Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??

[Anonymous]

It’s just conversation. It’s a big milestone and it would seem stilted not to bring it up. We asked the same thing as the moved through ES/MS/HS. “Oh hi, how is Larla/o adjusting to X grade ?” and “I’m glad s/he’s enjoying it”. Nothing sinister. I’m not trying to do espionage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are just makiing conversation, showing an interest. It is polite. They do not care if you say Harvard or NOVA. They will also not rember 10 minutes later.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its an easy conversation

+1 What else should we ask about their kids who are in college?

Is she on Tinder? Does she like older men? Does she need a sugar daddy?

(j/k)

[Anonymous]

It’s to make conversation but I never ask that because I have friends whose kids are not going to college.

I say “what are your plans after HS” or “what is X doing now”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever you meet new people or talk about your kids being college age, inevitably the person needs to know where they go to school.
Do we all feed into this and then get judged (or appreciated) depending on where they go?

I find myself doing it, and it’s asked of me all the time.

No wonder rankings have become so “important”

I'm not asking so I can judge you. I'm asking because I want to get to know you, and your kids are part of your life.

I don't care if you answer Montgomery College or Harvard.

So you ask “where is x in college” and they say they don’t go to college they wait tables or they are work retail, and you think it’s still okay to say “where do they go to college”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever you meet new people or talk about your kids being college age, inevitably the person needs to know where they go to school.
Do we all feed into this and then get judged (or appreciated) depending on where they go?

I find myself doing it, and it’s asked of me all the time.

No wonder rankings have become so “important”

It’s called making conversation. And the correct response to whatever school child attends is “That’s wonderful!”

[Anonymous]

I ask because I know a lot of college professors and think it would be neat if there was a connection. I don’t usually ask, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever you meet new people or talk about your kids being college age, inevitably the person needs to know where they go to school.
Do we all feed into this and then get judged (or appreciated) depending on where they go?

I find myself doing it, and it’s asked of me all the time.

No wonder rankings have become so “important”

I'm not asking so I can judge you. I'm asking because I want to get to know you, and your kids are part of your life.

I don't care if you answer Montgomery College or Harvard.

So you ask “where is x in college” and they say they don’t go to college they wait tables or they are work retail, and you think it’s still okay to say “where do they go to college”

I am assuming that the “where are they in college?” comes after something like “So, what is Henrietta up to these days?” “Oh, she is away at at college.” “Oh, what college?”

Or “So, is Larlo your only child at Lovely HS?” “Yes, our daughter graduated a few years ago, she’s in college now?”

[Anonymous]

Someone asked me that tonight. When I said my child goes to Brown, they asked me if I went there too. When I said yes, they followed up with, is that how they got in? I hate those kinds of comments because they diminish his achievements, but I bit my tongue and just shrugged.

[Anonymous]

The DMV has a fascination with university prestige even years (and decades) after graduation. I am surprised how often I'm asked about my own educational background here! We moved from Palo Alto, where that wasn't the case though the high school kids were under even more pressure to attend top schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone asked me that tonight. When I said my child goes to Brown, they asked me if I went there too. When I said yes, they followed up with, is that how they got in? I hate those kinds of comments because they diminish his achievements, but I bit my tongue and just shrugged.

Just jokingly say, "I wish, even a $10 million donation doesn't get you what it used to if you know what I mean..."

[Anonymous]

Intelligence gathering.

Next question will be about your mother's maiden name.

Also, if you don't like the question, stop wearing the Harvard hoodie.

[Anonymous]

I'm genuinely interested when I ask. To learn more about your kid, and also to kind of stay in the know about where local kids want to go to college these days.

[Anonymous]

I hated when people asked where my kid was applying and where do my kids go to college. I think that they are being nosy and judgey. One time to the neighborhood gossip- I responded with, I just don’t want to discuss the college application process it is so stressful in my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its an easy conversation

People are hoping it will trigger subsequent conversation (e.g., my brother went there, I used to live nearby, I almost went there—whatever). It also tells them where the kid is geographically.

You sound defensive if this bothers you.

This. Your kids is living away from home; of course it’s polite conversation to ask where. What do you think people should ask about college kids if not where they’re attending/what major/etc?