I appreciate you weren’t in the know at the outset but you are also admitting to a lack of learning agility and any kind of courage to take any minute risk during your life yo make minor or major shifts. You own that.

That’s the thing. I didn’t care about being “rich”, I just wanted a comfortable lifestyle and meaningful work.

It wasn’t until I had kids and REALLY had to look at schools and housing costs and college costs did I understand that $150k is peanuts. Or that my spouse may not want to work once kids are on picture (she also grew up poor like actually on welfare and always expected to work like her parents). But then once you have kids, do the math on housing costs, commute, schools, time with kids you realize you need to make a lot more money.

The most my parents ever made was $40k — so my starting salary of $60k made me think I had it made. I see it with a lot of young people I work with “$70k is more than my parents make combined). On top of that just a decade earlier housing was affordable for gov contractors; it tripled after 2000 and then the “bust” dropped it 10%.

As soon as I had kids I tried to get into big tech, but no luck whether too old or just the luck of gov contracting that isn’t applicable.

The bolded is what slows people down.

More men and women need to discuss what the realities of their marriage will look like.

When you choose your mate, you choose your fate.

Your wife staying at home also effected your finances.

My DH chips in on more child care affected him promotion/earning potential.
Don’t be greedy now.

[Anonymous]

The point was the education. You got the education. The only problem here is that you thought the point was wealth. If that had been your goal there were many other ways of going about it — many not even requiring an Ivy League education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The point was the education. You got the education. The only problem here is that you thought the point was wealth. If that had been your goal there were many other ways of going about it — many not even requiring an Ivy League education.

Haha, no I only wanted an education, I love the idea of being surrounded by people as curious as I was.

It was then I got to real life that I realized most people are using education as a springboard to wealth, and I missed the memo. And in our country not being wealthy is way more precarious and exhausting than it should be.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m the poster who provided some observations to you earlier in the thread. And I notice that you’ve come back and despite being asked your age twice, you haven’t answered. (And responded to messages posted after that.)

That’s fine. I’m not here to pile on you, though I suspect that you may be younger than some posters here and perhaps came of age where this career info was knowable via internet searches/books even if you didn’t have parents who could “read you in” as another poster described.

My (gentle) advice would be that for yourself going forward and your children that you get very, very good at observing the behavior of those around you. Go join clubs, make friends with people who feed your soul AND people a bit different than you demographically. Don’t forge fake friendships by any means, but hearing the more well to do kids talk about banking, consulting, law, etc in college gave me a window into that world. They told me about prep strategies to get the job, what books to read, what recruiters wanted in interviews. Websites like College Confidential, Top Law Schools, and Wall Street Oasis were teeming with insider information that I used to fill the gaps. DCUM has become that resource for my personal life, and has helped me see around corners and avoid common mistakes.

Generally speaking, you want to observe the career patterns of well to do men. Often the women expect to become SAHM, so their paths are different. Obviously you have to pick something you enjoy (life is too short for soul sucking work), but following these guardrails should help you and your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Didn't read the thread, but I can relate. Though I suspect my childhood HHI may have been better than yours, it was through dumb luck - my dad was a college dropout programmer who made okay money, but never maximized his earnings. I had nobody guiding me, helping me navigate the professional world, etc. I barely got into college (no ivy league for me), barely graduated, and went through the first decade of my professional career with no real plan other than to live paycheck to paycheck. I stumbled into a lucrative niche of tech, but even then it took me a while to figure out that I could make what most would consider real money - and then took me a while to figure out how to pursue it.

I can - and have - looked back with regret, pondering what I could have done if I applied myself. What if I had invested an iota of effort in HS and college, gone to a better school, gotten a better start, or sought a mentor. But there's no real value in pondering what might have been. I try to impart my missed opportunities to others - through parenting and mentoring and general leadership. And I like my life, so that helps, too. But I'm with you - hindsight can really suck sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m the poster who provided some observations to you earlier in the thread. And I notice that you’ve come back and despite being asked your age twice, you haven’t answered. (And responded to messages posted after that.)

That’s fine. I’m not here to pile on you, though I suspect that you may be younger than some posters here and perhaps came of age where this career info was knowable via internet searches/books even if you didn’t have parents who could “read you in” as another poster described.

My (gentle) advice would be that for yourself going forward and your children that you get very, very good at observing the behavior of those around you. Go join clubs, make friends with people who feed your soul AND people a bit different than you demographically. Don’t forge fake friendships by any means, but hearing the more well to do kids talk about banking, consulting, law, etc in college gave me a window into that world. They told me about prep strategies to get the job, what books to read, what recruiters wanted in interviews. Websites like College Confidential, Top Law Schools, and Wall Street Oasis were teeming with insider information that I used to fill the gaps. DCUM has become that resource for my personal life, and has helped me see around corners and avoid common mistakes.

Generally speaking, you want to observe the career patterns of well to do men. Often the women expect to become SAHM, so their paths are different. Obviously you have to pick something you enjoy (life is too short for soul sucking work), but following these guardrails should help you and your children.

Sorry, I was trying to be somewhat anonymous -- I mean how many Ivy league grads work for Fed contractors But I did miss the question about age, but I graduated 95-99 timeframe. For reference, Glassdoor founded in 2007, and LinkedIn in 2002. My first jobs I mailed in my applications!

As for kids, their ages are pretty far apart because of miscarriages, that's why being a SAHM is still something on our radar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Didn't read the thread, but I can relate. Though I suspect my childhood HHI may have been better than yours, it was through dumb luck - my dad was a college dropout programmer who made okay money, but never maximized his earnings. I had nobody guiding me, helping me navigate the professional world, etc. I barely got into college (no ivy league for me), barely graduated, and went through the first decade of my professional career with no real plan other than to live paycheck to paycheck. I stumbled into a lucrative niche of tech, but even then it took me a while to figure out that I could make what most would consider real money - and then took me a while to figure out how to pursue it.

I can - and have - looked back with regret, pondering what I could have done if I applied myself. What if I had invested an iota of effort in HS and college, gone to a better school, gotten a better start, or sought a mentor. But there's no real value in pondering what might have been. I try to impart my missed opportunities to others - through parenting and mentoring and general leadership. And I like my life, so that helps, too. But I'm with you - hindsight can really suck sometimes.

What age did you move into niche tech, and what year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Didn't read the thread, but I can relate. Though I suspect my childhood HHI may have been better than yours, it was through dumb luck - my dad was a college dropout programmer who made okay money, but never maximized his earnings. I had nobody guiding me, helping me navigate the professional world, etc. I barely got into college (no ivy league for me), barely graduated, and went through the first decade of my professional career with no real plan other than to live paycheck to paycheck. I stumbled into a lucrative niche of tech, but even then it took me a while to figure out that I could make what most would consider real money - and then took me a while to figure out how to pursue it.

I can - and have - looked back with regret, pondering what I could have done if I applied myself. What if I had invested an iota of effort in HS and college, gone to a better school, gotten a better start, or sought a mentor. But there's no real value in pondering what might have been. I try to impart my missed opportunities to others - through parenting and mentoring and general leadership. And I like my life, so that helps, too. But I'm with you - hindsight can really suck sometimes.

What age did you move into niche tech, and what year?

PP here.

I graduated with a CS undergrad in 2000. Moved into cyber around 2006 or so. So I was about 28. I wouldn't mark that as the moment when I gained clarity and developed a plan, though. It took a few more years to develop aspirations beyond "have a good job". And I still don't have a plan. I'm better aware of the opportunities and paths to achieve them, but I'm still pretty opportunistic about my career path.


Still haven't read the thread, but it sounds like the OP was criticized for not developing a plan/being aware on her own - and that she should have done research online. I'll defend her/him. I wouldn't have even known what questions to ask - or that there were even questions to be asked. My impression of employment was so superficial that I didn't appreciate anything beyond the basics of "I do a job, I get paid, maybe I get a raise". And the internet wasn't nearly as helpful or democratizing with that kind of knowledge as it is today. I own the lion's share of the responsibility for my life path, but having even a little guidance would have helped tremendously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

I also graduated from an Ivy (two Ivies, in fact), and I didn't know anything about the value of internships. I had no mentors, no parents to guide me, no professors, a terrible career services office at my college, no nada nothing. I scrambled around, but knew nothing and figured things out far too late. I did go to grad school, and that was helpful, but I didn't learn about networking until much later in life. I'm still learning now. I think some people are more naturally savvy than others, and people like me are politically naive and don't get it for a long, long time. I've had an OK career, but if I could do it over again, I'd do everything differently. But I don't get another life, so I'll have to be grateful for what I have: a great family, a decent life on a middle-class income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m the poster who provided some observations to you earlier in the thread. And I notice that you’ve come back and despite being asked your age twice, you haven’t answered. (And responded to messages posted after that.)

That’s fine. I’m not here to pile on you, though I suspect that you may be younger than some posters here and perhaps came of age where this career info was knowable via internet searches/books even if you didn’t have parents who could “read you in” as another poster described.

My (gentle) advice would be that for yourself going forward and your children that you get very, very good at observing the behavior of those around you. Go join clubs, make friends with people who feed your soul AND people a bit different than you demographically. Don’t forge fake friendships by any means, but hearing the more well to do kids talk about banking, consulting, law, etc in college gave me a window into that world. They told me about prep strategies to get the job, what books to read, what recruiters wanted in interviews. Websites like College Confidential, Top Law Schools, and Wall Street Oasis were teeming with insider information that I used to fill the gaps. DCUM has become that resource for my personal life, and has helped me see around corners and avoid common mistakes.

Generally speaking, you want to observe the career patterns of well to do men. Often the women expect to become SAHM, so their paths are different. Obviously you have to pick something you enjoy (life is too short for soul sucking work), but following these guardrails should help you and your children.

Sorry, I was trying to be somewhat anonymous -- I mean how many Ivy league grads work for Fed contractors But I did miss the question about age, but I graduated 95-99 timeframe. For reference, Glassdoor founded in 2007, and LinkedIn in 2002. My first jobs I mailed in my applications!

As for kids, their ages are pretty far apart because of miscarriages, that's why being a SAHM is still something on our radar.

FWIW, I know plenty of ivy grads who work for contractors. You're by no means alone in your career path.

[Anonymous]

At the highest my parents made about $220k. I grew up in the DMV but in my earlier years my mom stayed home so they were at about $65-75k. Life changed when my mom went back and my dad got a huge raise (about $50k). I am now in my early 30s and I make more than $200k. I always knew I needed to make as much as possible to have a secure comfortable life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the highest my parents made about $220k. I grew up in the DMV but in my earlier years my mom stayed home so they were at about $65-75k. Life changed when my mom went back and my dad got a huge raise (about $50k). I am now in my early 30s and I make more than $200k. I always knew I needed to make as much as possible to have a secure comfortable life.

Yeah, you grew up someplace where things are expensive, and if your parents were making $200k in the 90s, you were very UMC. No surprise you knew what it took to replicate that UMC in an urban metro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the highest my parents made about $220k. I grew up in the DMV but in my earlier years my mom stayed home so they were at about $65-75k. Life changed when my mom went back and my dad got a huge raise (about $50k). I am now in my early 30s and I make more than $200k. I always knew I needed to make as much as possible to have a secure comfortable life.

Yeah, you grew up someplace where things are expensive, and if your parents were making $200k in the 90s, you were very UMC. No surprise you knew what it took to replicate that UMC in an urban metro.

That's true. I guess since I've always lived in the DC area I've been very aware of what life looks like at different income levels. They began making $200k combined around 2004. If you don't grow up in a high cost living area then I can see why someone's view of money could be different.