Mentally Ill Sister Having a Baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, be honest with yourself here. Are you basically implying your sister should not be allowed to be a parent? Are you interested in having her baby taken away?

Your posts and attitude toward your sister are very harsh. You make excuses for everyone else, but her; in particular when discussing your parents. You also imply that your decision to not have a baby is right and her decision to have one is wrong.

Persons with disabilities, including mental ones, have parenting and constitutional rights. How do you know she won’t be a good parent, and doesn’t have a good support system? Because she hasn’t even had the baby yet. You don’t know. Just like you don’t know someone without bipolar and who has a cleaning driving record would be a good one.

Disabled people have been discriminated against for parenting since forever. Instead of shaming and shaking your head at your sister’s decisions, instead of having eugenic views about who should and should not be allowed to parent, why not support her, why not help her, why not educate yourself. Worried about her being a parent and having bipolar, talk to other bipolar parents. Worried about her driving, offer to pay for her Ubers or suggest driving lesson, etc.

The snap judgment that she shouldn’t be a mother is wrong. Plus that ship has sailed, she’s pregnant. And implying she shouldn’t have parenting rights is also wrong. It’s people like you that want babies taken from disabled mothers in the hospital by CPS. Shameful.

+1

And OP comes across very self-centered, has thrown out multiple potential diagnoses for her sister, pretends to know a ton about her sister's daily life despite only speaking to her once per year, etc. Examine your own toxic behavior OP and perhaps you also need some therapy.

+1 I feel like OP's main issue is that her sister's rejection of their parents calls into question the health of their family of origin. OP is very invested in "sister=bad, parents=good" and can't deal with the cognitive dissonance presented by her sister's new life. I'm not sure I see true concern for the sister here, but perhaps jealousy that the "bad sister" is going to have a baby.

This is my take, too. OP is very judgmental for someone who rarely talks to her sister and seems to have a compulsion yo assure herself of her sister’s villainy.

[Anonymous]

OP, even granting you the best of intentions here I would simply say that a comforting way to deflect from one’s own dysfunction is to perseverating in what is wrong with others and occupy ourselves with thoughts in how yo fix their problems. Many of us with trauma and our own dysfunction do that.

You would do well to focus on yourself. Maybe when the baby comes you might choose the role of supportive, loving aunt, if your sister allows. Focus on your own job, your own relationships, your own life.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like your sister has a stable loving relationship and a strong support structure. Are you trying to imply that the father and his supportive family will be incapable of raising the baby if your sister is unable??

No need to inject your chaos into this situation.

[Anonymous]

Watch for postpartum depression. This is very likely and can endanger the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like your sister has a stable loving relationship and a strong support structure. Are you trying to imply that the father and his supportive family will be incapable of raising the baby if your sister is unable??

No need to inject your chaos into this situation.

Well she already suggested the husband must be learning disabled because he works a blue collar job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch for postpartum depression. This is very likely and can endanger the baby.

Op sees her sister once a year.

But I’m sure that the sister’s husband and father of the baby, as well as sister’s OB will be on the look out for PPD.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen this same scenario. Kids usually end up in foster care or adopted out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people on this thread saying this is a troll are awful. This is my family and a real situation.

I do agree additional therapy would be helpful to work through the feelings that the pregnancy is bringing up with our family dysfunction.

I am not gossiping with my MIL about my sister. She has been at mutual family events in the past and my sister's behavior is concerning enough at these family events to have others realize that she has some issues that have not been totally resolved. I am close to my MIL and it's fair to have her bring up her concerns with me too. I don't want children myself. MIL has no stakes in this at all with my sister so the fact that she also feels my sister would struggle as a parent should also be a red flag that my sister is probably not being realistic about her own abilities to be there for this child.

You’re right but nothing can be done.

Bad parents give birth all the time… and then continue to be horrible parents who damage their kids. Oh well.

Agree. This will be a disaster. Thinking otherwise is just fantasy land. Feel sorry for the kid but hopefully kid will find a good home early in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this same scenario. Kids usually end up in foster care or adopted out.

Wow, you’ve seen a scenario often where a kid ends up in foster care or adopted out due to having to a mentally ill mom, despite having an involved and loving dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this same scenario. Kids usually end up in foster care or adopted out.

Wow, you’ve seen a scenario often where a kid ends up in foster care or adopted out due to having to a mentally ill mom, despite having an involved and loving dad?

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this same scenario. Kids usually end up in foster care or adopted out.

Wow, you’ve seen a scenario often where a kid ends up in foster care or adopted out due to having to a mentally ill mom, despite having an involved and loving dad?

Yep.

Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Watch for postpartum depression. This is very likely and can endanger the baby.

Op sees her sister once a year.

But I’m sure that the sister’s husband and father of the baby, as well as sister’s OB will be on the look out for PPD.

I don’t assume the father is the white knight here at all. Or the MIL.

Broken attracts broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Watch for postpartum depression. This is very likely and can endanger the baby.

Op sees her sister once a year.

But I’m sure that the sister’s husband and father of the baby, as well as sister’s OB will be on the look out for PPD.

I don’t assume the father is the white knight here at all. Or the MIL.

Broken attracts broken.

We get it OP. You’re single and childless and hate that your sister has the things that maybe you would like. Please seek help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Watch for postpartum depression. This is very likely and can endanger the baby.

Op sees her sister once a year.

But I’m sure that the sister’s husband and father of the baby, as well as sister’s OB will be on the look out for PPD.

I don’t assume the father is the white knight here at all. Or the MIL.

Broken attracts broken.

Broken attracts broken but you don’t wonder about OP’s mental health and perspective despite being genetically related to her mentally ill sister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Watch for postpartum depression. This is very likely and can endanger the baby.

Op sees her sister once a year.

But I’m sure that the sister’s husband and father of the baby, as well as sister’s OB will be on the look out for PPD.

I don’t assume the father is the white knight here at all. Or the MIL.

Broken attracts broken.

Broken attracts broken but you don’t wonder about OP’s mental health and perspective despite being genetically related to her mentally ill sister?

Np. No I don’t. I think Op is just voicing a concern on an Anonymous chat room. And it’s valid and real.

There are red flags all over this and I know several women since a young age with mental illnesses since they were teens who have Bieber not to marry or have children since they feel it would (a) out them over the edge, and (b) they’d be far from a decent mother.

Anyhow, the most likely outcome is divorce if the father is functional. Having and raising a child triggers all sorts of minic behaviors in mentally unstable, disordered and/or abused adults.

I would not expect to be kept in the loop by either parent, so just stay accessible and kind. Have your boundaries- time, emotions, money- if things go south with them.