Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone with two kids at HYPS and she doesn’t even want to answer anymore because people think she’s bragging (even though they asked)
Ah, to have such problems

This is true. [/quote

I do not have a college sticker or a tshirt.

The original PP is right. I do not openly give out the ivy name unless the questioner also has a kid at one. From experience, it's led to some misunderstandings. And when they start questioning you, it becomes a pain. ("Did s/he (REALLY) graduate?"). A non-committal answer like s/he goes to a school in Connecticut, Massachusetts, NYC, or whatever, is usually sufficient.

It is impressive to go to one of these schools but some of the infatuation on this board makes me worry that getting to the school is the destination and not just a short part of the journey.

What makes people with the kids at HSYP or other top schools in general believe that others are taking their comments as bragging if they are asked about it? Saying a kid is at X studying Z or still figuring out a major is easy and leads to a conversation about the area and experience at the school. I honestly worry more about those parents who feel they can't share anything. It is easy enough to praise a child's hard work and jokingly say there is no secret sauce if someone follows up with how they did it.

Please don't be the person who says their kid goes school in Cambridge or Palo Alto (or Boston area or Bay Area). That has the opposite effect and makes you look kind of sad and arrogant when the person finds out the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are just makiing conversation, showing an interest. It is polite. They do not care if you say Harvard or NOVA. They will also not rember 10 minutes later.

+1. Smalltalk. And they will forget pretty much immediately. No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone with two kids at HYPS and she doesn’t even want to answer anymore because people think she’s bragging (even though they asked)
Ah, to have such problems

This is true. [/quote

I do not have a college sticker or a tshirt.

The original PP is right. I do not openly give out the ivy name unless the questioner also has a kid at one. From experience, it's led to some misunderstandings. And when they start questioning you, it becomes a pain. ("Did s/he (REALLY) graduate?"). A non-committal answer like s/he goes to a school in Connecticut, Massachusetts, NYC, or whatever, is usually sufficient.

I have a neighbor who, when asked, said she had gone to a college in CT. I then said, oh, which college? And she answered, Yale. It would have been so much more normal to simply say, "I went to Yale." This sense that you have to downplay it is ridiculous. You went where you went, period (same applies to your kids).
DP

If your kid goes to one, it's no big deal. Where your kid goes to school in reality is a non-issue that can be left vague. Among close friends, of course, they comes up naturally and it's never an issue. Among casual acquittance, you'll be surprised.

[Anonymous]

People who go to elite schools but won’t say it are weird. Eventually, it will come out, and then you just look stupid. You may think it is self-effacing/humble, but it’s implicitly arrogant. It’s like you’re hiding that you belong to an elite club, then you’re outed. Obviously, there’s no reason to be embarrassed about attending such a school, so it seems like a humblebrag. And, if you think you’re protecting your conversationalist, you must assume they are fragile, which is also insulting and pretentious. If attending a great school is part of your life, just own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who go to elite schools but won’t say it are weird. Eventually, it will come out, and then you just look stupid. You may think it is self-effacing/humble, but it’s implicitly arrogant. It’s like you’re hiding that you belong to an elite club, then you’re outed. Obviously, there’s no reason to be embarrassed about attending such a school, so it seems like a humblebrag. And, if you think you’re protecting your conversationalist, you must assume they are fragile, which is also insulting and pretentious. If attending a great school is part of your life, just own it.

If your kid goes to one, it's no big deal. Where your kid goes to school in reality is a non-issue that can be left vague.

[Anonymous]

OP: So, if I may ask, where do your kids go to college ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: So, if I may ask, where do your kids go to college ?

Since college doesn't matter as everyone says, it should be a non issue when left vague. Unless you are fishing for info...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: So, if I may ask, where do your kids go to college ?

Since college doesn't matter as everyone says, it should be a non issue when left vague. Unless you are fishing for info...

Exactly. Doesn't matter.
Why so reluctant to say. Weird

[Anonymous]

I think it’s because many people are so oriented toward status and competition that everything, perhaps especially their kids, becomes fodder for comparison and ego gratification.

[Anonymous]

yea ask what video games kids play

sounds like better samll talk for college parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: So, if I may ask, where do your kids go to college ?

Since college doesn't matter as everyone says, it should be a non issue when left vague. Unless you are fishing for info...

Exactly. Doesn't matter.
Why so reluctant to say. Weird

'cus you are fishing for info. If ivy, your mind will be wondering where you have gone wrong, whether the ivy kid is an URM, athlete, legacy, donor, or worse, a varsity blue. Let it rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: So, if I may ask, where do your kids go to college ?

Since college doesn't matter as everyone says, it should be a non issue when left vague. Unless you are fishing for info...

Exactly. Doesn't matter.
Why so reluctant to say. Weird

'cus you are fishing for info. If ivy, your mind will be wondering where you have gone wrong, whether the ivy kid is an URM, athlete, legacy, donor, or worse, a varsity blue. Let it rest.

you are so twisted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: So, if I may ask, where do your kids go to college ?

Since college doesn't matter as everyone says, it should be a non issue when left vague. Unless you are fishing for info...

Exactly. Doesn't matter.
Why so reluctant to say. Weird

'cus you are fishing for info. If ivy, your mind will be wondering where you have gone wrong, whether the ivy kid is an URM, athlete, legacy, donor, or worse, a varsity blue. Let it rest.

you are so twisted

If you were an ivy parent, they'll be happy to tell you. If not, they want to avoid drama queens who feel they are entitled to know where everyone else is going. Let it rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone with two kids at HYPS and she doesn’t even want to answer anymore because people think she’s bragging (even though they asked)
Ah, to have such problems

This is true. [/quote

I do not have a college sticker or a tshirt.

The original PP is right. I do not openly give out the ivy name unless the questioner also has a kid at one. From experience, it's led to some misunderstandings. And when they start questioning you, it becomes a pain. ("Did s/he (REALLY) graduate?"). A non-committal answer like s/he goes to a school in Connecticut, Massachusetts, NYC, or whatever, is usually sufficient.

It is impressive to go to one of these schools but some of the infatuation on this board makes me worry that getting to the school is the destination and not just a short part of the journey.

What makes people with the kids at HSYP or other top schools in general believe that others are taking their comments as bragging if they are asked about it? Saying a kid is at X studying Z or still figuring out a major is easy and leads to a conversation about the area and experience at the school. I honestly worry more about those parents who feel they can't share anything. It is easy enough to praise a child's hard work and jokingly say there is no secret sauce if someone follows up with how they did it.

Please don't be the person who says their kid goes school in Cambridge or Palo Alto (or Boston area or Bay Area). That has the opposite effect and makes you look kind of sad and arrogant when the person finds out the school.

I'm confused. If someone were to go to college in one of those areas - you want them to lie and name another state/city???

[Anonymous]

OP, be proud, not obnoxious, about where your kid goes to college - and there should not be a problem - whether it is Harvard - or not.