Wife Is Going Overboard..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are expecting our first child. We are designing the nursery and getting everything needed for the baby. She is going overboard with wanting a huge theme, fancy furniture, and a bunch of stuff. I know she is super excited, but I don’t see the point of spending a ton of money on items are child will grow out of quickly. I understand we will need to spend money on some staple items like a crib, rocking chair, dresser, car seat, stroller, etc., but I don’t think we need a $1200 bassinet, two different swings, a bunch of brand new clothes, etc. I don’t mean to come across as a jerk, because I’m just as excited, but I know there is more important items to put money towards. How can I make her see this?

You are right. None of this is stuff the kid will ever know or remember.

Agree.
I suggest just try to compromise. No swings. Maybe show her how much money your kid would have for his education if u invested the money instead (show her a compound interest calculator)

[Anonymous]

Having done that, I actually agree with you. Bought so much crap for mu first child, he never wore 80% of clothes, hated the baby swing, hated the play pen, which was useful for nephew and travel though. Honestly I wish I knew, got a pram that was all terrain!! Almost never used it, and when I did, it was ridiculous. All terrain pram was DH's idea, we lived in Africa then. I understand your wife too, it is like we go nuts, but I overspent by thousands. Best buy was grandma bought blanket which my teen still loves! And the toys? No need for any toys until much later. It was like I wanted to be broke!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her have her fun - this phase doesn’t last long but it can be a very fun time in life. Let her enjoy it.
Maybe explain that other people will get the baby some things like clothes, but try your best to be less of a grinch.

To put it in perspective our ‘baby daughter’ is now a loud, snarky, demon from hell going off to college and we’re counting down the days and minutes until we drop her off there and speed our broken down dented minivan away after drop off day !!

My eye-rolling salty 12 year old is lounging on the couch playing Fortnite and I agree, within reason. I was so darn practical when I was pregnant. Bought everything second hand, everything gender neutral, refused to indulge in stuff I thought was unneeded or frivolous. I wish I had lightened up a bit, and just been goofy and happy more and worried less. My kid is fabulous, but all kids come with worry, and I wish I had enjoyed the time before the real work started.

FWIW, my oldest is 16 and would be playing Fortnite if he'd not lost gaming privileges. I have no doubt that even if you'd gone hog-wild on your spending, you'd still look back on that time and wish you'd enjoyed it more. Buying 'new' and a lot doesn't make you happy.

I bought very few things new. I was gifted or loaned the big items (crib, stroller, car seats, etc.) and any clothes I bought were from consignment. My youngest is 12 and I'm still going to consignment sales. I'm SO glad I didn't waste money on unneeded things. Could we have afforded those 'frivolous' and unneeded things, sure. But, DH and I value practicality and thriftiness. Just because we don't have to have a budget doesn't mean we don't have one.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you. Waste of money. Especially since they grow so fast the first year. Just buy the essentials. And don't waste your money on a fancy stroller. Just get a lightweight one that's easy to open and close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, we both work. We have been saving for college funds ( plan to have 2 kids) for years now. We make a good HHI, but I just don’t think a child needs all of these things. She wants to buy every cute outfit she can find, but I told her kids grow out of these so fast that it doesn’t make sense to buy a ton of newborn items. We have spent a good deal on items like a Green Guard certified crib, a nice rocker/glider, and a nice dresser with a changing pad insert on top. We will be having a baby shower down the road, so little items can be put on there. We don’t want to burden anyone, so we will be buying the big ticket items like a car seat and stroller. She wants to have a designer do the nursery, but I feel like we should paint it blue and do something simple.

My kids only fit in “newborn” size for the first week of their life. 8.5 and 9.5 pounds at birth. They fit in 0-3 months the day they were born. Clothes are easy to get once you see what you need and people LOVE to buy you baby clothes. I would try to convince her not to go too crazy on the clothes.

[Anonymous]

Tell her if you invest the cost of that baby bed, you can buy the kid a car at 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the $1200 bassinet is the snoo, then it will be worth it though.

+1 seriously, i would have given up everything except the snoo. It is life changing. We didn’t have one for our first kids & for our recent baby it was amazing

[Anonymous]

With our first I went a bit overboard but not to the tune of a $1200 bassinet. That's crazy. I put safety first when it came to things like a crib, car seat and stroller. With our third who is ten months old, she is sleeping in a travel pack n play in our master closet until we move in the near future. She is fine with it! When we move she will move into baby #2's crib as she graduates to a big girl bed. All first time moms have the nesting urge so you need to support it with some level of fiscal sanity.

[Anonymous]

I would get a copy of the book Baby Bargins and go through it together. It helps you make a plan, gives recommendations at different price points, and tells you what to buy now and what to wait on until after the baby arrives and you have more information about preferences. It will also make it a joint project instead of just her making decisions.

Our first took us 8 years of fertility treatments to have and by then our HHI was near 1M, so we could have gone absolutely crazy. But, we were able to be somewhat reasonable by making a plan and deciding what we really cared about. We did get a really nice crib and a really nice stroller, but didn’t really decorate the nursery beyond furniture. Pretty much all the clothes were gifts or hand me downs. We did get bassinet, but not a $1200 one. Some kids are fine straight into the crib, but mine liked cozier environment. Read the reviews in Baby Bargins carefully and find a good one at a reasonable price point.

[Anonymous]

Op here. It’s hard to reply back to each post individually, so I’m going to do it all here.

We both work and our HHI is low 300’s. We have a good amount of savings.

We definitely aren’t being cheap about big ticket items - Green Guard crib, carseat, stroller, etc. The rocker/glider is also expensive, but I’ve read not to cheap out in that.

I think the basinet is crazy, but If she really wants it, we can try to get it on sale.

We definitely will not be co-sleeping. It’s highly dangerous, and crazy anyone would even attempt to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It’s hard to reply back to each post individually, so I’m going to do it all here.

We both work and our HHI is low 300’s. We have a good amount of savings.

We definitely aren’t being cheap about big ticket items - Green Guard crib, carseat, stroller, etc. The rocker/glider is also expensive, but I’ve read not to cheap out in that.

I think the basinet is crazy, but If she really wants it, we can try to get it on sale.

We definitely will not be co-sleeping. It’s highly dangerous, and crazy anyone would even attempt to do it.

OP here. I draw the line at a designer. We are not very artistic, so she wants to have someone come in and make it a cute theme. I just think painting the wall blue and hanging up some pics is all you need.

We are both excited, and from responses on here, it’s normal for her to go overboard. She generally very fiscally conservative. We do nice things and sometimes splurge, but rarely do anything expensive. Our house, cars, and a yearly vacation is the only time we splurge.

[Anonymous]

If she has this problem, I'm guessing it's a problem elsewhere in life ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money, why not? I'm totally on your side, BTW, but I also think you need to pick your battles. You're not going to win this one. Let her feel like an idiot a few months ago when she realizes she doesn't need or use 60% of the stuff she bought. Worst case scenario it can be sold or donated to someone else. It's silly, but not the end of the world if it's not sending you to the poor house or putting you in debt.

+1. Did you also make her economize on your wedding? If it's not a question of running out of money, or even feeling it badly, think of this like any other pricey hobby she might indulge in instead. Let her have her fantasy nursery.

She can resell some of those items (like the bassinet) and make some of it back later, too.

[Anonymous]

OP the most important things to spend extra on:

Organic crib mattress and bedding (seems you already have green crib)
Absolutely organic non bleached towels, cloths, clothing, light cotton blanket for those yummy over shoulder moment
Long sleeve side tie with attached mittens to cover hands bc those nails grow fast
Organic one pieces that cover arms and legs (lightweight and velour)
Simple and comfortable clothing (comfort is key to happy baby)
No wall to wall carpet in nursery, just organic fiber area rug
No VOC paint
Bjorn or sling, try both (I vacuumed while DS in Bjorn and walked miles with him in it)
Swing is now replaced with many modern alternatives that are gentler and mimic the up and down motion of the womb, rather than the harsh back and forth motion (think hammock that cocoons)

Extra: Buy her quality, organic dark chocolate. Dark chocolate also makes happy babies. Lots of studies on this.

DCUM will flame me for this but I don’t care. Congrats and good luck OP dad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the most important things to spend extra on:

Organic crib mattress and bedding (seems you already have green crib)
Absolutely organic non bleached towels, cloths, clothing, light cotton blanket for those yummy over shoulder moment
Long sleeve side tie with attached mittens to cover hands bc those nails grow fast
Organic one pieces that cover arms and legs (lightweight and velour)
Simple and comfortable clothing (comfort is key to happy baby)
No wall to wall carpet in nursery, just organic fiber area rug
No VOC paint
Bjorn or sling, try both (I vacuumed while DS in Bjorn and walked miles with him in it)
Swing is now replaced with many modern alternatives that are gentler and mimic the up and down motion of the womb, rather than the harsh back and forth motion (think hammock that cocoons)

Extra: Buy her quality, organic dark chocolate. Dark chocolate also makes happy babies. Lots of studies on this.

DCUM will flame me for this but I don’t care. Congrats and good luck OP dad!

Nonesene. Your child doesn’t need all of this organic crap. Many babies have done just well on bleached towels, and non-organic clothing. You hippies are insane.