He makes me forget my name when he looks at me
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I met a man a month ago who makes me forget my name when he looks at me. I broke up with him 5 days ago. I felt like this only once before and broke up with him too because I was 19 and too young to realize how rare and special that was. That man passed away 20 years ago right after we broke up while on active duty and I never got to take it back. I thought I would never find that again. Even got married (and divorced) to an awesome guy but that feeling was never there. Here I am now, 39 years old, its 20 years later and finally I meet someone that I may actually like even more than that soldier in heaven...and I again ruined it. I broke up with him over the phone on Friday and as soon as the words left my lips I felt regret and deep deep sadness. Like if someone had just died. I felt like an elephant stepped on my chest. I literally sat down on the floor and my body refused to move for about an hour. Never felt that before in my life, even when a relative died, this felt like my body and mind were not connected...was that my heart actually breaking?
I keep replaying the conversation. It went something like this: Ring Ring...Him: Hello, Me: Hi..Him: I'm actually buying you a present right now.. Me: I can't see you anymore. I have no idea why I did this, had only had 4 hours of sleep for a couple of nights and I let my fears get the best of me. I got scared away that he was too perfect and knew that if he ever left me I would fall apart. I mean if it hurts this much after only a month, I can't imagine what it would be like after 6 months, a year etc. I called him to apologize...to tell him to forgive him. I don't do this often (never ever) I felt so vulnerable and weak. I am such an independable and strong woman that it made me sick. He told me he could never be in a relationship with someone that could "toss him aside without any warning or discussion" and that he "would always worry that I could do that to him at any moment". Wow, what can you say to that? I actually agree with him. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that either. I somehow was able to say that I would never do that to him again, which I meant because now I truly know how I feel. But my word means nothing to him at this point. I know he feels something for me. I know he felt a connection and I am so dissapointed that my fears took over my actions and that now I can't seem to get what we had back. Aside from being able to reverse time, or acting more like a psycho, what can I do? Should I just give up? (Honest feedback is appreciated, I will try to pay it forward when others need help) |
Anonymous
| Fight for him. Tell him the truth and hope he forgives you. Don’t do it again |
Anonymous
| Write your name on a sticky and put it on his forehead. |
Anonymous
| What? Are you bipolar, by chance? |
Anonymous
|
He was too perfect. You were listening to your intuition. You did well, even if you can't verbalize or pinpoint right now what you were seeing that made you run.
What has been created is a relationship where you're always going to be on the defensive now. In my experience, he could be really great at setting this up. These relationships are about control. If you are both around 40, he knows the deal. He knows this relationship crap is hard for all of us. You dodged a bullet. Don't be exclusive with this guy, but it's okay to let him treat you well for a little while. One of my golden rules at 35 is that in the beginning, when something goes wrong (even if my fault) or if something doesn't smell right, I bail. The relationship is never going to be good, even if it feels good right now. |
Anonymous
Nah, my guess is just bat shit crazy. |
Anonymous
+1 Guy got lucky. OP is 39 with the emotional maturity of a 19 yo. |
Anonymous
| You need to first figure out why you act like this. Then maybe you can go back to him and share what you’ve learned and show him that you’ve grown. Until then don’t bother him. He deserves better. |
Anonymous
| Get professional help! |
Anonymous
| I get you OP. You can’t be vulnerable so you make sure you ruin everything before he can break your heart. Agree you need therapy to heal old wounds and be open to love. |
Anonymous
| Please learn how to use paragraphs and then seek help. The guy was lucky. |
Anonymous
| What a nightmare. I'd probably only have sex with you. |
Anonymous
|
You’re not ready for a relationship; you didn’t “ruin” anything because this was never, ever going to work out with you at this stage of life, in your state of mind. You are simply not in a place for it. So you need to let that go and stop living in regret; see this as a wake-up call that you need to seek help with a good therapist to help you understand what’s going on with you.
I’m going to reflect back to you what I got from your post. You’ve been with this guy a month, which is an incredibly short time, so you actually don’t really know him at all; you only know the way he made you feel (which you describe in such a highly dramatic, feet way, way off the ground manner). You’re operating like someone with PTSD: alarms blaring, heart screeching when in reality you’re just starting to get to know a new guy you have chemistry with. You need to dial down the drama. Quite frankly, you sound like an over-written harlequin romance. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but you need to hear this and snap the F out of it. You break up with this guy, you don’t know why...and then when he doesn’t take you back...suddenly you know how you feel and that you won’t do it again?? Why should he believe that? How can you even believe yourself? He’s known you a month, and he’s already been up and down the roller coaster with you; he is doing the right thing I’m not taking you back, for himself AND for you. You need help; you don’t sound stable, at least in this aspect of your life. Seek some counseling and stop beating yourself up. Obviously if you were in a place for a healthy relationship, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place. |
Anonymous
Hahaha! I love you. I really do. |
Anonymous
Why in the world should any guy with any self-respect accept that? To the OP, if you did that to me, I’d presume you’re a flake and next you. It’s harsh, but that’s the perception you’ve created with your actions. |