Boyfriend let ex-wife stay at his house

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 2 years has a daughter who lives out of state. She’s been here visiting, and while she’s here I stay at my own place. His daughter’s mom came into town yesterday to pick her up, and will be here for 3 nights. I just found out that while the ex-wife is here, she’s staying at his house (which is in both of their names...they bought it together when they were married). I have kids of my own, so I understand the importance of maintaining good relationship with my ex. However, I’m upset that he didn’t mention this to me until she was already there. He doesn’t need my permission to do anything, But I feel like it’s a respect thing to at least discuss it with me beforehand.

Just trying to gain some perspective...would you be upset in this situation??

[Anonymous]

3 nights is not worth getting upset over and it is her house too. Nothing to discuss with you.

This is common baggage from divorce. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn't bother me at all. If it wasn't your BF's X but was, instead, a college friend, would you be this upset? I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

It's her house. And maybe he didn't know until she showed that she was planning to stay there.

[Anonymous]

I would be upset. This sounds planned (a horrible plan by the way), and should have been mentioned to you.

[Anonymous]

Whenever I see posts of this nature I wonder if the girlfriend is actually upset because her boyfriend treats his ex better than she is treated by her own ex.

[TwistdMike]

Maybe invite him to stay at your place for 3 nights?

[Anonymous]

Why is the house still in both their names two years after the divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see posts of this nature I wonder if the girlfriend is actually upset because her boyfriend treats his ex better than she is treated by her own ex.

Nah, I think they are looking for problems bc they like drama.

[Anonymous]

How long have they been divorced? How long have you and boyfriend been together?

Since it bothered you you could bring it up later and tell him what you've said here, that you understand why she stayed but feel like he should have told you first. But be aware the resulting conversation may tell you some ting about your relationship that you didn't know (like you are more serious than he is). Or, maybe it will be a good conversation.

I don't think it's weird to be upset, but I would approach the topic with caution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have they been divorced? How long have you and boyfriend been together?

Since it bothered you you could bring it up later and tell him what you've said here, that you understand why she stayed but feel like he should have told you first. But be aware the resulting conversation may tell you some ting about your relationship that you didn't know (like you are more serious than he is). Or, maybe it will be a good conversation.

I don't think it's weird to be upset, but I would approach the topic with caution.

And ignore all the hate you are getting. There are lots of insecure women on here who become hysterical at any thought of their husband's one day divorcing them and then having a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is the house still in both their names two years after the divorce?

Some people don't want to sell the house - perhaps a loss, the house is upside down, etc...

Not everyone is DC rich and pays off a house.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn't bother me, but since it bothers you I think you should talk to him about it, once the ex and daughter are gone. Make sure you think about what you want to get out of that conversation and how you want to approach it, but if this is something that upsets you, you should be able to talk to a BF of 2 years about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see posts of this nature I wonder if the girlfriend is actually upset because her boyfriend treats his ex better than she is treated by her own ex.

Nah, I think they are looking for problems bc they like drama.

+1 it's just a way to mask her own insecurity

[Anonymous]

I think you're right to be upset that he hid it from you, but the reason is unclear. Have you gotten mad at him before for being friendly with her? Or is he actually too enmeshed with her? I think it can be perfectly OK for her to stay at the house (especially since she still owns it!!) but the devil is in tje details.