Stay at home wife - no kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is there this idea that everyone needs to work? Let's have a Universal Basic Income and see how creative people become. and healthy. I bet it would be a second renaissance.

Who exactly do you think will fund this income if everyone doesn’t work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s common in other countries. As long as it works for the couple, why do you care?

I’m just curious how they can do it without one side feeling resentful.

I know many couples like this. They met when they were students, often in a professional graduate program. Both worked and when the kids started coming, they decided to have a stay-at-home parent to manage the home front. All of them are still married and happily looking forward their golden years.

This is not what the thread is about. You're talking about women who worked at first, but then stayed home to raise their kids. This thread is about women who get married (assuming in 20s or 30s), don't have kids, and just prefer not to work, but would rather spend their time taking care of the house, cooking, etc., and assuming no extenuating circumstances like a major health issue.

I think women who initially worked but then stayed home to raise their kids are in a different category. First of all, once the kids are grown, it's not as if it's easy to go back to the workforce in the job you left 18 years ago. They may not want a job just for the sake of just having a job... why would they want to flip burgers at McDonald's when they're at a point in their lives with they have significant savings and are very financially well off (albeit due to their DH's work)? I wonder if it were easier to get back in, if more women would choose to go back into their old careers?

I would!!!

OP I generally see what you’re saying. But isn’t it weird that for white women a mere 70 years ago, this was the societal expectation??? And now we look at women like that and think they’re lazy or entitled or have some mystery illness.

If your spouse is not resentful when you were a SAHW (for whatever reason) why would he be resentful if you are a SAHM? My DH has high expectations for our kids. He wants them to be healthy, happy, well socialized, high achieving, passionate, secure, connected, enriched, fulfilled, moral...and my one job is to make that happen. He is immensely grateful as to how our kids have turned out.

As for going back to work? A hard pass to that. First of all, it is WORK. It is taking away from the finite time I have on this Earth away from my family, myself, my relationships and my hobbies. Every single day, I am giving the best time of my day to someone else. And for what? I am basically selling something instead of making the Earth a better place. Why would I do that if I did not need the money. Also, US is not that great for working women and working moms. No, Thank You. There is a reason why women left the workplace in droves during the pandemic. Not worth it for me. Of course, this is only possible if you have the finances to swing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there this idea that everyone needs to work? Let's have a Universal Basic Income and see how creative people become. and healthy. I bet it would be a second renaissance.

Who exactly do you think will fund this income if everyone doesn’t work?

Socialism. We have Robots working for us. Everyone's needs are met and then we live in a Greener and more Equitable world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there this idea that everyone needs to work? Let's have a Universal Basic Income and see how creative people become. and healthy. I bet it would be a second renaissance.

Who exactly do you think will fund this income if everyone doesn’t work?

Socialism. We have Robots working for us. Everyone's needs are met and then we live in a Greener and more Equitable world.

People work in socialist countries. How do you think taxes are collected to fund everyone’s needs…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s common in other countries. As long as it works for the couple, why do you care?

I’m just curious how they can do it without one side feeling resentful.

I know many couples like this. They met when they were students, often in a professional graduate program. Both worked and when the kids started coming, they decided to have a stay-at-home parent to manage the home front. All of them are still married and happily looking forward their golden years.

This is not what the thread is about. You're talking about women who worked at first, but then stayed home to raise their kids. This thread is about women who get married (assuming in 20s or 30s), don't have kids, and just prefer not to work, but would rather spend their time taking care of the house, cooking, etc., and assuming no extenuating circumstances like a major health issue.

I think women who initially worked but then stayed home to raise their kids are in a different category. First of all, once the kids are grown, it's not as if it's easy to go back to the workforce in the job you left 18 years ago. They may not want a job just for the sake of just having a job... why would they want to flip burgers at McDonald's when they're at a point in their lives with they have significant savings and are very financially well off (albeit due to their DH's work)? I wonder if it were easier to get back in, if more women would choose to go back into their old careers?

I would!!!

OP I generally see what you’re saying. But isn’t it weird that for white women a mere 70 years ago, this was the societal expectation??? And now we look at women like that and think they’re lazy or entitled or have some mystery illness.

If your spouse is not resentful when you were a SAHW (for whatever reason) why would he be resentful if you are a SAHM? My DH has high expectations for our kids. He wants them to be healthy, happy, well socialized, high achieving, passionate, secure, connected, enriched, fulfilled, moral...and my one job is to make that happen. He is immensely grateful as to how our kids have turned out.

As for going back to work? A hard pass to that. First of all, it is WORK. It is taking away from the finite time I have on this Earth away from my family, myself, my relationships and my hobbies. Every single day, I am giving the best time of my day to someone else. And for what? I am basically selling something instead of making the Earth a better place. Why would I do that if I did not need the money. Also, US is not that great for working women and working moms. No, Thank You. There is a reason why women left the workplace in droves during the pandemic. Not worth it for me. Of course, this is only possible if you have the finances to swing this.

If you have no skills or capital to contribute to any organization, then I can see why you would take the path of least resistance and just stay home with your ‘hobbies’ even after your kids have flown the nest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s common in other countries. As long as it works for the couple, why do you care?

I’m just curious how they can do it without one side feeling resentful.

I know many couples like this. They met when they were students, often in a professional graduate program. Both worked and when the kids started coming, they decided to have a stay-at-home parent to manage the home front. All of them are still married and happily looking forward their golden years.

This is not what the thread is about. You're talking about women who worked at first, but then stayed home to raise their kids. This thread is about women who get married (assuming in 20s or 30s), don't have kids, and just prefer not to work, but would rather spend their time taking care of the house, cooking, etc., and assuming no extenuating circumstances like a major health issue.

I think women who initially worked but then stayed home to raise their kids are in a different category. First of all, once the kids are grown, it's not as if it's easy to go back to the workforce in the job you left 18 years ago. They may not want a job just for the sake of just having a job... why would they want to flip burgers at McDonald's when they're at a point in their lives with they have significant savings and are very financially well off (albeit due to their DH's work)? I wonder if it were easier to get back in, if more women would choose to go back into their old careers?

I would!!!

OP I generally see what you’re saying. But isn’t it weird that for white women a mere 70 years ago, this was the societal expectation??? And now we look at women like that and think they’re lazy or entitled or have some mystery illness.

If your spouse is not resentful when you were a SAHW (for whatever reason) why would he be resentful if you are a SAHM? My DH has high expectations for our kids. He wants them to be healthy, happy, well socialized, high achieving, passionate, secure, connected, enriched, fulfilled, moral...and my one job is to make that happen. He is immensely grateful as to how our kids have turned out.

As for going back to work? A hard pass to that. First of all, it is WORK. It is taking away from the finite time I have on this Earth away from my family, myself, my relationships and my hobbies. Every single day, I am giving the best time of my day to someone else. And for what? I am basically selling something instead of making the Earth a better place. Why would I do that if I did not need the money. Also, US is not that great for working women and working moms. No, Thank You. There is a reason why women left the workplace in droves during the pandemic. Not worth it for me. Of course, this is only possible if you have the finances to swing this.

If you have no skills or capital to contribute to any organization, then I can see why you would take the path of least resistance and just stay home with your ‘hobbies’ even after your kids have flown the nest.

Me too. And I can see why somebody would refuse to contribute their skills or capital to any organization if they didn’t have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there this idea that everyone needs to work? Let's have a Universal Basic Income and see how creative people become. and healthy. I bet it would be a second renaissance.

Who exactly do you think will fund this income if everyone doesn’t work?

UBI isn’t about giving people so much income that they can get all their wants met without having to work. It’s one of the few ideas that both leftist and libertarian economists agree upon. Check it out, it’s fascinating and I hope there is more political will for it soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there this idea that everyone needs to work? Let's have a Universal Basic Income and see how creative people become. and healthy. I bet it would be a second renaissance.

Who exactly do you think will fund this income if everyone doesn’t work?

UBI isn’t about giving people so much income that they can get all their wants met without having to work. It’s one of the few ideas that both leftist and libertarian economists agree upon. Check it out, it’s fascinating and I hope there is more political will for it soon.

+ 1

It’s an easy way to provide a basic social safety net and CUT the government waste of figuring out who gets what and for how long and are they really job hunting etc etc. It simplifies and reduces the size of government, it doesn’t increase it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHW due to immigration status. I spent my time by taking college classes and volunteering. DH was very capable (while I was raised not lifting a finger) so it was not that I had to look after the house. He actually taught me how to cook. We devoted our time in travelling, socializing and our hobbies. Life was great. I also learned how to keep a house, cook, bake, knit, garden, paint, make pottery etc. Then I got my GC, had a child, and started to work in a well paying corporate job. Getting a job was not a chore as I was highly qualified. But, soon my DH and I realized that our great life went to sh!t because with a kid and my work, our quality of life was quite pathetic. Even when we threw money at the problem and outsourced many things, we had a hectic life.

When our second kid came, DH begged me to leave work. We went back and forth and it took us months to discuss and figure out what it would mean for us. This is what we agreed on -
- I would never go back to work, not even when kids went to college. This was mainly because I did not want the stress of starting from the bottom again, or continue to pick up part time gigs to remain relevant. Our money and assets have always been held jointly as it is OUR money.
- My DH was responsible for figuring out retirement and kids college from his earnings alone. My contribution was to keep household costs down. For 15 years now, I have run the whole household in 15K a month. This includes outsourcing, mortgage, home improvement, travel, buying new cars, tutors, entertaining etc.
- Since we had no pre-nup etc, I was protected financially. We are also highly insured so that if something happens to my DH, I will never have to work for my retirement or to pay for kids college and weddings.
- I would retain my cleaning service and continue to outsource other chores.
- DH would not take a job that would take him away from home. He needed to be as involved as always.
- We would continue to keep our COL low.
Staying back for my family and my kids has been a blessing that I have really enjoyed it to the utmost. We have a very good balanced life. We made some good financial decisions regarding our housing, schooling etc, and we are debt-free apart from a low mortgage.

Soon my youngest will go to college and DH and I want to use the time to ramp up our travelling again. We have a very happy marriage and we like to spend time with each other so it is not as if he or I need to go to work to escape a toxic home environment.

I'm happy this has worked well for your family. The only comment I have is the bolded. That's 180k/year in spending. I realize that in this area, that isn't out of the norm, but it is not exactly low cost living. But, sounds like you all got a good lifestyle out of your family choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there this idea that everyone needs to work? Let's have a Universal Basic Income and see how creative people become. and healthy. I bet it would be a second renaissance.

Who exactly do you think will fund this income if everyone doesn’t work?

UBI isn’t about giving people so much income that they can get all their wants met without having to work. It’s one of the few ideas that both leftist and libertarian economists agree upon. Check it out, it’s fascinating and I hope there is more political will for it soon.

+ 1

It’s an easy way to provide a basic social safety net and CUT the government waste of figuring out who gets what and for how long and are they really job hunting etc etc. It simplifies and reduces the size of government, it doesn’t increase it.

Interesting. Do you think some of the child credit payments are a pathway for this, for people with kids at least? It provides a fair amount for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there this idea that everyone needs to work? Let's have a Universal Basic Income and see how creative people become. and healthy. I bet it would be a second renaissance.

Who exactly do you think will fund this income if everyone doesn’t work?

UBI isn’t about giving people so much income that they can get all their wants met without having to work. It’s one of the few ideas that both leftist and libertarian economists agree upon. Check it out, it’s fascinating and I hope there is more political will for it soon.

+ 1

It’s an easy way to provide a basic social safety net and CUT the government waste of figuring out who gets what and for how long and are they really job hunting etc etc. It simplifies and reduces the size of government, it doesn’t increase it.

Interesting. Do you think some of the child credit payments are a pathway for this, for people with kids at least? It provides a fair amount for kids.

DP. Honestly I don’t think it’s a pathway, I think it’s a distraction. People who don’t want UBI can say “why do we need UBI, we have these things for people who really need it?” When I think that most likely UBI would replace things like child credit payments. But I could be wrong. Maybe the idea of a universal handout is becoming more acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s common in other countries. As long as it works for the couple, why do you care?

I’m just curious how they can do it without one side feeling resentful.

Im sure there is resentment at times, but i think the roles are clearly defined. Wife takes care of everything on the home front, which is a lot.

If you don't have kids, it's really not a lot of work at all to take care of everything on the home front.

Depends on your standards and the kind of home you have.

Most couples without kids are not living in 15,000 square foot castles with an extensive collection of silver that needs daily polishing.

I mean, I do think that nobody legitimately needs to drop out of the workforce just to care for the house they live in. But I know a lot of middle or low income stay at home moms (of kids in school) who just take amazing care of their homes and don’t outsource a thing and it really is so much more work than it seems.

(And I know the thread isn’t about stay at home moms, but I am just saying that I know people who work as much on their homes as some people do at their jobs)

Agree with you when its a family with kids - typically a family is in a bigger house that is more work to take care of than a childless couple would be, the "family unit" is more work to run because it usually involves 4+ people with different activities, dentist and doctor appts, clothes to buy, rooms to clean, etc + the kids need to be dropped off and picked up from school, and aren't in school the full work day, etc. Being a SAHM is just completely different than a stay at home wife with no kids. Your house doesn't even get that dirty without kids in it. But I just don't see how cleaning and cooking alone - presumably of a smaller home and only for two people - can be enough to fill a day. If someone decides they need to steam clean their curtains once a week, that's just busywork or a hobby to fill the time.

Why do you care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s common in other countries. As long as it works for the couple, why do you care?

I’m just curious how they can do it without one side feeling resentful.

Im sure there is resentment at times, but i think the roles are clearly defined. Wife takes care of everything on the home front, which is a lot.

If you don't have kids, it's really not a lot of work at all to take care of everything on the home front.

Depends on your standards and the kind of home you have.

Most couples without kids are not living in 15,000 square foot castles with an extensive collection of silver that needs daily polishing.

Hahaha thanks for the laugh PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s common in other countries. As long as it works for the couple, why do you care?

I’m just curious how they can do it without one side feeling resentful.

Im sure there is resentment at times, but i think the roles are clearly defined. Wife takes care of everything on the home front, which is a lot.

If you don't have kids, it's really not a lot of work at all to take care of everything on the home front.

Depends on your standards and the kind of home you have.

Most couples without kids are not living in 15,000 square foot castles with an extensive collection of silver that needs daily polishing.

I mean, I do think that nobody legitimately needs to drop out of the workforce just to care for the house they live in. But I know a lot of middle or low income stay at home moms (of kids in school) who just take amazing care of their homes and don’t outsource a thing and it really is so much more work than it seems.

(And I know the thread isn’t about stay at home moms, but I am just saying that I know people who work as much on their homes as some people do at their jobs)

Agree with you when its a family with kids - typically a family is in a bigger house that is more work to take care of than a childless couple would be, the "family unit" is more work to run because it usually involves 4+ people with different activities, dentist and doctor appts, clothes to buy, rooms to clean, etc + the kids need to be dropped off and picked up from school, and aren't in school the full work day, etc. Being a SAHM is just completely different than a stay at home wife with no kids. Your house doesn't even get that dirty without kids in it. But I just don't see how cleaning and cooking alone - presumably of a smaller home and only for two people - can be enough to fill a day. If someone decides they need to steam clean their curtains once a week, that's just busywork or a hobby to fill the time.

I don't disagree but this is also what life is like for a lot of ppl after retirement...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there this idea that everyone needs to work? Let's have a Universal Basic Income and see how creative people become. and healthy. I bet it would be a second renaissance.

Who exactly do you think will fund this income if everyone doesn’t work?

UBI isn’t about giving people so much income that they can get all their wants met without having to work. It’s one of the few ideas that both leftist and libertarian economists agree upon. Check it out, it’s fascinating and I hope there is more political will for it soon.

Reread what the first person wrote. They said “why is there this idea that everyone needs to work”? If no one is working who is going to fund UBI?