Squandered elite education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a man or women?
Are you married?
Do you have kids?

What is your age?

Not enough info

Obviously OP is a man, no woman worries about this.

WTF? Sexist much?

Not OP, but in a similar situation. And I am a woman.

The only relevant question above is age. Unless you’re a handmaiden, gender/marriage/parental status isn’t relevant when reflecting on your career path.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know someone very similar to you. Has a BA from an Ivy, majored in English, from a poor rural town. He waited tables after graduation and had a brief stint as an admissions officer for his school a couple years after he graduated.

He currently makes $400k/year charging obscenely wealthy families hundreds of dollars an hour to edit their kids' college essays. See if something like this is available to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I was like you until I met the right mentor—in my late thirties. At 41, I jumped to a leadership role in a growing tech company. It can happen, op, if you find the right mentor and keep working hard.

That’s amazing. I’ve been trying to transition into Big Tech, but only offers I’ve had are at startups for LESS pay.

How did you find the mentor, what made them decide to invest in you even as you worked for different organizations?

[Anonymous]

You made choices because of what you valued (e.g.,stability, leaving work at five). That is not bad. Don’t think money is all that matters.

I took a job with less prestige and money, because it allowed me to be an engaged parent. Every thing is a trade off. I have made leave with what I choose, over money and prestige.

You don’t know how the stress of the other life might have impacted you or your family. Stop comparing yourself to others. Think of what you have, including a good education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar position. I chose an interesting career field after graduating from a T10 undergrad and was on that steep trajectory that PP mentioned. However, fear of losing what I had kept me from taking advantage of some opportunities that would've propelled me further, faster. In the end, though, I was still on a good path.

What really knocked me for a loop was motherhood. My mother was basically a SAHM with part-time jobs here and there. My dad was a 9-5 mid-level guy at a small, family-owned business in a very small town. They were considered successful. I never saw nannies and major childcare options. When I became a mom, I did not know how to navigate "having it all" and there were no female mentors in my field that I trusted to teach me.

So, I mommy-tracked myself and killed my career. Eventually, I off-ramped altogether. I see young women now who have a sense of how to balance a lot more (truth be told, their husbands also have a much bigger role in childcare and household duties than mine did, having been raised in a similar family as myself).

TLDR: Yes, the whole thing is a game and knowing how to play all facets of it is certainly helpful. My parents thought the acceptance to that undergrad was the golden ticket. It was only the tip of the iceberg.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re having a midlife crisis. This will pass soon enough.

The fact is that an Ivy League education is not the basis of all success, which you are now realizing too late. You have a good life. Be happy.

I KNOW THIS IS MIDLIFE CRISIS. doesn’t make me feel any better, and in fact know it’s too late to change course more or less.

3 kids, which are my joy, but worried I’m making them obsess about income and career from my own failings.

It doesn’t really seem like you squandered or failed anything. Is making $1 million in a year the goal? Did you want a 10,000 mansion and ended up with 2,000 house in the burbs? Like what specifically did you want that you didn’t get?

Also, sounds like you’re around 50, you’re not too old to try something new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar position. I chose an interesting career field after graduating from a T10 undergrad and was on that steep trajectory that PP mentioned. However, fear of losing what I had kept me from taking advantage of some opportunities that would've propelled me further, faster. In the end, though, I was still on a good path.

What really knocked me for a loop was motherhood. My mother was basically a SAHM with part-time jobs here and there. My dad was a 9-5 mid-level guy at a small, family-owned business in a very small town. They were considered successful. I never saw nannies and major childcare options. When I became a mom, I did not know how to navigate "having it all" and there were no female mentors in my field that I trusted to teach me.

So, I mommy-tracked myself and killed my career. Eventually, I off-ramped altogether. I see young women now who have a sense of how to balance a lot more (truth be told, their husbands also have a much bigger role in childcare and household duties than mine did, having been raised in a similar family as myself).

TLDR: Yes, the whole thing is a game and knowing how to play all facets of it is certainly helpful. My parents thought the acceptance to that undergrad was the golden ticket. It was only the tip of the iceberg.

This is me! I did not know how to navigate - how to do it. There were no role models at my firm (all the working moms had SAH spouse or significant family in the area)
I try and help those who followed behind - but the world is so different. It is really different going back to work 8 weeks later vs 6 months. I was so sleep deprived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

Well first off, this was the 90s. Money was not talked about as readily as it is today, and the necessity of internships rather than just a nice to have was not clear. I actually wasn’t gunning for a corporate job; I didn’t care about being rich just comfortable. Unfortunately with housing, college costs, etc, a $130k job is not comfortable in most cities. I mean houses on Howard County are $900k. I would love to move some where cheaper but pay drops usually in step with COL, and college costs are high no matter how cheap your house is. Maybe if I had a friend who knew the ropes they may have set me down, but I hung out with other kids on scholarship by nature of the social scene on campus.


Also internships didn’t pay as much (there was a whole ruckus about how unpaid internships were elitist in the 2000s). How did you afford paying for housing and board in the internship city? Most of my classmates either went home to their home cities and interned there — I went home and worked at local factory to earn tuition money. An internship would have been at BEST net zero or more likely cost money.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a good guy. Don’t beat yourself up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

Well first off, this was the 90s. Money was not talked about as readily as it is today, and the necessity of internships rather than just a nice to have was not clear. I actually wasn’t gunning for a corporate job; I didn’t care about being rich just comfortable. Unfortunately with housing, college costs, etc, a $130k job is not comfortable in most cities. I mean houses on Howard County are $900k. I would love to move some where cheaper but pay drops usually in step with COL, and college costs are high no matter how cheap your house is. Maybe if I had a friend who knew the ropes they may have set me down, but I hung out with other kids on scholarship by nature of the social scene on campus.


Also internships didn’t pay as much (there was a whole ruckus about how unpaid internships were elitist in the 2000s). How did you afford paying for housing and board in the internship city? Most of my classmates either went home to their home cities and interned there — I went home and worked at local factory to earn tuition money. An internship would have been at BEST net zero or more likely cost money.

OP, I'm in the same boat - I went to an Ivy in the 90's and in a certain sense, squandered my opportunity. I really appreciate what a previous poster said, though, about each generation doing better than the previous one. By that measure, I am doing just fine. I certainly know much more about how to guide my own children. Anyway, would you and the others who have been responded be interested in some sort of Ivy Underachievers meetup or support group? I have to figure out how to make a burner email address for this. I really do think that we could all support each other! And share advice for the next generation...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar position. I chose an interesting career field after graduating from a T10 undergrad and was on that steep trajectory that PP mentioned. However, fear of losing what I had kept me from taking advantage of some opportunities that would've propelled me further, faster. In the end, though, I was still on a good path.

What really knocked me for a loop was motherhood. My mother was basically a SAHM with part-time jobs here and there. My dad was a 9-5 mid-level guy at a small, family-owned business in a very small town. They were considered successful. I never saw nannies and major childcare options. When I became a mom, I did not know how to navigate "having it all" and there were no female mentors in my field that I trusted to teach me.

So, I mommy-tracked myself and killed my career. Eventually, I off-ramped altogether. I see young women now who have a sense of how to balance a lot more (truth be told, their husbands also have a much bigger role in childcare and household duties than mine did, having been raised in a similar family as myself).

TLDR: Yes, the whole thing is a game and knowing how to play all facets of it is certainly helpful. My parents thought the acceptance to that undergrad was the golden ticket. It was only the tip of the iceberg.

Not rural but my parents were immigrants and this so resonates!

They love to talk about my prestigious undergrad and I sorta cringe. My career is fine but not amazing. Sometimes I feel like I squandered a lot as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

Well first off, this was the 90s. Money was not talked about as readily as it is today, and the necessity of internships rather than just a nice to have was not clear. I actually wasn’t gunning for a corporate job; I didn’t care about being rich just comfortable. Unfortunately with housing, college costs, etc, a $130k job is not comfortable in most cities. I mean houses on Howard County are $900k. I would love to move some where cheaper but pay drops usually in step with COL, and college costs are high no matter how cheap your house is. Maybe if I had a friend who knew the ropes they may have set me down, but I hung out with other kids on scholarship by nature of the social scene on campus.


Also internships didn’t pay as much (there was a whole ruckus about how unpaid internships were elitist in the 2000s). How did you afford paying for housing and board in the internship city? Most of my classmates either went home to their home cities and interned there — I went home and worked at local factory to earn tuition money. An internship would have been at BEST net zero or more likely cost money.

OP, I'm in the same boat - I went to an Ivy in the 90's and in a certain sense, squandered my opportunity. I really appreciate what a previous poster said, though, about each generation doing better than the previous one. By that measure, I am doing just fine. I certainly know much more about how to guide my own children. Anyway, would you and the others who have been responded be interested in some sort of Ivy Underachievers meetup or support group? I have to figure out how to make a burner email address for this. I really do think that we could all support each other! And share advice for the next generation...

Not OP but my reactions were, "Yes! I would love that!" followed by "...but what if I'm the underachiever of THAT group too? Damn it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar position. I chose an interesting career field after graduating from a T10 undergrad and was on that steep trajectory that PP mentioned. However, fear of losing what I had kept me from taking advantage of some opportunities that would've propelled me further, faster. In the end, though, I was still on a good path.

What really knocked me for a loop was motherhood. My mother was basically a SAHM with part-time jobs here and there. My dad was a 9-5 mid-level guy at a small, family-owned business in a very small town. They were considered successful. I never saw nannies and major childcare options. When I became a mom, I did not know how to navigate "having it all" and there were no female mentors in my field that I trusted to teach me.

So, I mommy-tracked myself and killed my career. Eventually, I off-ramped altogether. I see young women now who have a sense of how to balance a lot more (truth be told, their husbands also have a much bigger role in childcare and household duties than mine did, having been raised in a similar family as myself).

TLDR: Yes, the whole thing is a game and knowing how to play all facets of it is certainly helpful. My parents thought the acceptance to that undergrad was the golden ticket. It was only the tip of the iceberg.

Not rural but my parents were immigrants and this so resonates!

They love to talk about my prestigious undergrad and I sorta cringe. My career is fine but not amazing. Sometimes I feel like I squandered a lot as well.

I think it may be a generational thing as well. I grew up in a rural area but my parents were college-educated. They actually did have the experience that the degree was the golden ticket - they did stuff like farm work, factory work, etc in the summers but as soon as they had that BA they were able to walk into white collar jobs. And my dad stayed in the same one until retirement at 59. I would ask them how to navigate career and grad school stuff and they'd be like "...we don't know, our experience was smart people get good jobs, it seems different now." And honestly they're in shock at how low our salaries are compared to COL.

[Anonymous]

You worked interesting jobs in towns you wanted to live in and you left at 5:00. There is nothing wrong with that.

I can't tell you how many government workers that I know who hate their jobs and hate going to work and are counting the years until retirement.

I think your attitude is much healthier.