Squandered elite education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope and believe today there are more resources for kids in this situation. Wealthy kids have parents to guide them, but for everyone else, we need someone to “read us in.” With the internet, though, it’s easier to find that information.

This comment is so true.

If I knew what I knew now, I would have went away to college and majo

I had no idea of careers paths such as private equity, venture capital, computer science, ect.

One of the things people say it's never to late to radically change your life. The brutal truth is most times it is too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope and believe today there are more resources for kids in this situation. Wealthy kids have parents to guide them, but for everyone else, we need someone to “read us in.” With the internet, though, it’s easier to find that information.

This comment is so true.

If I knew what I knew now, I would have went away to college and majo

I had no idea of careers paths such as private equity, venture capital, computer science, ect.

One of the things people say it's never to late to radically change your life. The brutal truth is most times it is too late.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

Judgmental much? I did it in the 1980’s. I certainly knew internships mattered and I knew I had zero financial cushion and had to financially contribute while in college and support myself after college. Good for you that you found a way to make it work. I went home during school summers and breaks and worked a manual labor job to meet immediate financial needs.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t you realize somewhere along your 30 year journey that you were on the wrong track or the less compensated one or less rewarding one (however you define that?) I cane from an immigrant family that while middle class knew nothing about corporate America internships networking etc. Because of that I had to learn along the way, and I was for sure slower on the uptake than my peers in college. Indeed, I was probably 5-10 years behind my so called peers in terms of progression. But I observed those around me, found mentors, made adjustments to my work style and my aspirations and I’m very happy with where I am at in my late 40s. I appreciate you weren’t in the know at the outset but you are also admitting to a lack of learning agility and any kind of courage to take any minute risk during your life yo make minor or major shifts. You own that.

[Anonymous]

My parents would write this about me. Lol

I am very happy with my choices. And they both see that ( Dad saw it before he died).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

Well first off, this was the 90s. Money was not talked about as readily as it is today, and the necessity of internships rather than just a nice to have was not clear. I actually wasn’t gunning for a corporate job; I didn’t care about being rich just comfortable. Unfortunately with housing, college costs, etc, a $130k job is not comfortable in most cities. I mean houses on Howard County are $900k. I would love to move some where cheaper but pay drops usually in step with COL, and college costs are high no matter how cheap your house is. Maybe if I had a friend who knew the ropes they may have set me down, but I hung out with other kids on scholarship by nature of the social scene on campus.


Also internships didn’t pay as much (there was a whole ruckus about how unpaid internships were elitist in the 2000s). How did you afford paying for housing and board in the internship city? Most of my classmates either went home to their home cities and interned there — I went home and worked at local factory to earn tuition money. An internship would have been at BEST net zero or more likely cost money.

PP here. If you post an email, I'll join. We can't use the meetup for just commiserating, though. We have to strategize for the next generation and also appreciate the good things that we have done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

Well first off, this was the 90s. Money was not talked about as readily as it is today, and the necessity of internships rather than just a nice to have was not clear. I actually wasn’t gunning for a corporate job; I didn’t care about being rich just comfortable. Unfortunately with housing, college costs, etc, a $130k job is not comfortable in most cities. I mean houses on Howard County are $900k. I would love to move some where cheaper but pay drops usually in step with COL, and college costs are high no matter how cheap your house is. Maybe if I had a friend who knew the ropes they may have set me down, but I hung out with other kids on scholarship by nature of the social scene on campus.


Also internships didn’t pay as much (there was a whole ruckus about how unpaid internships were elitist in the 2000s). How did you afford paying for housing and board in the internship city? Most of my classmates either went home to their home cities and interned there — I went home and worked at local factory to earn tuition money. An internship would have been at BEST net zero or more likely cost money.

OP, I'm in the same boat - I went to an Ivy in the 90's and in a certain sense, squandered my opportunity. I really appreciate what a previous poster said, though, about each generation doing better than the previous one. By that measure, I am doing just fine. I certainly know much more about how to guide my own children. Anyway, would you and the others who have been responded be interested in some sort of Ivy Underachievers meetup or support group? I have to figure out how to make a burner email address for this. I really do think that we could all support each other! And share advice for the next generation...

Not OP but my reactions were, "Yes! I would love that!" followed by "...but what if I'm the underachiever of THAT group too? Damn it."

NP here. I would love to start an Ivy Underachievers Support Group (LOL) as well. I wonder if anyone here would be responsive to a burner email.

PP here. I would come if you post an email. We can't spend the whole meetup complaining, though. We have to strategize for the next generation and give ourselves credit for the good that we have done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you realize somewhere along your 30 year journey that you were on the wrong track or the less compensated one or less rewarding one (however you define that?) I cane from an immigrant family that while middle class knew nothing about corporate America internships networking etc. Because of that I had to learn along the way, and I was for sure slower on the uptake than my peers in college. Indeed, I was probably 5-10 years behind my so called peers in terms of progression. But I observed those around me, found mentors, made adjustments to my work style and my aspirations and I’m very happy with where I am at in my late 40s. I appreciate you weren’t in the know at the outset but you are also admitting to a lack of learning agility and any kind of courage to take any minute risk during your life yo make minor or major shifts. You own that.

That’s the thing. I didn’t care about being “rich”, I just wanted a comfortable lifestyle and meaningful work.

It wasn’t until I had kids and REALLY had to look at schools and housing costs and college costs did I understand that $150k is peanuts. Or that my spouse may not want to work once kids are on picture (she also grew up poor like actually on welfare and always expected to work like her parents). But then once you have kids, do the math on housing costs, commute, schools, time with kids you realize you need to make a lot more money.

The most my parents ever made was $40k — so my starting salary of $60k made me think I had it made. I see it with a lot of young people I work with “$70k is more than my parents make combined). On top of that just a decade earlier housing was affordable for gov contractors; it tripled after 2000 and then the “bust” dropped it 10%.

As soon as I had kids I tried to get into big tech, but no luck whether too old or just the luck of gov contracting that isn’t applicable.

[Anonymous]

If anyone wants to read a tearjerker, read this story about how Princeton treated one first gen student, Juan Pabon, back in the 1990s. The university ended up making amends, so to speak. https://paw.princeton.edu/issues/v119-n06-01092019

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I have an elite educational background, both undergrad and Ivy professional school. Moreover, I had a privileged upbringing. In fact, I was so accustomed to money growing on trees that I didn't even recognize that it doesn't (I don't have a trust fund). I now earn about $400k, and at this level, all I do is look around at the others with a similar top-tier educational background who are law firm partners or private equity or hedge fund financiers, or at least specialist physicians at top hospitals with excellent job security and pay, who I went to schools with, and wonder why I didn't try to do what they do. They earn multiples of what I earn, and it bothers me, and it is my own doing.

But here is the thing. Someone I know with a net worth of a half billion or so actually explained to me that the coveting never stops. He was honestly explaining that there's always a tier above, and a tier above that, and you will want it, and at some point, somehow, you have to make peace with what you've done and where you are. This guy felt powerfully that he still wanted more and hadn't earned enough, but to his credit recognized the pathology at work.

This reminds me of the “$5 million is a nightmare” discussion in Succession.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQTgLXl1qXI

[Anonymous]

This post makes me so sad. OP, you did GREAT! I am proud of you and I don't even know you! Hug your kids and count your blessings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I have an elite educational background, both undergrad and Ivy professional school. Moreover, I had a privileged upbringing. In fact, I was so accustomed to money growing on trees that I didn't even recognize that it doesn't (I don't have a trust fund). I now earn about $400k, and at this level, all I do is look around at the others with a similar top-tier educational background who are law firm partners or private equity or hedge fund financiers, or at least specialist physicians at top hospitals with excellent job security and pay, who I went to schools with, and wonder why I didn't try to do what they do. They earn multiples of what I earn, and it bothers me, and it is my own doing.

But here is the thing. Someone I know with a net worth of a half billion or so actually explained to me that the coveting never stops. He was honestly explaining that there's always a tier above, and a tier above that, and you will want it, and at some point, somehow, you have to make peace with what you've done and where you are. This guy felt powerfully that he still wanted more and hadn't earned enough, but to his credit recognized the pathology at work.

This reminds me of the “$5 million is a nightmare” discussion in Succession.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQTgLXl1qXI

The world's tallest dwarf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If anyone wants to read a tearjerker, read this story about how Princeton treated one first gen student, Juan Pabon, back in the 1990s. The university ended up making amends, so to speak. https://paw.princeton.edu/issues/v119-n06-01092019

Wow what a story. It’s great that Princeton let him come back 20 years later.

This rings true: “ It didn’t occur to him that he could ask for help. “I thought office hours were to go ask where the printer was, or to change from one precept to another,” he says. “I didn’t realize you could go to a professor and say, ‘I’m lost.’ ””

I was terrified of going to office hours and having the professors figure out I don’t belong there…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you realize somewhere along your 30 year journey that you were on the wrong track or the less compensated one or less rewarding one (however you define that?) I cane from an immigrant family that while middle class knew nothing about corporate America internships networking etc. Because of that I had to learn along the way, and I was for sure slower on the uptake than my peers in college. Indeed, I was probably 5-10 years behind my so called peers in terms of progression. But I observed those around me, found mentors, made adjustments to my work style and my aspirations and I’m very happy with where I am at in my late 40s. I appreciate you weren’t in the know at the outset but you are also admitting to a lack of learning agility and any kind of courage to take any minute risk during your life yo make minor or major shifts. You own that.

That’s the thing. I didn’t care about being “rich”, I just wanted a comfortable lifestyle and meaningful work.

It wasn’t until I had kids and REALLY had to look at schools and housing costs and college costs did I understand that $150k is peanuts. Or that my spouse may not want to work once kids are on picture (she also grew up poor like actually on welfare and always expected to work like her parents). But then once you have kids, do the math on housing costs, commute, schools, time with kids you realize you need to make a lot more money.

The most my parents ever made was $40k — so my starting salary of $60k made me think I had it made. I see it with a lot of young people I work with “$70k is more than my parents make combined). On top of that just a decade earlier housing was affordable for gov contractors; it tripled after 2000 and then the “bust” dropped it 10%.

As soon as I had kids I tried to get into big tech, but no luck whether too old or just the luck of gov contracting that isn’t applicable.

The bolded is what slows people down.

More men and women need to discuss what the realities of their marriage will look like.

When you choose your mate, you choose your fate.

Your wife staying at home also effected your finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If anyone wants to read a tearjerker, read this story about how Princeton treated one first gen student, Juan Pabon, back in the 1990s. The university ended up making amends, so to speak. https://paw.princeton.edu/issues/v119-n06-01092019

Thank you for this link. This story really resonates with me. I’m a WOC. I went from urban public schools to a top tier Ivy — that I hadn’t previously visited. I had a horrible freshman advisor. I now know that I could have requested a change. I had a family tragedy the summer after my freshman year. I now know that I could have told a dean and received counseling or other support services. It says a lot, too, that no one in my extremely supportive group of friends suggested that I tell someone what I was going through. We were all new —or new-ish to environments like this, and didn’t know what we didn’t know.

I thrived academically and eventually earned a PhD. I got an emotionally taxing save-the-world type of job that I loved, making what felt like “enough” money. The grant funded job eventually ended, just as a parent critically needed care and advocacy with what turned out to be end-of-life issues. For the best of reasons, I got derailed. I’m now trying to recreate a professional life for myself. I berate myself sometimes for not having sought out mentors and developed relationships that would have facilitated networking— a word I never heard before I was unemployed.

You can’t know what you don’t know. But it sucks to realize that there were so many things that I didn’t know —because the people who cared about me didn’t know them either, while the people who knew them didn’t care about me enough to share their knowledge — or, more likely, didn’t know what I didn’t know. I was —and am — both cynical and naive.

I’m happy with the choices I’ve made, in that I’ve been able to live up to my own values. I also wish, though, that I had known that I actually had many more choices and even many more sources of potential support than I realized. I don’t feel that I squandered my education. I deeply enjoyed the academics, lived up to my academic potential, and have used my growing skills in ways that have had a genuine positive and meaningful impact. At the same time, I’m in a financially precarious position, and I’m struggling to figure out ways to use the next phase of my life in ways that will sustain me intellectually, emotionally, and financially.

I get it, OP.