Squandered elite education

[Anonymous]

My parents thought the acceptance to that undergrad was the golden ticket. It was only the tip of the iceberg.

Sooo true. My goal in life was to get out of town and to a great — once I did that I had no idea what the next step was. The only “professionals” I knew were my teachers and pediatrician!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re having a midlife crisis. This will pass soon enough.

The fact is that an Ivy League education is not the basis of all success, which you are now realizing too late. You have a good life. Be happy.

I KNOW THIS IS MIDLIFE CRISIS. doesn’t make me feel any better, and in fact know it’s too late to change course more or less.

3 kids, which are my joy, but worried I’m making them obsess about income and career from my own failings.

You have a stable income, three kids that are your joy, and a lot of time with them? Do you realize how many people in this world (even ones much richer than you) would give up everything to have that?

[Anonymous]

Similar situation but I don't dwell on it. I did work my butt off to get into undergrad but then I didn't know the path after that and we had no connections. It's in the past, I try to give me kids a balance of fun and hard work. My lesson is you can do everything right but one mistake or a stroke of bad luck, and you'd also be thrown off the proper "path," so it's good for the kids to have a lot of options.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if you are still a contractor but you can always change. It depends how much you want to. I wouldn’t dwell on past choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a man or women?
Are you married?
Do you have kids?

What is your age?

Not enough info

Obviously OP is a man, no woman worries about this.

OP may look old, but he seems to be more of a boy. I mean, he is, after all, probably earning a salary equivalent to a boy's allowance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a man or women?
Are you married?
Do you have kids?

What is your age?

Not enough info

Obviously OP is a man, no woman worries about this.

OP may look old, but he seems to be more of a boy. I mean, he is, after all, probably earning a salary equivalent to a boy's allowance.

Oddly, the fact that I don’t feel the need to post things like this makes me feel better about myself. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Honestly I come from a well off background on one side of my family but as I grew up in DC, I didn’t understand many of the job opportunities out there either. I just understand lawyer, doctor, lobbyist, hill staffer.

No lue about consulting, finance, anything in the art oriented world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I come from a well off background on one side of my family but as I grew up in DC, I didn’t understand many of the job opportunities out there either. I just understand lawyer, doctor, lobbyist, hill staffer.

No lue about consulting, finance, anything in the art oriented world.

Or business etc

[Anonymous]

Totally relate to both OP and the PP who made cautious but limiting choices. I'm really sad some days when I think about the doors I closed going for the "sure bets." But you know...I didn't know. I really, really didn't know how those risks could pay off comparatively.

Really focused on trying to find joy outside of work lately. Christmas season is coming up! I've been looking into all the local events to take my kids to, reaching out to friends to see if they want to join us, and just trying to find things to look forward to to remind myself that my financial success isn't all life is about.

[Anonymous]

MANY jobs making the salaries OP references require you to sell your soul

[Anonymous]

These threads pop up here fairly frequently, so it really does seem to be something lots of folks struggle with. OP, I’m more similar to you than not. Grew up middle class and went to an elite school. I spent a lot of time observing my wealthier peers and that helped a ton. I’m working as a lawyer now and while I’ve done well, at times I see my high flying peers making crazy money at firms (I left as a mid level) and wonder what if.

You’re right that having the right parents and guidance (later in the form of mentors and sponsors) is key. But you also need to be honest with yourself so you can course correct where possible and guide your kids. Some observations,

You are likely very short term focused (clock out at 5). Train yourself to think about how todays actions impact tomorrow etc. or, think about it top down. Where do I want to be in 5 years and are todays decisions serving me?

Also think big picture. Sure $60k is a lot for one person. But is a lot for a family? In a HCOL city? I did that math and as a result, left DC. Really try to train your brain to see the 30k foot view and not what’s right in front of you.

I say this not because I’m trying to be mean. And im certainly not perfect (I tend to bury my head in the sand about bad news, I hate change. I have my flaws too!) But I want you to control what you can and be better because of it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My parents thought the acceptance to that undergrad was the golden ticket. It was only the tip of the iceberg.

Sooo true. My goal in life was to get out of town and to a great — once I did that I had no idea what the next step was. The only “professionals” I knew were my teachers and pediatrician!

Don't beat yourself up so much OP. In those days the internet was not what it is now, and unless someone volunteered to mentor you, you had no idea what to do to position yourself after college.

[Anonymous]

Op, I was like you until I met the right mentor—in my late thirties. At 41, I jumped to a leadership role in a growing tech company. It can happen, op, if you find the right mentor and keep working hard.

[Anonymous]

As someone in a similar position -
Going to an elite university was like playing dress-up.
I did not understand the nuanced part of being there. I did not understand the role of an advisor / mentor. I was existing (surviving) as opposed to growing.

The role of mentors is so important. Schools do a better job now with 1st generation college students - but I had no idea how to advocate for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The goal for anyone should be to have your next generation do better than you. Your parents accomplished that in spades and you have the opportunity to do that too if you have children.

Keep up the good work.

+1

Progress, not perfection.

You learned from your mistakes and the next generation will have your experience to guide them!