Staying in "mom job" vs pursuing goals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a good set up. I would definitely not move for the same amount of money.

+1
I'd need a pay raise to give up the predictable, flexible, and convenient schedule you have. Planning week-by-week is a nightmare anyway, and adding in kids makes it impossible. You'll need regular child care, which you will have to pay for even if one week you get to leave early or whatever. You're not miserable in the job you have. Stop thinking of it as a "mom" job and think of it as a job that allows you a good work-life balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would stay at the current job. Don't think of it as a "mom job", ugh. I adore my job but would kill for that level of flexibility.

That's the thing, my job is decent but i don't adore it, I'm thinking about jumping for a job I might be more excited about. I'm worried it wouldn't be worth the cost, but also worried that 5 years from now I'll feel like worrying about school pickup was a dumb and fleeting reason.

You are going to be worried about school pick up until they are probably juniors in HS, that's not fleeting. It doesn't end with daycare and kindergarten. The daycare years or Nanny years are actually the easiest in regards to schedules. I'm in middle school hell when they have games that end at 3:30 on a weekday and endless ortho/derm appts. in the middle of the day. It doesn't get less complex as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would stay at the current job. Don't think of it as a "mom job", ugh. I adore my job but would kill for that level of flexibility.

That's the thing, my job is decent but i don't adore it, I'm thinking about jumping for a job I might be more excited about. I'm worried it wouldn't be worth the cost, but also worried that 5 years from now I'll feel like worrying about school pickup was a dumb and fleeting reason.

Then you can make the change five years from now if you feel ready then.

[Anonymous]

I have personally faced this decision several times and rejected the new job. Ive been at my mom job for 7 years now and the kids are 4 and 6. I figure I will give it until the oldest is in K and then reevaluate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have personally faced this decision several times and rejected the new job. Ive been at my mom job for 7 years now and the kids are 4 and 6. I figure I will give it until the oldest is in K and then reevaluate.

Listen to this thread. The daycare years are actually the easiest schedule wise.

SACC is okay but as they get older you will have appointment and practices that require early pickup. Summer camp is its whole thing.

Once they are Jr in high school, and have a license and car, it’s now fine.

But even then if you had a “real” job, working till 530. 6pm. Commute. Etc. how do you get dinner on the table?! The errands and chores you get done in books and crannies of a day now need to be done evening or weekend. You have to make a lot of money to pay for added staff to make this worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I am in my mid-30s and like my “mom job” making $200k. Sometimes I wish I could be more aggressive in my career like others I know. But ultimately I value the flexibility too much. I like having time with the kids, to manage our finances and rental property, plan nice weekend outings and get-togethers with friends.

What field are you in ?

DP. Mid-30s, make about $215k. I’m an in house lawyer.

It’s really all relative. I went to a top 3 law school, so many of my classmates (and peers from the business school) have really high flying careers. This is why people say comparison is the thief of joy. I’m acutely aware of what my career could have been and that’s hard.

[Anonymous]

PP Lawyer. What’s also hard is what another poster said - logistics will get harder as they get older, not easier. It’s why I suspect I’ll be in mommy lawyer jobs until they are in late high school / I’m in my early 50s. For really ambitious women, that’s a tough pill to swallow even though I *knew* I couldn’t have it all, especially with an ambitious spouse.

[Anonymous]

+1000 for schedules getting more challenging as they get into middle school. I'm having difficulty juggling things with two middle schoolers even with my flexible mom job. It was much more manageable when they were younger. And, yes, I acutely understand the desire to do more as you see law school peers in "big" jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not lazy or shortsighted to stay. Your job seems to work really well for you. I’d only leave for significantly more money.

+1.
OP, other good or better opportunities will come along. Don't give up something good without a concrete immediate benefit.

I've declined multiple jobs/promotions for flexibility reasons and I just accepted one for a good raise. If I'd accepted those other opportunities I wouldn't be available for this one. You have lots of time and this is not your only chance to change jobs.

This! OP you have rose colored glasses on about what that new job might be, and how it might springboard to something better. Reality is you will be giving up something so hard to find (flexibility, great boss) for same pay and a lot of unknowns. At a time when your kids are about to need you a lot. Middle school and high school kids require a lot of time and emotional energy. Don’t get caught in “grass is greener” syndrome at work.

This is a good point, i might have rose colored glasses. I can't imagine staying in this specific job until my kids are out of high school, and don't imagine the generous telework will last that long either, but I could at least eke out and enjoy a couple more years.

[Anonymous]

Stop thinking of it as a "mom job" and rather as one that works for your professional life and personal life. If it were for a lot more money, I might say do it. But since it's not, I would stay put.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have personally faced this decision several times and rejected the new job. Ive been at my mom job for 7 years now and the kids are 4 and 6. I figure I will give it until the oldest is in K and then reevaluate.

Listen to this thread. The daycare years are actually the easiest schedule wise.

SACC is okay but as they get older you will have appointment and practices that require early pickup. Summer camp is its whole thing.

Once they are Jr in high school, and have a license and car, it’s now fine.

But even then if you had a “real” job, working till 530. 6pm. Commute. Etc. how do you get dinner on the table?! The errands and chores you get done in books and crannies of a day now need to be done evening or weekend. You have to make a lot of money to pay for added staff to make this worthwhile.

This almost sounds like an argument to change jobs now, and try to dial back when they're older. This is not going to be my job for the next 16 years.

That said I don't do errands and chores doing my workday. I often work out during my lunch break and then eat in front of the screen, but i dont take time away from work for household stuff. I used to, then my husband started teleworking temporarily during covid and NEVER did, so I stopped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a good set up. I would definitely not move for the same amount of money.

+1 If there were more money involved it would be a different calculus. But in this situation it would be a hard pass from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I am in my mid-30s and like my “mom job” making $200k. Sometimes I wish I could be more aggressive in my career like others I know. But ultimately I value the flexibility too much. I like having time with the kids, to manage our finances and rental property, plan nice weekend outings and get-togethers with friends.

What field are you in ?

DP. Mid-30s, make about $215k. I’m an in house lawyer.

It’s really all relative. I went to a top 3 law school, so many of my classmates (and peers from the business school) have really high flying careers. This is why people say comparison is the thief of joy. I’m acutely aware of what my career could have been and that’s hard.

I am not a lawyer, but from reading this forum it sounds like you are living the dream!

[Anonymous]

I traded my mom-job for a more exciting, but busier job, and I don't regret it. It was more money but not a lot, but it's more prestigious and sets me up better for future senior positions. I have my kids (4 and 1) in aftercare and I work most nights after they're in bed, but I really love what I do and it feels good to be advancing my career and not just treading water. My DH has a busy job too but we just make it work.

[Anonymous]

Not with kids that young.