What age should a adult child move out?

[Anonymous]

What age should a adult child move out?

DC is 24 and is working full time and has money, how do we have the talk to him to move out?

[Anonymous]

Obviously you’ve failed as parents if your 24 year old sons full wants to live with you. Since he has money, day it’s time he learned to live on his own. Give him until February to find a place. In the meantime, teach him to cook, clean and do laundry.

[Anonymous]

No, you haven't failed, OP.

Maybe your son is just happy living with you

And maybe saving to buy his own place or waiting for the right partner to start their own life.

Just talk to him, he'll understand and give you his reasons.

[Anonymous]

Never, in the case of my grandfathers. They lived in rural Virginia, were the youngest sons, married and brought their wives into the family home. In exchange for the property and help with childcare, they took care of their parents in their old age. Win, win.

[Anonymous]

There is no set age. It depends on the child, the family, the home, and the individual goals and values for all involved.

I'm curious about your reason for asking the question. Is the current arrangement causing friction? Is it preventing someone from doing something they want to do? For instance, if you are hoping to downsize, or maybe move to another area for retirement, it makes sense to communicate those plans to you son and explain why the timeline is and what that means for him.

Or if you feel that living with you is stifling his independence (maybe limiting his dating life, or making him very dependent on you for his social life), I would explain your concerns to him and talk it through (with an open minded, you might not be clearly perceiving what is going on with him).

Another issue would be if he is relying on you for a lot of things he should be doing for himself (buying and cooking food, doing laundry) or is otherwise not contributing to the household. Does he cook and clean to the same degree that other adults in the house do? Does he have his own car and pay for the gas and insurance and maintenance himself, or does he use a car you pay for? Stuff like that. All of that would definitely necessitate a conversation. All adults in a household should be contributing in some way, and should be treating one another as equals and with equal respect. If he's stuck in a prolonged adolescence where his parents still take care of things for him, that is a problem that must be addressed whether he is living with your or not (there are adults who technically have their own homes but still rely on their parents for all of this, and it's still a problem).

But there's no set age where an adult child has to move out. I can think of a number of families where adult kids lived with their parents for all or part of their 20s, sometimes leaving and then returning for various reasons before leaving again. Sometimes it's a problem, sometimes it's not. It can be a really good way to save money for the kids. It can facilitate a close family relationship that paves the way for supportive and positive relationships with grandchildren. It can also provide an older or ailing parent with some help at home.

It really depends on the people involved and how the arrangement is playing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no set age. It depends on the child, the family, the home, and the individual goals and values for all involved.

I'm curious about your reason for asking the question. Is the current arrangement causing friction? Is it preventing someone from doing something they want to do? For instance, if you are hoping to downsize, or maybe move to another area for retirement, it makes sense to communicate those plans to you son and explain why the timeline is and what that means for him.

Or if you feel that living with you is stifling his independence (maybe limiting his dating life, or making him very dependent on you for his social life), I would explain your concerns to him and talk it through (with an open minded, you might not be clearly perceiving what is going on with him).

Another issue would be if he is relying on you for a lot of things he should be doing for himself (buying and cooking food, doing laundry) or is otherwise not contributing to the household. Does he cook and clean to the same degree that other adults in the house do? Does he have his own car and pay for the gas and insurance and maintenance himself, or does he use a car you pay for? Stuff like that. All of that would definitely necessitate a conversation. All adults in a household should be contributing in some way, and should be treating one another as equals and with equal respect. If he's stuck in a prolonged adolescence where his parents still take care of things for him, that is a problem that must be addressed whether he is living with your or not (there are adults who technically have their own homes but still rely on their parents for all of this, and it's still a problem).

But there's no set age where an adult child has to move out. I can think of a number of families where adult kids lived with their parents for all or part of their 20s, sometimes leaving and then returning for various reasons before leaving again. Sometimes it's a problem, sometimes it's not. It can be a really good way to save money for the kids. It can facilitate a close family relationship that paves the way for supportive and positive relationships with grandchildren. It can also provide an older or ailing parent with some help at home.

It really depends on the people involved and how the arrangement is playing out.

Yikes! Could you give advice with less words?

[Anonymous]

Think back to your 20 something self and ask if you would date a guy that age that lives with his parents. That's the age at which he should move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no set age. It depends on the child, the family, the home, and the individual goals and values for all involved.

I'm curious about your reason for asking the question. Is the current arrangement causing friction? Is it preventing someone from doing something they want to do? For instance, if you are hoping to downsize, or maybe move to another area for retirement, it makes sense to communicate those plans to you son and explain why the timeline is and what that means for him.

Or if you feel that living with you is stifling his independence (maybe limiting his dating life, or making him very dependent on you for his social life), I would explain your concerns to him and talk it through (with an open minded, you might not be clearly perceiving what is going on with him).

Another issue would be if he is relying on you for a lot of things he should be doing for himself (buying and cooking food, doing laundry) or is otherwise not contributing to the household. Does he cook and clean to the same degree that other adults in the house do? Does he have his own car and pay for the gas and insurance and maintenance himself, or does he use a car you pay for? Stuff like that. All of that would definitely necessitate a conversation. All adults in a household should be contributing in some way, and should be treating one another as equals and with equal respect. If he's stuck in a prolonged adolescence where his parents still take care of things for him, that is a problem that must be addressed whether he is living with your or not (there are adults who technically have their own homes but still rely on their parents for all of this, and it's still a problem).

But there's no set age where an adult child has to move out. I can think of a number of families where adult kids lived with their parents for all or part of their 20s, sometimes leaving and then returning for various reasons before leaving again. Sometimes it's a problem, sometimes it's not. It can be a really good way to save money for the kids. It can facilitate a close family relationship that paves the way for supportive and positive relationships with grandchildren. It can also provide an older or ailing parent with some help at home.

It really depends on the people involved and how the arrangement is playing out.

+1
This is really well thought out and I think it touches on a lot of the issues you should be considering.
There's no magic age.

[Anonymous]

If this is due to failure to launch- even with a job, then mid-twenties.

If there is a rationale- going back to school, saving $, then a few years later but not too many.

[Anonymous]

We live in a very expensive area. I agree there is no set time as long as your son is working, going to school, or otherwise making forward progress in his life.

A friend of mine lived with her parents until 25 or so. I thought it was crazy at the time, but then she bought her first house, while I was still renting a shit place and wasting money on other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think back to your 20 something self and ask if you would date a guy that age that lives with his parents. That's the age at which he should move out.

I distinctly remember, twenty-plus years ago, meeting a cute guy at a picnic, learning that he lived at home with his parents, and thinking... ummm... no. Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a very expensive area. I agree there is no set time as long as your son is working, going to school, or otherwise making forward progress in his life.

A friend of mine lived with her parents until 25 or so. I thought it was crazy at the time, but then she bought her first house, while I was still renting a shit place and wasting money on other things.

You were ahead in other, perhaps more important, ways. Trust me on this one.

[Anonymous]

I had to live with mine until I got married at 30. My sister is a PA and still lives with them at 32 so she can pay back her loans. DC is SO expensive, there was no way I could have made it without living with my parents, and I’m super grateful they let me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no set age. It depends on the child, the family, the home, and the individual goals and values for all involved.

I'm curious about your reason for asking the question. Is the current arrangement causing friction? Is it preventing someone from doing something they want to do? For instance, if you are hoping to downsize, or maybe move to another area for retirement, it makes sense to communicate those plans to you son and explain why the timeline is and what that means for him.

Or if you feel that living with you is stifling his independence (maybe limiting his dating life, or making him very dependent on you for his social life), I would explain your concerns to him and talk it through (with an open minded, you might not be clearly perceiving what is going on with him).

Another issue would be if he is relying on you for a lot of things he should be doing for himself (buying and cooking food, doing laundry) or is otherwise not contributing to the household. Does he cook and clean to the same degree that other adults in the house do? Does he have his own car and pay for the gas and insurance and maintenance himself, or does he use a car you pay for? Stuff like that. All of that would definitely necessitate a conversation. All adults in a household should be contributing in some way, and should be treating one another as equals and with equal respect. If he's stuck in a prolonged adolescence where his parents still take care of things for him, that is a problem that must be addressed whether he is living with your or not (there are adults who technically have their own homes but still rely on their parents for all of this, and it's still a problem).

But there's no set age where an adult child has to move out. I can think of a number of families where adult kids lived with their parents for all or part of their 20s, sometimes leaving and then returning for various reasons before leaving again. Sometimes it's a problem, sometimes it's not. It can be a really good way to save money for the kids. It can facilitate a close family relationship that paves the way for supportive and positive relationships with grandchildren. It can also provide an older or ailing parent with some help at home.

It really depends on the people involved and how the arrangement is playing out.

Yikes! Could you give advice with less words?

I agree with this. In many cultures and parts of the world the answer might be when the person gets married.

[Anonymous]

I moved out at 24. I lived at home after college even though I worked full time and I saved every penny - didn’t even have a car. But I saved up enough for a condo down payment. So thankful my (Eastern European) parents didn’t toss me out.