SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad nothing was stolen, OP. You have every right to be furious.

I doubt she intentionally left the door wide open, but she obviously didn’t lock the door or check that it was completely closed, so no – she never stays there without you again.

That’s as good as it gets. She’s not going to apologize and waiting for an apology will just keep you angry. There’s nothing more to be done about it. Having been robbed 2x (different cities), it is a horribly violating experience.

Sounds like she has (had?) a key to your house. Changing your locks might help you feel like you’re taking action and doing something while making sure she doesn’t have the opportunity to accidentally make that same mistake again.

Good idea: rekey all the locks

She sounds like a potential passive aggressive fruitcake liar who would make a copy of your key. And lie some more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad nothing was stolen, OP. You have every right to be furious.

I doubt she intentionally left the door wide open, but she obviously didn’t lock the door or check that it was completely closed, so no – she never stays there without you again.

That’s as good as it gets. She’s not going to apologize and waiting for an apology will just keep you angry. There’s nothing more to be done about it. Having been robbed 2x (different cities), it is a horribly violating experience.

Sounds like she has (had?) a key to your house. Changing your locks might help you feel like you’re taking action and doing something while making sure she doesn’t have the opportunity to accidentally make that same mistake again.

Dh coordinated to get a key to her before we left. She’s supposed to mail the key back. She does not live locally. She flew into our town to essentially vacation while we were gone.

Rekey the locks, don’t tell her. Laugh at how she never mails back the key yet never asks why you don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad nothing was stolen, OP. You have every right to be furious.

I doubt she intentionally left the door wide open, but she obviously didn’t lock the door or check that it was completely closed, so no – she never stays there without you again.

That’s as good as it gets. She’s not going to apologize and waiting for an apology will just keep you angry. There’s nothing more to be done about it. Having been robbed 2x (different cities), it is a horribly violating experience.

Sounds like she has (had?) a key to your house. Changing your locks might help you feel like you’re taking action and doing something while making sure she doesn’t have the opportunity to accidentally make that same mistake again.

Dh coordinated to get a key to her before we left. She’s supposed to mail the key back. She does not live locally. She flew into our town to essentially vacation while we were gone.

So somebody who steals your mail will also have a copy of the front door key? What a great idea!

Solid keys in a regular envelope won’t even make it through the usps sorting machine; it’ll pop out, hopefully not with your address envelop nearby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your H's lack of reaction or rather immediate defensiveness makes me think there's a history of you complaining about SIL to him and he's sensitive to it.

Any normal person would be furious. If my sibling, whom I love deeply, did this to our house I'd be very upset along with my spouse.

Definitely get a camera for the door.

Op here. Ding ding ding! He is allergic to criticism of anyone in his family. The denial runs deep.
I have complained about SIL in the past. The big one was when she asked for a login/password to watch a show that was included for free on one of our accounts, then proceeded to BUY additional shows and movies but didn’t tell us. When I was looking at credit card bill, I noticed charges that seemed odd, and realized she had purchased movies and just charged it to the default payment method. She never said a word. Spoiler alert- i was livid. When dh asked her about it, she said yes I bought the movies. No apology. Spoiler alert- he defended her and said he would pay for the movies. “What’s the big deal it’s not that much money just movies.”

Same pattern at work here. I feel like I’m painted as the overreacter and he defends her with no harm or not a big deal.

He’s a dip. She’s a dip. Vent away here OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was an accident. Nothing bad happened. Your reaction, and that of many of the other posters, is way over the top. "Furious"? "Livid"? Nothing bad happened! Get over it. You are expending way too much mental energy on this. Just note to yourself not to let her go in your house the next time you are away, if you are so convinced that she is grossly negligent.

I would be much, much more annoyed with my neighbors for not checking up on my wide-open front door for a week.

Wtf doesn’t jiggle test the doorknob after heading out the front door? Or at least look that it didn’t bounce back.
Does she live in a group home and not have to worry about these things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok but SIL says she didnt leave it opened or unlocked. So what does she apologize for?

She apologizes for being the last in the house before you returned and leaving it in a state that the door could blow open.

That's a needless apology. You don't apologize for no reason.


SIL just doesn't stay again.

[Anonymous]

Don’t ever let her stay there again. But, you should also get a camera and make any guests take a video or photo of a closed/locked front door if they are entering your place while you are out of town. And get a new lock/set of keys so your SIL doesn’t stop by again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, given all the additional context you’ve provided, would your husband be open to a few sessions of marriage counseling? His desire to avoid conflict/make excuses for sister/dismiss your very legitimate concerns is less than ideal. I can’t believe a woman in her 40s is acting like this!

1. Keep in mind you're only hearing zops side of the story.


2. Counseling is not a tool for wives to get their way. For counseling to be successful both parties need to admit to their own shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, given all the additional context you’ve provided, would your husband be open to a few sessions of marriage counseling? His desire to avoid conflict/make excuses for sister/dismiss your very legitimate concerns is less than ideal. I can’t believe a woman in her 40s is acting like this!

1. Keep in mind you're only hearing zops side of the story.


2. Counseling is not a tool for wives to get their way. For counseling to be successful both parties need to admit to their own shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, given all the additional context you’ve provided, would your husband be open to a few sessions of marriage counseling? His desire to avoid conflict/make excuses for sister/dismiss your very legitimate concerns is less than ideal. I can’t believe a woman in her 40s is acting like this!

1. Keep in mind you're only hearing zops side of the story.


2. Counseling is not a tool for wives to get their way. For counseling to be successful both parties need to admit to their own shit.

Which OP will never do in a hundred million years. Everything is everyone else's fault. Always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, given all the additional context you’ve provided, would your husband be open to a few sessions of marriage counseling? His desire to avoid conflict/make excuses for sister/dismiss your very legitimate concerns is less than ideal. I can’t believe a woman in her 40s is acting like this!

1. Keep in mind you're only hearing zops side of the story.


2. Counseling is not a tool for wives to get their way. For counseling to be successful both parties need to admit to their own shit.

Which OP will never do in a hundred million years. Everything is everyone else's fault. Always.

No this literally can’t be Op’s fault though. She didn’t leave her own front door unlocked and open lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop.
Pressing.
Return.
After.
Every.
Sentence!!!
!!

Stop.
Reading.
Here.
If.
It.
Annoys.
You.

[Anonymous]

OP if she still has keys get them back or change the locks. Sorry this happened to you and your SIL is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t eat anything since nothing happened. Just don’t let her stay at your house again.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read this whole thread.

In any case, this past winter our cleaning person came when we were away. We have a combo lock, and he thought he had locked the door but it didn’t engage properly. He did, however, set the alarm appropriately.

Fast forward 48 hours or so and one windy night the wind blew the unlocked door open, setting off the alarm.

I’m told the police response was impressive.

Anyway, our cleaning person has not made that mistake again.