Staying in "mom job" vs pursuing goals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at 100k it's an excellent job (at least from my lower middle class vantage point). My colleague with a "mom job" during school hours makes 22k.

I would keep job #1 for the schedule consistency, unless, like the PP, it offers better long-term perks like retirement.

Nothing $100K is what most people would consider a mom job.

It’s a family friendly job with little room for upward advancement. Staying there because your stress level is low and the hours are good doesn’t make it a mom job. It just means you’re prioritizing personal life over your career in a high paying field. People do that for all sorts of reasons.

It’s a mom job in that it requires another spouse making the same or more for a MC lifestyle

That’s still not a Mom job. What the spouse makes has nothing to do with anything. $100K is a lot of money, and very many people raise families quite well on it. I will never understand the posters on here.

Where the F do you live? Ohio?

In a place where $100K doesn’t constitute mad money used to buy Botox and handbags.

Are you drunk? Mortgage on a pretty basic SFH without desperation inducing commute is $70k pre tax dollars.

Whose talking about Botox or handbags?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at 100k it's an excellent job (at least from my lower middle class vantage point). My colleague with a "mom job" during school hours makes 22k.

I would keep job #1 for the schedule consistency, unless, like the PP, it offers better long-term perks like retirement.

Nothing $100K is what most people would consider a mom job.

It’s a family friendly job with little room for upward advancement. Staying there because your stress level is low and the hours are good doesn’t make it a mom job. It just means you’re prioritizing personal life over your career in a high paying field. People do that for all sorts of reasons.

It’s a mom job in that it requires another spouse making the same or more for a MC lifestyle

That’s still not a Mom job. What the spouse makes has nothing to do with anything. $100K is a lot of money, and very many people raise families quite well on it. I will never understand the posters on here.

This is OP. My spouse actually makes less. Since the other job I was considering would not have entailed a raise, my calling it a "mom job" had more to do with it being lower stress, great work-life balance, but with less of a clear path for advancement than a more high-profile, exciting, but hectic job.

But I do work in a "mission-driven" field, and tried to apply the criteria I think my friends in more corporate settings would, which is not doing more work without getting more money for it. I have had multiple colleagues I asked for advice tell me it would have been a great opportunity, but that "X work chews people up and spits them out." Multiple people. Same money.


Where the F do you live? Ohio?

In a place where $100K doesn’t constitute mad money used to buy Botox and handbags.

Are you drunk? Mortgage on a pretty basic SFH without desperation inducing commute is $70k pre tax dollars.

Whose talking about Botox or handbags?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at 100k it's an excellent job (at least from my lower middle class vantage point). My colleague with a "mom job" during school hours makes 22k.

I would keep job #1 for the schedule consistency, unless, like the PP, it offers better long-term perks like retirement.

Nothing $100K is what most people would consider a mom job.

It’s a family friendly job with little room for upward advancement. Staying there because your stress level is low and the hours are good doesn’t make it a mom job. It just means you’re prioritizing personal life over your career in a high paying field. People do that for all sorts of reasons.

It’s a mom job in that it requires another spouse making the same or more for a MC lifestyle

That’s still not a Mom job. What the spouse makes has nothing to do with anything. $100K is a lot of money, and very many people raise families quite well on it. I will never understand the posters on here.

Where the F do you live? Ohio?

In a place where $100K doesn’t constitute mad money used to buy Botox and handbags.

Are you drunk? Mortgage on a pretty basic SFH without desperation inducing commute is $70k pre tax dollars.

Whose talking about Botox or handbags?

This is OP. My spouse actually makes less than I do. Our mortgage is about $15k, so your numbers are WAY off, although we live in a rowhouse with a desperation inducing commute (hence the value of telework) so maybe that doesn't meet your standard of middle class?

My calling my job a "mom job" had more to do with it being lower stress, great work-life balance, but with less visibility or clear path for advancement than the other job. But the money is the same either way. I do work in a "mission-driven" field, and tried to apply the criteria I think my friends in more corporate settings would, which is not doing more work without getting more money for it. I have had multiple colleagues I asked for advice tell me it would have been a great opportunity, but that "X work chews people up and spits them out." Multiple people. Same money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I am in my mid-30s and like my “mom job” making $200k. Sometimes I wish I could be more aggressive in my career like others I know. But ultimately I value the flexibility too much. I like having time with the kids, to manage our finances and rental property, plan nice weekend outings and get-togethers with friends.

Sorry...that is not a "mom job"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have personally faced this decision several times and rejected the new job. Ive been at my mom job for 7 years now and the kids are 4 and 6. I figure I will give it until the oldest is in K and then reevaluate.

Listen to this thread. The daycare years are actually the easiest schedule wise.

SACC is okay but as they get older you will have appointment and practices that require early pickup. Summer camp is its whole thing.

Once they are Jr in high school, and have a license and car, it’s now fine.

But even then if you had a “real” job, working till 530. 6pm. Commute. Etc. how do you get dinner on the table?! The errands and chores you get done in books and crannies of a day now need to be done evening or weekend. You have to make a lot of money to pay for added staff to make this worthwhile.

So true. I always tell people that babies until K is really the easiest. Once school starts, especially different age kids, it is just so much harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I am in my mid-30s and like my “mom job” making $200k. Sometimes I wish I could be more aggressive in my career like others I know. But ultimately I value the flexibility too much. I like having time with the kids, to manage our finances and rental property, plan nice weekend outings and get-togethers with friends.

What field are you in ?

DP. Mid-30s, make about $215k. I’m an in house lawyer.

It’s really all relative. I went to a top 3 law school, so many of my classmates (and peers from the business school) have really high flying careers. This is why people say comparison is the thief of joy. I’m acutely aware of what my career could have been and that’s hard.

DP. I also went to HYS for law and also happen to be in-house (at a large pre-IPO tech company, make about 300K in early 40s). This poster hit the nail on the head for me - I see my classmates killing it out there, at the top of their fields, some of them making $$$ in leadership roles, others in politics, others who are judges or law professors, and I feel like I have really fallen short. It's hard to not wonder what I could have been.

Come hang out with some of us T20 PhDs. We'll make you feel pretty successful with our $75k/year jobs, always begging for funding.

OP here, I'm one of you! My lawyer friends totally make me feel inadequate.

My laywer exh is a fed attorney and makes about 175k and late 40s. The average lawyer salary in the US is around 113k. Most lawyers are not big law on the partner track. Mid 30s and 200k? You are rich. Nothing to be inadequate about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at 100k it's an excellent job (at least from my lower middle class vantage point). My colleague with a "mom job" during school hours makes 22k.

I would keep job #1 for the schedule consistency, unless, like the PP, it offers better long-term perks like retirement.

Nothing $100K is what most people would consider a mom job.

It’s a family friendly job with little room for upward advancement. Staying there because your stress level is low and the hours are good doesn’t make it a mom job. It just means you’re prioritizing personal life over your career in a high paying field. People do that for all sorts of reasons.

It’s a mom job in that it requires another spouse making the same or more for a MC lifestyle

That’s still not a Mom job. What the spouse makes has nothing to do with anything. $100K is a lot of money, and very many people raise families quite well on it. I will never understand the posters on here.

Where the F do you live? Ohio?

In a place where $100K doesn’t constitute mad money used to buy Botox and handbags.

Are you drunk? Mortgage on a pretty basic SFH without desperation inducing commute is $70k pre tax dollars.

Whose talking about Botox or handbags?

You’re making my point.

$100K is not mad money. It’s money that people need to live. If you are making $100K and your family can do without it, that’s a Mom job. Otherwise, it’s a career that is contributing to the livelihood of your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at 100k it's an excellent job (at least from my lower middle class vantage point). My colleague with a "mom job" during school hours makes 22k.

I would keep job #1 for the schedule consistency, unless, like the PP, it offers better long-term perks like retirement.

Nothing $100K is what most people would consider a mom job.

It’s a family friendly job with little room for upward advancement. Staying there because your stress level is low and the hours are good doesn’t make it a mom job. It just means you’re prioritizing personal life over your career in a high paying field. People do that for all sorts of reasons.

It’s a mom job in that it requires another spouse making the same or more for a MC lifestyle

That’s still not a Mom job. What the spouse makes has nothing to do with anything. $100K is a lot of money, and very many people raise families quite well on it. I will never understand the posters on here.

Where the F do you live? Ohio?

In a place where $100K doesn’t constitute mad money used to buy Botox and handbags.

Are you drunk? Mortgage on a pretty basic SFH without desperation inducing commute is $70k pre tax dollars.

Whose talking about Botox or handbags?

This is OP. My spouse actually makes less than I do. Our mortgage is about $15k, so your numbers are WAY off, although we live in a rowhouse with a desperation inducing commute (hence the value of telework) so maybe that doesn't meet your standard of middle class?

My calling my job a "mom job" had more to do with it being lower stress, great work-life balance, but with less visibility or clear path for advancement than the other job. But the money is the same either way. I do work in a "mission-driven" field, and tried to apply the criteria I think my friends in more corporate settings would, which is not doing more work without getting more money for it. I have had multiple colleagues I asked for advice tell me it would have been a great opportunity, but that "X work chews people up and spits them out." Multiple people. Same money.

I think that’s more a “mommy track”.

And it’s fine. You’ll catch back up when you’re ready, and if that time is now then do it.

Your friends making you feel inadequate are more about themselves than about your situation. Your salary is fine. Your job is fine.

If you want more, you’ll work it out.

Personally, I think it’s easier when they’re older. My kids are signed up for a lot of things, but they are all within schedules we can accommodate. That said, I have no interest is a high stress job so it doesn’t feel like I’m missing something in my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at 100k it's an excellent job (at least from my lower middle class vantage point). My colleague with a "mom job" during school hours makes 22k.

I would keep job #1 for the schedule consistency, unless, like the PP, it offers better long-term perks like retirement.

Nothing $100K is what most people would consider a mom job.

It’s a family friendly job with little room for upward advancement. Staying there because your stress level is low and the hours are good doesn’t make it a mom job. It just means you’re prioritizing personal life over your career in a high paying field. People do that for all sorts of reasons.

It’s a mom job in that it requires another spouse making the same or more for a MC lifestyle

That’s still not a Mom job. What the spouse makes has nothing to do with anything. $100K is a lot of money, and very many people raise families quite well on it. I will never understand the posters on here.

Where the F do you live? Ohio?

In a place where $100K doesn’t constitute mad money used to buy Botox and handbags.

Are you drunk? Mortgage on a pretty basic SFH without desperation inducing commute is $70k pre tax dollars.

Whose talking about Botox or handbags?

This is OP. My spouse actually makes less than I do. Our mortgage is about $15k, so your numbers are WAY off, although we live in a rowhouse with a desperation inducing commute (hence the value of telework) so maybe that doesn't meet your standard of middle class?

My calling my job a "mom job" had more to do with it being lower stress, great work-life balance, but with less visibility or clear path for advancement than the other job. But the money is the same either way. I do work in a "mission-driven" field, and tried to apply the criteria I think my friends in more corporate settings would, which is not doing more work without getting more money for it. I have had multiple colleagues I asked for advice tell me it would have been a great opportunity, but that "X work chews people up and spits them out." Multiple people. Same money.

I think that’s more a “mommy track”.

And it’s fine. You’ll catch back up when you’re ready, and if that time is now then do it.

Your friends making you feel inadequate are more about themselves than about your situation. Your salary is fine. Your job is fine.

If you want more, you’ll work it out.

Personally, I think it’s easier when they’re older. My kids are signed up for a lot of things, but they are all within schedules we can accommodate. That said, I have no interest is a high stress job so it doesn’t feel like I’m missing something in my career.

Thank you. I think it really came down to your last paragraph for me. We could work it out if i really wanted to; we've dealt with longer commutes and less telework before, pre-pandemic. But I guess i don't feel like leaving a good gig for the sake of getting on a track to...other higher stress positions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a tough one imho. How old are your kids?

2 and 7. 2 is in full time day care. Right now I can pick up 7 year old from school 4 days a week (husband covers the last). We could use after care, the world would not end, its just kinda nice to be there.

Oh, that makes it easy. Hard no.

Agree! With kids so young, keep the mommy job for now. Then ramp up in 5 years or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a tough one imho. How old are your kids?

2 and 7. 2 is in full time day care. Right now I can pick up 7 year old from school 4 days a week (husband covers the last). We could use after care, the world would not end, its just kinda nice to be there.

Oh, that makes it easy. Hard no.

Agree! With kids so young, keep the mommy job for now. Then ramp up in 5 years or so.

It could be very hard to lean depending on the industry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I'm learning from this thread is that women in tech and law make obscene amounts of money and have low-stress jobs. Not interested in law school, but how do I get these high paying tech jobs? Give me more details on your career path!

Right?!

Seriously. I never leaned out, worked long hours, and don’t make anything like these PP with “mom jobs”. I went to good schools, studied hard serious majors, but clearly made awful career choices for success and my family.

Yep, this is me I became a nurse--bad, bad move for flexibility and salary.
Currently making 115k in a work-from-home mom job but it took me 20 years to get here.
if I had to do it again I 100% would have chosen a different field.