Schadenfreude with my MIL

[Anonymous]

I'm Team OP! I hate that they were so mean and hurtful to you. And this makes me, a practicing Catholic, chuckle:

"Welp, then they don't really have a leg to stand on if OP puts her hand on MIL's arm and says sepulchrally, "God wants FIL home with Him. It's his Will.""

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, am I right in suspecting that they said things like:
-It was God’s will
-God wanted the baby home with Him

Or something else spiritual?

I’m not defending that, at all, it’s just such a rote thing for older people who are religious to say. They may have experienced their family saying such things their entire lives.

I’m sorry for your pain, and for their insensitive reaction to your loss. I can hear the hurt in your post, and the anger. I’m not being glib when I say that I hope you are talking to a good therapist or grief counselor. I wish you well and I wish I could give you a hug.

And to the rest of you: OP has not done or said anything inappropriate. She is voicing here her pain and anger and her instinct to hurt them the way they hurt her, which she has not acted upon. Thoughts and impulses are not crimes. OP is responsible for her words and actions, not her thoughts. Don’t be such massive hypocrites—we have ALL had dark and immature and unproductive *thoughts.*

Welp, then they don't really have a leg to stand on if OP puts her hand on MIL's arm and says sepulchrally, "God wants FIL home with Him. It's his Will."

Pretty much this, except I'm not as inhuman as they are. I would never tell someone with an unexpected medical diagnosis what they said to me. But my guess is, even if I did, they wouldn't get it. I have absolutely no feelings of compassion for them and trust them like I would any person that has shown themselves to be cruel to others.

But you are as inhuman as they are, you’re just choosing not to tell them. You have become what you hate. Holding hatred and vitriol in your heart will destroy you. You forgive others for yourself, not for them. I’m not saying you have to have a relationship with them, just that you should try to be better than they are. Right now, you’re not.

You are ridiculous and a thought police wannabe. Your judgement in calling some “inhuman” for venting for admitting to having not so nice feeling following the tragic loss of a baby tells me you are very likely the exact thing you are judging OP to be. Someone with faultless actions and PURE THOUGHTS (which is apparently the standard you use to judge fellow humans) wouldn’t run here to shame an anonymous poster. And OP, your in laws sounds sadly devoid of compassion and rational thought. Hope they have plans for their own elder care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your losing your baby was also Schadenfreude for someone?

Did not realize that it worked like this.

Yes, we all should be afraid of Karma!

No, we shouldn’t. “Karma” is a fiction clung to by people who really super duper want to believe that people they feel hurt or wronged them will “get what they deserve.” Adults with functional brains know that’s not how the world works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry that your child passed away. We lost a daughter during infancy and my heart goes out to you.

However, gloating that someone has a terminal illness or a life altering disease is not something kind people do. It’s probably good that your lack of courage is winning out over you feeling brave enough to say cruel things to family members, but the fact that you’re wishing for bravery to be cruel to someone isn’t decent. If their comment affected you that much, you might want to talk to someone about it (maybe a therapist if you’re already in therapy, but also a grief counselor or clergy could be helpful).

Also, assuming your readers are ignorant and don’t know what schadenfreude means makes you seem annoying. Good luck to your husband, who’s likely going to need emotional support while dealing with his father’s illness, and probably won’t get it from his life partner.

A) Lots of people do not know what more basic words that schadenfreude mean so there was nothing wrong in explaining it. A weird thing for you to be defensive about.

B) Your last sentence was unnecessary and bit--y. This is especially rich after you lecturing her over what kind people do and do not do.

C) She is not gloating. Her feelings are perfectly understandable. Do I need to define gloating for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, the amount of baseless assumptions the DCUM harpies make is beyond ridiculous. Not to mention, several of them can't read. I honestly don't know why anyone would post their story here; it's truly become a cesspool.

Yes, a cesspool of vile, judgmental, selfish people. And reason 8907 why people don't include all the details in their posts. Can you imagine if one of these harpies identified someone on here in their community?