Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is no set age. It depends on the child, the family, the home, and the individual goals and values for all involved.
I'm curious about your reason for asking the question. Is the current arrangement causing friction? Is it preventing someone from doing something they want to do? For instance, if you are hoping to downsize, or maybe move to another area for retirement, it makes sense to communicate those plans to you son and explain why the timeline is and what that means for him.
Or if you feel that living with you is stifling his independence (maybe limiting his dating life, or making him very dependent on you for his social life), I would explain your concerns to him and talk it through (with an open minded, you might not be clearly perceiving what is going on with him).
Another issue would be if he is relying on you for a lot of things he should be doing for himself (buying and cooking food, doing laundry) or is otherwise not contributing to the household. Does he cook and clean to the same degree that other adults in the house do? Does he have his own car and pay for the gas and insurance and maintenance himself, or does he use a car you pay for? Stuff like that. All of that would definitely necessitate a conversation. All adults in a household should be contributing in some way, and should be treating one another as equals and with equal respect. If he's stuck in a prolonged adolescence where his parents still take care of things for him, that is a problem that must be addressed whether he is living with your or not (there are adults who technically have their own homes but still rely on their parents for all of this, and it's still a problem).
But there's no set age where an adult child has to move out. I can think of a number of families where adult kids lived with their parents for all or part of their 20s, sometimes leaving and then returning for various reasons before leaving again. Sometimes it's a problem, sometimes it's not. It can be a really good way to save money for the kids. It can facilitate a close family relationship that paves the way for supportive and positive relationships with grandchildren. It can also provide an older or ailing parent with some help at home.
It really depends on the people involved and how the arrangement is playing out.
Yikes! Could you give advice with less words?
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