NO wedding registry?

[Anonymous]

DD lives in an apartment building that is not set-up to receive deliveries. Not securely. No person to receive. DD decided it was just not smart to have people send gifts, thus no registry.

Op, you just never know. There could be plenty of very practical reasons.

[Anonymous]

If you don't attend a shower, don't give a physical gift.

Just write a check.

[Anonymous]

Wait, so not providing guests with a curated list of things to buy is seen like a greedy money grab?

Man, sometimes you just can't win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jewish people don't have a wedding registry for a wedding, just for an engagement. Jewish people give checks.

Lol what? All of my married Jewish friends had registries, except for one who married a non-Jewish Greek guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to create a wedding registry when you have enough money to buy whatever you need already. Fancy sheets? Got it. Keurig machine-got it, gift card to wine shop-got it.

Younger couples who get married need a registry more than older couples.

Plus, you can still give a gift of your choice, a gift card or cash. I rather get $50 or $100 or whatever amount you spend, even $25 instead of a coffee maker that I don't need, or more satin sheets.

Ask her what she wants. Or just give $100 fresh cash. 1 piece, not a bunch of $20s or $10s.

It's like creating a baby shower registry. So much pressure from friends to create one because they don't know what to buy so I created one. I don't need half of the stuff on there but they said add this, add that. My favorite gifts were 3 months worth of diapers and wipes.

Cultural differences are so interesting—giving someone actual cash for a wedding used to be considered crass. Even showing up to a wedding with a gift in hand was frowned upon; gifts were sent before the wedding to their home.

According to whom? Is it regional? I know some families that are cash only, but no one judges either way, it is just the way it is. No one comments on it. DH and I did not want cash or gifts. DH and I paid for our own wedding and honeymoon.

I ask because when DH and I married, we lived in a 900 SF condo and literally needed nothing, nor did we want anything. A certain family member (not my side) threw a fit, so we were guilted in registering for things we had no room for. Literally, no room - especially for gadgets. DH and I enjoy/ed cooking together, but between his place and mine, we had everything we needed - we didn't need anything fancy, and we made meals that we both enjoyed - imagine that.

We did not need linens or towels or cookware or anything else that some random might firmly believe we "need/ed", because they thought DH and I were still ten years old, did not have our own jobs and careers and lives, and could not make our own adult decisions. It was the most ridiculous thing I had seen. We had decorated our small condo slowly and sparsely, on the cheap, and it made us perfectly happy. A condo full of "stuff" that someone else thinks we "need"? Not so much. We appreciated the thought and presume good intentions, but for people to show up with a smile and enjoy our special day, and be pleasant and nonjudgmental, meant so much more.

We did need one thing - we needed a camcorder (we married before iPhones), so if someone gave us theirs to borrow (for one week only, is what we needed), that would have been the best gift of all. One thing that shocked me over the years were that those who were most harsh (REALLY meanly harsh and relentless) about what DH did (or did not do) are those that inevitably did what they were criticizing, way back when. Funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Why is a no wedding registry a cash grab? Why can't you just give a giftcard or cheque for the amount you would have spent on the registry items? Its the same thing. Maybe they have all the cutlery and crap they need.

I got married as an established adult and really didn’t want all the normal registry stuff because I already had it. Cash was more helpful as I could use it to go buy new bedding or paint for the walls when we moved in together or something similarly useful. I don’t see at all why it’s a cash grab. By the theory, weddings are entirely gift/cash granny and no one should have one. I don’t care enough to pay 100 pp for you to join me for dinner in a fancy dress. I can say I dos at the courthouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused about why people think a gift grab is better than a cash grab? So weird.

Traditional etiquette dictates that you don't mention gifts in a wedding invitation. Registries are a fairly modern, and definitely an American thing.

I usually just give an envelope of cash anyway. I'd rather give you cash, use your 10% discount to buy more than I would have bought you.

Now what's SUPER tacky is a honeymoon registry.

People used to just register for their china and silverware, so you'd know what pattern to buy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is getting married in May and I recently asked her about a registry and she told me they aren’t going to make a registry. I was pretty surprised by that as I’ve never been to a wedding where there was no registry and to me, seems like a big money grab. This isn’t a small wedding either, they have around 200 people on their list. Is this weird or do other people actually do no registry weddings? I’m assuming my only option is writing them a check…

Do what you want, OP.

Do people really hate on brides as much as this thread indicates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is getting married in May and I recently asked her about a registry and she told me they aren’t going to make a registry. I was pretty surprised by that as I’ve never been to a wedding where there was no registry and to me, seems like a big money grab. This isn’t a small wedding either, they have around 200 people on their list. Is this weird or do other people actually do no registry weddings? I’m assuming my only option is writing them a check…

And...a wedding registry isn't a big gift grab? It's a money grab either way, OP. You're welcome to give the gift of your choice, it doesn't have to be cash. My sister had a no registry wedding and received 6 silver tea sets and 4 blenders that must have been on sale at Macy's that weekend.

[Anonymous]

People are marrying later and often combining households. They don't need dishes and things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are marrying later and often combining households. They don't need dishes and things.

True. In our case, we were mid twenties and lived in a small place. We needed nothing, and asked/ask for nothing. Family rumor was that we were/are "rich" - yet, they are the ones spending money like it is water. Not sure that I understand it. Seems some people like to detract from their shortcomings by trying to focus or point at others. Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Why is a no wedding registry a cash grab? Why can't you just give a giftcard or cheque for the amount you would have spent on the registry items? Its the same thing. Maybe they have all the cutlery and crap they need.

Same. Who cares - give a check for the same amount or buy a gift and they can enjoy it or return it.

[Anonymous]

Newly wed couples have dreams, and I am not opposed to gifting money so that they can save toward their dreams, whatever that might be.

Live and let live, OP - you will be happier for it.

[Anonymous]

If there’s no registry, I prefer if they have one of those cash gift links because I don’t know where my paper checks are and I don’t want to find them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused about why people think a gift grab is better than a cash grab? So weird.

Traditional etiquette dictates that you don't mention gifts in a wedding invitation. Registries are a fairly modern, and definitely an American thing.

I usually just give an envelope of cash anyway. I'd rather give you cash, use your 10% discount to buy more than I would have bought you.

Now what's SUPER tacky is a honeymoon registry.

Yes, this. What is the difference between a $300 check and a $300 gift?