Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are all too happy to have a SAHM during the hard years, letting their wives do the overnights and chasing tantruming toddlers while he hangs around the office “working late.” But then the revisionist history comes out, oh actually I was fine with sharing the burden but she INSISTED… whatever you say bud. The data and my lived experience shows that men who have SAHWs see their careers take off. The idea is to not divorce and enjoy the fruit of the mutually beneficial arrangement together. There is risk on both side if that doesn’t work out, but don’t pretend you weren’t getting something out of it too. After a long career in biglaw I see right through that.

Exactly: that's what mine did with me: we started when he was at $150K /year and I was at $85K/year. I went SAHM as he needed to travel and develop business. Just before he acquired major stock options package he decides that now it's time to divorce, after 15 years of marriage. Divorces. Starts making $1mm/year and now tells me I didn't earn any of it and it's none of my business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

Yikes at this thread. Never give up your job to stay home, ladies! You need to look out for number one.

Well, the problem is, the SAHM role does not get enough respect. Think of the myriad jobs a SAHM does and consider all the people you hire to replace what a SAHM does. I sometimes feel as though the feminist movement eliminated SAHM as a choice for women in that the concept of alimony seems to have gone away. IMO this role should be a viable option for a man or a woman and it should be protected under the law. A woman or man dosesn't stay home with the kids without the consent of the other partner. That was a choice that partner also made, and the consequences of one partner out of the workforce should not be a burden only that one person has to bear.

See above what men write: you have to work at 48! As if there is an abundance of well paying jobs available to a SAHM after a long gap with employment. These men are totally self centered and disconnected from reality.
If I was playing my marriage history again, I would not have stayed at home and supported his traveling career without a stone clad postnup

A lot of men and women have to work at 48. There is no free ride in life. Yes, if you didn’t keep your career you need to start over again. That’s why I was upfront while dating that I plan to have and keep a career. Not doing so when the divorce rate is 40% is ignoring reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

Yikes at this thread. Never give up your job to stay home, ladies! You need to look out for number one.

Well, the problem is, the SAHM role does not get enough respect. Think of the myriad jobs a SAHM does and consider all the people you hire to replace what a SAHM does. I sometimes feel as though the feminist movement eliminated SAHM as a choice for women in that the concept of alimony seems to have gone away. IMO this role should be a viable option for a man or a woman and it should be protected under the law. A woman or man dosesn't stay home with the kids without the consent of the other partner. That was a choice that partner also made, and the consequences of one partner out of the workforce should not be a burden only that one person has to bear.

See above what men write: you have to work at 48! As if there is an abundance of well paying jobs available to a SAHM after a long gap with employment. These men are totally self centered and disconnected from reality.
If I was playing my marriage history again, I would not have stayed at home and supported his traveling career without a stone clad postnup

A lot of men and women have to work at 48. There is no free ride in life. Yes, if you didn’t keep your career you need to start over again. That’s why I was upfront while dating that I plan to have and keep a career. Not doing so when the divorce rate is 40% is ignoring reality.

Ignoring reality is to think that your life will be standard and you won't need ever at any point take a break from career. You can have a SN child, 3 kids, sick parents etc. This is why there is an alimony mechanism imbedded in the laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

Yikes at this thread. Never give up your job to stay home, ladies! You need to look out for number one.

Well, the problem is, the SAHM role does not get enough respect. Think of the myriad jobs a SAHM does and consider all the people you hire to replace what a SAHM does. I sometimes feel as though the feminist movement eliminated SAHM as a choice for women in that the concept of alimony seems to have gone away. IMO this role should be a viable option for a man or a woman and it should be protected under the law. A woman or man dosesn't stay home with the kids without the consent of the other partner. That was a choice that partner also made, and the consequences of one partner out of the workforce should not be a burden only that one person has to bear.

People always say this. How you you say it with a straight face, when SAHMs get alimony, while WOHMs (who statistically do many of the things SAHMs do, while also working) get nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

Yikes at this thread. Never give up your job to stay home, ladies! You need to look out for number one.

Well, the problem is, the SAHM role does not get enough respect. Think of the myriad jobs a SAHM does and consider all the people you hire to replace what a SAHM does. I sometimes feel as though the feminist movement eliminated SAHM as a choice for women in that the concept of alimony seems to have gone away. IMO this role should be a viable option for a man or a woman and it should be protected under the law. A woman or man dosesn't stay home with the kids without the consent of the other partner. That was a choice that partner also made, and the consequences of one partner out of the workforce should not be a burden only that one person has to bear.

People always say this. How you you say it with a straight face, when SAHMs get alimony, while WOHMs (who statistically do many of the things SAHMs do, while also working) get nothing?

In most cases SAHM are screwed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

Yikes at this thread. Never give up your job to stay home, ladies! You need to look out for number one.

Well, the problem is, the SAHM role does not get enough respect. Think of the myriad jobs a SAHM does and consider all the people you hire to replace what a SAHM does. I sometimes feel as though the feminist movement eliminated SAHM as a choice for women in that the concept of alimony seems to have gone away. IMO this role should be a viable option for a man or a woman and it should be protected under the law. A woman or man dosesn't stay home with the kids without the consent of the other partner. That was a choice that partner also made, and the consequences of one partner out of the workforce should not be a burden only that one person has to bear.

See above what men write: you have to work at 48! As if there is an abundance of well paying jobs available to a SAHM after a long gap with employment. These men are totally self centered and disconnected from reality.
If I was playing my marriage history again, I would not have stayed at home and supported his traveling career without a stone clad postnup

A lot of men and women have to work at 48. There is no free ride in life. Yes, if you didn’t keep your career you need to start over again. That’s why I was upfront while dating that I plan to have and keep a career. Not doing so when the divorce rate is 40% is ignoring reality.

Ignoring reality is to think that your life will be standard and you won't need ever at any point take a break from career. You can have a SN child, 3 kids, sick parents etc. This is why there is an alimony mechanism imbedded in the laws

You can stop before 3 kids. As for the rest, how does a guy do it? Not by quitting his job, that’s for sure. Look at how men live their life and learn from it. They always — and I do mean always — put #1 first. Women are frankly delusional if they think that sacrificing themselves for anyone is going to be a good deal in this day and age. You get a contract first or don’t play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

Yikes at this thread. Never give up your job to stay home, ladies! You need to look out for number one.

Well, the problem is, the SAHM role does not get enough respect. Think of the myriad jobs a SAHM does and consider all the people you hire to replace what a SAHM does. I sometimes feel as though the feminist movement eliminated SAHM as a choice for women in that the concept of alimony seems to have gone away. IMO this role should be a viable option for a man or a woman and it should be protected under the law. A woman or man dosesn't stay home with the kids without the consent of the other partner. That was a choice that partner also made, and the consequences of one partner out of the workforce should not be a burden only that one person has to bear.

See above what men write: you have to work at 48! As if there is an abundance of well paying jobs available to a SAHM after a long gap with employment. These men are totally self centered and disconnected from reality.
If I was playing my marriage history again, I would not have stayed at home and supported his traveling career without a stone clad postnup

A lot of men and women have to work at 48. There is no free ride in life. Yes, if you didn’t keep your career you need to start over again. That’s why I was upfront while dating that I plan to have and keep a career. Not doing so when the divorce rate is 40% is ignoring reality.

Ignoring reality is to think that your life will be standard and you won't need ever at any point take a break from career. You can have a SN child, 3 kids, sick parents etc. This is why there is an alimony mechanism imbedded in the laws

You can stop before 3 kids. As for the rest, how does a guy do it? Not by quitting his job, that’s for sure. Look at how men live their life and learn from it. They always — and I do mean always — put #1 first. Women are frankly delusional if they think that sacrificing themselves for anyone is going to be a good deal in this day and age. You get a contract first or don’t play.

This right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

I also agree that my son should work to some extent when in college, but his side job shouldn't be an only option for him how to pay for his R&B. This money would be better spent investing, saving for a downpayment etc. And I won't be paying for his R&B unless my exH pays pro-rata our current incomes. For that reason, I told son he should go to a local college and then my "support" will be free room&board at my house.
I did my BA abroad (non US born), and college education was free for everyone in my birth country. I did work part time throughout college but continued living with parents and just out the money I earned in the "family budget" pot.
In the US these are very young kids are being kicked out from parents' homes to fend for themselves or take on high interest loans (which often has lifetime consequences)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with the courts doesn't seem to be alimony. It seems to be childcare. The childcare stipend someone has to pay to support children is way too small and does not cover college at all. And people will fight custody just so they don't have to pay it which is weird because actually having custody is more expensive.

I don't agree but whatever the case, the issue is really control over how the money is spent. I am much happier having custody and making sure my money is actually spent on my children for things I think they need, rather than write a big check to my ex who then decides what to spend it on or maybe doesn't spend it on the kids at all.

When I was married, I already paid for everything the kids did, so being divorced didn't change anything.

As for college, the fact of the matter is that when you divorce, you are now paying to maintain two households, which means that you have less money in total. That means less money available for retirement and college, among other things. If the money isn't there for college, it isn't there. That's just part of the damage you do to your kids when you get divorced.

I was coming from a place where my attorney said guys argue over childcare so they can pay less but then don't use their days. The mom rarely argues because she wants the kids the house so will take the reduced paycheck. I don't really understand the college issue in DCUM world. It's a given that most of the jobs around here require college degrees and most of the adults in this area have them. So your child should have them too. Who else is going to take over your IT position if not your child when you retire? So college when both parents went to college should be part of the equation unless you qualify for aid. And the average salary on DCUM is something like $200k so there is definitely money for college. If you can pay childcare for K-18 you can pay at least that same amount for the college years.

It is true that parents should pay for college if they can, and most parents want to do so. That being the case, it doesn't need to be a legal obligation.

I certainly wouldn't want to be in a position where the kid could say, "I am going to attend a stupidly expensive college and study something useless and take eight years to graduate and there's nothing you can do about it because the court will make you pay." You need to have that leverage to say if you do something really dumb, you will pay for it not me.

It should definitely be a legal obligation and court should rule on reasonableness, not you. My exH makes way in excess of $1mm/year and he told son to take loans at 10% interest. A judge would have made him pay reasonable college expenses if that was a law

Wrong. Nobody is better equipped to assess the reasonableness of a child's educational plans and goals, both intrinsically and in relation to parental resources, than the parent. The court should stay the hell out of that process.

Disagree: there are standards of living and average college expenses that are published. If the adolescent child lives on campus, these reasonable expenses are now much higher vs living with parent(s). Thus it should be automatically included in CS
The law in some states requires to pay a tuition for a community college which I think is around $7,000/year. But what about living expenses ?

No. The person who is paying for it, namely the parent, should judge what is reasonable and necessary, and should not be automatically forced to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

I would want a judge tell that to my son and exH. After both of us having a phD and marital settlement agreement stipulates size of college tuition. Maybe you didn't account for such things for your kids but I did negotiate for my child at least something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with the courts doesn't seem to be alimony. It seems to be childcare. The childcare stipend someone has to pay to support children is way too small and does not cover college at all. And people will fight custody just so they don't have to pay it which is weird because actually having custody is more expensive.

I don't agree but whatever the case, the issue is really control over how the money is spent. I am much happier having custody and making sure my money is actually spent on my children for things I think they need, rather than write a big check to my ex who then decides what to spend it on or maybe doesn't spend it on the kids at all.

When I was married, I already paid for everything the kids did, so being divorced didn't change anything.

As for college, the fact of the matter is that when you divorce, you are now paying to maintain two households, which means that you have less money in total. That means less money available for retirement and college, among other things. If the money isn't there for college, it isn't there. That's just part of the damage you do to your kids when you get divorced.

I was coming from a place where my attorney said guys argue over childcare so they can pay less but then don't use their days. The mom rarely argues because she wants the kids the house so will take the reduced paycheck. I don't really understand the college issue in DCUM world. It's a given that most of the jobs around here require college degrees and most of the adults in this area have them. So your child should have them too. Who else is going to take over your IT position if not your child when you retire? So college when both parents went to college should be part of the equation unless you qualify for aid. And the average salary on DCUM is something like $200k so there is definitely money for college. If you can pay childcare for K-18 you can pay at least that same amount for the college years.

It is true that parents should pay for college if they can, and most parents want to do so. That being the case, it doesn't need to be a legal obligation.

I certainly wouldn't want to be in a position where the kid could say, "I am going to attend a stupidly expensive college and study something useless and take eight years to graduate and there's nothing you can do about it because the court will make you pay." You need to have that leverage to say if you do something really dumb, you will pay for it not me.

It should definitely be a legal obligation and court should rule on reasonableness, not you. My exH makes way in excess of $1mm/year and he told son to take loans at 10% interest. A judge would have made him pay reasonable college expenses if that was a law

Wrong. Nobody is better equipped to assess the reasonableness of a child's educational plans and goals, both intrinsically and in relation to parental resources, than the parent. The court should stay the hell out of that process.

Disagree: there are standards of living and average college expenses that are published. If the adolescent child lives on campus, these reasonable expenses are now much higher vs living with parent(s). Thus it should be automatically included in CS
The law in some states requires to pay a tuition for a community college which I think is around $7,000/year. But what about living expenses ?

No. The person who is paying for it, namely the parent, should judge what is reasonable and necessary, and should not be automatically forced to pay.

This makes kids totally dependent on that parent who often acts out of spite to hurt the other former spouse and "make her pay".