SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?

[Anonymous]

I’m not reading this whole thread but if I was away and my front door was wide open my neighbors would - at a minimum - text or call to let me know.

If I were Op I’d be more concerned that no one seemed to care about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, given all the additional context you’ve provided, would your husband be open to a few sessions of marriage counseling? His desire to avoid conflict/make excuses for sister/dismiss your very legitimate concerns is less than ideal. I can’t believe a woman in her 40s is acting like this!

1. Keep in mind you're only hearing zops side of the story.


2. Counseling is not a tool for wives to get their way. For counseling to be successful both parties need to admit to their own shit.

Found OP’s SIL!

[Anonymous]

You sound like a psycho.

[Anonymous]

I would also be livid but then probably quickly get over it.

My kids leave the door open sometkmes and swear they closed it.

A few years ago, the cleaners didn’t lock our side door. It was so windy that the wind blew the door open. I was freaked out in a different way. I wasn’t afraid we were robbed. I was afraid animals would be in the house. I didn’t even get mad at the housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also be livid but then probably quickly get over it.

My kids leave the door open sometkmes and swear they closed it.

A few years ago, the cleaners didn’t lock our side door. It was so windy that the wind blew the door open. I was freaked out in a different way. I wasn’t afraid we were robbed. I was afraid animals would be in the house. I didn’t even get mad at the housekeeper.

Forgot to mention that we also were away on vacation and the door would have been open for several days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok but SIL says she didnt leave it opened or unlocked. So what does she apologize for?

She apologizes for being the last in the house before you returned and leaving it in a state that the door could blow open.

That's a needless apology. You don't apologize for no reason.


SIL just doesn't stay again.

OP has to convince her husband of this - it’s not just her call, and why this is more a marriage issue than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, given all the additional context you’ve provided, would your husband be open to a few sessions of marriage counseling? His desire to avoid conflict/make excuses for sister/dismiss your very legitimate concerns is less than ideal. I can’t believe a woman in her 40s is acting like this!

1. Keep in mind you're only hearing zops side of the story.


2. Counseling is not a tool for wives to get their way. For counseling to be successful both parties need to admit to their own shit.

Found OP’s SIL!

Do you ever make a meaningful reply to threads or do you just make idiotic comments one would expect from a second grader?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok but SIL says she didnt leave it opened or unlocked. So what does she apologize for?

She apologizes for being the last in the house before you returned and leaving it in a state that the door could blow open.

That's a needless apology. You don't apologize for no reason.


SIL just doesn't stay again.

OP has to convince her husband of this - it’s not just her call, and why this is more a marriage issue than anything else.

True and it also means bop get ving up something she enjoys her husband finds annoying because I doubt he's just going to cave.

But I really think op is a troll who like making up stories about SILs and BILs

[Anonymous]

Yeah, where are your neighbors in this situation?

Yes, I would say something. I had a cat-sitter neighbor who let my cat out years ago and the cat disappeared, most likely got run over. It took me a long time to really get over it. I wish I'd just said something short and direct at the time.

Get a Ring camera so next time you feel secure that your house is ok when you're away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was an accident. Nothing bad happened. Your reaction, and that of many of the other posters, is way over the top. "Furious"? "Livid"? Nothing bad happened! Get over it. You are expending way too much mental energy on this. Just note to yourself not to let her go in your house the next time you are away, if you are so convinced that she is grossly negligent.

I would be much, much more annoyed with my neighbors for not checking up on my wide-open front door for a week.

Your neighbors owe you nothing. If a neighbor chastised me for this, I’d think they were literally insane and probably avoid all contact ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok but SIL says she didnt leave it opened or unlocked. So what does she apologize for?

She apologizes for being the last in the house before you returned and leaving it in a state that the door could blow open.

That's a needless apology. You don't apologize for no reason.


SIL just doesn't stay again.

OP has to convince her husband of this - it’s not just her call, and why this is more a marriage issue than anything else.

Both parties have to agree to someone else staying in their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, take a deep breath. While it is most likely the case that she unintentionally left the door open, and that's pretty bad, it's not the only possible explanation. And if she truly doesn't think she left it open, why would she apologize? I would definitely apologize if I thought I even might have left it open, but if I truly thought I didn't, I would not apologize.

It IS possible that there was a break-in, and I wouldn't be so sure that didn't happen. You were gone for longer than the days she stayed there, yes? Break-ins do sometimes happen when people go on vacation.

Bottom line: if she asks to stay in your house again, just tell DH no.

You sound like "extreme drama" yourself, by the way.

This x1000. You actually sound like a complete nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was an accident. Nothing bad happened. Your reaction, and that of many of the other posters, is way over the top. "Furious"? "Livid"? Nothing bad happened! Get over it. You are expending way too much mental energy on this. Just note to yourself not to let her go in your house the next time you are away, if you are so convinced that she is grossly negligent.

I would be much, much more annoyed with my neighbors for not checking up on my wide-open front door for a week.

Your neighbors owe you nothing. If a neighbor chastised me for this, I’d think they were literally insane and probably avoid all contact ever again.

We have no idea if this is a wooded lot, gated, long driveway in 5 acres, urban, etc.

What we DO know is that SIL is a sloppy careless house sitter and guest who can’t be bothered to properly lock up a home when departing. She also shows zero empathy or sorrow when learning of her carelessness and risk she created.

This is not an “ends justify the means” situation where all is well because nothing got damaged by animals or weather or nothing was stolen or destroyed.
This is SIl showing she deliberately or mindlessly is a liability and should not be left alone with any of your assets or property. Forget it. No discussion with her needed. Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

She also should have left the key when leaving, on the counter in the kitchen. Like any normal person would have done.

It is not normal to mail a physical house key later, or never.

She’s probably enjoying playing you both off each other.

Now you know her true colors. Detach and rely on her for nothing going forward. Just laugh at her immature and vile antics. Bring a friend even.

[Anonymous]

It’s actually hilarious that she kept the key, despite leaving to journey home, but yet didn’t actually lock or check the front door when leaving.

It’s like Double Whammy! Whelp, I might want to come back so I’ll not check the door sprung shut or locked. And I might want to come back, to help of course, so I’ll take the keys home with me to my state. Hahahaha!