What age should a adult child move out?

[Anonymous]

I graduate college, then had a paid internship until august and a job starting in November. My mom made my life a living hell by me living there until my job started. She woke me at 8am and had endless lists of chores. She also made me apply to minimum wage places because she thought I should have a job. August to November! It took years to repair our relationship and she wondered why I moved out of state and refused to live in her hometown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I graduate college, then had a paid internship until august and a job starting in November. My mom made my life a living hell by me living there until my job started. She woke me at 8am and had endless lists of chores. She also made me apply to minimum wage places because she thought I should have a job. August to November! It took years to repair our relationship and she wondered why I moved out of state and refused to live in her hometown

Pure satire, I hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I graduated from college, it didn’t occur to me to live in my childhood home. BTW, I liked my parents and the family got along. Today, kids are willing to remain in the home because they often have their own room, bathroom, meals and WiFi ( the good life).

I moved out at 18.
I think there are definite benefits to moving out, learning to balance budget, take care of an apartment, deal with roommate relationships, etc.
But I also realize the cost of living today is significantly higher, and financially it makes more sense for kids to live at home a little longer to be economically stable.

I agree that there are pluses and minuses to both situations. Ideally, though, an adult child wouldn’t want to live at home beyond their early 20s and would be in the financial position to move out and save. Obviously this can’t always be the case but I do think it’s best for a person to have experience living independently before they get engaged or married.

Most Americans do it and the divorce rate is 50%. If living on their own made people independent and adult - there would not be so much friction between couple when they married. People would know how to live like adults. Instead the reason these adult children are removed from home is because the family dynamics is dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I graduate college, then had a paid internship until august and a job starting in November. My mom made my life a living hell by me living there until my job started. She woke me at 8am and had endless lists of chores. She also made me apply to minimum wage places because she thought I should have a job. August to November! It took years to repair our relationship and she wondered why I moved out of state and refused to live in her hometown

Pure satire, I hope.

I think the p(PP) is a WASP. Amirite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 24 year old who earns $50k a year and is up for a promotion that will put her at earning $70k plus bonuses and she can remain living at home for as long as she wants to as long as she is saving money. We want her to be able to launch with enough savings for a down payment if she chooses to buy a home or enough to cover her living expenses for 1-2 years if she chooses to rent.

Same here. Well except DS is 22. He can live at home as long as he saves. Real estate is expensive and how else will he ever save for a downpayment? People on this forum don't think long term.

[Anonymous]

My BIL lived at home until 28. He had $450 000 saved up.
DH did not live with his parents. He is a year older than his brother. Both brothers got married at the same time approximately. They both made the exact same amount ( both worked for the family business).

Anyway, BIL and wife bought their "forever home" right away. We did not. We had a starter home and had to move later. His wife was able to be a SAHM because of the savings. I will admit, it annoyed the hell out of me for many years. Looking back, I was definitely jealous. Things were much harder for me because my DH didn't feel like living at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is also 24. He graduated from college in Dec 2019 and we suggested he live at home for a year and see where his social life was compared to his job. Plus, he could save some money. We said he could if he put $3k a month into a savings plan- over and above the 15% he is putting into his 401k. Covid hit and he is still living at home. He works here too as and not had much of a social life since Covid. We have set next June as a target date for moving out. He is still working from home, but I expect that to change in Jan. A bonus of Covid for him is that he has saved more than the $3k month. He just got a promotion and last Jan started a Masters through his employer - online first as a result of Covid. So, he should be set.

I am glad he did not have an apartment from the get go because he would be alone in it and working from home alone.

Do your neighbors know how old he is? The main reason I want him to move out is because I just don't know what our neighbors are thinking.... I am pretty sure they are asking himself why is Andy still living at home when he graduated college etc...

Yes they know how old he is. We talk to our neighbors. So they know he is working and living st home. No one seems to have a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I have observed that during the pandemic, the working women with challenging careers who did not go to pieces when school and work became remote, were the ones who were living in huge mansions in multi-generational families.

Admittedly my family probably has some disfunction, but I have found that even with a "Mansion" having extra generations or adult kids with us makes my life exponentially harder as a working mom with school age kids at home. Everyone expects me to take care of them. It's a ton of extra cleaning, plus extra cooking and extra noise and in no way is my life easier when our house is a landing pad for family. I plan to downsize as soon as our youngest leaves for or graduates from college. We'll still have a guest room for holiday visits, but I'm tired of taking care of other people. I want a lock and leave condo in the City.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I have observed that during the pandemic, the working women with challenging careers who did not go to pieces when school and work became remote, were the ones who were living in huge mansions in multi-generational families.

Admittedly my family probably has some disfunction, but I have found that even with a "Mansion" having extra generations or adult kids with us makes my life exponentially harder as a working mom with school age kids at home. Everyone expects me to take care of them. It's a ton of extra cleaning, plus extra cooking and extra noise and in no way is my life easier when our house is a landing pad for family. I plan to downsize as soon as our youngest leaves for or graduates from college. We'll still have a guest room for holiday visits, but I'm tired of taking care of other people. I want a lock and leave condo in the City.

I was specifically thinking of Indian-American families that I know. The house was not a "landing pad" for family. It was a joint home for three generations and earning members were contributing and they were also outsourcing and managing very well It seems what you have is a big house and visitors who are family members. That is a different dynamics. It is not a joint (multi-gen) family.

[Anonymous]

22 latest. Go off and enjoy life on your own! I love my parents but I can’t imagine what it’s like not to want your own adventure out in the world.

[Anonymous]

As long as mine is saving to buy a house and retirement, they can live with us as long as they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22 latest. Go off and enjoy life on your own! I love my parents but I can’t imagine what it’s like not to want your own adventure out in the world.

I am 46. I never had that desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to live with mine until I got married at 30. My sister is a PA and still lives with them at 32 so she can pay back her loans. DC is SO expensive, there was no way I could have made it without living with my parents, and I’m super grateful they let me.

Do you think your neighbors thought anything bad of you or your parents?

Your first problem is caring in the slightest “what the neighbors think.”

[Anonymous]

They think the adult child living at home has problems. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to live with mine until I got married at 30. My sister is a PA and still lives with them at 32 so she can pay back her loans. DC is SO expensive, there was no way I could have made it without living with my parents, and I’m super grateful they let me.

Do you think your neighbors thought anything bad of you or your parents?

DH here, I live in a neighborhood of UMC immigrants in DMV. No one would think poorly of adult kids living with their parents. My neighbor's adult son lived with his parents, got married, continued staying with the parents...and then moved out after buying a gorgeous home with a huge down payment. The son's family (wife and kids now) are able to live in the kind of house in DMV that most people cannot afford on a normal salary. This is how you create wealth and leapfrog to a better SES.

This, but Americans have been conditioned to love needless struggle.