Is middle school always miserable? (Mean girls)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try a new school. At my kid's school (she's in 8th now) is is completely unacceptable to make fun of people because of their race, disability, weight, clothes, looks, sexual orientation, or gender identity. There is still room to be bullied about other stuff (sports, academics, being annoying) but it is way less than the hell I went through as a middle schooler.

And what do you do when the bully is the president of the DEI club? I don’t think SES has anything to do with it. Some kids are just mean, they learn exclusion and social climbing from their parents, and we hope they eventually grow out of it. In the meantime, they’re just mean.

I also think adults proclaiming that they have a school where no kids are mean is so delusional. You're not their age. Accept that you largely have no clue what is actually going on. Kids are very good at keeping their world private. And a lot of them will show one face to adults and act totally differently with peers. They're not dumb.

+10000

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Times Infinity. I've experienced this first hand when my kid was having an issue with a girl widely believed to be sweet, quiet, etc. The level of piling on, the viciousness in the texts she send my child, the social exclusion she orchestrated. . . . I was surprised that this was the same kid. This sort of behavior has continued in a lesser form this year.

The phone is a large part of your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try a new school. At my kid's school (she's in 8th now) is is completely unacceptable to make fun of people because of their race, disability, weight, clothes, looks, sexual orientation, or gender identity. There is still room to be bullied about other stuff (sports, academics, being annoying) but it is way less than the hell I went through as a middle schooler.

And what do you do when the bully is the president of the DEI club? I don’t think SES has anything to do with it. Some kids are just mean, they learn exclusion and social climbing from their parents, and we hope they eventually grow out of it. In the meantime, they’re just mean.

I also think adults proclaiming that they have a school where no kids are mean is so delusional. You're not their age. Accept that you largely have no clue what is actually going on. Kids are very good at keeping their world private. And a lot of them will show one face to adults and act totally differently with peers. They're not dumb.

+10000

Sorry but no. My DD is a 7th grader at a new school and knew no one. She has had zero issues so far. She's made a few friends already, had them over, and been to their houses. But, it is a very diverse and large school. She also is heavily involved with activities outside of school with kids that do not attend her school. She and her new friends do not have phones. While school has only been in session a few weeks, I can say she is 100% happy or at least content with zero drama

[Anonymous]

+10000


Sorry but no. My DD is a 7th grader at a new school and knew no one. She has had zero issues so far. She's made a few friends already, had them over, and been to their houses. But, it is a very diverse and large school. She also is heavily involved with activities outside of school with kids that do not attend her school. She and her new friends do not have phones. While school has only been in session a few weeks, I can say she is 100% happy or at least content with zero drama

That's great, but not everyone's situation. My 8th grader is on the immature side due to ADHD (yes, he is medicated, but no, it doesn't 100 percent solve). He is involved in tons of activities, and has acquaintances, but only one friend that he sees outside of organized activities. There are some kids who pick on him at school for sure.

[Anonymous]

There is no magical place with the "right" mix of kids where no one is mean at that age. And the phones can make it worse but that's not the cause of it either. It's the age.

I grew up in a lower-income area and in the 80s middle school was filled with mean girls and bullies and cliques and excluding people. 7th grade was the worst year of schooling I ever had.

If YOUR child is not experiencing it right this minute, be thankful and keep your head down for now. My kid is in 7th grade and having a great year so far. 6th absolutely had some bumps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+10000


Sorry but no. My DD is a 7th grader at a new school and knew no one. She has had zero issues so far. She's made a few friends already, had them over, and been to their houses. But, it is a very diverse and large school. She also is heavily involved with activities outside of school with kids that do not attend her school. She and her new friends do not have phones. While school has only been in session a few weeks, I can say she is 100% happy or at least content with zero drama

That's great, but not everyone's situation. My 8th grader is on the immature side due to ADHD (yes, he is medicated, but no, it doesn't 100 percent solve). He is involved in tons of activities, and has acquaintances, but only one friend that he sees outside of organized activities. There are some kids who pick on him at school for sure.

NP here. If you follow the thread, you will see that PP was responding to someone who was generalizing about everyone's situation, not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no magical place with the "right" mix of kids where no one is mean at that age. And the phones can make it worse but that's not the cause of it either. It's the age.

I grew up in a lower-income area and in the 80s middle school was filled with mean girls and bullies and cliques and excluding people. 7th grade was the worst year of schooling I ever had.

If YOUR child is not experiencing it right this minute, be thankful and keep your head down for now. My kid is in 7th grade and having a great year so far. 6th absolutely had some bumps.

But the original post is written as this is the norm behavior for middle school girls...and it isn't. Sure sure kids experience extreme "mean girl" behavior, but that isn't the normal for the majority of girls, which is what OP and other posters are saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+10000


Sorry but no. My DD is a 7th grader at a new school and knew no one. She has had zero issues so far. She's made a few friends already, had them over, and been to their houses. But, it is a very diverse and large school. She also is heavily involved with activities outside of school with kids that do not attend her school. She and her new friends do not have phones. While school has only been in session a few weeks, I can say she is 100% happy or at least content with zero drama

That's great, but not everyone's situation. My 8th grader is on the immature side due to ADHD (yes, he is medicated, but no, it doesn't 100 percent solve). He is involved in tons of activities, and has acquaintances, but only one friend that he sees outside of organized activities. There are some kids who pick on him at school for sure.

Ditto this poster (except anxiety, not adhd for my son). All of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no magical place with the "right" mix of kids where no one is mean at that age. And the phones can make it worse but that's not the cause of it either. It's the age.

I grew up in a lower-income area and in the 80s middle school was filled with mean girls and bullies and cliques and excluding people. 7th grade was the worst year of schooling I ever had.

If YOUR child is not experiencing it right this minute, be thankful and keep your head down for now. My kid is in 7th grade and having a great year so far. 6th absolutely had some bumps.

But the original post is written as this is the norm behavior for middle school girls...and it isn't. Sure sure kids experience extreme "mean girl" behavior, but that isn't the normal for the majority of girls, which is what OP and other posters are saying.

If it is going to happen, middle school is likely the time as this behavior peaks in this age range. So the OP is not alone in trying to help her child navigate this time. That doesn't mean it happens to everyone; and it also doesn't mean it only happens to problem kids or parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no magical place with the "right" mix of kids where no one is mean at that age. And the phones can make it worse but that's not the cause of it either. It's the age.

I grew up in a lower-income area and in the 80s middle school was filled with mean girls and bullies and cliques and excluding people. 7th grade was the worst year of schooling I ever had.

If YOUR child is not experiencing it right this minute, be thankful and keep your head down for now. My kid is in 7th grade and having a great year so far. 6th absolutely had some bumps.

But the original post is written as this is the norm behavior for middle school girls...and it isn't. Sure sure kids experience extreme "mean girl" behavior, but that isn't the normal for the majority of girls, which is what OP and other posters are saying.

If it is going to happen, middle school is likely the time as this behavior peaks in this age range. So the OP is not alone in trying to help her child navigate this time. That doesn't mean it happens to everyone; and it also doesn't mean it only happens to problem kids or parents.

There are definitely girls more prone to be on the receiving end of this type of behavior, or perceive behavior as mean or exclusionary when perhaps it isn't. The ones that have a large desire to fit in often have the worst time. There are girls that just really don't care and are totally fine being on the social periphery with maybe 1-3 friends. This isn't something the parents or kids are doing wrong, it is just individual personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no magical place with the "right" mix of kids where no one is mean at that age. And the phones can make it worse but that's not the cause of it either. It's the age.

I grew up in a lower-income area and in the 80s middle school was filled with mean girls and bullies and cliques and excluding people. 7th grade was the worst year of schooling I ever had.

If YOUR child is not experiencing it right this minute, be thankful and keep your head down for now. My kid is in 7th grade and having a great year so far. 6th absolutely had some bumps.

But the original post is written as this is the norm behavior for middle school girls...and it isn't. Sure sure kids experience extreme "mean girl" behavior, but that isn't the normal for the majority of girls, which is what OP and other posters are saying.

Yes, I get it. My argument is that most girls (and most children) at some point during the 3 years of middle school (or 2 in some places) will experience some episode of mean girls or witness it or somehow be affected. I think it's pretty unusual to go through this entire age span and have every minute be rosy. It is in fact...pretty normal. This is why there are books and movies about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no magical place with the "right" mix of kids where no one is mean at that age. And the phones can make it worse but that's not the cause of it either. It's the age.

I grew up in a lower-income area and in the 80s middle school was filled with mean girls and bullies and cliques and excluding people. 7th grade was the worst year of schooling I ever had.

If YOUR child is not experiencing it right this minute, be thankful and keep your head down for now. My kid is in 7th grade and having a great year so far. 6th absolutely had some bumps.

But the original post is written as this is the norm behavior for middle school girls...and it isn't. Sure sure kids experience extreme "mean girl" behavior, but that isn't the normal for the majority of girls, which is what OP and other posters are saying.

If it is going to happen, middle school is likely the time as this behavior peaks in this age range. So the OP is not alone in trying to help her child navigate this time. That doesn't mean it happens to everyone; and it also doesn't mean it only happens to problem kids or parents.

Yes, the moral tone of some of these posts is cringe. If only you didn't give your daughter a phone and lived somewhere more diverse LIKE ME this wouldn't be happening to your daughter.

Humble yourselves people. There but for the grace of God go I would be the phrase here. I have multiple kids. You think you've got it all sorted and then life slaps you in the face.

[Anonymous]

It's always been like this. Phones don't make a difference. Girls in middle school start to develop their personalities. Some are strong (and stand up to bullying) but are usually quirky and considered not popular. Other's go along and participate by association.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no magical place with the "right" mix of kids where no one is mean at that age. And the phones can make it worse but that's not the cause of it either. It's the age.

I grew up in a lower-income area and in the 80s middle school was filled with mean girls and bullies and cliques and excluding people. 7th grade was the worst year of schooling I ever had.

If YOUR child is not experiencing it right this minute, be thankful and keep your head down for now. My kid is in 7th grade and having a great year so far. 6th absolutely had some bumps.

But the original post is written as this is the norm behavior for middle school girls...and it isn't. Sure sure kids experience extreme "mean girl" behavior, but that isn't the normal for the majority of girls, which is what OP and other posters are saying.

If it is going to happen, middle school is likely the time as this behavior peaks in this age range. So the OP is not alone in trying to help her child navigate this time. That doesn't mean it happens to everyone; and it also doesn't mean it only happens to problem kids or parents.

Yes, the moral tone of some of these posts is cringe. If only you didn't give your daughter a phone and lived somewhere more diverse LIKE ME this wouldn't be happening to your daughter.

Humble yourselves people. There but for the grace of God go I would be the phrase here. I have multiple kids. You think you've got it all sorted and then life slaps you in the face.

Agree, my daughter had the most problems in an ultra diverse school before she had a phone. Now we live somewhere where there is less diversity and she has a phone and all the kids get along (if not friends). Honestly, I feel like those posting about phones etc are probably parents of only children.

[Anonymous]

We have our 7th grader in a small school and she doesn't have nearly the same amount of issues that our older daughter had in a larger public school. Once they find their tribe, things go smoothly. That being said, middle schoolers with SnapChat can be savage.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to feel insecure that there's a trend on this thread that some middle schoolers have had fewer negative social experiences and go to very diverse schools.

There are pros and cons to every situation. I'm sure kids who attend less diverse, UMC, schools have things about it they like a lot, that my family would really envy. And I bet some of those kids have great social experiences, too.

The topic of the thread is: Is middle school always miserable?
People can say: not at my school and this is the reason why IMO

You don't have to discount someone else's experience.

It's not a binary thing.