Squandered elite education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point was the education. You got the education. The only problem here is that you thought the point was wealth. If that had been your goal there were many other ways of going about it — many not even requiring an Ivy League education.

Haha, no I only wanted an education, I love the idea of being surrounded by people as curious as I was.

It was then I got to real life that I realized most people are using education as a springboard to wealth, and I missed the memo. And in our country not being wealthy is way more precarious and exhausting than it should be.

+100

The point of education is to generate wealth. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you realize somewhere along your 30 year journey that you were on the wrong track or the less compensated one or less rewarding one (however you define that?) I cane from an immigrant family that while middle class knew nothing about corporate America internships networking etc. Because of that I had to learn along the way, and I was for sure slower on the uptake than my peers in college. Indeed, I was probably 5-10 years behind my so called peers in terms of progression. But I observed those around me, found mentors, made adjustments to my work style and my aspirations and I’m very happy with where I am at in my late 40s. I appreciate you weren’t in the know at the outset but you are also admitting to a lack of learning agility and any kind of courage to take any minute risk during your life yo make minor or major shifts. You own that.

Such a shame you didn't observe empathy and compassion along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the "comparison is the thief of joy" person when we need them? I love it when that person posts. I guess I will be that person. Advice: Comparison is the thief of joy. I know it feels like people at your elite college all make more, but they don't. I can assure you. I know plenty of Harvard and Yale and other elite graduates in government, academia, the arts, journalism, etc. They lead fulfilling lives and contribute greatly to society and are able to live comfortably. But they aren't making $200K+ a year. If you are in a career where you are making a contribution (either to society, your own wealth, or both), you have not squandered anything.

I also know Ivy grads in these careers. They are disproportionately from well-off backgrounds. The few middle/low-income Ivy students I know who went into these fields are bitter and resentful.

I know a number of Ivy students, myself included, who didn't grow up rich who are just find making salaries in the $125K range. It is all a matter of perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point was the education. You got the education. The only problem here is that you thought the point was wealth. If that had been your goal there were many other ways of going about it — many not even requiring an Ivy League education.

Haha, no I only wanted an education, I love the idea of being surrounded by people as curious as I was.

It was then I got to real life that I realized most people are using education as a springboard to wealth, and I missed the memo. And in our country not being wealthy is way more precarious and exhausting than it should be.

+100

The point of education is to generate wealth. Full stop.

Ugh. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point was the education. You got the education. The only problem here is that you thought the point was wealth. If that had been your goal there were many other ways of going about it — many not even requiring an Ivy League education.

Haha, no I only wanted an education, I love the idea of being surrounded by people as curious as I was.

It was then I got to real life that I realized most people are using education as a springboard to wealth, and I missed the memo. And in our country not being wealthy is way more precarious and exhausting than it should be.

+100

The point of education is to generate wealth. Full stop.

That's a pretty myopic view on life.

[Anonymous]

Stop whining about your parents. You are an adult. You made choices. Unless you were seriously abused, stop stop stop stop stop blaming your parents for your life choices. It’s insane. I’m so sick of people doing this. You have hard YEARS to find mentorship. To change careers. You went to an IVY LEAGUE college. What more do you want? What could they have done more than they did? Stop looking around at everyone else’ paper. I felt empathy when this thread started. Now I think you need some jolt of reality.

News flash: education is only one aspect toward success. Ivy League degrees do not predict future wealth. Your ego is your problem. You think you deserve more than you have acquired. You don’t. Just get the hell over yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point was the education. You got the education. The only problem here is that you thought the point was wealth. If that had been your goal there were many other ways of going about it — many not even requiring an Ivy League education.

Haha, no I only wanted an education, I love the idea of being surrounded by people as curious as I was.

It was then I got to real life that I realized most people are using education as a springboard to wealth, and I missed the memo. And in our country not being wealthy is way more precarious and exhausting than it should be.

+100

The point of education is to generate wealth. Full stop.

Ugh. Full stop.

You’re right. It’s about enlightenment and that’s why this thread is 7 pages long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop whining about your parents. You are an adult. You made choices. Unless you were seriously abused, stop stop stop stop stop blaming your parents for your life choices. It’s insane. I’m so sick of people doing this. You have hard YEARS to find mentorship. To change careers. You went to an IVY LEAGUE college. What more do you want? What could they have done more than they did? Stop looking around at everyone else’ paper. I felt empathy when this thread started. Now I think you need some jolt of reality.

News flash: education is only one aspect toward success. Ivy League degrees do not predict future wealth. Your ego is your problem. You think you deserve more than you have acquired. You don’t. Just get the hell over yourselves.

I am incredibly sad if I came across as whining about my parents. They really lifted me up and helped me achieve my dream: to get to that fancy college and out of my rural small town. The sacrificed to make that happen and certainly supported me.

Even now as an adult I still have no idea how to find mentorships (and I'm so old I need to be the mentor honestly, and I am to some of younger staff), maybe something about the way I look or talk is off putting in a way I'm unaware -- but despite working had and always having good reviews, no one has ever been in a position that I felt I could ask them for that kind of relationship, nor anyone made any hints at helping me advance my career in ANY WAY. I think the positions I ended up in were always on the periphery in some way...

Actually, once I had kids, I spent a DECADE trying to change careers. I have no idea why it never came to pass (offers that were lower than I make now, or just ghosted after the final interview) but I think just the mix of market timing (tech wasn't really ascendent after the dot.com crash until I was a decade into gov work and well over 30). I maybe could have gotten an MBA and tried to get into finance, but I KNOW I would have just gone for some local MBA not understanding how its top 10 MBA or bust (according to DCUM).

I like the idea of an ego being the problem, but what I really am dealing with is regret and shame -- I wasted this amazing opportunity and I can't even figure out how. I would feel a lot better if I instead partied at college, really didn't give a darn, and was happy pulling an "Office Space" Peter Gibbons -- instead I'm having the middle age version of "Booksmart" angst!!

To be completely honest, except for the fact my moving for college meant I met my amazing DW, I think I would have ended up much happier going to my local state flagship, getting some professional job in a city like Tusla, and living at the top of my smaller world. And I wouldn't have taken my Ivy spot from someone who was actually going to do something great in the world...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point was the education. You got the education. The only problem here is that you thought the point was wealth. If that had been your goal there were many other ways of going about it — many not even requiring an Ivy League education.

Haha, no I only wanted an education, I love the idea of being surrounded by people as curious as I was.

It was then I got to real life that I realized most people are using education as a springboard to wealth, and I missed the memo. And in our country not being wealthy is way more precarious and exhausting than it should be.

+100

The point of education is to generate wealth. Full stop.

Ugh. Full stop.

You’re right. It’s about enlightenment and that’s why this thread is 7 pages long.

I mean this whole article is based upon people regretting their majors because it pays too little.

https://www.cnbc.com/2022/11/12/the-top-10-most-regretted-college-majors.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop whining about your parents. You are an adult. You made choices. Unless you were seriously abused, stop stop stop stop stop blaming your parents for your life choices. It’s insane. I’m so sick of people doing this. You have hard YEARS to find mentorship. To change careers. You went to an IVY LEAGUE college. What more do you want? What could they have done more than they did? Stop looking around at everyone else’ paper. I felt empathy when this thread started. Now I think you need some jolt of reality.

News flash: education is only one aspect toward success. Ivy League degrees do not predict future wealth. Your ego is your problem. You think you deserve more than you have acquired. You don’t. Just get the hell over yourselves.

I am incredibly sad if I came across as whining about my parents. They really lifted me up and helped me achieve my dream: to get to that fancy college and out of my rural small town. The sacrificed to make that happen and certainly supported me.

Even now as an adult I still have no idea how to find mentorships (and I'm so old I need to be the mentor honestly, and I am to some of younger staff), maybe something about the way I look or talk is off putting in a way I'm unaware -- but despite working had and always having good reviews, no one has ever been in a position that I felt I could ask them for that kind of relationship, nor anyone made any hints at helping me advance my career in ANY WAY. I think the positions I ended up in were always on the periphery in some way...

Actually, once I had kids, I spent a DECADE trying to change careers. I have no idea why it never came to pass (offers that were lower than I make now, or just ghosted after the final interview) but I think just the mix of market timing (tech wasn't really ascendent after the dot.com crash until I was a decade into gov work and well over 30). I maybe could have gotten an MBA and tried to get into finance, but I KNOW I would have just gone for some local MBA not understanding how its top 10 MBA or bust (according to DCUM).

I like the idea of an ego being the problem, but what I really am dealing with is regret and shame -- I wasted this amazing opportunity and I can't even figure out how. I would feel a lot better if I instead partied at college, really didn't give a darn, and was happy pulling an "Office Space" Peter Gibbons -- instead I'm having the middle age version of "Booksmart" angst!!

To be completely honest, except for the fact my moving for college meant I met my amazing DW, I think I would have ended up much happier going to my local state flagship, getting some professional job in a city like Tusla, and living at the top of my smaller world. And I wouldn't have taken my Ivy spot from someone who was actually going to do something great in the world...

Or you can consider altering your very limited ideas about the purpose of your education.
While I share your wish that I had had help navigating and effectively utilizing more of the resources that were available to me, I realize that my very presence as a student in my college was revolutionary— in many ways that I did not realize at the time. I tried new things, learned a lot, made lifelong friends, and successfully jumped the next set of academic and career hurdles that I faced. I wasn’t “prepared” the way the Prep school kids and the legacy kids were. I did, however, do the best I could with what I had to work with, and I “swam” even as others sank. I have done great things in the world — even though they have been small great things rather than larger or flashier ones. I’m wondering if some cognitive restructuring might encourage you to not necessarily see your educational experiences differently but to VALUE them differently. And, you know that your own experiences may be making many things exponentially easier and more available for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop whining about your parents. You are an adult. You made choices. Unless you were seriously abused, stop stop stop stop stop blaming your parents for your life choices. It’s insane. I’m so sick of people doing this. You have hard YEARS to find mentorship. To change careers. You went to an IVY LEAGUE college. What more do you want? What could they have done more than they did? Stop looking around at everyone else’ paper. I felt empathy when this thread started. Now I think you need some jolt of reality.

News flash: education is only one aspect toward success. Ivy League degrees do not predict future wealth. Your ego is your problem. You think you deserve more than you have acquired. You don’t. Just get the hell over yourselves.

I am incredibly sad if I came across as whining about my parents. They really lifted me up and helped me achieve my dream: to get to that fancy college and out of my rural small town. The sacrificed to make that happen and certainly supported me.

Even now as an adult I still have no idea how to find mentorships (and I'm so old I need to be the mentor honestly, and I am to some of younger staff), maybe something about the way I look or talk is off putting in a way I'm unaware -- but despite working had and always having good reviews, no one has ever been in a position that I felt I could ask them for that kind of relationship, nor anyone made any hints at helping me advance my career in ANY WAY. I think the positions I ended up in were always on the periphery in some way...

Actually, once I had kids, I spent a DECADE trying to change careers. I have no idea why it never came to pass (offers that were lower than I make now, or just ghosted after the final interview) but I think just the mix of market timing (tech wasn't really ascendent after the dot.com crash until I was a decade into gov work and well over 30). I maybe could have gotten an MBA and tried to get into finance, but I KNOW I would have just gone for some local MBA not understanding how its top 10 MBA or bust (according to DCUM).

I like the idea of an ego being the problem, but what I really am dealing with is regret and shame -- I wasted this amazing opportunity and I can't even figure out how. I would feel a lot better if I instead partied at college, really didn't give a darn, and was happy pulling an "Office Space" Peter Gibbons -- instead I'm having the middle age version of "Booksmart" angst!!

To be completely honest, except for the fact my moving for college meant I met my amazing DW, I think I would have ended up much happier going to my local state flagship, getting some professional job in a city like Tusla, and living at the top of my smaller world. And I wouldn't have taken my Ivy spot from someone who was actually going to do something great in the world...

Or you can consider altering your very limited ideas about the purpose of your education.
While I share your wish that I had had help navigating and effectively utilizing more of the resources that were available to me, I realize that my very presence as a student in my college was revolutionary— in many ways that I did not realize at the time. I tried new things, learned a lot, made lifelong friends, and successfully jumped the next set of academic and career hurdles that I faced. I wasn’t “prepared” the way the Prep school kids and the legacy kids were. I did, however, do the best I could with what I had to work with, and I “swam” even as others sank. I have done great things in the world — even though they have been small great things rather than larger or flashier ones. I’m wondering if some cognitive restructuring might encourage you to not necessarily see your educational experiences differently but to VALUE them differently. And, you know that your own experiences may be making many things exponentially easier and more available for your kids.

NP here. Do you mind talking more about this and being more specific? I am in a similar situation as the OP and have severe clinical depression because of it. I find your comment vague and insensitive -- being in the position I am now ($125k in a non-glamorous career) is embarrassing. I don't consider that "swimming" at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop whining about your parents. You are an adult. You made choices. Unless you were seriously abused, stop stop stop stop stop blaming your parents for your life choices. It’s insane. I’m so sick of people doing this. You have hard YEARS to find mentorship. To change careers. You went to an IVY LEAGUE college. What more do you want? What could they have done more than they did? Stop looking around at everyone else’ paper. I felt empathy when this thread started. Now I think you need some jolt of reality.

News flash: education is only one aspect toward success. Ivy League degrees do not predict future wealth. Your ego is your problem. You think you deserve more than you have acquired. You don’t. Just get the hell over yourselves.

I am incredibly sad if I came across as whining about my parents. They really lifted me up and helped me achieve my dream: to get to that fancy college and out of my rural small town. The sacrificed to make that happen and certainly supported me.

Even now as an adult I still have no idea how to find mentorships (and I'm so old I need to be the mentor honestly, and I am to some of younger staff), maybe something about the way I look or talk is off putting in a way I'm unaware -- but despite working had and always having good reviews, no one has ever been in a position that I felt I could ask them for that kind of relationship, nor anyone made any hints at helping me advance my career in ANY WAY. I think the positions I ended up in were always on the periphery in some way...

Actually, once I had kids, I spent a DECADE trying to change careers. I have no idea why it never came to pass (offers that were lower than I make now, or just ghosted after the final interview) but I think just the mix of market timing (tech wasn't really ascendent after the dot.com crash until I was a decade into gov work and well over 30). I maybe could have gotten an MBA and tried to get into finance, but I KNOW I would have just gone for some local MBA not understanding how its top 10 MBA or bust (according to DCUM).

I like the idea of an ego being the problem, but what I really am dealing with is regret and shame -- I wasted this amazing opportunity and I can't even figure out how. I would feel a lot better if I instead partied at college, really didn't give a darn, and was happy pulling an "Office Space" Peter Gibbons -- instead I'm having the middle age version of "Booksmart" angst!!

To be completely honest, except for the fact my moving for college meant I met my amazing DW, I think I would have ended up much happier going to my local state flagship, getting some professional job in a city like Tusla, and living at the top of my smaller world. And I wouldn't have taken my Ivy spot from someone who was actually going to do something great in the world...

+1000

OP, I am in a similar situation as you (HYPS grad from a rural, low-income background) and I 100% feel the same way. Especially the bolded.

Although I will say that I think the vast majority of DCUM would be way happier if they partied their way through college, stopped giving so many damns, and just let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you realize somewhere along your 30 year journey that you were on the wrong track or the less compensated one or less rewarding one (however you define that?) I cane from an immigrant family that while middle class knew nothing about corporate America internships networking etc. Because of that I had to learn along the way, and I was for sure slower on the uptake than my peers in college. Indeed, I was probably 5-10 years behind my so called peers in terms of progression. But I observed those around me, found mentors, made adjustments to my work style and my aspirations and I’m very happy with where I am at in my late 40s. I appreciate you weren’t in the know at the outset but you are also admitting to a lack of learning agility and any kind of courage to take any minute risk during your life yo make minor or major shifts. You own that.

Such a shame you didn't observe empathy and compassion along the way.

Indeed. I figured my Sh*t out. So I wouldn’t be 50+ and have a woe is me, full of regrets view of my life in a rear view mirror. But you go ahead and keep enabling with your compassion. Glad it’s serving you well in your equally judgmental post.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I'll join the group.

I am an Ivy underachiever and I don't even have the excuse of coming from a rural background.

I grew up in normal suburbia and was totally lost at my Ivy school. I was an English major, and no one told me this might not be a good idea. I got good grades, did a few EC but I had no clue about internships or job or careers. I was slightly depressed my entire college career. I worked at camps and in restaurants during the summers. I never connected to any mentors. I had no vision for my future. I am actually pretty proud that I have made as much of my life as I have. But sometimes I feel really terrible looking back at college and wondering why I wasted all those opportunities, and yes I am a little annoyed at my parents who were classic 1980s parents -- not involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I'll join the group.

I am an Ivy underachiever and I don't even have the excuse of coming from a rural background.

I grew up in normal suburbia and was totally lost at my Ivy school. I was an English major, and no one told me this might not be a good idea. I got good grades, did a few EC but I had no clue about internships or job or careers. I was slightly depressed my entire college career. I worked at camps and in restaurants during the summers. I never connected to any mentors. I had no vision for my future. I am actually pretty proud that I have made as much of my life as I have. But sometimes I feel really terrible looking back at college and wondering why I wasted all those opportunities, and yes I am a little annoyed at my parents who were classic 1980s parents -- not involved.

Did you not consider going to law school? Virtually all the English majors at my Ivy either went to law school (and if they didn't, they had rich parents).