Stay at home wife - no kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kind of fall into this category. We have grown kids, but I know from the outside that it looks like I don’t work anymore. I have always wanted to write a novel and I finally took the time to do it. It took me almost three years. I just got picked up by an agent. I haven’t sold it yet and maybe I never will, but I completed a goal (finishing a novel) that I have wanted for a long time. I also haven’t told anyone outside my writing group what I’m doing because nothing is more insufferable that talking to a failed novelist.

You really don’t know what other people are up to.

Truly, no one is talking about people who have kids, even grown kids. That's not what this thread is about. It's understood that it might be hard to reenter the workforce when you've been out for 20 years. We're talking about women who never had "raising kids" as a reason to leave the workforce in the first place.

I understood what PP was saying. While it might look like she was just retired with grown kids, she was working behind the scenes - just as what you think is a stay at home wife could actually be a person working on a project that you don’t know about, including a potentially financially lucrative one. In other words, you don’t know what you can’t see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a time when my wife didn’t work, it was about four months. It was the greatest four months ever, she basically took on the persona of 1950s housewife, the house was spotless, dinner hit the table at 6:45, she would change into something fancy and I was greeted at the door with a martini a few times.
It’s been like 17 years and I still remember how great it was. Jobs, kids and everything took off about a year after and we are like any other couple now, but if this stay at home wife wants to make beautifying someone’s world her job then I do not see what the crime is at all.
Participation in commerce is not a prerequisite for being a person.

Disagree. I find people who don’t work real jobs to be quite dull and one-dimensional. You’re nostalgic now but I can tell you that having a 1950s housewife is not all that great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a time when my wife didn’t work, it was about four months. It was the greatest four months ever, she basically took on the persona of 1950s housewife, the house was spotless, dinner hit the table at 6:45, she would change into something fancy and I was greeted at the door with a martini a few times.
It’s been like 17 years and I still remember how great it was. Jobs, kids and everything took off about a year after and we are like any other couple now, but if this stay at home wife wants to make beautifying someone’s world her job then I do not see what the crime is at all.
Participation in commerce is not a prerequisite for being a person.

If it was such a great set up why didn't you try harder for your DW to extend her leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a time when my wife didn’t work, it was about four months. It was the greatest four months ever, she basically took on the persona of 1950s housewife, the house was spotless, dinner hit the table at 6:45, she would change into something fancy and I was greeted at the door with a martini a few times.
It’s been like 17 years and I still remember how great it was. Jobs, kids and everything took off about a year after and we are like any other couple now, but if this stay at home wife wants to make beautifying someone’s world her job then I do not see what the crime is at all.
Participation in commerce is not a prerequisite for being a person.

If it was such a great set up why didn't you try harder for your DW to extend her leave?

I certainly can but she wasn’t built to be June Cleaver, she was home waiting for a professional license and was ready to launch. But like everything else she does she threw herself into the role of housewife wholeheartedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a time when my wife didn’t work, it was about four months. It was the greatest four months ever, she basically took on the persona of 1950s housewife, the house was spotless, dinner hit the table at 6:45, she would change into something fancy and I was greeted at the door with a martini a few times.
It’s been like 17 years and I still remember how great it was. Jobs, kids and everything took off about a year after and we are like any other couple now, but if this stay at home wife wants to make beautifying someone’s world her job then I do not see what the crime is at all.
Participation in commerce is not a prerequisite for being a person.

Disagree. I find people who don’t work real jobs to be quite dull and one-dimensional. You’re nostalgic now but I can tell you that having a 1950s housewife is not all that great.

I find people that work boring jobs to be sad. Most would quit if they hit the lottery.

Women or men who are in a good position to stay home, travel, and have many interests are...actually more interesting. Most of us wish we could have that lifestyle, but most have to pay the bills. Don't hate because your life sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a time when my wife didn’t work, it was about four months. It was the greatest four months ever, she basically took on the persona of 1950s housewife, the house was spotless, dinner hit the table at 6:45, she would change into something fancy and I was greeted at the door with a martini a few times.
It’s been like 17 years and I still remember how great it was. Jobs, kids and everything took off about a year after and we are like any other couple now, but if this stay at home wife wants to make beautifying someone’s world her job then I do not see what the crime is at all.
Participation in commerce is not a prerequisite for being a person.

I did that for many years, and loved staying home with the kids. No martini though, lol. Most of my friends that worked were very envious. Only a few really liked their jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why people on this board think the only thing you can do with your time is work for money. There are a lot of ways to have a full life without a job.

Yep. I traveled, and took classes. Then I had kids, and did the same!

Man some of these people are miserable because they keep starting the same thread over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly cannot respect a grown able-bodied person who could do something with their life and chooses not to.

You’re under the assumption that people who SAH aren't doing anything with their lives, or that because someone goes to work every day to earn a paycheque that there is some kind of special moral value in that.

I could contribute much more to the greater good if I didn’t have to work doing what it is I do.

[Anonymous]

I have one life to live. Unless I am a doctor actually saving lives, I would think that working in corporate America is a soul sucking existence. So if you don’t have to pay the bills, enjoy your time with your kids and family. If you are educated you can follow intellectual pursuits and have pet causes and philanthropic bend. Otherwise, you should feel free to leave your kids with someone else, go to work for someone else during the most productive part of your day, pick up your children at the end of the day and repeat again the next day.

There is a reason why people look forward to retirement. Lol. If you can have your retirement without giving your youth to a corporation, why would you not enjoy it now? Working is worthwhile if you are in a very interesting job or if you have to pay bills. I don’t have to do that so I cannot waste my life when working for pay.

When the govt gave money to people as part of COVID relief, people decided to quit working. 😂😂
Yup. Most normal people don’t like working.
Youth is wasted on the young.

[Anonymous]

I follow a woman on TikTok who lives this life. It's mildly fascinating and pathetic simultaneously. She does nothing of value. No volunteering, sitting on Boards, etc. She just shops, takes baths and gets her hair done. It's only interesting because I somewhat envy that freedom from responsibilities. But I imagine that I would be bored senseless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I follow a woman on TikTok who lives this life. It's mildly fascinating and pathetic simultaneously. She does nothing of value. No volunteering, sitting on Boards, etc. She just shops, takes baths and gets her hair done. It's only interesting because I somewhat envy that freedom from responsibilities. But I imagine that I would be bored senseless.

What do you do that’s of more value?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a time when my wife didn’t work, it was about four months. It was the greatest four months ever, she basically took on the persona of 1950s housewife, the house was spotless, dinner hit the table at 6:45, she would change into something fancy and I was greeted at the door with a martini a few times.
It’s been like 17 years and I still remember how great it was. Jobs, kids and everything took off about a year after and we are like any other couple now, but if this stay at home wife wants to make beautifying someone’s world her job then I do not see what the crime is at all.
Participation in commerce is not a prerequisite for being a person.

Disagree. I find people who don’t work real jobs to be quite dull and one-dimensional. You’re nostalgic now but I can tell you that having a 1950s housewife is not all that great.

I find people that work boring jobs to be sad. Most would quit if they hit the lottery.

Women or men who are in a good position to stay home, travel, and have many interests are...actually more interesting. Most of us wish we could have that lifestyle, but most have to pay the bills. Don't hate because your life sucks.

NP. Would you be okay having a grown able-bodied person be entirely financially dependent on you? It's like having an overgrown child. My life doesn't suck and I could stay home if I choose to (DH is wealthy) but I don't want to be THAT woman. I pursue my hobbies in the evenings and weekends so I don't buy that people who work can't have many interests. I'm learning a third language on Wednesday afternoons on Zoom. You're right that most people would quit work if they hit the lottery. But think about people like Bill Gates and Elon Musk...they're already wealthy amd yet they keep working. The world wouldn't function if everyone thought the same way you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one life to live. Unless I am a doctor actually saving lives, I would think that working in corporate America is a soul sucking existence. So if you don’t have to pay the bills, enjoy your time with your kids and family. If you are educated you can follow intellectual pursuits and have pet causes and philanthropic bend. Otherwise, you should feel free to leave your kids with someone else, go to work for someone else during the most productive part of your day, pick up your children at the end of the day and repeat again the next day.

There is a reason why people look forward to retirement. Lol. If you can have your retirement without giving your youth to a corporation, why would you not enjoy it now? Working is worthwhile if you are in a very interesting job or if you have to pay bills. I don’t have to do that so I cannot waste my life when working for pay.

When the govt gave money to people as part of COVID relief, people decided to quit working. 😂😂
Yup. Most normal people don’t like working.
Youth is wasted on the young.

The solution is to revamp corporate life instead of checking out entirely. How the hell do you initiate change if you aren't going to be a part of it? Btw, if your spouse is actively busting his or her ass in the corporate world, you're pretty smug to be living off someone who has a 'soul sucking existence'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I follow a woman on TikTok who lives this life. It's mildly fascinating and pathetic simultaneously. She does nothing of value. No volunteering, sitting on Boards, etc. She just shops, takes baths and gets her hair done. It's only interesting because I somewhat envy that freedom from responsibilities. But I imagine that I would be bored senseless.

What do you do that’s of more value?

PP could be a teacher, firefighter, engineer...what does it matter? Even if PP were a janitor, that's still something over Ms. TikTok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how demanding the WOH spouses career is, this can be a really good way to live and an equal partnership. My years in biglaw convinced me that the only way to stay in a job like that and not lose your mind is to have a stay at home spouse. The person who stays home can manage the house, run all the errands, and, most importantly, manage the social obligations and family communications. Then the person who WOH can maintain their social connections and come home to a happy and calm house.

My DH did not want to stay home, so I left biglaw.

So you got a JD and built a career only to stay home and run errands?

No. I left biglaw, not the workforce. In fact, I am still a lawyer, still outearn my husband, and am doing more intellectually fulfilling work. But, rather than a job that demands tons of travel and 24/7 availability, I have a job with reasonable hours and minimal travel that allows me to take care of my other life stuff, as well. All that said, I don't judge people who get degrees or build careers and then decide to change directions in life.