What age should a adult child move out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 24 year old who earns $50k a year and is up for a promotion that will put her at earning $70k plus bonuses and she can remain living at home for as long as she wants to as long as she is saving money. We want her to be able to launch with enough savings for a down payment if she chooses to buy a home or enough to cover her living expenses for 1-2 years if she chooses to rent.

Why? That seems like an awful high bar to reach in order to move out. There are so many benefits to living with roommates/friends, I’m surprised so many people are dismissing it.

It makes sense to have roommates so that you are sharing the rent as well as are not alone, especially if you are away from home in another city for education or a job. BUT, makes zero sense to spend any money if your parents are cool with letting you be at home for zero or a small rent. The amount of money you can save is phenomenal and when you start your married life, you can afford an amazing home with a large down payment.

I am wondering, is this why people here are in a bad financial situation and can never dig themselves out of poverty? I thought this was an obvious solution?

I don’t think there is data on this, but my guess is people who leave home after college are more successful. They are more adventurous, entrepreneurial and have pressure to make smart financial decisions because they have rent and bills to pay, so they move along to better jobs & opportunities.

College grads that stay home tend to live in the suburbs where there aren’t as many jobs. Many some are good at socking away money, but many more are depressed, unstimulated and lonely.

There is data on this, actually. It's better for young people to live outside of the home with financial support from parents than moving back home. Those who move back home are less successful overall. Those who immediately graduate and live outside of the home but with financial support from parents are more successful overall.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10964-018-0856-z

[Anonymous]

I moved out at 18, and give the side eye to anyone still at home beyond 20 or so. Maybe I'm jealous that they have a family home they'd actually like to be a part of and parents who are supportive, helpful and give good advice.

I think there's pros and cons to staying at home to save money--sure you have the savings which is fantastic, but you lose out on the growing up part of supporting yourself and possibly living with roommates which are invaluable experiences too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he actually have money to rent a place, pay other bills, and not struggle?

The DMV area is so expensive for a one-income person. I know before I got married, I moved back in with my parents from ages 26-29 because I was sick of dealing with roommates and simply couldn't afford a place on my own.

I'm 33 and have a ton of single friends who still live with their parents. They are saving up to do a down payment on a house and are paying down student loans in the meantime. None of us think anything of it? It's just pretty normal in our circle and age group.

Great. We have tons of friends who don’t have a family house to live at in an urban and live with roommates, run their food/board budget and pay their bills and any loans.

[Anonymous]

Two weeks after high school graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 24 year old who earns $50k a year and is up for a promotion that will put her at earning $70k plus bonuses and she can remain living at home for as long as she wants to as long as she is saving money. We want her to be able to launch with enough savings for a down payment if she chooses to buy a home or enough to cover her living expenses for 1-2 years if she chooses to rent.

Why? That seems like an awful high bar to reach in order to move out. There are so many benefits to living with roommates/friends, I’m surprised so many people are dismissing it.

It makes sense to have roommates so that you are sharing the rent as well as are not alone, especially if you are away from home in another city for education or a job. BUT, makes zero sense to spend any money if your parents are cool with letting you be at home for zero or a small rent. The amount of money you can save is phenomenal and when you start your married life, you can afford an amazing home with a large down payment.

I am wondering, is this why people here are in a bad financial situation and can never dig themselves out of poverty? I thought this was an obvious solution?

I don’t think there is data on this, but my guess is people who leave home after college are more successful. They are more adventurous, entrepreneurial and have pressure to make smart financial decisions because they have rent and bills to pay, so they move along to better jobs & opportunities.

College grads that stay home tend to live in the suburbs where there aren’t as many jobs. Many some are good at socking away money, but many more are depressed, unstimulated and lonely.

There is data on this, actually. It's better for young people to live outside of the home with financial support from parents than moving back home. Those who move back home are less successful overall. Those who immediately graduate and live outside of the home but with financial support from parents are more successful overall.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10964-018-0856-z

In other words, it's better to be wealthy and in good health than poor and sick. Shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 24 year old who earns $50k a year and is up for a promotion that will put her at earning $70k plus bonuses and she can remain living at home for as long as she wants to as long as she is saving money. We want her to be able to launch with enough savings for a down payment if she chooses to buy a home or enough to cover her living expenses for 1-2 years if she chooses to rent.

Why? That seems like an awful high bar to reach in order to move out. There are so many benefits to living with roommates/friends, I’m surprised so many people are dismissing it.

It makes sense to have roommates so that you are sharing the rent as well as are not alone, especially if you are away from home in another city for education or a job. BUT, makes zero sense to spend any money if your parents are cool with letting you be at home for zero or a small rent. The amount of money you can save is phenomenal and when you start your married life, you can afford an amazing home with a large down payment.

I am wondering, is this why people here are in a bad financial situation and can never dig themselves out of poverty? I thought this was an obvious solution?

I don’t think there is data on this, but my guess is people who leave home after college are more successful. They are more adventurous, entrepreneurial and have pressure to make smart financial decisions because they have rent and bills to pay, so they move along to better jobs & opportunities.

College grads that stay home tend to live in the suburbs where there aren’t as many jobs. Many some are good at socking away money, but many more are depressed, unstimulated and lonely.

There is data on this, actually. It's better for young people to live outside of the home with financial support from parents than moving back home. Those who move back home are less successful overall. Those who immediately graduate and live outside of the home but with financial support from parents are more successful overall.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10964-018-0856-z

This. All of the adults I know who moved home "to save money" rarely came out ahead financially compared to those who did not.

[Anonymous]

normal people live with their families because they want to. they move when they start their own families. the whole idea that you must live alone or with roommates for a while is a costly illusion. the financial cost of it is the least of the problem.

[Anonymous]

DC just graduated in May. DCs job only pays $70k a year and apartments are expensive. It does put a damper on his social life. He would like to have his own place but it's takes some financial preparation. Patience all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 24 year old who earns $50k a year and is up for a promotion that will put her at earning $70k plus bonuses and she can remain living at home for as long as she wants to as long as she is saving money. We want her to be able to launch with enough savings for a down payment if she chooses to buy a home or enough to cover her living expenses for 1-2 years if she chooses to rent.

Why? That seems like an awful high bar to reach in order to move out. There are so many benefits to living with roommates/friends, I’m surprised so many people are dismissing it.

It makes sense to have roommates so that you are sharing the rent as well as are not alone, especially if you are away from home in another city for education or a job. BUT, makes zero sense to spend any money if your parents are cool with letting you be at home for zero or a small rent. The amount of money you can save is phenomenal and when you start your married life, you can afford an amazing home with a large down payment.

I am wondering, is this why people here are in a bad financial situation and can never dig themselves out of poverty? I thought this was an obvious solution?

I don’t think there is data on this, but my guess is people who leave home after college are more successful. They are more adventurous, entrepreneurial and have pressure to make smart financial decisions because they have rent and bills to pay, so they move along to better jobs & opportunities.

College grads that stay home tend to live in the suburbs where there aren’t as many jobs. Many some are good at socking away money, but many more are depressed, unstimulated and lonely.

There is data on this, actually. It's better for young people to live outside of the home with financial support from parents than moving back home. Those who move back home are less successful overall. Those who immediately graduate and live outside of the home but with financial support from parents are more successful overall.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10964-018-0856-z

This. All of the adults I know who moved home "to save money" rarely came out ahead financially compared to those who did not.

All of the adults I know who moved home to save money were trying to save face and really moved home either because they couldn't afford not to or because they wanted mom to cook and clean for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he actually have money to rent a place, pay other bills, and not struggle?

The DMV area is so expensive for a one-income person. I know before I got married, I moved back in with my parents from ages 26-29 because I was sick of dealing with roommates and simply couldn't afford a place on my own.

I'm 33 and have a ton of single friends who still live with their parents. They are saving up to do a down payment on a house and are paying down student loans in the meantime. None of us think anything of it? It's just pretty normal in our circle and age group.

I don’t know anyone who did this but I’m a little older than you? I’m curious how it works, though. Are you comfortable bringing back a boyfriend/girlfriend and having sex? Or lounging around in your underwear and watching movies with them on a Saturday morning? What about cooking a meal at 11pm? I’m thinking of things my boyfriends and I would do in our 20s and my parents would not have been happy! Maybe your parents are chill, but I do feel weird having sex in my parents’ home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:normal people live with their families because they want to. they move when they start their own families. the whole idea that you must live alone or with roommates for a while is a costly illusion. the financial cost of it is the least of the problem.

Welcome to the Old Country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:normal people live with their families because they want to. they move when they start their own families. the whole idea that you must live alone or with roommates for a while is a costly illusion. the financial cost of it is the least of the problem.

Welcome to the Old Country

Where you never go to school or work more than an hour from your family of origin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no set age. It depends on the child, the family, the home, and the individual goals and values for all involved.

I'm curious about your reason for asking the question. Is the current arrangement causing friction? Is it preventing someone from doing something they want to do? For instance, if you are hoping to downsize, or maybe move to another area for retirement, it makes sense to communicate those plans to you son and explain why the timeline is and what that means for him.

Or if you feel that living with you is stifling his independence (maybe limiting his dating life, or making him very dependent on you for his social life), I would explain your concerns to him and talk it through (with an open minded, you might not be clearly perceiving what is going on with him).

Another issue would be if he is relying on you for a lot of things he should be doing for himself (buying and cooking food, doing laundry) or is otherwise not contributing to the household. Does he cook and clean to the same degree that other adults in the house do? Does he have his own car and pay for the gas and insurance and maintenance himself, or does he use a car you pay for? Stuff like that. All of that would definitely necessitate a conversation. All adults in a household should be contributing in some way, and should be treating one another as equals and with equal respect. If he's stuck in a prolonged adolescence where his parents still take care of things for him, that is a problem that must be addressed whether he is living with your or not (there are adults who technically have their own homes but still rely on their parents for all of this, and it's still a problem).

But there's no set age where an adult child has to move out. I can think of a number of families where adult kids lived with their parents for all or part of their 20s, sometimes leaving and then returning for various reasons before leaving again. Sometimes it's a problem, sometimes it's not. It can be a really good way to save money for the kids. It can facilitate a close family relationship that paves the way for supportive and positive relationships with grandchildren. It can also provide an older or ailing parent with some help at home.

It really depends on the people involved and how the arrangement is playing out.

Yikes! Could you give advice with less words?

Yes, but it wouldn't be as good. I actually try not to give advice, but find that usually what people need is a framework for thinking about a problem, or for someone to ask the right questions. You can't make life choices for other people.

I really like both of your responses. So few people on DCUM ever really bother to do that. Or in real life. Makes me wish I knew you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is also 24. He graduated from college in Dec 2019 and we suggested he live at home for a year and see where his social life was compared to his job. Plus, he could save some money. We said he could if he put $3k a month into a savings plan- over and above the 15% he is putting into his 401k. Covid hit and he is still living at home. He works here too as and not had much of a social life since Covid. We have set next June as a target date for moving out. He is still working from home, but I expect that to change in Jan. A bonus of Covid for him is that he has saved more than the $3k month. He just got a promotion and last Jan started a Masters through his employer - online first as a result of Covid. So, he should be set.

I am glad he did not have an apartment from the get go because he would be alone in it and working from home alone.

Do your neighbors know how old he is? The main reason I want him to move out is because I just don't know what our neighbors are thinking.... I am pretty sure they are asking himself why is Andy still living at home when he graduated college etc...

?? Where are you living? We live in DMV and I know many well-to-do people who are from other cultures and they are fairly comfortable with their adult kids living with them. I guess the main difference is that their children ae making 6 figure salaries, so no one feels that they have not launched.

We're in McLean. Our neighbors have all three of their now college graduate kids living at home again, for various reasons. They are all smart, nice, young adults who don't seem to have "failed to launch" in any way. They just like their parents and have various reasons for being there again. They will leave soon enough, I'm sure the parents don't need to rush them. For the record, I didn't think anything of it one way or the other--why would i?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is also 24. He graduated from college in Dec 2019 and we suggested he live at home for a year and see where his social life was compared to his job. Plus, he could save some money. We said he could if he put $3k a month into a savings plan- over and above the 15% he is putting into his 401k. Covid hit and he is still living at home. He works here too as and not had much of a social life since Covid. We have set next June as a target date for moving out. He is still working from home, but I expect that to change in Jan. A bonus of Covid for him is that he has saved more than the $3k month. He just got a promotion and last Jan started a Masters through his employer - online first as a result of Covid. So, he should be set.

I am glad he did not have an apartment from the get go because he would be alone in it and working from home alone.

Do your neighbors know how old he is? The main reason I want him to move out is because I just don't know what our neighbors are thinking.... I am pretty sure they are asking himself why is Andy still living at home when he graduated college etc...

?? Where are you living? We live in DMV and I know many well-to-do people who are from other cultures and they are fairly comfortable with their adult kids living with them. I guess the main difference is that their children ae making 6 figure salaries, so no one feels that they have not launched.

We're in McLean. Our neighbors have all three of their now college graduate kids living at home again, for various reasons. They are all smart, nice, young adults who don't seem to have "failed to launch" in any way. They just like their parents and have various reasons for being there again. They will leave soon enough, I'm sure the parents don't need to rush them. For the record, I didn't think anything of it one way or the other--why would i?

Just to clarify, I'm a NP just adding on. Not one of the PPs. FWIW.