Wife Is Going Overboard..

[Anonymous]

My wife and I are expecting our first child. We are designing the nursery and getting everything needed for the baby. She is going overboard with wanting a huge theme, fancy furniture, and a bunch of stuff. I know she is super excited, but I don’t see the point of spending a ton of money on items are child will grow out of quickly. I understand we will need to spend money on some staple items like a crib, rocking chair, dresser, car seat, stroller, etc., but I don’t think we need a $1200 bassinet, two different swings, a bunch of brand new clothes, etc. I don’t mean to come across as a jerk, because I’m just as excited, but I know there is more important items to put money towards. How can I make her see this?

[Anonymous]

Don’t be cheap

[Anonymous]

There are a few things worth spending money on: stroller, infant car seat, baby carrier, comfortable rocking chair/glider. Everything else you are fine with Target or Ikea. Tell your wife to pick which things are important to her and set a budget.

[Anonymous]

Does she have a job?

[Anonymous]

Get the basics and a few extras to start. Then gift registry and wait. Wait until the baby arrives to get the extras. Some babies detest swigs, bouncers etc.

Maybe talk about it being more practical to divert some money to a college savings, rather than too many extras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are expecting our first child. We are designing the nursery and getting everything needed for the baby. She is going overboard with wanting a huge theme, fancy furniture, and a bunch of stuff. I know she is super excited, but I don’t see the point of spending a ton of money on items are child will grow out of quickly. I understand we will need to spend money on some staple items like a crib, rocking chair, dresser, car seat, stroller, etc., but I don’t think we need a $1200 bassinet, two different swings, a bunch of brand new clothes, etc. I don’t mean to come across as a jerk, because I’m just as excited, but I know there is more important items to put money towards. How can I make her see this?

I'm with you dude. How the hell did generations of poor families survive without $1200 bassinets?

[Anonymous]

Just tell her to Cool Her Jets, and get more stuff after the baby showers and after 6 mos of age once you can both reassess.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, we both work. We have been saving for college funds ( plan to have 2 kids) for years now. We make a good HHI, but I just don’t think a child needs all of these things. She wants to buy every cute outfit she can find, but I told her kids grow out of these so fast that it doesn’t make sense to buy a ton of newborn items. We have spent a good deal on items like a Green Guard certified crib, a nice rocker/glider, and a nice dresser with a changing pad insert on top. We will be having a baby shower down the road, so little items can be put on there. We don’t want to burden anyone, so we will be buying the big ticket items like a car seat and stroller. She wants to have a designer do the nursery, but I feel like we should paint it blue and do something simple.

[Anonymous]

If you have the money, why not? I'm totally on your side, BTW, but I also think you need to pick your battles. You're not going to win this one. Let her feel like an idiot a few months ago when she realizes she doesn't need or use 60% of the stuff she bought. Worst case scenario it can be sold or donated to someone else. It's silly, but not the end of the world if it's not sending you to the poor house or putting you in debt.

[Anonymous]

If the $1200 bassinet is the snoo, then it will be worth it though.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the advice to set a budget and try to defer stuff (especially clothes) to the registry. If she strongly disagrees maybe you can suggest that for every dollar she spends, a matching dollar go in the kid’s savings account.

I do think you can meet her halfway by going all-in on something cheap like a theme - get excited about the theme, pick out some things yourself or do some diy (any chance you or a relative is handy enough to build a bassinet?) This behavior is emotional so meet her on that level.

Barring that, keep the tags and receipts.

[Anonymous]

Our first was born when we were in a small condo / shared our room so that was naturally limiting, but what if you set a budget together? I agree that you really don’t need much but if you agreed how much to spend total then she could choose where to be more conservative and where to spend a bit more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the $1200 bassinet is the snoo, then it will be worth it though.

No. The snoo is actually quite dangerous and it doesn’t work for most babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are expecting our first child. We are designing the nursery and getting everything needed for the baby. She is going overboard with wanting a huge theme, fancy furniture, and a bunch of stuff. I know she is super excited, but I don’t see the point of spending a ton of money on items are child will grow out of quickly. I understand we will need to spend money on some staple items like a crib, rocking chair, dresser, car seat, stroller, etc., but I don’t think we need a $1200 bassinet, two different swings, a bunch of brand new clothes, etc. I don’t mean to come across as a jerk, because I’m just as excited, but I know there is more important items to put money towards. How can I make her see this?

You are right. None of this is stuff the kid will ever know or remember.

[Anonymous]

We had a new crib and bassinet. Neither was ever used. Baby would not sleep unless cuddled next to me. I would wait until baby arrives and you see what you actually need.